


All Things Considered

by Shenandoah76209



Category: Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 08:09:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 82
Words: 174,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13050003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shenandoah76209/pseuds/Shenandoah76209
Summary: The Cousland twins have become Grey Wardens and woe unto the Archdemon and anyone else who gets in their way! An Alistair & F. Cousland along with Morrigan & M. Cousland romance with a lot of friends thrown in for help.





	1. 1  Cogburn & Maddie

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: So this is my Origins story. My husband and I both ran the Noble origin, me with Maddie and he with Cogburn. We talked a lot about how alike our characters were in some ways and how different they were in others. I started this story intending it to be about Maddie and Alistair. But my husband got the bright idea that our characters could be twins so I had to start adding Cogburn in and it got very long. There's a lot of dialogue from the game, but also a lot of original stuff as there are things I really thought should be said. Anyway I hope you enjoy.

_We'll take the midnight road right to the devil's door_   
_And even the white angels of Eden with their flamin' swords_   
_Won't be able to stop us from hitting town in this dirty old Ford_

_Well it don't take no nerve when you got nothing to guard_   
_I got tombstones in my eyes and I'm running real hard_   
_My baby was a lover and the world just blew her away_

Highever was a maze of organized chaos, knights and archers preparing for the journey south, servants scurrying to and fro organizing supplies for the army, the courtyard and halls swarmed with activity. Men at arms still manned the walls and watched the road, waiting for the approaching force of the allies from Vigils Keep and Amaranthine.

In the thick of it all was a slender girl with silvery blonde hair and grey eyes that sparkled with excitement as she sparred with a young man half a foot taller than she, his head shaved clean. He had dark brown eyes and brows, striking against skin tanned a slightly darker shade than his companion's near white flesh. Both the young people wore identical leather armor, daggers in their hands as they sparred. Graceful and quick they dodged and ducked, weaving in and out of various obstacles as they sparred.

The tip of a dagger lightly tapped the girls arm and she growled as a trickle of blood marred the porcelain skin. Dancing lightly from toe to toe she spun, ducked and came up behind her opponent, aiming a kick at the back of his knee. He went tumbling forward, the fall suddenly controlled into a roll and popped back up on his feet to spin and face her.

The grin that flashed across his face was like lightening in its intensity and speed, and provoked a flickering smile over the girl's lips. Both sets of muscles tensed as they prepared to attack and defend once more, and abruptly relaxed as shouting from the keep door reached them.

"Maddie! Cogburn! Your father wants you in the Great Hall!" A guard they'd known all their lives bellowed the summons.

Daggers were sheathed, blood wiped clean and faces washed as quickly as possible. A summons from Bryce Cousland was nothing to ignore, especially if he was waiting in the Hall. The Teyrn of Highever did not often use the Great Hall to meet his children, which meant that there was also an ally or guest present, or it was official business of Highever or both.

"Race you there little brother." Maddie shot a grin at her twin.

"Your legs are so short I may as well walk while you run little sister." Cogburn retorted with a smirk. "I'll bet you five copper that Howe's men are delayed yet again."

"No bet." Maddie rolled her eyes.

* * *

 

Not long after they'd entered the great hall the two younger Cousland children left it, taking in the news they'd been given. Howe's army was indeed delayed. Fergus Cousland, their older brother and Heir to the Teyrnir would be taking the Highever army to Ostagar. Bryce Cousland would follow with Howe and his men when they arrived in the morning. In the meantime the two of them would be in charge of Highever. They were, among other things, to give aid to the Grey Warden Duncan as he sought potential recruits.

Both the twins had a great deal to think about, the Grey Wardens especially, given that Duncan had said they would both make excellent recruits. Their father had pointed out that he did not wish all his children to go to war, and Duncan had conceded the point.

Then word came that their Mabari war hound Rooster had gotten into the pantry and the cook was about to have a fit. Maddie rolled her eyes as Cogburn mentioned a need to check on something near the treasury and they split in different directions.

* * *

 

"Giant rats." Cogburn repeated, not certain he believed her.

"It was disgusting." Maddie wrinkled her nose. "Rooster had a great time, though I don't envy Nan or the servants cleaning up in there."

"How did they get in?" Cogburn wondered as they turned the corner and saw their mother and some guests.

"If I knew that I'd tell Nan so they could block up the way." Maddie sighed. "Maybe through the servant’s entrance back in the pantry; but we can't exactly block that up."

"No." Cogburn shook his head. "We'd better let Mother know it’s taken care of and get on with finding Fergus."

* * *

 

Maddie looked at Cogburn as her twin watched the elven lady in waiting walk away with the young lord Dairren. Lady Landra's son and her lady in waiting were going to relax in the study while Landra rested in her room. After a moment Cogburn turned to regard his twin, not quite concealing the wicked gleam in his eyes.

"Mother said we need to follow Father's orders. That means you need to go and give Fergus Father's instructions." He informed her with a smile.

Maddie shook her head. "No, we're supposed to go together like Father said."

Her twin rolled his eyes. "Yes so we can complete each others sentences. No. I'm sorry sister; I must go do what I must do. And that involves going to the study right now."

Her tone was exasperated. "You mean being a slut."

Cogburn looked at her in mock astonishment. "Have a care with such vulgar terms, that's not the proper way a Cousland acts."

"No the proper way a Cousland acts is the follow the orders we were given." Maddie's voice was acidic.

In contrast Cogburn sounded extremely relaxed and reasonable. "Which is what you are going to do; I am going to be a hospitable host to one of our guests."

His twin shook her head. "No I already dealt with Rooster, technically you should dealt with Fergus."

Cogburn grinned at her. "Well I could send you to deal with, Iona was it?" His twin nodded, amazed that in less than five minutes Cogburn had forgotten the girls name. "But you seem to lack a certain charm that would be needed here."

"Yes, and I'm lacking certain other parts as well." She watched her brother start to walk away. "No, Cogburn, you have to come with me, Father gave us both orders."

He called over his shoulder. "I won't be long; I'm not planning to do her in the study."

"And what am I supposed to do, wait for you to work your magic?" Maddie rubbed the top of Rooster's head.

Her twin continued walking. "It'll take less than five minutes, guaranteed."

Maddie called after him. "You know they say women are sluts. They're wrong. Men are sluts."

Cogburn laughed; "Agreed."

* * *

 

Maddie was amazed that Cogburn, true to his word, somehow arranged an assignation with the elven girl in less than five minutes. In the time he'd allotted Cogburn returned with a cocky grin and a "Told ya, Want me to send her your way when I'm done?"

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Mother wouldn't have too much of a fit." She considered the situation for a moment as they walked. "You know if there's another pregnancy scare Father and Mother will skin you."

"One time…" Cogburn muttered.

"Two." Maddie corrected him.

He shook his head. "You needn't worry about that when it comes to Iona."

"Oh? You've ascertained whether or not she's fertile?" Maddie nearly rolled her eyes again.

"I have a good grasp on such delicate subjects." Before his twin could reply Cogburn continued. "Focus Maddie, we're almost at Fergus' door."

Maddie rolled her eyes again. "I'm the one with trouble focusing?"

He just smiled.


	2. 2 Maddie & Cogburn

_You were standing in the wake of devastation_   
_And you were waiting on the edge of the unknown_   
_And with the cataclysm raining down_   
_Insides crying "Save me now"_   
_You were there, impossibly alone_

The dead were all around her, their faces were relentless in their determination to be remembered. But all she could see was how she'd found them. The horrifying sights of Highever were burned into her brain. She didn't even have to close her eyes to see them, without bidding they appeared before her, mouths and skin slack with death, spattered with blood, eyes dull and lifeless.

Maddie stole a glance at her twin and restrained a sigh. He was busily breaking up twigs for kindling, now and then throwing one to entertain Rooster, but with none of his usual verve, as if he were under some sort of apathetic spell. To be fair, she knew that despite her industry she appeared much the same.

Cogburn forced himself to keep moving, constant activity his only hope of refuge from the sights that haunted him. Iona cut down before him, Nan slaughtered in her own kitchen, Sir Gilmore's desperate cry for them to run. He could hear the voice of every dead body, the words they greeted him with each day, what they'd last said to him. The voices never stopped, never faded. There would be no end to the sound of Highever dying soul by soul.

Duncan was digging the firepit and Maddie...she was repairing the armor that had been damaged when they'd fought their way out of Highever. If she lived ten decades she'd never forget the sight and sound of her home being sacked. She shuddered and called her twin. "Cogburn, try it now," She held out the hardened leather shoulder guard to her twin.

Cogburn turned slightly so he was within reach and took the guard, sliding it up over his shoulder and strapping it tightly. It fit well enough, no longer loose and bent out of shape. He nodded his satisfaction and indicated her own armor, scarred across the abdomen from repeated sword slashes. "You'd best get out of that and work on it," He pointed out quietly. Dark eyes narrowed as he took in the shadows beneath her eyes, her pale skin was almost ghostlike.

"Once yours is done I will," She nodded and began to work on the leather kilt that guarded his hips and thighs, several of the pieces of leather were lose, the waxed cord that held them near severed from some blow to his side. "I don't want more than one of us without armor at a time." She took a deep breath as she continued her work, trying to stave off exhaustion. A glance at her twin showed him trying to do the same thing, his tanned skin was near grey with fatigue.

"A wise course," Duncan agreed with her. "Cogburn, will your hound hunt for us?"

"Our hound," Cogburn corrected the older man, his voice low, "and yes, he will, provided there's game to be caught." He looked at Rooster, his lips almost tugging into a grin as the Mabari regarded him expectantly. "How about it boy? You want to find us some rabbits?"

Rooster nearly danced in place and Maddie felt a rush of relief that he'd been safe with her, not in the kennels with the rest of the hounds. "I think that's a yes." She commented dryly. "Go on boy, go find the rabbits! Hunt!" She added the last as a command and Rooster barked sharply in acknowlegement and took off into the underbrush.

Cogburn began to gather stones to line the firepit and piling them near the hole Duncan had dug. Maddie pulled her stitches tight and regarded the armor. "Here little brother," she held it out to him, unable to summon the smile that normally accompanied her teasing words.

He took the armor and slid it around his waist, buckling it tight and frowned, then buckled it differently. "That'll take some getting used to," He admitted, "But better the armor than me." He looked hard at his twin and her very battered armor. "That's it for mine, get working on yours, I'll sharpen the blades."

"Yes," Maddie agreed and bit her lip to hold back a moan of discomfort as she twisted to reach for the buckles. Healing potions and poultices kept wounds from becoming mortal but all too often they did nothing about the bruising or strains that accompanied combat. Her midsection felt like one huge bruise.

Cogburn frowned and looked towards the underbrush, hearing a rustling nearby. Dagger ready he braced and then relaxed as Rooster reappeared, his muzzle smeared with blood and a rabbit in his mouth. "Good boy Rooster," Cogburn praised the hound, "Well done."

"Very nice," Maddie added making sure her tone was affectionate and proud. "Tired boy? Or you want to get another?" Rooster did his little jumping jig that meant he was ready to go. "All right then boy; go on get the rabbits, Hunt." She regarded the armor in her lap and began to oil and clean it, frowning as she did what she could to reinforce the abdomen. Her elbow guard was bent as well and one of her greaves had a nasty slash across it that would require extensive mending.

Cogburn began to line the firepit with stones while Duncan skinned the rabbit. "Will we spend the entire day here and move again at night? Or will we be leaving earlier?" He asked the Grey Warden.

Maddie waited for the answer with dread. Howe's attack had come in the middle of the night, she hadn't even gotten six hours sleep and Cogburn had probably gotten less considering he'd had a bedmate. After fighting their way out of the keep they'd had to sneak through a breach in the enemy lines, no easy task. It had been near dawn when they'd gotten far enough away to move quickly instead of slowly and silently and they'd traveled throughout the day and into the night trying to put as much distance as possible between themselves and Howe's men.

Now it was near nine bells in the evening and even if they slept immediately, if they woke at dawn it was doubtful they'd be able to keep up the pace Duncan had set. Maddie tried to keep her expression neutral and concentrated on her armor.

Cogburn slanted a look at his twin as he worked and saw her concentrating fiercely on her armor. He wasn't quite as tired as she was, in spite of bedding Iona instead of sleeping as much as he could, but then he hadn't been up at dawn that day either. He was feeling the amount of time they'd been awake and moving though. Sneaking through enemy lines hadn't exactly been a picnic.

Duncan looked closely at the two of them before replying. "I think it best to keep moving, so we will leave in the morning. Not dawn, but soon after I think." He began to strike the flint for a spark to light the tinder and nodded in satisfaction as the dry wood shavings caught on the first try. "We shall also have to set a watch, to be certain we are not attacked in the night."

Cogburn nodded and caught sight of Maddie doing the same thing. "I'll take the shift before we wake," Maddie offered, her husky voice lower than usual, "I'm used to waking early and can start something to break our fast."

"I never sleep through the night myself so I will take the middle shift," Duncan told them, "That leaves the first shift for you Cogburn." He turned as Rooster trotted back into camp, another rabbit in his mouth. "And I think your hound will be a good supplemental guard, with his ears, he's likely to hear anyone who comes near us, regardless of his slumber."

Rooster wagged his tale in appreciation of Duncan's words and dropped the rabbit next to the innards the Warden had set aside. The Mabari whined hopefully as Duncan gutted the second rabbit. The Grey Warden raised an eyebrow at the hound thoughtfully. "Did you not hunt for yourself as well as for us?"

Maddie shook her head but didn't speak as she labored over the slashed greave, her brow furrowed with concentration. Cogburn stroked the hounds fuzzy head as he told Duncan, "Rooster can bring down a deer or a wolf, but he's been trained to not eat the kill unless he's been given leave. Apart from his training, when we've offered him a whole rabbit he turns up his nose. We finally figured out he doesn't like having the fur in his mouth."

"So a gentleman Mabari," Duncan smiled at the hound and offered him the innards, "would you rather have these?" He asked, his voice showing his respect for the hounds intelligence, "Or you could hunt another rabbit and we will skin it for you."

"You'll be sorry you said that," Cogburn nearly groaned as Rooster took off into the underbrush.

Maddie nodded her agreement taking another deep breath to stave off fatigue. "He's tireless." She regarded the mended greave dubiously but strapped it back on her thigh, frowning.

Duncan shrugged and stuck the two rabbits he'd skinned onto a spit close to the fire. "Better to have the food and not need it." He said quietly. "Now that your armor is mended and blades sharpened find yourselves something for bedding. It'll be another day before we're able to stop at a village and the nights will get cold."

Cogburn looked at Maddie and she shrugged moving into the woods. She returned just as the rabbits began sizzling over the fire, her arms filled with young branches, the type that grew out of great trees and sapped their strength near the ground. "You think these will be comfortable enough to sleep on?" He asked his twin curiously.

"I found a drift of leaves, the area must have been hit by an early frost and a hard wind," Maddie left the camp again and Cogburn followed her, gathering more sucker branches and a few more pieces of deadfall for the fire. Arms laden they returned to the fire just as Duncan was taking a rabbit from Rooster and skinning it. The hound waited patiently as his prize was gutted and gave a doggie grin and a thump of his stubby tail as Duncan held the rabbit up to him.

"Here you are Rooster," The Grey Warden gestured towards the innards. "The offal is also yours should you wish." The hound happily began snapping up the discarded parts of the rabbits and when he was done looked at Maddie and Cogburn and whined rather than take the rabbit Duncan held.

"Rooster, you can have the rabbit, Duncan will give it to you," Cogburn told the hound. "It's all right."

Rooster moved towards the rabbit and shook his head backing away again. Maddie finished making the pile of bedding and looked closely at the hound. "You want to share with us sweetheart?" The girl asked, smoky voice filled with affection. One sharp bark and a wagged tail was the Mabari's response. "Cut it in half for him, and put the other half on the fire," Maddie suggested to Duncan. "If he's still hungry afterward he can get another one and we'll skin and gut it during our watch."

"As you say," Duncan nodded and expertly cut the rabbit half. Rooster eagerly began to devour his meal as the Grey Warden pulled the other two rabbits from the spit and put the last half over the fire. Cogburn watched as his twin forced herself to eat the portion she'd been given and had to admit he was pushing himself to do the same. By rights they should both be starving, yet he could tell his twin wasn't hungry and neither was he.

* * *

 

Fire and blood. Maddie twisted in her sleep trying to escape it. Blood black with hate spattered across her face and armor, dead men strewn at her feet. Father's face, Mother's tears, Rooster howling mournfully as they found Nan's body in the kitchen, Cogburn’s eyes cold and furious. Elven servants fleeing in terror only to be cut down. Fire and blood all around, Oren, Oriana, Nan, Landra, Iona...the dead were all around her. She jerked out of sleep with a suddenness that was painful and took a deep shaking breath.

Beside her Cogburn's eyes opened in sympathy and Maddie shook her head at him. It was nearly time for her watch anyway, she might as well get up. As soundlessly as she could she rose from the admittedly uncomfortable bed of branches and leaves, to join Duncan at the fire. The Grey Warden’s gaze wasn’t precisely warm but it wasn’t unsympathetic and he offered her the waterskin without commenting on what had so obviously woken her.

“I’ll take the rest of the night if you’d like to get some rest,” Maddie murmured. She looked at Rooster curled up next to Cogburn and decided against calling the hound. “I didn’t ask, what should I prepare for breakfast? I can send Rooster after rabbits again.”

Duncan frowned thoughtfully and pulled a small pot out of his pack along with a coarsely woven sack that usually held grain. “I have chopped oats,” He murmured, “Or there’s a bag of dried peas as well. We’ll need to make good time today if we’re to reach a village where the two of you are unknown.”

Maddie shook her head. “No,” she disagreed. “Cogburn and I rarely traveled beyond Amaranthine or Denerim. We weren’t old enough the last time there was a Landsmeet so our faces are not marked but for our resemblance to our parents.” She forced the last words out as if they meant nothing, her throat tight.

“Then heading directly south as we are, likely you will go unnoticed,” Duncan nodded thoughtfully. “Tonight I know an inn where we may stay and acquire provisions.”

Maddie nodded her understanding and took a small but decently heavy pouch from her belt. “This is what we took from…Howe’s men once we realized Highever was…” She shook her head. “It isn’t much but I hope it will help. I know you didn’t expect to be providing for us.”

Duncan’s eyes were thoughtful as they studied her and Maddie met his gaze without flinching. Regardless of what he thought of their looting the dead, she and her twin had done what was needful. She wouldn’t feel shame for taking what the dead did not need, especially when those dead had been trying to kill them. “It will be helpful,” the older man told her finally, “That was well thought.”

“We do what must be done.” Maddie shrugged and turned her attention to the perimeter of the camp remembering what Fergus and her father had told her about light blinding the eyes to what was in the darkness. “I’ll take a position on the perimeter and circle now and then.” She told Duncan as she stood. “I’ll start porridge just before dawn.”

* * *

 

Screams, broken voices begging for mercy, terrified cries and shouts of fury, no matter where he turned someone was injured, maimed, dead and broken at his feet. His mother was weeping, Father was telling him to leave, Maddie’s voice was strained with pain and sorrow as she begged them to come with them. Fire, the heat licking at his face as buildings burned, smoke and blood harsh on his tongue and soldiers, enemies, everywhere they turned, death surrounded and overtook Highever…

The curse on his tongue turned into a gasp as he struggled out of the dream and woke on a bed of branches and leaves. Camp, the road, escape from Highever…the one place he’d never have thought they’d have need to escape. Home was gone, even were the keep not sacked everything that made the stone walls home was destroyed. Cogburn realized his eyes were open, he was staring at nothing, tree branches over head, the starry sky, he sat up and realized that Rooster had curled up beside him for warmth as the hound whined in his throat and looked up at him.

Turning he saw the fire was low, but a pot was pushed into the coals, Duncan sleeping on the other side of the camp. Maddie entered the circle of firelight from the direction of the road and her grey eyes darkened with the knowledge of what had woken him so early. He sighed slightly and patted Rooster before he got to his feet and made his way into the brush to take care of his morning needs.

When he returned to the camp Maddie was using a peeled stick to stir whatever was in the pot and pushing her hair behind her ears to keep it out of her face while she cooked. “Best to scatter our bed around outside the camp,” she suggested, her husky voice lower as she tried to keep from waking Duncan. “If you’ll do that, I’ll start burying the fire. The porridge is near done.”

He nodded and began to do as she suggested, gathering up the branches and leaves that had served as their bed and scattering them them around old trees and drifts of leaves. Neither of them had much woodcraft, they’d actually come to the end of their expertise the night before what with finding something to make a bed. He’d noticed Duncan hadn’t used a tent or bedroll, presumably to avoid leaving greater signs of their passing. Even their fire had been small and only of very dry wood.

When he returned to the camp Duncan had woken and was peering curiously into the pot Maddie was stirring. His smile seemed almost out of place on his stoic visage and Cogburn glanced at his twin curiously. The Grey Warden caught the look and shrugged. “I have no great skill at cooking,” he explained to the younger man. “Your sister has managed to create something edible out of oats and water and even found wild berries to sweeten it. I am grateful to begin the day with a meal that does not resemble gruel or paste.”

Cogburn nodded, his lips almost jerking into a smile, he could feel his face attempt the expression only to have it fade before it really began. “Mother and Nan…” he took a deep breath and saw Maddie trying to do the same. “They taught her a great deal.”

Maddie dished a portion up and handed it to Duncan, and did the same for her twin, reserving a smaller portion for herself. A glance at the Grey Warden showed his eagerness for the meal and she dipped out another helping for him before he could request it. Cogburn ate his but showed no interest in seconds, and while she could choke hers down, her appetite was gone, food still tasted like ashes in her mouth. Duncan looked at the two of them but said nothing, taking the empty pot to wash.

Cogburn looked at the smothered fire and stamped on it thoughtfully. “I think more dirt here, maybe we can disguise that we made a firepit.” He said quietly. “I’ll scatter the rocks through the woods.”

“I’ll bury it a bit more.” Maddie agreed, scooping dirt up with her hands and stamping it into the ground. Rooster watched them curiously trying to figure out the new game his twins were playing.

Duncan returned before they had done and nodded his approval. “I told your sister last night, we’ll stop at an inn this evening and get supplies the two of you will need on the road. It won’t take long to reach Ostagar if we set a good pace.”

“Maddie, did you—“ Cogburn wondered if she’d given Duncan the coin they’d gathered and before he could finish the sentence she was nodding.

“When I woke for my watch.” She told him quietly as she checked her daggers and tightened the strap on one shoulder guard.

“Let us be off then,” Duncan strode out of the remains of the camp with a pace that told the twins they would be expected to keep up. Maddie and Cogburn looked at each other and down at Rooster and as one followed the Grey Warden. For better or worse, their fates were entwined with the Grey Wardens now.


	3. 3 Maddie

_Think of every town you've lived in_   
_Every room you lay your head_   
_And what is it that you remember_

_Do you carry every sadness with you_   
_Every hour your heart was broken_   
_Every night the fear and darkness_   
_Lay down with you_

 

Maddie took a deep breath as she entered the camp at Ostagar. Duncan had told her and Cogburn to explore all they liked and when they were ready to find Alistair, a Grey Warden who would guide them and the other recruits through the Joining. The journey from Highever hadn't been easy, they'd been moving quickly sometimes at a run south to Ostagar. It had been exhausting considering she was a half foot shorter than her twin and a foot shorter than Duncan. For every step they took she'd taken two.

Neither of the men had given her any quarter; she'd been expected to keep up and she had. But she was glad her twin had said he'd see about trading and supplies. Both of them had come away with very little in the way of personal goods. Soap, for instance, hadn't been one of the items they'd picked up on the way out of Highever.

Unfortunately soap was one of the things she was fast considering a necessity. Cold water washing had been the best she could do and the roads were dusty. And upon reaching Ostagar they'd been greeted, not by Fergus, but King Cailan. Maddie had spared one moment to hope that she and her twin looked like noble travelers rather than vagabonds covered in road dust. King Cailan had greeted them, been appalled at Howe's treachery and promised justice would be done. That was all they could hope for. Fergus was scouting the Wilds so chances were they wouldn't see him until after the battle. Maddie wasn't certain which she found more upsetting, the delay in seeing Fergus or the way the King had behaved. He acted as if he were living in a tale, and proclaimed disappointment at not having an Archdemon on hand to fight.

Maddie dipped a scrap of cloth in a water barrel and wiped down her face and neck feeling marginally better. Time to explore a bit, worrying about Fergus wouldn't accomplish anything.

The camp had an amazing amount of people in it, someone preaching from a wooden stand and mages throwing magic at each other. Maddie shook her head and began to look for the Grey Warden Duncan had told her and Cogburn about.

Up steps, down steps and up a few more, Maddie saw a man arguing with a mage. The mage appeared quite irate, snapping at the man who wore the armor of a Knight. The Knight hadn't worn a helmet and his hair gleamed sandy gold and red in the sun. Unlike many men of the camp his hair was cut short, no braids or long lengths to get in his way or interfere with the fit of a helm. He had a handsome face, lit with humor as he spoke with the mage. "And here I thought we were getting along so well. I was going to name one of my children after you. 'The Grumpy One'."

Maddie nearly smiled as she approached the Knight. The mage stormed off, brushing past her and calling her a fool. The Knight grinned at her as she drew near, a sunny smile, his eyes twinkling. His eyes were blue, Maddie could see as she walked up to him. Brilliant blue like the sky over the sea near Amaranthine.

"One thing about the Blight is how it all brings people together." The Knight remarked humorously.

"I know exactly what you mean." Maddie half smiled as she considered the insanely large group of people in the camp.

"It's like a party; we could all stand in a circle and hold hands. That would give the Darkspawn something to think about." He shook his head chuckling slightly. After a moment his face took on a slightly puzzled expression, wary humor still tinting his features. "Wait, we haven't met have we? I don't suppose you happen to be another mage?"

Maddie shook her head and offered her hand. "We haven't met, but I'm not a mage. You must be Alistair."

His hand was warm and firm as he took hers in welcome. "You must be the new recruit Duncan was bringing from Highever."

Maddie nodded, her lips pressed together for a moment as she considered what she might say. Grey Wardens didn't hold titles and most didn't use last names, they gave up all ties when they joined. So it didn't matter who her family was, she could just give her first name and Alistair would be satisfied. "I am." She said finally. "My twin brother is around here somewhere, he's going to Join the Wardens as well."

That got a surprised blink of the eye from Alistair, but he explained why Duncan had said for the twins to find him. "As the junior member of the order, I'll be accompanying you when you prepare for the Joining."

"Pleased to meet you." The girl offered a brief smile. "My name is Maddie. My twin is Cogburn if we ever find him."

"Right, that was the name." Alistair nodded. "Though Duncan didn't mention your brother."

Maddie nodded. "You could say it was a last minute decision on Duncan's part to bring both of us."

Alistair nodded his understanding, his blue eyes curious. "You know it just occurred to me that there have never been many women in the Grey Wardens. I wonder why that is."

The girl tilted her head, regarding him with mischievous eyes, though her lips remained unsmiling, "Probably because we're too smart for you."

He grinned, as if pleased to find a sparring partner. "True but if you're here, what does that make you?"

"Just one of the boys?" Maddie offered, shrugging her shoulders, one corner of her mouth quirked up for a moment.

"Sad isn't it?" Alistair's sunny smile faded a bit, leaving traces of humor on his face. "So I'm curious, have you ever encountered Darkspawn before?"

Maddie shook her head. "No I haven't." The men that had sacked Highever were only men, however gruesome their behavior had been.

"When I fought my first one I wasn't prepared for how monstrous it was." Alistair shook his head slowly, clearly not enjoying the memory. "I'm not looking forward to encountering my next one." His face brightened. "Anyhow whenever you're ready let's head back to Duncan. I imagine he's eager to get things started."

Maddie offered him a half smile. "I look forward to traveling with you."

That appeared to surprise Alistair. "You do; that's a switch…" He shook his head as if to clear it and gestured towards the camp. "If you have any questions just ask. Lead on."

Maddie nodded and began walking. If Alistair was a Grey Warden maybe it wouldn't be so terrible. He seemed to have a good sense of humor and he was certainly entertaining and amiable. As they walked looking for Cogburn he pointed out various parts of the camp, the king and Loghain's quarters as well as the mabari kennels. He was funny and courteous, and when they finally found Cogburn, pleased to meet her twin, remarking that it would be nice for them to still be together in the Wardens. And Maker, he was handsome. It was hard to believe he wasn't conceited like so many handsome noblemen she'd met but Alistair didn't seem to think much of his looks.


	4. 4 Cogburn

_On Raglan Road on an Autumn day_   
_I saw her first and knew,_   
_That her dark hair would weave a snare_   
_That I might one day rue._   
_I saw the danger yet I walked_   
_Along the enchanted way._   
_And I said, "Let grief be a fallen leaf_   
_At the dawning of the day._

 

Cogburn looked at Maddie as they waited for Duncan to arrive for the Joining. "So what did you think of her?" His twin gave him a blank look and shook her head. "Morrigan." Cogburn elaborated.

His twin gave him a look that conveyed without words her consideration of him as a hound. "I think you've run mad. We're about to be inducted as Grey Wardens and you've still got your mind on a girl."

Cogburn shook his head, a fervently earnest expression on his face. "Not just any girl; a Witch of the Wilds." He drawled the words out appreciatively. "I may be in love."

Maddie just rolled her eyes. "Yes, in love, for the fifth time in three months?"

Cogburn looked at her, all jocularity gone from his face. "Seeing her…for the first time made me not think about Highever. So call it what you want." As they'd traveled from Highever to Ostagar it had been a coin toss as to which of them would wake in the night from dreams of Highever. He'd seen the blood and bodies of his family more times than he could count whenever he closed his eyes. To not remember, even for a moment, was a blessed relief.

Maddie shook her head. "I'm glad of that for your sake… maybe unrequited love will be good for you." Sorrow had darkened her eyes even as she offered her twin the half curve of her lips that served as her smile since Highever.

Cogburn looked at his twin as she moved to speak with Daveth and Jory. She was still hurting over Highever, everything and everyone they'd known gone in one night. Everything about her personality seemed subdued. Alistair had made her smile briefly in the Wilds but it had been fleeting.

But Morrigan…she'd nearly made his jaw drop. A beautiful woman in clothing that barely covered her body, pale skin gleaming through torn fabric and contrasting with dark hair wound in a messy knot at the crown of her head. Her eyes seemed to look right through you and her voice was a bored drawl. The way she moved matched her voice perfectly, a drawl of a walk, sultry and tempting to anyone who looked.

Cogburn had certainly appreciated the way Morrigan moved. As she'd led them deeper into the wilds to her home, he'd had trouble keeping his eyes on the path. The sway of Morrigan's hips as she'd walked ahead of them had been near mesmerizing. No noblewoman he'd ever met walked in quite the same way as Morrigan. As they'd neared their destination and Morrigan's mother, Maddie had been required to flick him on the ear to get his attention. His irritated look had been ignored by his twin as she jerked her head to their surroundings. "Constant vigilance," She'd mouthed the words and followed it with a roll of her eyes, "Hound."

Cogburn's mouth quirked up in a half grin as Maddie sat down near Rooster and scratched the Mabari's ears. Nothing stopped Maddie's sarcastic sense of humor for long, though these days her words weren't accompanied by a smile. In the Wilds she'd told Jory and Daveth that she was the bravest man of the three of them and she was a woman. That had certainly gotten Jory moving. Daveth had just grinned in appreciation and swept her a mocking bow. And Alistair…had smiled and shaken his head, looked at Cogburn, then at Maddie and swallowed whatever remark he'd intended to make.

Perhaps the former Templar felt his remarks would have been inappropriate in front of a male relative. The male Cousland shook his head; Alistair didn't seem the type to censor himself out of a concern about disapproval. Unless he'd been more worried he would offend Maddie. A sly grin curved Cogburn's lips before it faded. Watching his normally solitary twin and the Knight would be interesting at least.

Interesting and distracting which was all he could ask at this point. And hopefully a distraction for Maddie as well. He knew, though she hadn’t said, that part of her mind was always on Highever, the people that had been left there. How many of their people had escaped? They’d found the bodies of many they’d grown up with, but some hadn’t been found. Perhaps they’d made it out of the keep? Or had been taken prisoner by Howe’s men. Men like Sir Gilmore were valued but knowing the knight he’d die rather than be captured by Howe, his defense of the gates had testified to that resolve. That thought inevitably led to his parents and Cogburn determinedly began to think on his twin and the Grey Warden again.

A flirtation wouldn’t be a bad thing really, the young man mused. He doubted anyone had ever really flirted with Maddie without laying the groundwork for a marriage/alliance. He’d never seen anyone take life so seriously as his twin, her duties to Highever and her devotion to her skills had been foremost in her thoughts ever since they’d been old enough to understand how many people depended on the Teyrn. She’d been friendly with everyone but she hadn’t ever really been friends with the people they knew until Fergus married. Oriana had been a gift to Maddie as much as Fergus. A woman closer to her own age with whom she could sit in the evenings and laugh.

Oriana was at least six years older than Maddie, but that hadn’t made such a difference. Once Maddie was old enough the two women had bonded over things only a rogue and an Antivan would find amusing, like poisons. He’d spent his adolescence using every bit of his spare time to chase unrelated attractive females. It was not a pastime he regretted one jot. He only wished his twin had spent some of her time having as much fun as he had. So maybe having a crush on a handsome and seemingly nice young man like Alistair would be good for his twin. Certainly having something besides Highever to think about made him feel somewhat better. He half smiled as his thoughts drifted back to his Witch of the Wilds.


	5. 5 Alistair

_I'm open, you're closed, where I follow, you'll go_   
_I worry I won't see your face, light up again_

_Even the best fall down sometimes_  
 _Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_  
 _Out of the doubt that fills my mind_  
 _I somehow find, You and I collide_  
-Howie Day

"I think she's coming through it fairly well, all things considered."

Alistair jerked his gaze back to his mentor, extremely conscious that he'd been staring at the new Grey Warden for an overlong period of time. Belatedly he nodded his response to Duncan. The girl was unconscious, or deeply asleep, her face showing the fever of the taint and more than a trace of the Darkspawn nightmares chasing through her mind.

He and Duncan had moved Maddie and her twin from the flagstones to the grassy verge nearby using the wolf skins from their packs as bedding, awaiting their return to reality. Alistair had found himself being more careful as he'd carried Maddie than if he'd had to move Ser Jory for example. But then Ser Jory hadn't been nearly as pretty or as nicely mannered as Maddie.

"Lovely welcome we're giving her, have a gulp of blood and nasty herbs, pass out and when she wakes up her congratulatory prize is a battle with the Darkspawn." The former Templar quipped. "All things considered indeed."

"I take it she is not what you expected." Duncan inquired, his expression only betraying mild curiosity.

Alistair almost snorted in derision, almost, and gave his mentor a half grin. "You'd said you were coming back with one recruit from Highever, and then you show up with two and one of them a girl. It's a fair surprise." He shrugged indicating Cogburn where he lay close by his sister, his twin. "So Maddie is slightly not what I expected. All the portraits and histories paint female Wardens as rare, and then they're like… Valkyries or some other mythological overwhelming being; near tall as a man, warriors with swords and shields; all plate armor and girded loins. She's…not." He finished lamely.

'Not' was the most understated understatement he'd made to date, Alistair mused. The new recruit, 'call me Maddie' was barely taller than the elven servants he'd seen scurrying about the camp and looked like a strong wind would knock her down. Her voice when she’d spoken to him was husky, gentle modulated tones that sounded smoky to his ear. Leather armor and daggers on her back were at odds with the palest skin, silver blonde hair and luminous grey eyes that alternately seemed dark as a stormy sea or light as the winter sky. Her features were finely sculpted…fragile nearly, with pink lips that looked so soft he… He cut that thought off quickly. She was, quite easily, the most beautiful woman he'd seen since leaving Redcliffe, not even his vague memories of Lady Isolde compared to this delicate looking girl.

A glance to compare the girl's face to her twin brother's brought no help. The two were rogues, each fighting with sword and dagger with light leather armor. The young man, Cogburn, didn't resemble his sister much. His head was shaved smooth so the color of his hair was a mystery and his eyes were dark brown. He and his twin were almost opposite in looks, but both of them had an air of elegance about them. Cogburn reminded Alistair of a dress blade he'd seen Arl Eamon wear. Slender and bright, but still made of steel and sharp, deadly if one got in the way of it. Their manners were exquisitely polite, though Maddie's expression was tinted with mischief and Cogburn's with sarcasm. And as if by unspoken agreement, neither of the two spoke of their background.

"Yet according to your reports she acquitted herself admirably against the Darkspawn in the wilds. Both of the twins seemed fairly accomplished. Or was your report inaccurate?" Duncan arched an eyebrow as if wondering at Alistair's sudden relative taciturnity.

Alistair chuckled. "Oh, there's not a doubt about that. I, I just mean I wasn't exaggerating. She and her brother dealt with a Witch of the Wilds with impunity, set the Darkspawn scurrying for their holes, disarmed traps before I could set them off and even managed to muddle along with Jory and Daveth. Maker rest their souls." He added the last as hasty afterthought. "They'll both be assets to the order." His lips twisted wryly. "I have no doubt that given time either one could take me in a fight. He's whip smart, fast as a mabari. She's like a wind storm, quick and terrifying, though I don't know if she's all right in the head."

"What do you mean?"

Alistair raised his hands in protest over Duncan's suddenly weighty concern. "Well she was there when I 'sassed' the mage, and almost smiled when I tried to say something funny. Then she introduced herself and said she'd enjoy traveling with me. Definitely something amiss in the brainbox there."

Duncan chuckled. "Of course Alistair. There must be." He gestured toward the Mabari hound sitting watchfully at Maddie's feet. "She calls their hound Rooster after all. Maybe you and she just have the same odd sense of humor."

Alistair smiled ruefully. "Perhaps." He considered the twins a moment before looking at Duncan. "They're both on edge, I can tell that much. And he's… well both of them, but him more I think, angry about something, a deep…cold fury, if that doesn't sound odd, like he's buried it. She's just…" he looked at the girl. "Its like she's…compressed…everything bound up in that delicate frame. She's contained…and so sad. So is he, I think that's part of why he's angry, is that sorrow, but she's… in pain, like something's broken in her, I think."

"No doubt they'll speak of it to you soon enough, but Highever was…in difficulties when we left." Duncan told him, his tone somber. "You'll have plenty of time to get to know them both once the battle is over. Perhaps you will find friends in the twins. They are closer to your age than the rest of us. I don't believe they are over eighteen." Duncan knew that Alistair was barely twenty two.

The younger Warden nodded his agreement, a faint smile curving his mouth. Alistair glanced down at Maddie and then over at Cogburn. "Duncan if you have things to do with our brother Wardens I can stay and watch over our newest Wardens. It looks like she, I mean, they'll be coming out of it soon. He'll probably waken before she does. His fever seems almost gone, and hers," He gestured towards the girl's flushed cheeks. "The fever seems to be fading somewhat."

Duncan nodded. "Do as you see fit. I will return shortly."

Alistair sat down near the dog and eyed it uneasily before examining the face of the newest Grey Warden. The unhealthy maroon of the taint fever was fading slowly and her skin returning to the near perfect porcelain he'd seen when he first met her. "Rooster is it?" Alistair looked at the mabari. "She'll be fine. You'll be fighting Darkspawn with her in no time." He looked over at Cogburn just beyond Maddie. "He should be waking up soon as well." Cogburn had actually taken the Joining just before Maddie so most likely he would wake before she did, though one never really knew.


	6. 6 Cogburn & Maddie

_Farewell, my honest father, you were the best of men_   
_And likewise my own sweetheart, it's Catherine is her name_   
_No more we'll walk by Clyde's clear stream or by the Broomielaw_   
_For I must leave the hills and dales of Caledonia_

Cogburn groaned as light from the fire hit his eyes and lifted a hand to shade his sight. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so hung over. Fergus would laugh until the Maker's return unless he could haul himself up and act somewhat normally.

But he wasn't in bed…wasn't in his room, wasn't at Highever. Cogburn took an unsteady breath as it all came rushing back. He and Maddie had escaped Highever, but they'd had to Join the Grey Wardens. That was why he felt hung over…he and Maddie had gone through the Joining.

Maddie! Cogburn forced his eyes open, looking around for his little sister. He'd never forget the sight of Daveth taking one sip from the chalice and falling to the ground in convulsions and death. Taking his turn before Maddie had been the hardest thing he'd had to do since they'd been forced to leave Highever. Cogburn had no idea if he'd ever see his twin again, he might die in the Joining or she might…

But no, there she was, unconscious on a makeshift pallet of wolf skins, the same as he had been. The fellow Cogburn had met earlier; Alistair was tossing sticks in the fire and apparently keeping an eye on both Maddie and Cogburn.

"Good to see you wake." The Grey Warden said in a quiet voice. "Two more deaths. In my joining only one of us died, but it was horrible. I'm glad the two of you made it through."

"Then Maddie will be all right?" Cogburn asked hopefully, knuckling his eyes to relieve the burning sensation the Joining had left behind.

"Your…sister is still a bit feverish, but she's coming through it fine." He handed a waterskin to Cogburn who drank gratefully.

"You sound like you doubt she's my sister." Cogburn asked quietly when he'd washed the acrid taste of blood and herbs from his tongue.

"No," Alistair shook his head. "Didn't mean that," his smile was lopsided and more than slightly self deprecating. "I just…I'm a little confused. You call her little sister and she calls you little brother."

Cogburn chuckled quietly and shrugged. "It's an old joke between us." He explained. "Maddie and I are twins…but we don't know who was born first."

Alistair shook his head. "Sorry, I don't quite understand how that's possible."

"Our parents…" Cogburn had to take a deep breath. "They didn't want the older of the two of us to get ideas of…exemption…you know…thoughts that we were above hard work or responsibility. So they didn't tell us."

"That's…unusual." Alistair was clearly trying for diplomacy.

"Downright odd is what my sister by marriage thought." Cogburn grinned. "But our parents had interesting ideas about family and personal responsibility." He looked over at his twin. "So in an ongoing joke/argument, Maddie and I refer to each other as 'little' brother or sister."

"So when will you find out?" Alistair asked curiously. "I mean…what would you have to do, to prove yourselves responsible adults."

Cogburn tried to hold back the sigh. "I guess…joining the Grey Wardens is a start." He said quietly. "Our older brother knows the order of our birth…but he's scouting in the wilds right now."

Alistair nodded. "Well once we've dealt with the Darkspawn we can find him and you can ask."

Cogburn shook his head. "It really doesn't matter anymore." He was aware his face was bleak, could hear the lack of hope in his voice…and couldn't care. Even if they were able to take Highever back from Howe, it wouldn't bring their parents or all their people back. A slight sound from where Maddie lay had Alistair's head snapping around and before Cogburn could blink the senior Grey Warden was at Maddie's side.

The male Cousland watched as his twin opened her pale eyes and felt something ease in his chest. Rooster finally left his position at Maddie's feet and came over to him for some attention. "She's made another conquest hasn't she?" Cogburn murmured in amusement. If he collected lovers in Highever, Maddie had collected admirers among the servants and men at arms and knights. Maddie had kept a distance, if a gentle one, between she and those she’d charmed always aware of how it would look if she grew too close to a knight or a servant. But she’d had a way of appealing to everyone she met with sweetness, courtesy and humor. He of course did the same but as his admirers ended up in his bed most of the time it wasn't quite as permanent an association. They'd both lost many friends at Highever.

  __

* * *

 

_Farewell my dearest mother, I'm vexed for what I've done_   
_I hope none shall cast up to you the race that I have run_   
_I hope God will protect you when I am far awa'_   
_Far from the bonnie hills and dales of Caledonia_

 

The taste in her mouth was worse than the Antivan brandy Oriana had given her at her mother's last salon. Maddie groaned slightly and opened her eyes reluctantly. The young warden she'd met earlier, Alistair was bending over her. "Drink this," He handed her a waterskin. "It will help." His hand cradled the back of her head and supported her neck, sliding down her back to aid her in sitting upright.

With his surprisingly gentle help Maddie slowly sat up, and took a cautious sip of water. "Thank you." Her voice was hoarse. "My brother—"

"Is fine. He's sitting right over there." Alistair gestured and Maddie followed his gaze to see Cogburn petting Rooster and grinning at her. She sagged against Alistair's supporting arm in relief. "Did you dream?" He asked gently, "I had terrible dreams after my joining."

Maddie concentrated on his voice, finding it soothing, quiet and reassuring. "A dragon." She looked at the face in front of her, vaguely aware of Duncan coming up behind Alistair.

"Such dreams come; much will be explained in the months to come." Duncan told her and Cogburn both.

Maddie listened as Alistair explained about the blood, and how the should keep a vial of it. Most Wardens wore it around there necks, to remember, he told them quietly, his normal humorous voice sober.

"When you're ready, Cailan would like to see myself and you two in his quarters." Duncan informed her.

The girl nodded her gaze still on Alistair, "I'll be just a few minutes." He was handsome, this fellow Grey Warden Alistair. His hair was blond but sandy and shot with red, much darker than hers, and his eyes were a deep brilliant dark blue. The most beautiful, kind eyes she'd ever seen on a man. His features were good, and vaguely familiar, but his smile, lopsided, and self deprecating as he looked at her was warming. Maddie's eyes flicked over his shoulders and hands considerately held out as if she'd succumb back to the fever of the taint she now carried.

If she'd had to think about what a Warden would be like, it would never have been Alistair. She'd thought Wardens were grim, determinedly practical and older, more like Duncan in personality. Alistair couldn't have been more than a few years older than she and Cogburn, and he seemed anything but grim. Telling a mage he'd name his child 'the grumpy one' after the mage was hardly solemn. Alistair was funny and seemed kind…and he was very…muscular.

Maddie took a deep breath remembering how reassuring the Warden had been in the wilds, protective but without being condescending. And funny, even when confronted with a woman who was distinctly unusual, 'swooping is bad' indeed. He was a good man to have at her back in a fight, handy with a sword and shield just like… a sigh almost escaped her. Just like Fergus, just like Father. 'No use thinking about them now, she scolded herself, 'Father is gone and Fergus…' Even her stubborn thoughts shied away from where Fergus might be at the eve of battle if he hadn't made it back to camp.

Starting to push herself up from the ground Maddie found Alistair's hands on her shoulders, his grip aiding her rise. "Thanks." She looked in the direction Duncan had gone. "No idea why the king wants us there with Duncan, but we'd better get going."

"Well better you than me." Alistair saluted her cheerfully.

"Thanks for the support." Maddie rolled her eyes. Cogburn just grinned and gave her a poke in the arm to get her moving.


	7. 7 Alistair

_We were strangers_   
_Starting out on a journey_   
_Never dreaming what we'd have to go through_   
_Now here we are_   
_And I'm suddenly standing_   
_At the beginning with you_

 

"Uh oh." Alistair remarked to Rooster. "Our…I mean your lady doesn't look happy, in fact she looks ready to break skulls." That was it, he realized, Maddie carried herself like a lady despite the leather armor and pointy knives. Even in the admittedly unfortunate boots that matched her armor she managed to seem graceful. In fact if he were going to judge by looks alone, Maddie seemed suited to a noblewoman's silk gowns and velvet slippers. "Calm down Alistair… you've seen pretty girls before." The mabari looked at him quizzically. "Right, don't tell her I said that…she's a little too scary in battle for me to go offending her right off."

Maddie clearly was annoyed at how the conversation in the King's tent had gone. Her jaw was set and her forehead scrunched down in a way that Alistair would have found adorable in the extreme, were it not for his complete and total respect for her abilities. Calling her cute would not give her the impression of respect. Cogburn, Alistair was interested to note, seemed relaxed and at ease with whatever had been spoken of with the king.

After finding out why Maddie was so annoyed (were she any other person he'd say pissed off but he couldn't seem to use such vulgar phrasing in conjunction with such an elegant female), Alistair felt more than a little aggravated himself. "What? I won't be in the battle?" Hearing that, he wasn't too surprised at Maddie's reaction and it didn't seem Duncan was either. Cogburn's response was a bit of a shock. The man seemed completely unconcerned about being consigned to doing an errand.

Duncan eyed them sternly. "This is by the Kings personal request Alistair, if the beacon is not lit Teyrn Loghain's men won't know when to charge."

Alistair tried not to roll his eyes. "So he needs three Grey Wardens standing up there holding the torch. Just in case, right?" He was vaguely aware of Cogburn shrugging next to Maddie.

"I agree with Alistair. We should be in the battle." Maddie's hands had fisted into little white knuckled balls Alistair noted, so maybe he shouldn't take her agreement as a personal recommendation, though that he wasn't alone in his frustration was somehow comforting. Seemed the lady wanted to kill something and if Cailan got in her way at the moment it just might be him. "And why aren't you upset by this?" She turned her lethal gaze on her twin.

Cogburn shrugged. "I suppose I had the impression that we do what we're commanded to do. If we can help by being at the Tower then that's where we belong."

"How will it help to have three of us light one beacon?" Maddie demanded of her twin.

Duncan regarded them sternly. "That is not your choice. If King Cailan wishes Grey Wardens to ensure the beacon is lit, then Grey Wardens will be there. We must do whatever it takes to destroy the Darkspawn. Exciting or no."

Alistair couldn't help himself. Sometimes the king's commands were a bit irritating and cried out for mocking. "I get it. I get it. Just so you know, if the king ever asks me to put on a dress and dance the Remigold, I'm drawing the line. Darkspawn or no."

He was pleased to see that got a humorous quirk of Maddie's pink lips, "I think I'd like to see that." She slanted a glance up at him; her eyes suddenly mischievous and beside her Cogburn smothered a laugh.

Alistair once again found his mouth running only a second ahead of his brain. To be fair, his mouth and brain were often in agreement in content if not timing. "For you? Maybe, but it would have to be a pretty dress." His foolishness was rewarded with the brief flicker of a smile across her face and a muttered comment he must have misheard due to Duncan's groan of dismay.

"If that's what it takes to see you out of the armor." Alistair shut his mouth and listened to Maddie and Cogburn question Duncan about the tower and how much time they had. The twins seemed intent upon completing their mission as competently as possible and Alistair decided again that he must have misheard.


	8. 8 Maddie

_Started crying and I couldn't stop myself_   
_I started running but there's no where to run to_   
_I sat down on the street and took a look at myself_   
_Said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell_   
_Say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to_   
  
_I believe the world is burning to the ground_   
_Oh well I guess we're gonna find out_   
_Let's see how far we've come_   
_Let's see how far we've come_

It was all she could do to keep from grinding her teeth. King Cailan had deliberately sent her, Cogburn and Alistair on a mission designed to keep them out of combat. He'd looked straight at her while he said it, and he'd said he wanted Alistair to accompany them. As if it weren't bad enough the king was keeping her out of battle because they were Couslands and possibly the last Couslands, Duncan and Cailan then pushed Alistair into their company as if Cogburn and she were unreliable and needed a nanny, irritating Alistair on top of everything.

Poor Alistair. He'd seemed so disappointed about not being at Duncan's side in battle. At least he didn't blame her or Cogburn. But then, he probably wasn't aware that they were Couslands, just that they'd come from Highever. If she were lucky by the time Alistair found out why he'd been stuck nursing them, they would have been in many battles at Duncan's side and he'd laugh about it.

Maddie frowned as they approached the tower at a run. Something was wrong, there were signs of battle. They'd been told the area was cleared of Darkspawn, that there would be no impediment to lighting the signal fire save a multitude of stairs. Seeing the corpse of a hurlock made it obvious that whoever had made that report was in grievous error or just plain stupid. Remarking as much to Alistair got her a grin from the Knight and a comment that this was a massed army after all, they were lucky the mistake and stupidity weren't worse.

"Loghain better be ready to charge as soon as we light the signal. The king is depending on us!" Alistair's words upon entering the tower rang in Maddie's ears over and over as they climbed the stairs. Cailan was counting on them, and every skirmish was more of a delay. How much time had passed? Had they been delayed too long?

"Makers breath, where did all these Darkspawn come from? They're not supposed to be ahead of the rest of the horde." Alistair wondered as they entered yet another room of the tower to find it filled with genlocks and hurlocks.

Maddie shot him a smirk and gestured with her dagger. "You could try telling them—"

"--They're in the wrong place." Cogburn finished the remark. Maddie could hear his amusement in his voice. At least he and Alistair were getting along.

"Yes, that will make the difference." Alistair retorted, a grin splitting his face before they charged into the fray.

Fun, Maddie pulled her dagger out of the genlock she'd just killed, Cailan had referred to battle as fun. To think she'd once longed to accompany her father into battle, hungry to prove herself, part of her wanting praise and glory, especially in Bryce Cousland's eyes. She knew better after Highever. She and Cogburn been frantically searching bodies in between skirmishes, for bandages and poultices, snatching up anything else along the way and knowing they'd be grateful for the coin if the rest of the battle was going at all like the tower. They were all bleeding from multiple cuts, had been covered in nasty Darkspawn blood spatter and Maker knew what else, and finally they'd reached the top of the tower.

An Ogre. Maddie knew what it was, just as she knew she'd killed hurlocks and genlocks of various types and was beginning to feel where the Darkspawn were. It was huge, she looked like a child compared to it. She looked at Alistair, meeting his eyes, saw Cogburn nod at her and took a deep breath. In unison they charged the Ogre…

Done… they'd done it. The signal fire had been lit. Cailan would have Teyrn Loghain's men flanking the Darkspawn and all would be well. Maddie let her daggers slide back into their sheaths as she turned to see if Cogburn or Alistair were wounded. The relief on the Templar's face was a match for she and her twin's and they all hurried towards the tower edge to see how the battle was going.

Maddie frowned as she picked out the Teyrn's location. He was on the rise, all his men with him. Below on the field were the infantry and Grey Wardens who fought with King Cailan. Something was wrong. Loghain's men weren't advancing, weren't flanking the enemy. They were retreating. "What is he doing?" She heard her twin wonder aloud.

Maddie looked at Alistair in disbelief and turned with him to be certain the signal fire could be seen. Before she could say a word the door they'd barred burst open and Darkspawn poured into the room. Pulling her blades back out she barely made it three feet before being thrown to the floor. Arrows…there were arrows in her shoulder… that wasn't right. Maddie tried to lift her head, move her arms, her blood pumping out of her as she frantically looked for Alistair, searched for her twin, tried to defend herself from the darkness creeping over her vision.


	9. 9 Morrigan

_You'll walk unscathed through musket fire,_   
_No ploughman's blade will cut thee down,_   
_No cutlass pull will mark thy face,_   
_And you will be my ain true love._   
_And you will be my ain true love ._

_And as you walk through death's dark vale,_   
_The cannon's thunder can't prevail,_   
_And those who hunt thee down will fail,_   
_And you will be my ain true love._   
_And you will be my ain true love._

He was battered almost beyond recognition was her first thought. When Flemeth returned from Ostagar with three Grey Wardens Morrigan couldn't believe that bloody and broken body her mother carried was the handsome young man that she'd found so fascinating in the wilds. Arrows pierced his shoulder and leg, he had broken ribs and bruises that covered his entire body. His scalp was torn and his jaw was broken. The leg not pierced with multiple arrows had twisted at a sickening angle. Temporary bandages had kept the Wardens from bleeding to death but for complete healing, more stringent measures were required.

Inquiring of her mother what had happened had done no good. Flemeth had simply chuckled darkly and said that this was what happened when Darkspawn outnumbered Wardens; when Wardens were betrayed. As the two of them had cleaned and bandaged the wounds of the Wardens Flemeth had elaborated on her brief summation; the general whom everyone had trusted had betrayed his king and the Wardens. The king and most of his army had been killed. The three Grey Wardens Flemeth had rescued were the last in Ferelden. It had been a massacre.

The foolish one, the man who fought with a shield and sword, had been injured but not with great severity. He had several arrows lodged in his shoulder and legs, but apart from a blow to the head seemed unharmed, at least in comparison to his two companions. Flemeth had healed him, roused him from his stupor and shooed him out of the hut while Morrigan had still been cleaning the many wounds his companions had taken.

When Morrigan had been told to give the fool a meal the man had thanked her and introduced himself as Alistair. Before she'd had a chance to tell him that she didn't care about his name the fool had asked about his companions, Maddie first, and then Cogburn. Morrigan had learned, unwillingly through Alistair's rapid monologue, that the other two Grey Wardens were twins, from Highever. That Alistair was a former (almost) Templar, and a full Knight as well as several years older than the other two.

Flemeth had not helped ease the flood of babble when she appeared and told the fool just how badly wounded his companions had been. To his credit, Alistair had seemed genuinely concerned, inquired as to how he might help, and when set to it, gathered and chopped wood, and fetched water. When Morrigan had brought out the leather armor taken off the twins Alistair had rushed to take it from her. His rush of words had explained that cleaning and mending armor was something he'd been taught during his upbringing. Unspoken (for once) went the thought that Morrigan's time was better used tending to Maddie and Cogburn.

He'd given the armor back sooner than Morrigan had anticipated and gone back to worrying and pacing outside the hut. It was at that point that it occurred to Alistair to ask Flemeth what had happened at Ostagar, what had gone wrong that it had been necessary for Flemeth to rescue him and the other two. Flemeth had told him what Loghain had done, and the result, in terms blunt enough that even Alistair could understand. Morrigan had watched as the information penetrated the man's tiny brain. He hadn't wept but his pacing began again and it was obvious that he was deeply upset by what he'd learned. It had been with no small relief that the witch had escaped the fool's company and returned to tending the two younger Wardens.

The young man had been intriguing from the first. He'd come into the wilds with his four companions showing caution but no fear. Unlike the others in his group his scalp was shorn clean of hair completely, exposing his face without exception. It was not a face that required the softening influence of hair surrounding it. A straight nose, dark brown eyes and cheekbones that slashed across his face like knives, his features were both handsome and forbidding. Only his mouth gave a hint of softness, quirking up in humor or affection when he'd glanced at his sister. He'd been quick and dangerous to his foes, single-minded in battle and practical once the warring was done. And when she'd made her own appearance he'd been unfailingly courteous introducing himself as Cogburn.

To be fair, in terms of sheer ability and courtesy his sister, his twin, had been his equal, but as Morrigan wasn't attracted to women she found Cogburn more appealing than Maddie. He was interesting to look at and polite… and he didn't seem to have any problems with the fact that she was, as Alistair called her, a Witch of the Wilds. When she'd led the little group to meet her mother and retrieve their treaties Morrigan could practically feel the young man's eyes on her. He'd seemed to find her as fascinating as she found him.

Morrigan had watched helplessly as both twins were laid on the bed. Before Flemeth had gotten Alistair out of the hut his eyes had flown around the room until they alighted on the female Warden, Maddie. He'd appeared horrified and in truth, Morrigan could see why. Smaller than her brother by at least six inches, the girl had taken several arrows one dangerously close to her lungs and heart. She too had bruises and cracked ribs, and one shoulder was completely dislocated and twisted as if someone had tried to tear it off. The most worrisome injury was her skull, it appeared that she'd taken a massive blow to the head; the entire right side of her face and scalp was black with bruises.

Neither of these two neophyte Grey Wardens had fared well in the battle against the Darkspawn, a fact that had not gone unnoticed by Flemeth. Healing magic was not something Morrigan was well versed in and Flemeth had been required to do a great deal of healing on both of these young folk. Now Morrigan was responsible for keeping them from becoming too feverish and cleaning the wounds by mundane means.

A fever could be helpful, but with wounds like these, anything greater than a slight fever was dangerous. Such meant that the wounds weren't cleaned well enough. Magic could do many things but even Flemeth's power could not completely heal an injury infected with dirt. Checking the dressings and wounds every few hours were a matter of course and tiresome as it was, it was needful. "If that fool could be trusted to be silent I would enlist his aid to help you whilst I saw to your sister." Morrigan told an unconscious Cogburn, pleased to find his fever nearly gone. "But he cannot be quiet for more than two breaths, and waking you would be entirely counterproductive. Perhaps you would find his noise comforting?" She replaced the warm cloth with a cool one and pulled a blanket over the young man.

His face would be unscarred; she imagined he'd be pleased by that. Men were as vain as women in their way. "Your sister took several arrows and resembles a torn rag doll," Morrigan murmured as he twitched in his sleep, his hands reaching for something. "She had only a cracked skull, not a broken jaw or torn scalp. I think you two are evenly matched in injuries."

The Witch moved to check on the girl and found Maddie still a bit feverish but that too was ebbing. Morrigan shook her head in irritation. "Really, what were they thinking?" She asked the girl quietly. "'Tis obvious the two of you had already been through a battle even before the Wilds just by the age of this scar." She touched a recent slice to Maddie's upper arm. "Those wounds barely healed they first put you through the Joining and then only hours after recuperating from that, they send you into battle? It takes months for the body to acclimate to the Taint. Are they complete fools?"

"Desperate, I think." Cogburn's voice was weak but unmistakable.

Morrigan turned with a frown. "You awaken." She moved to his side and removed the cloth from his forehead, automatically checking his forehead. "Your fever is gone." The witch gestured to Maddie. "Hers lingers but should clear soon. The blow to the head delays her recovery."

"Thank you for your aid Morrigan." The words of gratitude were straightforward and sincere Morrigan could hear it in his voice.

"Well, it is Mother you should thank. I merely did as she bade me." Morrigan returned to Maddie's bedside. "Your injuries were severe. The man who was to aid you quit the field. Your battle was lost." She hesitated. "Your friend…is not taking it well."

"Alistair is alive?" Cogburn's smile was like lightening across his face.

Morrigan could not understand why that brought such pleasure to the young rogue's face but there was no comprehending men. "He is indeed. He and your hound are outside." She laid a cool cloth over Maddie's forehead and another on her neck.

"Will my sister be well?" The smile that had lingered in his voice was gone as his gaze took in the pallor of his twin.

Morrigan considered the girl thoughtfully before she looked at the man. "As I said, her fever lingers…she took a mighty blow to the head and an arrow very near her lungs. But Mother's magic is exceptional. I would look for her fever to fade and she waken before the end of the day."

Cogburn nodded. "Would you like me to stay and help you or will I be in the way?" His query was slightly muffled as he twisted this way and that, buckling on armor.

The Witch tilted her head. "Whilst I have no doubt of your capability, our ends might be best served if you have speech with your companion. The longer he remains without the more certain I am that he will eventually barge in, bringing dirt and idiocy along."

That lightening grin flashed across the young man's face again, "Got it," he nodded, "distract Alistair from worrying by proving I'm alive and, by extension, Maddie is also likely to live."

At the sound of her name the girl murmured something unintelligible, her head moving restlessly. Morrigan carefully adjust the cloths against the girl's skin and turned to Cogburn, her voice low. "Her fever is not worsened…perhaps she will wake soon."

"But voices disturb her, at least mine does." Cogburn drew his own conclusions, carefully keeping his tones quiet. "I'll go relieve Alistair's mind."

"What little he has." Morrigan muttered with a roll of her eyes. She watched him leave after he pulled on boots and gloves as quietly as possible, gathering up his pack with a stealth that spoke well of his abilities as a rogue. Even the door was opened and closed in near silence, a neat trick considering the hinges had not been oiled in some time. Morrigan turned her attention back to the girl.

She looked…like a golden mirror, Morrigan decided with a sly smile, as if she'd smash to pieces when thrown to the ground. But surely looks were deceiving; the delicate pink lips were firm in the frown that held her face, as if she fought even in the nightmares that clearly haunted her sleep. That boded well for recovery and for all of her mental faculties remaining intact despite the blow she'd taken. The girl also had calluses on her slender hands and fingers, and tiny silver white scars on her hands, as if she used herself roughly in her own endeavors. Maddie was…nearly as interesting as her brother, Morrigan decided, her smile widening, pretty to look at but with steel underneath.

It was several hours later that a quiet almost husky voice spoke to the woman tending a pot of stew by the fires. "Morrigan?"

The Witch of the Wilds turned and almost smiled. The girl was sitting up and looking around with a confused gaze as well she might. She'd been unconscious before Flemeth had taken dragon form and carried the three Wardens away. "And you are Maddie." The Witch grinned and the girl offered a tentative half smile back.

"My—Cogburn?" Maddie was looking a bit frantic. "Alistair?"

"Both well." Morrigan found herself unintentionally soothing the girl. "You're the last to waken."

"Well Cogburn will never let me live that down." Maddie grumbled, her smile widening.


	10. 10 Alistair

_"Sad is my fate!" said the heart-broken stranger :_   
_The wild-deer and wolf to a convert can flee._   
_But I have no refuge from famine and danger-_   
_A home and a country remain not to me._   
_\---_   
_O! cruel fate! wilt thou never replace me_   
_In a mansion of peace where no perils can chase me?_   
_Never again shall my brothers embrace me?_   
_They died to defend me, or live to deplore!"_

Alistair couldn't stop pacing, and worrying and wondering and…A groan escaped him. Now he was babbling in his thoughts instead of aloud…a possible improvement but no comfort to someone in his state. His mind, sick twisted thing that it was, kept playing over and over the sight of Maddie taking arrows to the chest and shoulder, being thrown back like a broken doll, trying feebly to rise, holding out a dagger in a vain effort to keep the Darkspawn back. She had seemed so small and fragile laying there, her blood seeping out in an ever widening pool. Her twin had tried to protect her, had fallen before her body, taking at least one arrow that Alistair had seen. The Darkspawn had overwhelmed them, the last thing Alistair remembered was a boot coming towards his head and the brief sight of huge wings above the broken tower roof.

To make matters worse he kept imagining Duncan's final moments, how the army must have been overrun, Cailan's death, all the horror that had followed Loghain's cowardly retreat. Fury burned through him and subsided leaving him feeling a little ill and he looked towards the door of the hut again, another prayer to the Maker silent on his lips. Morrigan and her mother had been firm in telling him that he could not go and sit with Maddie or Cogburn. Even after they'd cleaned his wounds and he'd tried to wash his armor was still covered in grime and blood and their wounds were severe enough that he could not be near her, or Cogburn. Were the wounds to become putrid or mortify she—they, would certainly die.

The little food he'd been able to eat nearly rose in his throat again and only deep breaths seemed to help keep it down. His breathing might have sounded suspiciously like sobbing to his listeners of which Morrigan and her mother were two. The twins Mabari hound was the third. He’d appeared halfway through the morning, finding his way through the Darkspawn and the wilds with nary a scratch to find his master and mistress. Thankfully the dog offered no comment on his state, which made for one bearable companion.

Maker! He hadn't even been able to reach her side before he'd been knocked down as well…thank the Maker for her mabari. Alistair never thought he'd be so grateful to a hound or so uncaring that he'd not prevailed in battle save that she was so badly wounded. It had seemed so wrong that she was so very still, that she wasn't petting her hound or cleaning her armor or daggers. And to not have Cogburn teasing her, or competing with her, chuckling grimly at the situation they all found themselves in…seemed so strange. From the moment he'd met Maddie she'd seemed like a force of nature, Maker knew she certainly blew him about like a strong wind. And if Maddie was the wind, Cogburn was like a rainstorm, a thunderburst from out of nowhere, shaking the ground.

Morrigan went inside the hut and Alistair turned to watch the door. He'd been awful company and at the moment couldn't really care. Every time someone went in or came out of the hut he could feel himself going en point like a hunting hound, praying with everything in him that she wasn't worse, that she was better. Vaguely he was aware that his concern for Maddie was outweighing his worry about Cogburn but though Alistair liked the other man it was Maddie who occupied his thoughts most often.

Morrigan was speaking inside the hut. "Do you think she's talking to herself or do you think that our—your lady, or her twin is awake?" Alistair inquired of the hound, who was staring at the door with a similar intensity. The warden wasn't sure who was more worried, he or the hound. And then the door opened.

Cogburn appeared, holding various pieces of armor and Rooster rushed towards him. Cogburn looked up at Alistair with a wry smile. As the rogue drew closer his smile widened. "You didn't think being overwhelmed by Darkspawn was going to kill me did you?"

Alistair smiled slightly. "Why in the world would I think that?" He asked quietly. "Your sister…is she…"

The other man's smile faded slightly and Alistair felt his heart falter. "She's still sleeping…but Morrigan says she'll wake soon."

Alistair nodded his understanding but Morrigan had said the same thing last night about Cogburn and Maddie. It had taken until morning for Cogburn to awaken. Clearly 'soon' was a matter of perspective. Quietly, while Cogburn armored himself, Alistair began to tell Cogburn what Flemeth and Morrigan had told him, the injuries they'd all taken, the defeat at Ostagar.

An hour passed and Flemeth returned from wherever she went. The old Witch simply looked at the Grey Wardens and nodded, but said nothing. Another two passed while Cogburn and Alistair inventoried what their packs contained. While Alistair had repaired Cogburn and Maddie's armor as best he could, it would have weak spots and would need to be replaced as soon as possible. Alistair had to fight himself to stay in one place, the urge to pace was increasing with each minute. The quiet discussion about how to best repair hardened leather barely held his attention.

He turned as they both heard Morrigan's voice again and Alistair gripped Cogburn's shoulder tightly. He felt Cogburn's tension as they both waited.

The door opened again and Maddie stood there, one hand clutching the doorway, her eyes adjusting to the light. To Alistair's eyes she was pale and seemed tired, holding onto the door jamb as if to brace herself upright. But then she straightened and her lips spread into a tiny smile. He was vaguely aware of Flemeth's dry voice. "You see, here is your friend now. I told you she would be fine. You need to have more faith, young man."

His knees felt weak. And he was suddenly dizzy. Everything was very bright for a moment. Alistair caught his breath and strained to stay in one place before he knocked Maddie over with his clumsy eagerness to assure himself she was well. "You're… you're alive. I thought for certain you were dead."

Cogburn rushed the girl, picking her up and swinging her around in a fierce hug as Rooster danced at their feet. "You scared five years off me." He admonished half carrying her towards where Alistair stood.

Maddie shook her head at him, her lips curving slightly as she patted her hound. "I'm still alive, sorry to worry you." Alistair knew he was staring, but couldn't seem to stop himself from examining her appearance in minute detail. Her pale skin had been cleaned of blood and gore, appearing as creamy as ever. Her hair, which had been falling loose of its tiny braids was tidy and clean, gleaming under the sun. Only her eyes appeared shadowed, as Cogburn's were, as his must be, the loss at Ostagar taking a visible toll.

Alistair was only vaguely attending to the conversation that followed until Flemeth said that Morrigan would join them on their quests. His objection was met with a look of disdain from Morrigan and one of slight disappointment from Maddie. Cogburn offered a courteous welcome, a gleam in his eye that Alistair found…disturbing considering the object of Cogburn's gaze.

Alistair bit his tongue on most of his further remarks, at least until Maddie remarked that Alistair was the real Grey Warden, not the twins. He'd never felt such dismay as at the idea that she, that they, might leave him to deal with everything all alone. Asking her to please not abandon him, saying that he needed her help seemed to rouse her spirit and from that point Maddie took charge of the conversation nicely. Cogburn gave Alistair a look that said they'd talk later but apart from asking a few questions regarding the route kept his silence.

Alistair thought deferring to Maddie's decisions was a fairly good idea. She'd only just healed from grievous wounds having something to occupy her thoughts would most likely help her recovery, and he certainly wasn't filled with decision making, leadership type abilities. Duncan had always given him the guidance and direction he'd needed, and Alistair hadn't ever really been in a position to put into practice what he'd been taught. Now everything was gone… Duncan was…gone…


	11. 11 Cogburn

_Siúlaigí a chairde, siúlaidh liom_   
_Mar cheo an tsléibhe uaine ag_   
_Imeacht go deo_   
_D'ainneoin ár dtuirse leanfam an tslí_   
_Thar chnoic is thar ghleannta_   
_Go deireadh na scribe_

* * *

 

  
_Wander my friends, wander with me_   
_Like the mist on the green mountain, moving eternally_   
_Despite our weariness_   
_we'll follow the road_   
_Over hill and and valleys_   
_to the end of the journey_

 

Maddie seemed concerned about Alistair. The male Cousland glanced at his sister and then looked at the Knight. Once his initial relief at seeing Maddie alive had subsided Alistair had sunk into mourning, his depression obvious. Cogburn knew what the man was going through and Maker knew he was sympathetic but Maddie's concern seemed to go a bit beyond her twin's. Of course, she'd been the one to initially meet Alistair while Cogburn had gone and traded with the suppliers so perhaps the two of them had found common ground and the basis of a friendship. Certainly Alistair had seemed more than a little fascinated by Maddie.

Cogburn slanted a glance towards the other female in the group. Morrigan was an intriguing mix of beauty and sarcasm. She wasn't like the noble women he'd met at his mother's salons, full of compliments and soft smiles. Morrigan didn't seem concerned with his good opinion, if he liked her, or if he found her attractive.

The male rogue grinned to himself. He dared any red-blooded male to not find Morrigan attractive, assuming that male liked women. The girl was beautiful, dark hair and pale skin, green eyes that speared you with her gaze and a mouth that begged for kissing. The clothing she wore…or didn't wear definitely played a part in her beauty. Her clothing barely concealed her attributes and all the glimpses of white skin drew the eye. Cogburn knew he was not a man of sterling character when it came to resisting the charms of women, but even Alistair had goggled when he'd first gotten a look at Morrigan.

Granted the man had quickly fixed his eyes on the witch's face, far more quickly than Cogburn, but the Knight had been raised in a Chantry. Morrigan's attire and character, not to mention occupation, were against everything the former Templar was raised to hold dear.

Cogburn studied the Knight for a moment. The only time Alistair even partially emerged from his gloom was at mealtimes when Maddie would hand him the food. The man was obviously smitten with his twin, rousing himself to thank Maddie at meal times, his eyes following her before sinking back into his depression.

As he studied Alistair, Cogburn caught a movement from Morrigan out of the corner of his eye. She was looking up at the heavens as if pleading for patience as she walked behind the Knight. Obviously she had no patience with the man's gloom. Cogburn looked away to conceal his grin. It wasn't kind of her but to an observer it was funny.

She seemed to see his amusement. "If his head droops any more his chin will hit his chest." Morrigan muttered out of the corner of her mouth.

Cogburn tilted his head in her direction. "He could be calling you the apostate and preaching the chant. You'd like that better?"

Her expression was vaguely horrified. "He does that?" Morrigan rolled her eyes heavenward. "Mother what have you gotten me into?"

Cogburn grinned. "Well to the Chantry you are an apostate, but no, he doesn't preach. Doesn't even seem to like the Chantry much." He nodded towards his sister. "At least that's what my twin says."

"If he doesn't like the Chantry why does he parrot their mouthings?" Morrigan sounded annoyed by Alistair's lack of thought.

"Maybe to irritate those around him." Cogburn gave a short chuckle. "Maddie says people seem to underestimate him because of his humor and upbringing."

"Your sister seems taken with him." The witch slid a glance towards the girl walking beside Alistair.

Cogburn didn't try to hide is smile this time. "She does. That's a good sign."

"How so?" Morrigan didn't try to hide her curiosity.

"She was…" Cogburn shrugged, keeping a wary eye on his twin lest she turn and hear him gossiping. "Maddie never cared for the men she met at home. They tended to treat her like a spoiled girl or inferior. Alistair doesn't…"

"Clearly he is only partly a fool then." Morrigan's tone was acidic.

The male Cousland grinned at her. "He's the only one who's looked past her pretty face to how capable she is besides our family and Duncan."

"And you? How often did women see past your pretty face?" Morrigan slanted a teasing glance at him.

Cogburn grinned widely. "Never, but I wasn't terribly concerned about them doing so."

Morrigan rolled her eyes at him. "I don't know what I was thinking to ask."

He nodded somberly. "Most unwise of you, but many women don't think when it comes to me."

Morrigan had to look away to conceal her smile.


	12. 12 Maddie

_No one told me_   
_I was going to find you_   
_Unexpected, what you did to my heart_   
_When I lost hope_   
_You were there to remind me_   
_This is the start_

Maddie glanced cautiously at Alistair. He'd be uncharacteristically quiet, no quips about the sunny days and delights of evading Darkspawn armies, no jocular remarks about apostates accompanying a Templar, and no conversation at all. In a way she didn't blame him. From what little he'd said since Ostagar it seemed Alistair had considered Duncan a mentor and he'd been closer to the elder Grey Warden than any other of his fellows. To lose Duncan in such a way… well Maddie hadn't recalled feeling terribly conversational as she, Cogburn and Duncan had hiked to Ostagar after everyone in Highever had been slaughtered.

About the only sign of life Alistair really shown had been his near panic when she'd tried express her lack of experience at being a Grey Warden. He'd taken her words as an attempt to abandon him. His declaration that he'd needed her help and the look on his face was enough to agree that of course she would stand by him. She hadn't seen him look so upset since they'd realized Loghain was quitting the field.

Maddie restrained a sigh and wondered how long it would take Alistair to realize the only reason he'd been sent to the Tower of Ishal was to keep an eye on she and Cogburn. If they weren't Couslands, if the king hadn't felt compelled to have them away from the battle they'd all be dead. Then there truly would be no Grey Wardens in Ferelden and the Blight would be unstoppable. Her throat felt tight as she considered whether or not being the only three survivors was worse than dying in battle with the others. Probably surviving was better but she'd bet Rooster two roast pigeons that Alistair didn't feel that way at the moment.

Just as she would always wonder if they could have saved their parents, Alistair would always wonder if he could have saved Duncan. Maddie stole another glance at him. He was scuffing his boots in the dirt on the road, intent on nothing but his thoughts, the picture of misery. The girl pulled her eyes away from him, scanning the road ahead and felt every muscle in her body tense. "Trouble." She murmured, the word alerting Rooster to the possibility of battle. Behind her she heard Cogburn's dagger slide from its sheath and knew his sword wouldn't be far behind. The imperial highway was blocked ahead, several men standing in front of an overturned wagon. A sigh escaped her, pulling Alistair's eyes away from his boots and Maddie saw him loosening his sword in its scabbard. "Well this should be interesting."

Interesting was one word for it. Maddie heaved a sigh of relief when they'd finished with the bandits and exited the highway to Lothering. Alistair cleared his throat and spoke more than three words for the first time in days. "Ahh…there it is. Lothering. Pretty as a painting."

Maddie half smiled. Alistair almost sounded like he had when they'd first met. Morrigan's reaction was less cordial. "So you've finally decided to rejoin us have you? Falling on your blade in grief seemed like too much trouble I take it?"

Before Maddie or Cogburn could intervene Alistair was speaking. "Is my being upset really so hard to understand? Have you never lost someone important to you? What would you do if your mother died?"

Morrigan's amusement overflowed into her voice, she sounded almost jovial. "Before or after I stopped laughing?"

"Right, very creepy." Alistair's mouth twisted.

Maddie finally managed to get a word in. "Alistair you had something to say?"

He nodded. "I've been thinking—"

Morrigan interrupted once again. "And I'm certain it was a novel experience for you." Maddie almost groaned and wondered if this was how her mother felt when Maddie and Fergus were bickering at the supper table. Behind Alistair she saw Cogburn grinning and knew he was thinking of the same thing.

"Right, I get it, this is where we're all shocked to learn you've never had a friend in your entire life." Alistair snapped.

"I can be friendly if I desire to. Alas desiring to be more intelligent does not make it so." Morrigan's tone was a honey sweet contrast to Alistair's dry tones. Maddie sighed. She got the feeling she'd be doing a lot of that in the coming days.

"Anyway," Alistair began brightly. "I thought we should talk about where we needed to go first."

The discussion that followed was one Maddie found a bit surprising. Alistair had no desire to take command of their tiny company, even though he was older than she and Cogburn, and their senior in the Grey Wardens. In her experience men usually had no difficulty assuming command over women regardless of their age or experience. Men seemed to believe they always knew better than women. Even Cogburn fell prey to that misconception now and then. But Alistair was happy to let her remain in the lead. Did he think they'd earned it for leading them out of the wilds and away from Ostagar while he'd been mired in grief? But when she offered to follow his lead he wanted nothing of it.

Maddie looked at her twin. "I'll flip you for who takes point." She offered.

"What and deal with every idiot villager that takes the one on point for the leader?" Cogburn shook his head. "You can have it."

Maddie groaned. "That's what I meant. If you lose you take point."

Cogburn shook his head at her. "But little sister, we've just had a grand discussion where we've determined that you are our leader. Why would I take that from you?"

"Because little brother, you don't want me to suffer unduly?" Maddie retorted. But she knew it was no good. In Lothering at least, she was in charge. Blech!

Eventually they determined their group would head toward Arl Eamon's estate Redcliffe to seek his aid. From there they would determine the next step in gathering the army.


	13. 13 Morrigan

_All the birds in the forest they bitterly weep_   
_Saying, "Where shall we shelter or where shall we sleep?"_   
_For the Oak and the Ash, they are all cutten down_   
_And the walls of bonny Portmore are all torn to the ground._

  
"Ah, look how they moan and wail and gnash their teeth. 'Tis sad to watch how helplessly they scurry about." Morrigan muttered to herself as they entered Lothering. Maddie glanced at her with a slight smile and Cogburn simply grinned.

She wasn't entirely sure what to make of these roguish twins and their foolish companion. Cogburn was a charming scoundrel, acting agreeable until his adversary did what he wished. Maddie seemed sweeter natured, talking people into doing as she liked.

Then the girl allowed a chantry sister to join their group. Really what was she thinking? How was a Chant spouting female helpful? Cogburn didn't seem to mind, but then the Chantry sister was pretty.

Morrigan shook her head as the new woman, Leliana rid herself of her robes and donned a spare set of armor, taking up a bow as if she'd been born to it. Apparently the true fault of the younger Grey Wardens was their penchant for taking in strays. No sooner had Leliana joined them than Cogburn found a Qunari warrior caged at the edge of town.

"And the Chantry would call me a savage." Morrigan observed. "To leave someone caged for the Darkspawn…that is barbarism."

Maddie turned and looked at her, lips curving slightly before give her twin a wink. Cogburn immediately began chatting up Leliana about why the Qunari was imprisoned as Maddie spoke with the Qunari.

As Morrigan stood appraising exactly how insane her life had become Cogburn slipped up to Maddie and the two held a brief conversation that ended with Maddie striding purposefully towards the Chantry. The girl didn't even wait for the rest of them, her posture imperious as she passed villagers and Templars alike. Morrigan was amused to note that Alistair had managed to maintain his place at the girl's side, in spite of Leliana's attempts at conversation.

"So your sister has a weak spot for imprisoned murderers?" Morrigan inquired of Cogburn idly as they walked at a more leisurely pace with Rooster towards the Chantry.

"No, she just doesn't like torture." His tone was brisk and his eyes darker than usual. "You'll find some of the things she does irritating I think, but she really does believe that certain things are wrong."

"Like leaving a man to die at the hands of the Darkspawn." Morrigan commented, "Regardless of what his crimes were."

"Or leaving people helpless against an army of Darkspawn." Cogburn shrugged. "She thinks people in power have an obligation to protect those without it."

"And what do you believe?" The Witch inquired, watching Cogburn scratch his dogs ears. He had good hands, Morrigan noted idly, perhaps her role in this entire mess would not be entirely without enjoyment.

"Part of me believes as she does." Cogburn admitted. "And part of me thinks that the Maker helps those who help themselves." He tilted his head to regard her more closely and his lips quirked wryly. "I might not have argued the merchant down on his prices, but I did agree with Maddie that he was gouging refugees."

"So you're more practical than she is." Morrigan wondered.

"Maybe I'm just trying to hide my own soft spots." He grinned at her and Morrigan almost smiled back, but then Maddie emerged from the Chantry, a key clutched in her hand and a determined look on her face.


	14. 14 Cogburn

_Company, always on the run_   
_Destiny, oooh, and the rising sun_   
_I was born, six gun in my hand_   
_Behind the gun, I make my final stand_   
_That's why they call me_   
_Bad company,_   
_Oh, I can’t deny_

_Rebel souls_   
_Deserters we are called_   
_Chose the gun_   
_And threw away the sword_

 

Maddie and Alistair were building up the fire and arguing good naturedly over the proper way to cook lamb and pea stew. Leliana was setting up her tent, arranging her belongings so they were to her liking. Sten was standing near the edge of the fire's light, apparently examining Cogburn's twin and the Knight whenever he wasn't on the lookout for movement near the road. Cogburn handed the Qunari an empty bucket. "Here, I'm sure it will feel good to wash after so long in that cage." He nodded in the direction of the stream. "There's a fairly fast running stream. I'll get Rooster and keep watch while you get cleaned up."

"I would not leave my post for reasons of personal comfort." It was the longest sentence Cogburn had heard out of the man yet.

"You're not." The male Cousland said flatly. "I'm telling you to go and bathe. I can't do much to provide comfort for my sister but I can prevent her nose from being subjected to thirty days worth of unwashed Qunari."

"Were she to keep her proper place as a female you would not need to provide her such." Sten rumbled as he gathered the few belongings he possessed.

Cogburn gave a short laugh. "You should tell her that sometime. I'd love to see her expression and then yours after she knocked you flat." He gestured in the direction of the creek again. "I'll keep an eye on the road. Go bathe."

Sten went, reluctantly, but he went. Rooster came prancing happily up to Cogburn shortly thereafter, clearly seeking attention. Obliging the Mabari wasn't a hardship, all he really wanted was someone to talk to him and scratch his ears.

In the middle of their conversation, such as it was. Morrigan came stalking up to the pair of them. In her hands was a half eaten rabbit. "Look what your fool dog left in my pack!"

Rooster barked happily and Cogburn shook his head. "He likes you, so he was trying to be nice. It's the thought that counts."

Morrigan shook her head. "A putrid half-eaten hare is not something a woman wants to find in her unmentionables."

Cogburn grinned. "Does this mean you're not wearing any?" His gaze dropped to Morrigan's waist and hips.

Morrigan rolled her eyes at him. "'Tis beside the point." She put the rabbit down in front of Rooster. "And you, beast, you can have that back."

Rooster whined at her hopefully and Cogburn shook his head. "It's a gift. You can't just return it."

The Witch looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "I just did."

"You'll hurt his feelings." Rooster whined again and crouched low, acting penitent.

"Please, he's just being manipulative." Morrigan shook her head. "I do it all the time."

Cogburn watched her walk away appreciatively and wondered if she was wearing unmentionables or not. Before he could analyze the possibilities further Sten returned and handed him the bucket. The Qunari was noticeably damp but smelled much better.

"I'll let you enjoy the rest of your watch before dinner." Cogburn nodded to the warrior. "And I'll talk with my sister about finding you some armor and weapons. I have the feeling you'll need them."


	15. 15 Alistair

_before you were born someone kicked in the door_   
_there's no place for you here, stay back where you belong_   
_before you were born someone kicked in the door_   
_you are not wanted here, stay back where you belong_

_god damn the people who left you in pain_   
_god damn the father without face, without name_   
_and god damn the lovers who never showed up_   
_and god damn the wounds that show how deep a word can cut_

Alistair was dreading the coming conversation with Maddie. Well Cogburn too, but something about Maddie just made him hate the though of her being upset with him. They were almost at the village of Redcliff and he had to tell her before they met with the Arl. The worst part of the coming conversation was he couldn't predict how she would react to what he had to say. Would she start treating him differently? Or would she be angry he'd kept such a thing from her? She'd been rather quiet since leaving Lothering, though the adventures in that little village would be enough to give anyone pause.

In Lothering they'd not only acquired a sister of the Chantry who claimed the Maker had sent her a vision, which led the sister, Leliana, to believe she was destined to join their quest, but a Qunari warrior who'd slaughtered an entire family and was being kept in a cage. Alistair wasn't sure which of the two newest companions disturbed him more.

Leliana seemed nice enough; she certainly wasn't as preachy as he remembered the sisters from the Abbey, but there was something off about her. She was certainly good with a long bow and could move very quietly, neither of which were exactly skills one could pick up in a chantry. Alistair half smirked, he certainly could have used some lessons in sneaking around the Abbey when he was a boy. Getting caught with his hand in the larder usually meant a nice switch to the back of the legs.

The ex-Templar eyed the Qunari, a huge mountain of a warrior who said his name was Sten. After a short discussion with Cogburn, Maddie had pretty much commanded the man to wear the chain mail neither the twins nor Alistair could use. Her rather pointed comment that if he was going to redeem himself he had to live long enough for the battles had been enough to prompt the Qunari to don the armor. Alistair didn't blame him. Maddie looked delicate and sweet and… back to the point Alistair, right, she looked like butter wouldn't melt if you ignored the armor and the daggers but he'd seen her talk a Reverend Mother into letting Sten go and convince a merchant to stop gouging the peasants back in Lothering.

The woman could pretty much do anything, convince you of anything and make you think it was your idea. The girl was charming, in a completely dangerous way. And her twin, Cogburn had a way of saying exactly what someone wanted to hear, in a manner guaranteed to get agreement to whatever it was he wished to do; which wasn't always what the person he was talking to should want. The twins were almost unstoppable once they got going, with Maddie smiling sweetly and Cogburn dazzling everyone, they could own the country if they wanted. Scary. He grinned in spite of himself.

They'd also ended up with a pair of dwarven merchants following along with them. The Feddics were friendly and willing to share any gossip and rumors they picked up on the road though Bohdan was the more verbose of the two, his son Sandal's conversation usually consisted of 'Enchantment? Enchantment!' etc. But since the twins had led their tiny group in driving off the bandits attacking the dwarves, Bohdan was willing to give them a discount and he bought all the odds and ends the twins 'picked up' after their little skirmishes.

"I'm pretty convinced there's nothing she can't do." He muttered under his breath prompting an odd look from Leliana and a condescending one from Morrigan. Sten, at the back of the group ignored him as usual and thankfully it seemed Maddie hadn't heard him. Cogburn was returning from scouting ahead on the road and wasn't close enough to hear anything from the group of them yet.

Alistair stole a glance at Maddie's erect form. Early morning, the sun barely over the trees, and she was up and about. He was still knuckling the sleep out of his eyes, and wasn't sure she'd slept at all. He'd been trying to keep more of an eye on her, he was the Senior Grey Warden and he should try to be as helpful as possible now that he'd come out of his funk. As they'd been leaving the Wilds he'd been vaguely aware through his grief of her looking through the treaties, but apparently she'd read them in depth and then handed them to her twin for them tor him to read. Between the two of them they had a very good understanding of exactly what Grey Wardens could demand of their allies.

It was rare to see her vulnerable…though two nights ago he'd woken from his place a few yards away to see Maddie tossing and turning on her bedroll, obviously in the throes of a nightmare. He'd wanted to go to her side, touch her shoulder and wake her, hold her and tell her everything would be all right. But apart from the latter being a flat out lie, cuddling her would hardly be respectful; though a little cuddling with Maddie would certainly cheer him up. There was also the added complication of Cogburn doing the opposite of cuddling to Alistair if he found Alistair touching his twin. Not being sure what it would do for her was just one more reason Alistair kept to his side of the fire.

It had been a kindness to make a little noise on the other side of the fire, just enough to disturb her sleep until she woke and looked around, wild eyed and already pulling a dagger out. "Bad dreams huh?" He'd inquired, in a perfectly brilliant fashion even if he did say so himself.

Her husky voice was subdued, out of consideration for the others in the camp or residue of the nightmare, Alistair couldn't be sure. Her fingers had been trembling as she'd slid the dagger back in its sheath. "It seemed so real." Her luminous grey eyes had looked over at him and he'd wished he could offer some sort of reassurance.

Unfortunately he didn't have much of that in stock. "Well it is real, sort of…you see the Arch demon, it talks to the horde and we feel it just as they do. That's why we know this is really a Blight." He tried to keep his voice level and as calm as possible as that was perfectly normal.

"Are these dreams going to happen a lot?" Maddie's words came out in more of a whisper than a normal tone but Alistair found he couldn't blame her. It wasn't as if Duncan had explained anything to her before her Joining, or after in fact.

Alistair found himself sighing a bit. "It takes a bit but eventually you can block the dreams out. Some of the other wardens say they can understand the arch demon a bit but I sure couldn't." He looked away and hoped she wouldn't think he was being condescending or overbearing. "Anyway, when I heard you thrashing around I thought I should tell you. It was scary at first for me too."

Her face brightened slightly; apparently it was comfort enough to know she wasn't alone in finding Grey Wardenship frightening. "Thank you Alistair. I appreciate it." Her hand reached out as if to touch him and then fell to her lap. "What do you think? Should I take over the watch? Not like I'm going to get anymore sleep." Her question was an obvious plea to get past the conversation and Alistair nodded his agreement.

The senior Grey Warden shook his head slightly as he walked, considering other aspects to the personality of the twins. He'd been schooled in history and heraldry, the forms of government in Ferelden and the nobility but even with the Chantry's education and the tutelage of the Grey Wardens he wasn't sure he'd be up for such dry reading as those ancient treaties. But she and Cogburn had read them, studied them apparently. And they'd done it while he'd been moping about like…well like a mope, even though they'd lost everything too, and without having any time with the rest of the Wardens. The only thing either of them had of the Wardens was him. Alistair shook his head. Not exactly a recommendation. Though they did at least have each other, neither of them knew anything about the order. He did, but it wasn't as if he had a great deal of knowledge.

Alistair nearly groaned… they were here… He could see the windmill in the distance. A bridge, a walk and another bridge and they'd be at the castle. He had no choice. He had to say something to them now.

"Maddie…can I, look, can we talk for a moment? I need to tell you two something I…ah, should probably have told you earlier." He moved up beside her and took a deep breath before turning to face her. Cogburn joined them, wiping the dust of the road off his face with a scrap of cloth and gratefully drinking from the waterskin Maddie handed her twin.

"What's on your mind?" Cogburn inquired curiously. He looked at his twin who simply appeared bemused. Alistair noticed that at least Maddie wasn't irritated with the delay; her gaze was patient as she looked up at him.

"Well uh let's see, how can I tell you this? We're almost at Redcliffe. Did I say how I know Arl Eamon exactly?" Alistair sent one of his most fervent prayers to the Maker that she wouldn't take this badly.

"I think you said he raised you." Maddie's eyebrows went up quizzically as she looked at him. Cogburn crossed his arms as he waited for Alistair's answer.

Right, he'd better speed this up, they were both getting a little impatient. "I'm a bastard. My mother was a serving girl at Redcliffe castle and she died when I was born. Arl Eamon took me in and raised me before I was sent to the Chantry. The reason he did that was because…well my father was King Maric. Which made Cailan my half-brother I suppose." In his nervous haste he blurted it out in one whole rush. Half closing his eyes he looked to see Maddie's reaction.

"So… that makes you not just a bastard but a royal bastard." Her lips twisted in a lopsided grin that lasted only a few seconds. Alistair saw Cogburn chuckling as he shook his head.

"Ha! Yes I guess it does at that, I should use that line more often." Alistair grinned. She had a good sense of humor, he of all people appreciated that. "I should have told you, but it never really meant anything to me. I was inconvenient. A possible threat to Cailan's rule so they kept me a secret. I've never talked about it to anyone."

"Everyone who knew either resented me for it or they coddle me. Even Duncan kept me out of the fighting because of it. I didn't want you to know as long as possible. I'm sorry." Alistair shook his head, looking at her, he knew he was begging for her understanding, but he really wasn't sure what he'd do if Maddie got angry with him for something he couldn't change. Though if she got angry…it might be more because he'd deceived her.

"I think I understand." Maddie's voice was soft, her pink lips trembled for a moment, then firmed as if she refused to give into emotion. Cogburn's reaction was harder to read. His face had gone still and inscrutable.

Alistair sighed. "Ah good. I'm glad. It's not like I got special treatment for it anyway." He shook his head. "Arl Eamon eventually married a young women from Orlais, despite the problems it caused with the king so soon after the war. He loved her a great deal." Another sigh escaped him and he waved off his displeasure with the topic.

"Anyway the new Arlessa resented the rumors which pegged me as the Arl's bastard. They weren't true, but of course they existed. The Arl didn't care but she did." Alistair's mouth twisted in spite of his attempt at distance. He was disturbingly conscious of Cogburn watching him while he was watching Maddie.

"So off I was packed to the nearest monastery at age ten. Just as well. The Arlessa made sure the castle wasn't a home to me by that point. She despised me." Alistair found himself gratified by the appalled expression on Maddie's face, though Cogburn remained stoic, his eyes flashed briefly.

"What an awful thing to do to a child." Maddie suddenly felt like telling Arlessa Isolde exactly who she was and what she thought of the Arlessa's treatment of a little boy. That would scare the Orlesian bitch.

"Maybe. She felt threatened by my presence. I can see that now. I can't say I blame her. She wondered if the rumors were true herself I bet." The older Grey Warden shrugged. "I remember I had an amulet with Andraste's holy symbol on it…The only thing I had of my mothers. I was so furious at being sent away I tore it off and threw it at the wall and it shattered."

"Stupid, stupid thing to do." Alistair shook his head at his foolish younger self. "The Arl came by the monastery a few times to see how I was but I was stubborn. I hated it there and blamed him for everything. Eventually he stopped coming."

"Why keep it a secret now?" The girl looked at him with such a solemn face Alistair wondered exactly what she was thinking and if she was disappointed in him for not facing up to all of this earlier.

"My blood has never been important to me. I've spent my whole life trying to forget about it and being told I would never sit on the throne. And that's fine by me. No, if there's an heir to be found its Arl Eamon himself. He's not of royal blood but he is Cailan's uncle…and more importantly, very popular with the people."

"Though if he's really as sick as we've heard… no I don't want to think about that. I really don't." Alistair took a deep breath to steady himself. "So there you have it. Now can we move on and I'll just pretend you still think I'm some…nobody who was too lucky to die with the rest of the Grey Wardens." He grinned at her hopefully.

"As you command…my prince." Her grey eyes sparkled up at him, mischief quirking her lips upward for a moment, even Cogburn's face lightened briefly with a grin.

"I'm going to regret this aren't I?" Alistair groaned. He couldn't help but be glad she was still teasing him. But there was an undercurrent…she seemed worried and still seemed sad about…something. Alistair didn't flatter himself that it was about him, but he knew Maddie had some sort of past. Maybe telling her about his birth reminded her of something that gave her sorrow.


	16. 16 Cogburn

_This will be all over soon._  
 _Pour salt into the open wound._  
 _Is it over yet? Let me in._  
 _So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left._  
 _I know that I can find the fire in your eyes._  
 _I'm going all the way, get away, please._  
-Breaking Benjamin

 

Cogburn shook his head as they walked through Redcliffe watching his twin as she spoke with folks outside the Chantry. Catching Alistair's eye, he jerked his head, motioning the Knight over towards the edge of the Chantry steps.

"What can I do for you?" Alistair asked, his tone jovial as if he hadn't dropped a fireball in their midst.

"What you told us earlier, about being Maric's son," Cogburn spoke quietly mindful of the other ears around them. "Does Loghain know about that?"

Alistair looked over at Maddie who was talking very seriously with Morrigan. "Maric was close to Loghain and Arl Eamon. It's possible that Loghain would know about me." His expression was dark and thoughtful as he considered the possibilities.

Cogburn cursed, violently and thoroughly, his voice a harsh mutter. "So what you're telling me, what you didn't tell Maddie is that Loghain knows exactly who you are?"

Alistair was still watching Maddie, his gaze unreadable even as he replied to Cogburn. "But he doesn't know we're alive." He murmured. "For all he knows we're dead."

"Dead." The Cousland was ready to spit. "That's why he had armed guards in Lothering? Because he thought we were dead?"

Alistair sighed and finally turned his gaze to Cogburn, giving him his full attention. "I'm sorry, but it was never a problem before." The knight spread his hands helplessly. "I can't help what Loghain knows or doesn't know. But he wants us dead because we're Wardens. Does it matter that he wants me especially dead because I'm Maric's son?"

Cogburn locked eyes with Alistair and felt his voice come out in a growl. "And if my sister gets hurt because she's protecting the heir to the crown?" In a second he was almost sorry for his words as Alistair's expression was so stricken with worry it was painful to see.

"I won't let anything happen to her." Alistair kept his voice low, but Cogburn hadn't heard a more fervent whisper in years. "I can't change that she's a Warden, but I can keep her from--"

"From what? Fighting at the side of someone she calls a friend?" Cogburn found himself near hissing the words out in aggravation. "I'm her twin and I can't even stop her from doing that!"

"What should I do then?" Alistair retorted. "What can I do?"

The rogue shook his head. "Just…stop keeping these things to yourself." He could feel his fury draining, leaving him tired of everything. "All you'll do is anger me and hurt her."

Alistair seemed a bit taken aback by that but nodded. "I don't have any other big secrets but I won't keep anything that could be pertinent from you. My word."

Cogburn nodded and turned back towards the group aware that both his twin and Morrigan were eyeing him and Alistair. Maddie didn't look pleased as she raised an eyebrow at him. "Tell you later." He mouthed the words. His twin rolled her eyes at him and jerked her head for him and Alistair to join the group.

"So Bann Teagan said to talk with Murdock, and he had knights stationed up at the Windmill." Maddie told them. "Cogburn, if you Morrigan and Sten will go deal with the Knights, I'll talk to Murdock and see what Alistair, Leliana and I can do for him."

"And who takes the dog?" Morrigan inquired in arch tones.

"Flip you for him." Cogburn grinned at his twin, but Maddie shook her head.

"Why doesn't he go with you?" She suggested. "Dealing with Knights might go better with a Mabari."

The rogue grinned at his sister. "Are you saying that Knights won't find me worthy of respect?" Maddie just rolled her eyes again and gestured for their Mabari to follow him.

About half way up to the windmill Cogburn stopped to lean against the rail of a bridge. "Now I know why she delegated this part to us." He shook his head. "She just didn't want to climb up here." He pointed finger at Morrigan. "Next time Maddie says for us to do something, remind me of this moment."

"And why would I do that?" Morrigan chuckled. "Why would I not simply go with your sister?"

"Because Alistair will always go with her and you dislike him." Cogburn grinned. "And my company is much more appealing than his."

"Perhaps I should simply persuade your sister that my company is more appealing than Alistair's. Then the men can all tromp up the hill and we women will walk about the town." Morrigan's smile was appealing for all that she was so obviously mocking him.

"Women…you're all very manipulative…you know that right?" Cogburn began walking again, climbing up the hill.

"Men like it…if women were straightforward men would feel threatened. This way, we get what we want and men feel superior." Morrigan told him with a laugh.

"A wise man knows when to drop a conversation." Cogburn told her.

"Then please drop this one." Sten's gravely voice came from behind them. "This drivel hurts my ears."

Cogburn shook his head. "Of course Sten. As you wish."

Morrigan deftly changed the subject. "And what was that little tête-à-tête with Alistair all about earlier?" She looked at Cogburn curiously. "We all heard that he's the baseborn brother of the late king. Had your private conversation anything to do with that?"

Cogburn nodded grimly. "I wanted to know if Loghain was aware of his birth. Alistair said it was highly probable."

"But not in those exact words I'll wager." Morrigan's tone made her opinion of the Knight clear. Derisive was the mildest description Cogburn could apply.

"No, not precisely." The rogue agreed, his sense of humor getting the better of him. "And to be fair, he was right, it's not like Loghain can kill him more because he's Cailan's brother and a Grey Warden."

"But that does rather double your enemy's need to find and kill Alistair and any Grey Wardens with him." Morrigan summarized.

Sten's voice rumbled from behind them. "He endangers all of us, endangers the quest of the Wardens to stop the Blight." The Qunarri was blunt as always.

Cogburn shook his head. "That really depends on what sort of help we can get from the Arl." He gestured at the castle across the lake. "Alistair is the heir to the throne. We'll need troops to fight the Darkspawn in the field. Nobles that don't like Loghain could rally to Alistair's banner and we might get troops that way."

"There is much vagary in what you say and do not say." Sten replied. "The ways of Ferelden are strange."

Morrigan rolled her eyes. "Of course Sten, it could not be that you do not understand the ways of men."

Cogburn chuckled as they approached the top of the hill and the windmill. "We have company now, lets all be on our best behavior." As if agreeing Rooster gave a sharp bark.


	17. 17 Maddie

_Well, it seems like so long ago_   
_But it really ain't you know_   
_I started out a crazy kid_   
_Miracle I made it through the things I did_   
_The things I did_

_Someday I'll go where there ain't no rain or snow_   
_'Til then, I travel alone_   
_And I make my bed with the stars above my head_   
_And dream of a place called home_

 

She wasn't certain whether to be irritated with Alistair or relieved. At least that nagging feeling that she'd seen him somewhere before had solved itself. If she looked for it he did resemble Cailan. Alistair was much less foolish and glory driven though. He didn't have Cailan's gold hair and might have been a bit shorter than his half brother but the resemblance was there in his features. It was actually a little bit of a relief to know that Duncan hadn't sent Alistair to the Tower of Ishal with her just because she and Cogburn were (maybe) the last Couslands; the king had been protecting the last person in line for the throne as well. Actually all of them could be considered the last of the 'royal' blood. Before Loghain had been elevated to Teyrn when Maric became king the Couslands had been the only Teyrns in Ferelden. So Cailan, in a rare instance of practicality and foresight, had kept the three people closest in line to the throne out of the battle.

Maddie wasn't sure if she hoped Alistair would never realize that or if she hoped he would figure it out right after he realized who they were. There was a third option, that maybe he just wouldn't care who she was, just as she didn't really care he was technically a prince apart from how it meant Loghain would be even more determined to kill them both.

Her lips twisted in a wry half smile, as she disarmed another trap left for the unwary who might invade Redcliffe castle. Of the two brothers, if she had to choose which to have on her side in a fight, she'd take Alistair all the way. Given a choice she'd pick Alistair to not fight with as well. He and Morrigan might bicker enough to set her teeth on edge but he'd never failed to back her up in battle. Having Alistair at her side while rotting corpses attacked them was rather comforting in an adrenaline inducing, comrades-in-arms sort of way. Maddie sighed to herself. She'd still give an awful lot to get Alistair out of his armor.

His handsome face had been disturbed at the thought of freeing a blood mage, but she and Cogburn, as well as Morrigan and Leliana had pleaded Jowan's case. Jowan himself had spoken of trying to undo the bad he'd done, of redeeming himself, atoning for his actions somehow. Alistair had reluctantly allowed himself to be persuaded, finally, but it had been a close thing and he was still troubled by it. Maddie wasn't sure if it was a help or hindrance to his agreement that Jowan promised to stay out of their way and try to do good. The ex templar kept slanting uneasy glances at the blood mage and finally Maddie whispered. "I don't like the idea of blood magic either, but perhaps he'll be able to help. But leaving him in the dungeons to starve or die at the hands of the skeletons seems as awful as leaving Sten for the Darkspawn."

Alistair's reluctant nod had been accompanied by a smile. "I understand why," He offered, "I just...if he can't be trusted...and he hurts you...or someone else," he added hastily, "I won't be able to forgive myself for agreeing to free him."

"And if that happens," Maddie replied quietly. "I trust you'll help me to learn from my mistakes and atone for them as we attempted to help Jowan atone for his."

Alistair had smiled more widely at that and given her the formal nod of inclining part of his upper body in an abbreviated bow. It was the type of acknowledgement a noble would have given her at a banquet, indicating respect, and solidarity in purpose.

Their murmur of conversation had drawn an irate look from Cogburn as he'd prepared to enter an alcove. He'd been scouting the hallway and Maddie heard the snap of more traps being disarmed. Her twin was pretty handy to have around in a fight as well, though she hadn't any urge to see him out of his armor, she'd save those thoughts for the handsome knight beside her. Then her twin began backing out of a storage cell and Maddie saw why, her smile fading abruptly.

Speaking of fights…oh delightful, skeletons were rising from their rotting places on the floor…

 

* * *

 

The boy was possessed. Maddie wasn't certain she could ever be more horrified than she'd been by Oren's body but Connor was certainly making a run for the most awful thing she'd seen. Throat tight she asked what the options were for stopping the demon. Much as she despised the Arlessa for her hypocrisy and the deaths she'd caused, not even taking into account how she'd treated an innocent little boy Alistair, Maddie wasn't certain she could condone killing the woman in order to enter the fade, just because it was expedient.

Cogburn had a look of anger and disgust on his face as he looked at the Arlessa and gazing at him Maddie knew he'd rather kill Isolde to save Connor. Killing the child wasn't an option for either of the twins, not after Oren.

She cast a look at Alistair and from the expression on his face. Maddie realized he hated the idea of killing the Arlessa just as much as he despised the thought of killing Connor to destroy the demon's hold on him. Morrigan's opinion had been made clear… and it was no help to Maddie's conscience. Leliana had offered her admittedly Chantry biased suggestion and expressed horror at the thought of murder.

Alistair seemed to feel her eyes on his face and for a moment his gaze met hers. Maybe he could see how much she hated the thought of killing Connor, or maybe he was desperate for a solution that didn't involve blood magic. But he offered a way out. "The Circle of Magi is only a day's journey from here. They would have lyrium."

Maddie had never felt like kissing someone so much in her life. And she also didn't consider herself to be overly religious but she'd sing a chant to the Maker right now if it meant they could get Circle mages to save Connor and she didn't have to kill the boy. She wouldn't have to steel herself to utter the phrase she'd heard her father say so often, the words that had practically become the family's motto during Maric's rebellion. 'We do what must be done.'

They'd been doing that all through the battle in the village and in the castle and even to the point where the demon had forced Bann Teagan and his men to attack them in the audience chamber but this was one time she didn't want to say those words, didn't want to embrace the murder of a child.

"Then we go to the Circle and we save Connor that way." She said it firmly enough that even Morrigan didn't argue, though the witch looked as if she would like to utter a few sarcastic words at least. Yes, Maddie thought with another glance at Alistair, I really want to kiss that man.


	18. 18 Morrigan

_Oh I'd rather walk a winding road_   
_Rather know the things I know_   
_See the world with my own eyes_   
_No regrets, no looking back, no goodbyes_   
_No goodbyes_

 

Morrigan shook her head as she arranged her herbs near the fire. Most of them would dry by dawn. Sometimes she wondered how she'd come to travel with a group of people possessed of such sentiment. They were actually letting an abomination live while they journeyed to the Circle of Magi to fetch help for the boy. All because none of the leaders could bring themselves to kill a boy or use blood magic.

There was no sound but suddenly there was a presence near the fire. Morrigan looked over the flames and kept her smile to herself. The handsome young Grey Warden was seeking out her company. Morrigan corrected her thought; the handsome young intelligent Grey Warden was seeking her company. Even she could admit Alistair was fairly attractive, but intelligent he was not. "Yes?" She greeted her guest.

Cogburn tilted his head thoughtfully. "So life in the wilds must have been very lonely."

The Witch shrugged. "At times perhaps. A world full of people and buildings and things was all very foreign to me. If I wished companionship I ran with the wolves and flew with the birds. If I spoke 'twas to the trees." Morrigan wondered what he was thinking to ask about her upbringing. Most men simply wanted her company for one purpose. Cogburn was one of the few to actually converse with her.

"But eventually you left?" Dark brown eyes were steady as they gazed at Morrigan.

She nodded, "Such simple pleasures will only enthrall for so long. I recall the first time I crept beyond the edge of the wilds. I did so in animal form, remaining in the shadows and watching these strange townsfolk from afar. I happened upon a noblewoman by her carriage, adorned in sparkling garments the likes of which I had never before seen. I was dazzled. This, to me, seemed what true wealth and beauty must be." Morrigan wondered if the handsome male before her could understand how fascinated she'd been as a child, how amazing it was to see such glamour. "I snuck up behind her and stole a hand mirror from the carriage. 'Twas encrusted in gold and crystalline gemstones and I hugged it to my chest with delight as I sped back to the wilds."

He leaned forward, almost eagerly. "What happened then?"

Morrigan frowned and spread her hands as if the inevitable had occurred, which it had. "Flemeth was furious with me. I was a child and had not yet come into my full power, and I had risked discovery for the sake of a pretty bauble. To teach me a lesson, Flemeth took the mirror and smashed it upon the ground. I was heartbroken."

The rogue frowned, his expression was concerned. "But you were just a child."

Morrigan shook her head. "And a foolish one. Flemeth was right to break me of my fascination. Beauty and love are fleeting and have no meaning. Survival has meaning, power has meaning. Without those lessons I would not be here today, as difficult as they might have been." Her green eyes remained fastened upon his as Cogburn's expression changed from concern to comprehension. Something in that dark gaze of his became cloaked, as if he were suddenly concealing his reaction.

Finally he nodded his understanding. "They made you stronger didn't they?"

"They did indeed. To return to your original question, perhaps my time in the wilds was indeed lonely. But such was how it had to be. I find myself at times wondering what might have become of the girl with the beautiful golden mirror…but such fantasies have no place amidst reality." Morrigan shrugged off her musings and returned her attention to the present. "But let us move on lest the dust settle upon us."

Cogburn smiled at her, and for a moment, Morrigan found her breath catching. His smile was…warm and sweet…and a little shy for all his confidence. "With Sten and Leliana with us, I told Maddie and Alistair that you shouldn't take a watch. Your magic depends on your health and without rest you will not be at your full capacity. I hope you sleep well Morrigan."

The Witch was left wondering exactly how he'd managed to get the upper hand in a conversation in which she'd done most of the speaking. But he was right about one thing…if they would be at the Circle tomorrow, she'd need some rest in order to deal with such foolishness.


	19. 19 Alistair

_When you're weary, feeling small_   
_When tears are in your eyes,_   
_I will dry them all_   
_I'm on your side_   
_When times get rough_   
_And friends just can't be found_

Whatever he'd done, he really wanted to do it again. Alistair was wracking his brain, or as Morrigan would say, his tiny mind, for whatever he'd done to put that look of exquisite relief and joy on Maddie's face. She'd looked at him after Jowan had explained how Connor could be saved, but it meant Arlessa Isolde's life. Her eyes… had been almost pleading when she'd turned to meet his gaze. He couldn't stand to see her looking at him like that…like she needed any other option other than the two she'd been given. He wasn't certain what had possessed him to mention the Circle, but they did need to go there anyway because of the treaties and if it could help Connor…

Alistair shook his head. Now his tiny brain was going in circles. He wanted to see Maddie look like he'd just done the most wonderful thing in the world again. And the conversation he'd had with Maddie on the way to the Circle Tower had just left him feeling like that wasn't likely to happen. She'd approached him in camp and he could tell from the look in her eyes that this wasn't going to be a conversation about whose turn it was to ruin the evening meal.

She'd been folding and unfolding her hands, fidgeting slightly, so he supposed it wasn't an easy topic for her to bring up for some reason. "Why did you keep your birthright a secret?"

He'd tried for humor, which had fallen sadly short. "You never asked?"

"If you don't want to tell me, please just say so." Those words had come along with an expression that suggested he'd hurt her feelings, though she'd quickly smoothed her face into that perfect warrior mask of hers.

Alistair sighed slightly, hoping she wouldn't just laugh at him when he gave her the real explanation. "All right, if you want the full explanation, I'll give it to you." Her eyes had brightened like he'd done something good, so that was mildly encouraging. "The thing is, I'm used to not telling anyone who didn't already know. It was always a secret. Even Duncan was the only Grey Warden who knew." Maddie nodded slowly, and he took that as more encouragement to continue. "And then after the battle when I should have told you... I don't know. It seemed like it was too late by then. How do you just tell someone that?" He spread his hands helplessly feeling like a complete fool, as he watched Maddie tilt her head thoughtfully.

Finally she nodded, slowly as if still considering his words. He'd never had someone pay so much attention when he talked before. "I guess I can understand that."

That was extremely encouraging. Maybe he hadn't completely screwed this up. "I... I should have told you anyway. It was important for you to know. I guess part of me liked you not knowing." He kicked at the grass underfoot, not wanting to look at her suddenly.

Maddie frowned at him, her expression still thoughtful. "Why? What happens when people find out?"

"They treat me differently." Alistair let the words spew out of him. "I become the bastard prince to them instead of just Alistair." He waved his hands. "I know that must sound stupid to you, but I hate that it's shaped my entire life. I never wanted it, and I certainly don't want to be king. The very idea of it terrifies me." He waved his hands again for emphasis; he certainly couldn't emphasize that last bit enough.

When she spoke again it was slowly, and almost reluctantly, but with an undercurrent to her words that seemed to sympathize with him. "You probably don't have a choice in the matter." Unspoken was the obvious statement 'because Cailan is dead.'

"You can say that again." Alistair rolled his eyes. "I don't think I've ever had a choice in the matter. Right from when I was born, all my choices have been made for me." He caught a gleam of empathy in Maddie's eyes and wondered why she seemed to so completely understand what he meant. "I guess I should be thankful that Arl Eamon is far more likely to inherit the throne. If he's all right. I hope he's all right."

He half extended a hand, then caught himself before he could take her pale fingers in his own darker ones. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I... I guess I was just hoping that you would like me for who I am. It was a dumb thing to do."

From the half smile on her face she agreed with him on that last point but she was far too kind to say so to his face. Maddie smiled at him and Alistair felt his heart speed up. "Don't worry about it, Alistair. No harm done."

The relief he felt on hearing her words was, objectively, all out of proportion to the subject matter but her approval and friendship were rapidly becoming the most important thing in the world to him…besides saving Ferelden from the Blight, he added to himself hastily. "I guess it's kind of a relief that you know now. Let's go." He gestured to the road before them.

Maddie nodded at him, a tiny smile still on her lips. A few words drifted back to him as she turned away, words he must have misheard. "I like you for you…"

Alistair shook his head. He must have definitely misheard. But before Maddie had asked him why he'd kept secrets from her he'd had a chance to ask if they could look someone up in Denerim once they headed for the city.

"Why Alistair, did you want to look up an old lover?" Maddie tilted her head teasingly, her brief smile at odds with her eyes which were dark and vague. Whenever she'd teased him in the past her eyes would be bright sparkling grey, even if she was keeping her lips firm.

"What…how could you think that I'd…with you…and, that…together…No, no. No." Alistair shook his head wondering how one question could get him so flustered. Though on the bright side, that question would indicate she thought he'd had a lover in the past. That could be a good thing, it might mean Maddie didn't think she was a total… fool. "No, it's… I have a sister."

Her eyes had brightened right up at those words and she'd listened to him as he explained the circumstances of his birth and where he thought his sister lived in Denerim. Her attitude had been nothing but supportive, promising him that when they visited Denerim she would accompany him to find Goldanna.

Their conversation about Duncan had upset him a little bit but thinking back on it, Maddie had been kind, understanding and had even offered to accompany him to Highever to leave a memorial for Duncan once the Blight was over. But when he'd asked if she ever lost anyone she hadn't really answered. She'd only said she'd lost enough to know how he felt. She was hiding something…and she didn't trust him with it. Or she didn't trust herself to talk about it. Alistair looked over at Maddie and hoped it was the latter. He'd trusted her with everything…if she didn't trust him…


	20. 20 Cogburn

_We can never go home_   
_We no longer have one_   
_I'll help you carry the load_   
_I'll carry you in my arms_   
_The kiss of the snow_   
_The crescent moon above us_   
_Our blood is cold_   
_And we're alone_   
_But I'm alone with you_

 

The road to the Circle of Magi had not been uneventful. In an effort to be prepared for anything that might greet them once they reached the Circle, Cogburn had suggested to Alistair and Maddie that a short rest to check armor, bandage wounds and sharpen blades might be in order. To that end Maddie and Alistair were inventorying the supplies as well as checking on injuries. Maddie had remarked hopefully that perhaps they'd be able to trade for some goods at the circle. Alistair was giving her a Templar's perspective on what might be worth the most.

Seeing Morrigan sitting by herself Cogburn grinned. This would be a good chance to ask Morrigan a little more about her mother. Approaching her he was greeted with a single syllable.

"Yes?"

Without waiting for an invitation, Cogburn took a seat beside her, not so close as to be offensive, but close enough that they didn't need to speak too loudly. "I'd like to ask you something."

Morrigan gave him one of her arch looks. "If you must."

"Is Flemeth really what she seems to be?" Cogburn thought it best not to just blurt out the blunt query on his mind, mainly 'Is Flemeth really a dragon pretending to be human.'

Thankfully Morrigan seemed more amused than annoyed, she chuckled before replying. "Well that depends, does it not? What does she seem to be?"

Keeping his tone as mild as he could the rogue summed up the question in one word, "Human?"

Again Morrigan didn't seem irritated, her voice gentled slightly, though the remains of her laughter threaded in and out of her words. "Oh, she certainly was human. Once. Tell me, how much do you know of the tale. The one that the Chasind still tell of my mother, to frighten them into obedience?"

He shook his head thoughtfully. "I didn't even know there was such a thing."

"Ah! I see. That does explain much." The witch nodded at him, her green eyes narrowed in speculation. "I can relay what Flemeth once told me herself. And you can decide whether or not 'tis the truth. If you desire."

Cogburn restrained his impulse to lean forward and give her a taste of what he actually desired. Something about her voice, saying that particular word, made all the blood drain to his groin instantaneously. Finally he nodded. "That sounds interesting."

Morrigan smiled. "As the tale is sung by the bards, there was a time when Flemeth was young and beautiful. A fair lass in a land of barbarian men, the desire of any who saw her." Her voice was a mix of dry amusement and belief, as if she was aware of how unlikely the beginning of her tale seemed.

The young Grey Warden grinned at Morrigan teasingly, thinking of Flemeth as he'd last seen her. "Just how long ago is this?"

The Witch shrugged a smile flickering over her face. "Many centuries, before this land was even named Ferelden. The tales say that Flemeth fell in love with Osen, the bard, and fled the castle of her husband, the dread lord Conobar, and that he swore vengeance for her infidelity." Her expressive mouth twisted wryly. "In truth, my mother claims it 'twas Osen who was her husband, and Conobar the jealous lord who looked on from afar. Lord Conobar approached you Osen and offered him wealth and power in exchange for his lovely wife. And Osen agreed."

"He sold his wife to another man?" Cogburn asked thoughtfully, part of his mind wondering why the name Conobar sounded so familiar.

Morrigan shook her head. "The life of a bard is a poor one and love fades in the wake of hunger. Twas Flemeth who suggested the arrangement. All would have been well had Lord Conobar kept his end of the bargain. But he was a foul man who bargained with coin he did not possess." Cogburn guessing where this would lead, kept his mouth shut as Morrigan continued. "Osen was led off to a field and slain, left for dead. Flemeth spoke to the spirits and learned of the deed, and swore revenge."

"She spoke to spirits. Or demons?" Cogburn wondered curiously. He was no mage but not even legends spoke of spirits aiding those outside the fade.

Morrigan nodded her confirmation. "Spirits first, and 'twas they who slew Conobar. Flemeth did not turn to the demon until…much later. Lord Conobar's allies chased Flemeth you see. Chased her to the Wilds and there she hid. There she found the demon and he made her strong." Contrary to the reactions of many, mages among them, Morrigan did not seem the least bit disturbed by the thought that her mother had dealt with a demon. "The legends all speak of the great hero Cormac, he who defeated Flemeth and her great army when she invaded the lowlands centuries later. All lies."

"Which? She never invaded?" The rogue filed the name Cormac away in his mind for later. "Or he never defeated her?"

"The truth of the matter is that there was never an invasion. As Flemeth tells it, the Chasind never raised an army under her banner and she never fought with any warrior named Cormac." Morrigan elaborated. "Cormac led a brutal civil war against his own people, and later claimed it was to vanquish evil that had taken root amongst the lords. Thus he was hailed a hero. Flemeth was only attached to the legend much later. Perhaps 'twas due to the great war with the Chasind that eventually came, but Mother claims to not know how it began."

A bit warily Cogburn asked, the question foremost in his mind. "How is it that Flemeth has survived for so long?"

Morrigan shook her head, her face expressionless. Doubtless Cogburn hadn't asked any question she had not asked of Flemeth herself. "The demon within her has transformed her into…something else. An abomination, perhaps some would say? I know not. I only know my mother is clever. And she is part of the wilds as it is part of her. But she is no immortal. She bleeds. A blade in her heart would kill her like any other, were it lucky enough to find her."

Cogburn cast a look over at the rest of their company, Maddie and Alistair were still talking and separating out the goods that would be worth trading at the Circle Tower. "The legend tells of Flemeth having many daughters." He said turning back to Morrigan.

"You ask if I have sisters?" Green eyes met dark brown directly. "I have asked of this, myself. The stories tell of many witches of the Wilds, after all. Not just the one. And these tales existed long before I did. Flemeth refused to speak of other daughters, if they exited. So should I believe that I am her first? I doubt that too."

"Why would she refuse to speak of them?" Cogburn frowned thoughtfully, wondering exactly what had happened to Morrigan's sisters. He had the sneaking, ugly, suspicion that it hadn't been good.

"The Chasind tell of a falling out between Flemeth and her 'daughters'." The Witch paused and added finally. "They say that one day she hunted them all through the wilds and ate their hearts. It may be true. I have never seen another witch or heard of one. Perhaps one day Flemeth will eat my heart as well."

Cogburn saw that Maddie and Alistair were nearly done with their task. "An interesting story. Thank you." He was glad he'd been able to spend some more time with the Witch. She was the most interesting person they'd met so far.

Morrigan smiled. "Flemeth tells it with far more embellishment than I. But you are welcome. Dare I ask of your own mother? Few are abominations of legend 'tis true. But I find myself curious nonetheless."

Cogburn's smile, dawning at her initial words, faltered and failed. "My mother died. Recently in fact." He said quietly.

The Witch nodded her understanding, her smile sympathetic, but her words were practical. "Ah. Then you have my sympathies for what it is worth; which is very little I am certain. It matters not. Let us move on."

The rogue swept her a bow as he rose from his seat beside her. "As you command." He offered dryly.


	21. 21 Morrigan

_Reborn and shivering_   
_Spat out on new terrain_   
_Unsure, unkind, insane_   
_This faint and shaky hour._

_Day one, day one, start over again_   
_Step one, step one, I'm barely making sense_   
_For now I'm faking it, 'Til I'm psuedo-making it_   
_From scratch, begin again_   
_But this time I as I_   
_And not as we…_

The Circle was in complete disarray, Morrigan thought looking around at the nightmare the reigned within the tower. Mages were dead or gone mad with the power of blood magic, succumbed to demons, or locked away in hiding. And the Templars were locked out of the tower itself, waiting for their writ allowing them to destroy every mage or for Cogburn and Maddie to save what was left of the leashed magisters.

Cogburn was unoccupied by another's conversation at the moment, though that preachy old woman seemed to speak directly to the young rogue more than anyone else. From the tenor of the conversation she, like the Grey Wardens, had been at Ostagar and survived. Catching his eye was gratifyingly easy. Before long Cogburn was moving to speak with her where she stood in the hall.

"I have a thought." Morrigan began to speak.

"Just the one?" The rogue interrupted her with a grin. Morrigan almost smiled back, he truly was charming, but she needed to speak with him before that old mage Wynne or the righteous fool Alistair overheard.

"Ah, such wit. Truly you and Mother should form a troupe of jesters and tour the countryside." The Witch rolled her eyes and continued to the matter at hand. "We have an opportunity that I believe we should take advantage of." Again, gratifyingly, Cogburn sobered and appeared to attend her closely. "To the point: my mother was once divested of a particular grimoire by a most annoying templar hunter. It occurred long before I was born but even today Flemeth speaks of the loss with great rage. With the Circle of Magi in such disarray, it occurs to me that this might be the perfect time to recover the tome from their possession, for surely it eventually end up in their hands."

"What makes you think the mages still have this book?" Cogburn asked in a quiet voice, not a whisper but nothing that would carry to the ears of their companions. Truly, Morrigan caught herself before she smiled again, such an able and intelligent companion was a miracle.

"Flemeth is a sorceress of legend, is she not? And her grimoire would be more than a mere curiosity for mages that daren't even glace towards the places my mother has walked for eons." She tried to describe the allure and repugnance the grimoire would hold for a mage "No doubt 'tis considered something dangerous, perhaps best locked away somewhere dark, yes? And if not? Then at least I know it does not exist. But there is no harm in looking surely."

His next question came right to the point. "What do you want with this grimoire exactly?"

It was hard to not grow more animated when speaking of such possibilities, Morrigan found, keeping her voice low with an effort. "'Tis a book of spells, of the sort the Flemeth has dabbled with throughout her long life. 'Tis not the sort of thing that would benefit a mage of the standard variety. They were taught a different path." She paused and scrutinized his face searching for understanding. Dark brown eyes were fixed upon her, he was at least taking her request seriously. "I, however, was taught by my mother. I know a way around the wards my mother would have placed on such a tome. I know the language that she would have written it in. I would find such a tome…most useful."

Cogburn's voice was careful. "Useful in what way?"

"Useful in the way that it might increase my power. Useful in the way that I would become more useful to you. Does that not follow?" Morrigan deliberately chose an answer that might appeal to their joint leader.

"And? What's in it for me?" The rogue's voice and eyes held a sly smile even as his face remained neutral.

"My eternal gratitude? At the very least, it shall enable me to help you more. If that is not enough, you can certainly dictate other…rewards." Morrigan looked the rogue up and down speculatively. She hadn't expected him to capitulate without motivation, how enjoyable it was that his mind worked so similarly to her own.

"Very well. Since we're at the tower anyway, I'll look for it." Cogburn nodded, his eyes bright and nearly burning in his face as he returned Morrigan's scrutiny. A small smile tilted his lips as if he was considering something appetizing.

"Good. I am most interested to see its contents, should it be located. The grimoire is leather bound and adored with the symbol of a leafless tree, should you come across it. If not, however, then I shall simply put it out of my mind." Morrigan's lips curved slightly in return and she tilted her head towards the group. As she watched Cogburn's smile was carefully erased before he turned to join the rest of the party.

As usual he got the last word. "If its here, I'll find it, with such incentive you can be certain of it."


	22. 22 Maddie

_Seo libh a chairde is canaidh liom_   
_Líonaigí'n oíche le greann is le spórt_   
_Seo sláinte na gcarad atá imithe uainn_   
_Mar cheo an tsléibhe uaine,_   
_Iad imithe go deo_

* * *

 

_Come on my friends and sing with me_   
_Fill the night with joy and sport_   
_Here's a toast to the friends who have gone from us_   
_Like the mist of the green mountain,_   
_gone forever_

 

Maddie had never seen the mages tower before. She certainly hadn't expected the Templars to be barring the door and keeping the mages in with such force. She heard Alistair's muttered remark behind her. 'As I recall, barring the door against mages was always the Templar plan B' and was hard pressed to keep from giggling through sheer nervousness. If they failed here not only would they probably die, but the Blight would continue, and Connor and Redcliffe would be damned.

Talking their way in past the doors into the tower hadn't been too hard, just a lot of confidence and what her father called chutzpah and Fergus called veridium balls. Meeting Wynne had been a bit of a surprise. Maddie hadn't known anyone besides her, Cogburn and Alistair who'd made it out of Ostagar. She'd have to try and talk with the mage later. If they survived…

So Wynne came along and Leliana stayed with Sten and Rooster and the children Wynne had been guarding. That was fine, another mage was handy in a tower full of mages, still there were times Maddie missed Leliana's arrows, though the girl's cries of chantry righteousness could become wearying. Cogburn hadn't seemed thrilled with Wynne accompanying them but he'd spoken more with Wynne at camp before the battle at Ostagar so maybe he and the elderly mage didn't get along so well.

Abominations… those were terrifying…as bad as the Darkspawn really, because once they'd been people, just like her… Maddie swallowed and looked at Alistair wondering if he was thinking the same thing. They had to make it out of here with the mages help; otherwise this was what Connor would become.

The Fade… Maddie cursed under her breath as she hurried through it. Some things made her feel stronger or more graceful… but she'd had to fight Duncan and all manner of monsters as well as more mages, Templars and even Mabari. This place was starting to get to her. But finally she and Cogburn had found each other. That had made things more bearable. Comparing experiences had shown they'd been dealing with similar problems. Then they found Alistair…

She'd never seen him so happy. It was hard to tell him that it was all a dream, a vision brought on by demons… and then he disappeared. That had been terrifying. Was he vanishing because he was waking up? What would happen if she and her twin had to fight the Sloth demon in the fade alone?

Thankfully that didn't happen. Her companions appeared beside her as she invaded Sloth's realm and even Morrigan seemed happy to see her, though it might have been Cogburn she was happy to see. Alistair gave her one of his huge smiles and for a moment Maddie wondered if she could kiss him, or if he'd forget…did it not count if it happened in the Fade? Before she could even begin to debate the subject the battle began and then they were all waking up.

The rest of the tower battle was almost anticlimactic. The Litany Niall had taken to stand against the Blood mages worked just as Wynne said it would and they were able to rescue Irving and several other mages. The Templars were relieved to see the head of the Circle and both mages and Templars readily agreed to aid the Grey Wardens in the coming war against the Blight. Then Cogburn told them about Connor and thankfully Irving agreed to help, he would gather a few other mages and lyrium and follow them to Redcliffe.

Maddie turned to Alistair and the others. "Then we'll be heading back to Redcliffe as soon as Irving and the others can be ready." Judging from the look on Alistair's face he was as relieved as she was by that fact.

Maddie groaned as she stretched her legs and mentally thanked her father for teaching her how to limber up and cool down before and after a battle. 'More injuries could be prevented if warriors would remember to ease their muscles after a fight.' She could almost hear him say it. Closing her eyes against the tears she opened them to find Wynne in front of her.


	23. 23 Cogburn

_It's always somethin'_   
_Before the late night_   
_Around the corner_   
_There's always somethin' waitin' for ya_   
_Can't hold the hands back_   
_Can't make the sun rise_   
_It's always somethin'_   
_You know it's always somethin'_

 

Cogburn groaned slightly as he hauled buckets of water back to the camp. It seemed like the more women that joined their merry little band the more water they went through. He enjoyed a good bath as much as the next fellow but was it so difficult to go bathe near the creek? Why was he always the one toting water back to the camp?

Setting the buckets down by the fire he looked for his twin. She was near her tent, trying to stretch her muscles. Alistair was setting up his bedroll somewhere between the fire and Maddie's tent. Morrigan was at her own fire, working with her herbs. He grinned at the witch as he passed near her camp and was given a wicked smile in return. Leliana was talking to Wynne, helping the older women set up her tent for the evening and chattering away.

Cogburn shook his head. Leliana was pretty, skilled and extremely dangerous with a bow, but she could talk the leaves off a tree. Of course Wynne could talk the bark off a tree so maybe the two women would enjoy their conversation. The spot he'd chosen to place his tent was annoyingly close so he was forced to listen to both of them.

Leliana was asking Wynne a question about faith. "You are not religious, yes? You do not believe?"

"I do, to some extent. It does not govern my life, however. Why do you ask?" Wynne sighed.

"Oh, nothing. You are just a very good person, and it shows, and I thought at first you were religious, like some of the revered mothers. But no, I thought about it and I realized that you are not." Leliana explained. Cogburn rolled his eyes.

Wynne took a deep breath. "I do what I do because I enjoy it; because I enjoy teaching others, helping them. I do not seek recognition for my works. I do not seek the approval of my peers, nor the approval of a distant god."

Leliana nodded her understanding. "That is admirable, doing good for its own sake. Some I knew were not like that. They bragged about what they did, trying to impress others. "Oh, Lady Adele, you fed and clothed twenty orphans, how noble!" "No, no, it is nothing, Lady Clarabelle. You treated forty lepers, and gave them massages!" Like a competition, with false modesty. Sickening."

Wynne's attention was captured. "Er, did Lady Clarabelle really give forty lepers massages?" Cogburn wondered the same thing himself.

Leliana shrugged, her nose wrinkled in distaste. "Who knows. Lady Clarabelle had strange tastes. I wouldn't be surprised if she did that, and more."

Cogburn shook his head and continued to set up his tent, following his twin's example and stretching as he did. At some point he hoped to persuade Leliana to join him in his tent. The bard certain seemed amenable to male company or female for that matter. He’d caught her trying to engage Maddie in a conversation about shoes and hair of all things. When she’d talked to him about the same things he’d listened with an interested expression on his face. It was all part and parcel of being with women, if you wanted to bed them you had to at least act interested in what they were saying. Once you’d gotten a woman into bed it was a simple matter to forestall conversation by kissing her and cutting off her words. He grinned to himself as he stretched, he’d love to shut Leliana up by putting her mouth to good use.

Wynne was moving close to his sister and something in her expression had Cogburn stiffening. She acted as if she were only concerned with the greater good but people only concerned with the image of a tapestry often forgot the small details that made up the picture. He wasn’t sure what the mage had to say to his twin but that it was nothing good he was certain. And for all her strength, Maddie was very fragile right now, she’d had no privacy at all since they’d left Highever, no chance to break down and spew out all the horrors they’d seen. Instead she’d hidden everything, even from him in an effort to keep her emotions under control. She, like him, took some of her anger and fear out on the darkspawn and the other monsters they fought but it wasn’t enough.

Maddie didn’t have much chance to confide in him, and apparently no inclination to speak of personal matters with anyone else in the camp except Alistair. And Cogburn knew his twin wouldn’t break down and cry in front of a man who’d also lost everything, in part because it was so difficult for both of them to talk about Highever, even to each other, and in part because to do so would be to invite the very loss of control his twin was trying to avoid. He sighed as he finished his tent and watched as Wynne began to speak with Maddie. This was going to be bad, he could tell from the look on Wynne’s face.


	24. 24 Alistair

_do you believe in reinvention_   
_do you believe that life is holding the clue_   
_any way to face the silence_   
_any way to face the pain that kills you_

 

Alistair drifted closer to where Wynne and Maddie stood speaking. Maddie's back was stiff and her hands were twisting together, sure signs she was uneasy. He caught the end of Wynne's question. "…you become a Grey Warden?"

Maddie's smoky voice was quiet, almost a breath, Alistair had to strain to hear it. "Arl Rendon Howe." She seemed to bite the words off. "Murdered our family." She took a deep breath. "Duncan helped us escape."

"But why would the Arl do such a thing?" Wynne wondered aloud, her gaze on the girl before her, seeming not to notice Alistair standing nearby.

"Out of jealousy. He wanted Highever, our father's teyrnir." Maddie shrugged slightly, as if her armor was suddenly too heavy for her slender shoulders.

"You…You two are the last of the Couslands?" Wynne was near gasping in shock. "My Lady." She bowed her head. Alistair felt as if someone had taken a mace to his skull, his ears were ringing. The slender, elegant girl he'd been following across Ferelden could be the rightful Teyrna of Highever, the sarcastic whipcord of a man that led him might be a Teyrn; they were the highest nobility in the kingdom but for the king and Teyrn Loghain.

"Don't. We're just Grey Wardens now. Madelaina Cousland may as well have died." Sorrow and resignation filled the girls husky voice, Alistair wished she knew he was listening, that he'd do anything to comfort her.

"I suppose that's true isn't it. Grey Warden's can't hold titles." Wynne mused and Maddie jerked as if she'd been struck.

"No." She agreed quietly. "So our old life doesn't matter anymore." She took a step backwards as if to try and end the conversation, not seeing Alistair who was suddenly wishing he was close enough to kick the old mage.

Wynne made some quiet remark about how the Maker would see to it that things worked out for the best. Alistair found that just slightly inappropriate under the circumstances, considering that Maddie almost flinched at the thought before she excused herself; Cogburn looked more furious than the Knight had ever seen him. Alistair shook his head at the rogue and gestured towards Maddie. Cogburn took one step towards Wynne and turned furiously to find his sister.

Alistair looked at the older mage and moved closer. "Don't you think that was just a bit cruel?" He whispered fiercely. "Their entire family was murdered. Everyone in that keep died except for she, her twin and Duncan. Every single person they ever knew or grew up with. No one knows where their brother Fergus is. He was scouting in the wilds during Ostagar and no one has seen him since."

"She has to face it Alistair. She can't go back." Wynne replied in a mild tone, seemingly unmoved by his anger.

"She can do anything she sets her mind to doing. She and her twin managed to rescue the Circle mages and get the Templars off you. No one ever talked about the Rite of Annulment once she and Cogburn retrieved Irving. I notice you didn't tell her that wasn't possible." Alistair retorted. "If they're the last Couslands, the oldest name in the kingdom will die along with them. How do you think that makes her feel?"

"About the same as you might I suppose." Wynne looked at him thoughtfully. "Maybe you ought to talk with her about it."

"As opposed to bludgeoning her with useless truth? Maybe I should tell her it was the Makers plan for her family to be murdered? Because these things work out for the best." Alistair suddenly wished it wasn’t terribly wrong to use his old Templar skills on innocent mages, there were a few things he'd like to do to this old woman and none of them were appropriate for a Grey Warden gathering allies. He turned and stalked none too quietly to his place by the fire, conscious of Sten's glance and Leliana's confused look.

Sitting down on the log by the fire he sighed and looked over at Morrigan's tent. The witch was standing outside of it and he had no doubt she'd heard most the conversations with Wynne, both his and Maddie's. The witch was giving the Circle mage of look of derision and for the first time Alistair found himself in agreement with her. Cogburn came stalking back to the fire with wood and Maddie followed him shortly, similarly burdened.

Meal time was quiet that evening, as neither Cogburn or Maddie seemed much inclined towards talk. The twins sat beside each other, Cogburn eating his meal quickly but neatly and Maddie pushing hers around the tin plate without enthusiasm. After some nudging from her twin the girl managed to finish her meal but for the first time since the Joining she didn't take seconds. Alistair frowned and caught Cogburn's eye. Maddie excused herself a few minutes after she was done with her food, taking the plate and flatware to wash.

The others slowly drifted back to their places around the camp, leaving Cogburn and Alistair to deal with the fire. "You wanted to say something to me?" The young nobleman looked at Alistair.

The Knight nodded slowly. "It won't take long." He murmured conscious of how many ears were close by, especially given how easy it had been to hear Maddie's conversation with Wynne.

Cogburn looked at him, frowning for a moment and nodded, keeping his voice lowered as well. "What's wrong?"

Alistair dug into his pack and pulled out a small bundle. "It's not much," He said as a warning, handing Cogburn the cloth wrapped object. "But she'll wake up hungry tonight. She'll need to eat."

Cogburn peeled back a fold of cloth and saw dried beef and hard rolls; road food. "I'll make certain it's in her tent. I'll leave her a note so she knows to eat if she wakes up hungry."

Alistair smiled slightly. "She's a Warden, it's almost certain she'll be starving, if not at night then at midmorning tomorrow." He looked around the camp. "No one else will understand why I'm always so concerned about food, but we…the Wardens I mean, need to eat more often, or at least heartier meals. That's been my experience." He shrugged. "The two of you are too fair minded to eat more than you think is your share, but you'll need to eat more than you're used to doing."

"So what Maddie ate tonight…if that's all she eats…" Cogburn raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"She won't feel well tomorrow. And let's face it, this is a Blight, and we're having constant…skirmishes, we can't afford to have an off day." Alistair said firmly. "She'll need to eat."

"You know how you said you're not a leader?" Cogburn tilted his head. "I think you're proving yourself wrong."

Alistair rolled his eyes. "Sure, I'll just assume command and wait for the inevitable mutiny to occur." He knelt by the fire and began to pull the pot from the ashes. "Go on, see your sister, talk to… Morrigan. I'll give your Mabari the last of the stew and get something started for the morning." As Cogburn left the Templar sighed and looked at the fire and the stewpot. "Why did I just volunteer for kitchen patrol?"

When Maddie came by to talk with him it was after she'd spoken to everyone else in the camp. She often did that, he noticed, left talking to him for last. He hoped it wasn't a matter of saving the most tedious conversation until right before she went to bed in an effort to attain sleep more easily. Though, Alistair almost grinned, the thought of being the last voice Maddie heard before she dreamed was an appealing notion. He'd noticed Cogburn seemed to do the same thing, speaking with everyone in the evening, though the male rogue always talked to Morrigan last. Alistair didn't even want to approach the thought of what that meant.

"How are you Alistair?" She asked quietly without much of her usual verve.

The ex templar smiled slightly. "Oh you know me, I can't complain." He shrugged. "I could, but what good would it do…and you have more important concerns than my comfort."

"I wish I didn't." Maddie almost smiled. "I wish making certain we were comfortable was my biggest worry." She made a slight gesture towards Wynne. "You heard I suppose?"

Alistair nodded. "Makes me wish you or Cogburn had belted me a couple of times before we got to Lothering. Feeling sorry for myself and not noticing you were in the same position as I was." He wished he could take her hand in his, feel her delicate fingers, callused from holding a sword but tiny in his hand. "I'm so sorry my lady."

She shook her head in denial. "I'm not a lady anymore Alistair. I'm afraid I wasn't much of one to begin with."

Alistair shook his head. "No doubt I'm saying this wrong, you know me, how clumsy I am, but… being a Grey Warden doesn't change…who you are. What you are." He ducked his head and looked at her, feeling a blush heat his cheeks. "You'll always be a Lady…even if your only title is Grey Warden."

Her eyes filled with tears and he felt his heart racing in panic. 'Idiot! Now you've made her cry,' He castigated himself. But she was smiling, blinking the tears back and smiling, really smiling, at him.

"Alistair…if I could choose any Grey Warden in the world…to stand with against the Blight and Loghain and Howe…" She titled her head. "You'd tell me I should choose Duncan… but…" Her smile widened as Alistair nodded his agreement to that. "I wouldn't."

"You're going to just leaving me hanging aren't you." Alistair groaned. "You're going to really make me ask."

A half chuckle escaped her lips and she grinned at him openly. "I could, but I won't…that would be mean." She fisted her hand over her heart. "I'd choose you Alistair of the Grey Wardens. Without any doubts."

"I have to ask… and it's going to sound stupid." Alistair warned her. "But…well… why?"

"I'll tell you all the reasons someday." She smiled, tinged with melancholy as she looked at him. "But reason enough right now…Every man I trusted besides my twin is dead or missing." Her voice nearly broke but she continued. "But you... you're the best man I know." Her hand lifted, as if she wished to touch his cheek but lowered to clasp his shoulder. "I trust you Alistair. And I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about our family before. I…I just couldn't talk about it. Its always in our thoughts…we can't forget…but it's... Talking about it… is difficult."

Maddie took a deep breath, visibly trying to steady herself. "He and I…we're the last Couslands…and…not allowed to be even that anymore." She looked at him. "I wish I'd told you sooner. I should have known that of everyone, you would understand. Please forgive me."

"There's…there's nothing…" He took a deep breath. "Nothing for me to forgive." She smiled at him, sad and grateful, remaining parallel to him, her hand on his shoulder for a moment before she continued to her tent.

Alistair stood where he was, savoring her touch, how closely he'd come to feeling her fingers on his skin. She'd only touched his armor, but he swore he could feel her hand on his shoulder, touching him. She'd said she trusted him. That he was the best man she knew! That beautiful, courageous, fragile, kind… lady, had said that about him. He looked at the ground, nope, no floating… armor still weighing him to earth.

True, he told himself, the only other Warden she'd met was Duncan…and he was dead…but she'd met Cailan, and she'd met Ser Jory and Daveth and still she'd told him she wanted him by her side. Realistically she didn't have a wide and varied selection of Grey Wardens to choose from, but… He grinned to himself, sitting back down on his log. She trusted him.

'Right, time for bed Alistair. Enjoy the moment and get some rest.' He berated himself and rose to go to his bedroll by the fire. Thank the Maker for heavy armor, was his last thought, if he dreamed of Maddie at least it would be hidden from everyone in camp, even if it did make waking up even more uncomfortable.


	25. 25 Morrigan

_I confess I'm a fool for a man with a clever mind_   
_But your intellect ain't no match_   
_For this heart of mine_

_All I want is a little reaction_   
_Just enough to tip the scales_   
_I'm just using my female attraction_   
_On a typical male, on a typical male_

Morrigan glanced up from her fire idly, almost hoping that foolish old woman would deign to speak with her. She'd like to give the old besom a word or two. Frowning the Witch shook her head, wondering exactly why she was so concerned over Wynne's words and Maddie's, and Cogburn's, reaction to them. Perhaps it was due to how respectful Maddie seemed of her abilities, and Cogburn's obvious interest. The twins were charming folk, Maddie was as genuinely interested in Morrigan's opinions as Cogburn despite the fact that Maddie had no hope of the Witch as a bedmate.

Morrigan almost chuckled to herself. The female Grey Warden was not interested in Morrigan as a bedmate. Her twin however, had made it plain he would enjoy the charms of a Witch, regardless of what Alistair thought.

Morrigan gazed over the camp again and noticed Cogburn speaking with Alistair, the older Grey Warden uncharacteristically solemn. Whatever news he had to impart it was something Cogburn was taking seriously. The two men looked well together, Morrigan admitted to herself. They contrasted nicely, the wiry rogue with his twin blades and the hulking Knight with his sword and shield. They were both handsome men, but of the two, Morrigan still preferred to gaze upon Cogburn.

Shaking her head the witch returned to sorting her herbs, the task absorbing her attention until she felt it time to ready herself for bed. But before she could dampen the fire a shadow moved from the main fire to hers. Cogburn came into the circle of light cast by her fire. In his hands the rogue held a package, wrapped in cloth and twine. "I have something for you." He said quietly.

Morrigan took the package carefully, unwrapping the cloth to reveal a leather bound tome with the symbol of a leafless tree on the cover. "What? You found Flemeth's grimoire? When I spoke of it to you, I did not truly hope…ah, but this is a most fortuitous event! You have my thanks. I will begin study of the tome immediately." She hugged the tome to her ribs, pleased beyond measure.

"What? Don't I even get a kiss?" Cogburn asked teasingly, his brown eyes twinkled at her.

Morrigan smiled slowly, her gaze drawn to his smiling mouth. "I suppose something is deserved for all your efforts, is it not?" She leant in, pressing her body and lips to his, intending a slow enjoyable kiss. She wasn't prepared for the thunderbolt of sensation as Cogburn's lips moved over hers, his hands pulling her closer and sliding up her back in warm embrace.

The tome pressed between them, but it felt no harder than Cogburn's hips and loins pressing against hers. His lips demanded a response, his tongue stroking her own, drawing groans of need from the both. Breathing hard Cogburn finally released her; Morrigan took a moment to recover her composure.

"I do not intend to squander this opportunity to learn more than Flemeth wished me to know. This should be…interesting." Morrigan said finally. The man standing with her nodded his understanding and smiled.

"I agree." Cogburn swept her a bow, "Interesting times indeed."

Morrigan watched him go and sat down hard on her bedroll. The man was extremely accomplished.


	26. 26 Maddie

_If I should fall from grace with God_   
_Where no doctor can relieve me_   
_If I'm buried 'neath the sand_   
_Where the angels won't receive me_

_Let me go, boys_   
_Let me go, boys_   
_Let me go down in the mud_   
_Where the rivers all run dry_

Alistair was annoyed with her. Intriguingly enough Morrigan was also annoyed with her and both for the same apparent reason. To be fair they were also irritated with Cogburn who was backing her play with no small amusement. Loghain had sent an assassin to kill the Grey Wardens. Unfortunately for the assassin he had failed. Fortunately for Maddie and their quest the assassin, Zevran, was actually quite reasonable and practical. In return for sparing his life, he agreed to follow her until she no longer needed him.

Maddie smiled to herself as she sharpened her sword. Zevran had made a rather charming offer, the elf had quite the way about him. When she'd asked why she would want his service, his answer had been quite creative.

"Why? Because I am skilled at many things, from fighting to stealth and picking locks. I could also warn you should the Antivan Crows attempt something more… sophisticated…now that my attempts have failed." He'd smiled up at her from where he lay after she'd wounded him. "I could also stand around and look pretty, if you prefer. Warm your bed? Fend off unwanted suitors? No?"

Maddie had almost laughed, aware of her twin chuckling behind her. The only person she'd ever wanted as a suitor was glaring at the assassin as if he'd like to finish the job Maddie had started. "No." She'd replied to the elf firmly.

Zevran had chuckled. "I like a woman who knows what she wants. I really do. So what shall it be? I'll even shine armor. You won't find a better deal, I promise." Maddie had looked at her twin inquiringly. Cogburn had simply grinned and given her a nod. Obviously he was not concerned about another assassination attempt.

The female Grey Warden regarded the elf thoughtfully and nodded. "Very well. I accept your offer."

Alistair immediately made his displeasure known. "What? You're taking the assassin with us now? Does that really seem like a good idea?"

Maddie turned to him with an expressive shrug and a slight smile. "Don't worry about it."

Cogburn finally spoke up, though his amused smile added a humorous bent to his words. "We could use him."

Their fellow Grey Warden eyed the elf with a resigned and distrustful gaze. "Hmm…All right, all right. I see your point. Still. If there was a sign we were desperate, I think it just knocked on the door and said hello."

Morrigan regarded Maddie and Cogburn with a deceptively sweet smile. "A fine plan. But I would examine your food and drink far more closely from now on were I you." Maddie knew that tone…Morrigan was annoyed. The sweeter she sounded the more annoyed the witch was.

Zevran didn't help with his remark. "That's excellent advice for anyone." After Leliana had welcomed him to their company remarking that it was a good chance for him to start over Zevran had made his oath of loyalty to Maddie and Cogburn. "I hereby pledge my oath of loyalty to you, until such a time as you choose to release me from it. I am your man, without reservation…this I swear."

Maddie had dared a look at Alistair. His face was a study of irritation as he stared at the elf. The glance he darted at Maddie was strangely protective before he stalked away, cleaning his sword as he went.

* * *

 

Cleaning her armor was something Maddie found soothing. She'd tried to keep each piece in good working order, but occasionally it had to be mended or became broken completely. The under armor tunic was threadbare and thin but still serviceable so she paid no attention to it beyond mending the seams. But as Alistair came towards her she wished it was a fine chemise, or a silk gown.

"Maddie, I wonder if we could talk?" He sat down across from her and picked up another piece of her armor, beginning to polish and oil the studded leather. "Now that we're back at the camp, I want to talk about what happened. At Redcliffe."

She gave him an inquiring glance, wondering if he was displeased with how she'd handled the Arlessa. Her face must have shown her confusion because Alistair just smiled. "I just wanted to thank you. You went out of your way to save the Arl's family and you did it, even though it would have been easier not to."

Maddie wondered what he'd say if she'd said she did it for him, for he and Oren, but that would only confuse what was between them. If she scared him off, made him uncomfortable by hinting at what she was starting to feel it would be unbearable. He was her closest friend.

Alistair smiled as he set the armor down. "There's been so much death and destruction, it…well, it makes me feel good that at least we were able to save something, no matter how small. I owed the Arl that much."

Maddie wasn't sure what to say, nothing could really convey what she was feeling or thinking. She finally settled for a safe reply. "You're welcome." She smiled and hoped he understood that without him she'd never have been able to do any of it.

His answering grin reassured her that she'd said the right thing. "Good. Now that the warm, fuzzy part of the day is over with we can get back to the ritual dismemberments. Oh, wait, its not Tuesday is it?"


	27. 27 Cogburn

_How can you see into my eyes_   
_like open doors_   
_Leading you down into my core_   
_where I've become so numb_   
_Without a soul_   
_my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold_   
_until you find it there and lead it back home_

Cogburn grinned at his twin after their ritualistic coin toss was completed. "That wasn't too terrible was it?" He teased.

Maddie rolled her eyes at her twin but agreed with the results of the toss. "You know I hate middle of the night shifts." She groused.

"Yeah, and I hate them too. It's your turn. Tomorrow is my turn." Cogburn knew he sounded smug but it couldn't be helped. Irritating each other was one of the few pleasures the twins had left. "I'll take all the stuff we can't use over to Bodhan to trade before I go on watch."

His twin nodded. "Good idea. It'd be nice to have some coin if we need it." She dug through her pack and handed him a few odds and ends she'd picked up. "I'm going to find some more wood if possible." Maddie held up an amulet of Andraste, much cracked and mended. "Oh, I found this in the Arl's study. You should probably give it to Alistair."

He couldn't stop himself, she practically begged to be teased about this one. "Sure you don't want to give it to him yourself?" Cogburn grinned. "I'm sure he'd love to have a gift from you."

Maddie shook her head, her lips tugging in a smile. "He already came and thanked me for agreeing to use the Circle to save Connor. Like it was entirely my decision. I don't want to give him the wrong impression."

"What's the wrong impression?" Her brother wondered. "I thought you liked him." He held up the amulet, frowning at it. "Wouldn't a present make the right impression?"

Maddie sighed. "You're a male so I doubt you'd understand, but if I give him a gift so soon after he and I had talked this evening, it will…look like I'm setting my cap for him." She shrugged. "I like him. I don't want to scare him off. And part of me...I'm afraid to like him too much. We've lost everyone...if I...if we lost him...it might..." She shook her head. "Never mind."

Cogburn rolled his eyes. You're right. I don't understand. But I'll give it to him."

* * *

 

Tracking the ex-Templar wasn't hard, Alistair tended to go and wash before he took his shift on watch. He was the other unlucky soul with a watch in the middle of the night. By common consensus, the mages weren't required to take a watch, so Cogburn, Sten, Leliana, Zevran, Alistair and Maddie divided the night up into four parts and every fourth night two of them didn't have a watch. In that way they all got a full nights sleep at least once per week. That was the theory anyway, as Cogburn knew Maddie still couldn’t sleep through the night for nightmares of Highever and he was the same way. Tonight Sten and Leliana were the lucky ones sleeping for a full eight hours while the rest of them stood watch

Cogburn watched as Alistair scrubbed his face with cold water, forcing himself to wake up. It was a trick he'd need himself the next night. "Alistair." The rogue called quietly, drawing the Knight's attention.

Nodded at Cogburn to show he'd heard, Alistair completed his small ritual before joining the other man at the edge of camp.

"Just wanted to give you this before I forgot." Cogburn handed him the amulet. Alistair's reaction was gratifying to say the least.

"This…this is my mother's amulet. It has to be." Alistair looked at Cogburn, joy and confusion warring in his eyes. "But why isn't it broken? Where did you find it?"

Cogburn knew Maddie would be annoyed but he wasn't going to completely lie. "Maddie and I found it in Redcliffe castle, in the study."

If it was possible Alistair looked even more confused. "Oh. The Arl's study?" The Knight shook his head as if trying to clear it. "Then he must have…found the amulet after I threw it at the wall. And he repaired it and kept it? I don't understand why would he do that?"

The rogue almost felt bad for the man, he obviously wasn't used to anyone caring about him or his belongings. But it seemed the Arl did care about Alistair, if he'd repaired the amulet so carefully. As casually as possible Cogburn put forth that idea. "Perhaps you mean more to him than you think?"

Alistair clearly wasn't sold. "I guess you could be right. We never really talked that much, and then the way I left." The knight took a deep breath, looking down at the amulet cradled carefully in his hands. "Thank you. I mean it. I…thought I'd lost this to my own stupidity. I'll need to talk to him about this. If he recovers from his…when he recovers, that is. I wish I'd had this a long time ago." Cogburn nodded his understanding when Alistair looked up at him again. "Did you remember me mentioning it? Wow. I'm more used to people not really listening when I go on about things."

The rogue let his eyes wander for a second and then jerked his attention back to Alistair with a grin. "Sorry, did you say something?"

Alistair chuckled quietly. "Ho, ho, ho. See this gesture I'm making, can you hear that?" He retorted, making a very un-Templar-like gesture with his hand.

Cogburn grinned even wider and then made a decision, his twin could live with it, Alistair didn't seem the type to really like subterfuge. "Actually I remembered you mentioning it, but it was Maddie who told me to make sure you got the amulet. She had it in her pack." He shrugged.

"She didn't want to give it to me herself?" Alistair sounded subdued.

Cogburn cursed, maybe his twin had been right, this was trickier than he'd thought. "You know she's not at her best when she gets up for a watch." He watched the appreciative grin spread across Alistair's face at the massive understatement. "I know she was concerned that you get it right away, and you'd already gone to bed when she and I talked."

Alistair nodded thoughtfully. "I'll be sure to thank her." He said quietly.

Cogburn nodded. "She'll like that." He looked at his twin's tent and then met Alistair's eyes. "I know she's not used to giving gifts to any man besides our family, so maybe she just wasn't sure what to say."

Alistair's face brightened in a grin. "That would make two of us. It's not like I've gotten a bevy of gifts in my life." He made a shooing motion with his hands. "Go on, get some rest. You'll be glad you did tomorrow."


	28. 28 Alistair

_Does any one know where the love of God goes_   
_when the waves turn the minutes to hours?_

 

Bandits, Darkspawn and wolves, oh my, Alistair quipped to himself as he swung his sword and bashed a genlock in the head with his shield. Maddie had left the main battle and was a slight distance away fighting a genlock emissary, a mage Darkspawn.

Finally managing to kill the last genlock he was fighting, Alistair began to run towards Maddie. She took a vicious spell that tore through her flesh just before her sword cut through the Darkspawn's neck.

"Maddie. Maddie!" Alistair sheathed his sword before he ran her through by mistake. She was staggering and fell to one knee as he reached her. "Where are you hit? Let me see!" Cogburn came at a full sprint, crashing to his knees next to his twin.

She pulled one hand away from where she'd wrapped her arm around her stomach and side, sticky with blood. "Not so bad I think." She grinned up at him before tilting a little sideways.

"Oh no. You're not leaving me." Grabbing her and lowering the suddenly fragile girl to the ground before she collapsed, Alistair pulled off his pack and pulled out bandages, his voice a near howl for Wynne and her healing magic. "Maker blast it Maddie, you're not leaving me today." His blood was a roar in his ears, his hands shaking as he pressed a wad of bandages to her side. On her other side he was conscious of Cogburn cursing violently, his usually steady hands shaking on the buckles of the girl's armor.

Wynne came, running as fast as a woman her advanced age could manage. Her hands glowed and she pressed her fingers into Maddie's blood. The curse that came out of her lips wasn't one Alistair had heard often, and never from a woman who could be his grandmother. "Get her armor off damn it. I can't heal her through steel and leather."

Cogburn's voice still held a curse though his words were mundane, "We're trying, her blood's all over it." His face, in the glimpse Alistair had of it, was a nightmare of pain and fury.

Alistair hurriedly unbuckled the studded leather, helping Cogburn peel it away from the stickiness of the blood soaking it and her tunic. Wynne made a gesture at Morrigan and then at Maddie's tunic. The witch rolled her eyes at Alistair and ripped the tunic down the middle, exposing the pearl white skin, three slashes over her ribs and the bloody wound at her side.

Maddie's white skin gleamed against his eyes though he looked away. Her breasts swelled against the band that contained them and the sudden chill pressed her nipples against the fabric; the bright red of the blood was obscene on her belly. Alistair backed away, averting his eyes, trying to respect her person if belatedly. If he never saw red again it would be too soon.

He stood and waited…and waited…it seemed like Ferelden slowed to a crawl around him as he waited. Behind him Alistair could hear Wynne's voice rise and fall in a rhythmic chant of healing, Morrigan tearing fabric and cursing under her breath. Cogburn's curses were much more audible interspersed with demands of his sister to wake. Sten and Zevran came to stand beside Alistair while Leliana began to open Maddie's pack and pulled out the warden's waterskin.

Alistair prayed. He hadn't prayed to the Maker in such desperation since Maddie had fallen at the Tower of Ishal. She was so dear…to them all, and important to their quest to stop the Blight, and wonderful and funny and sweet… His heart stopped. He was…oh Maker help him… he'd never felt like this… if this was…if he was… Alistair groaned, not even wanting to think the word, and Zevran put a hand on his shoulder, the elf trying to offer what little comfort he could. This was a complete disaster, Maddie would kill him if he…but she… Maker help him!

The senior Grey Warden set his jaw and his hand fisted unknowingly. They were friends. That was important. He'd just have to…woo her… slowly, carefully, with the utmost respect… and without making a total idiot of himself, that would be the hardest part Alistair admitted to himself ruefully. But then if he acted like his normal self…and just added a few… funny and hopefully romantic gestures…maybe he'd be able to tell whether or not she at least cared for him a little. And it would probably help if he could figure out just what it was that he felt. Attraction obviously, he'd have to be dead to not be attracted. Affection certainly, he'd challenge anyone to travel with such a woman and not feel affection toward her. Loyalty, trust, desire… the ex Templar stopped there, deeming it prudent to rein in his thoughts before he started hyperventilating. Alistair took a deep breath and hoped it didn't exhale as more of a sob. None of it would matter if she died today, two feet away from him, from a damn spell.

"Alistair." Her low voice was the most welcome sound she'd ever heard. He jerked around so quickly his neck made a cracking noise and blinked. Leliana was leading Wynne off to sit down and rest. Cogburn was holding her so Maddie could drink from the waterskin. Maddie was sitting up, her twin's arms supporting her, holding her tunic closed with bloody fingers. Morrigan was quickly stitching it shut until only a small tear at the throat and hem remained. Maddie's hands relaxed and she touched her side, wincing slightly.

He threw himself down beside her, forgetting for a moment that she was a lady and he was a bastard and they were both Grey Wardens. "You're...." Alistair's voice almost cracked. He looked at Morrigan and over at Wynne. "Thank you."

"Alistair." Maddie said his name again as Morrigan moved away. "I'm all right." Her tiny smile was the sweetest thing he'd ever seen. "I'm all right."

He took a deep breath and looked at her armor, blood inside it and out. "You know what a job it's going to be cleaning that armor? Did you do this on purpose so you can just get newer prettier armor?"

"Blast, you saw right through my masterful plan."

Her chuckle did more to reassure him than anything else, her twin was burying his smile in Maddie's hair. "Right. Well if you're through scaring me to death…"

"Alistair." The way she said his name warmed his skin and sent fire through his veins. Once again he was grateful for hardened armor. "I'm not leaving you today." Her grey eyes looked up into his and her hand covered his knuckles, stroking his skin for a bare moment. "I'm not leaving you tomorrow. I'm not leaving you."

The male Grey Warden took a deep breath. "I can't do this without you. Please don't get yourself killed."

"Allow me to second that plea." Cogburn's voice was rough with relief.

"I suppose if I did you wouldn't even let me have a glorious funeral you'd be so annoyed I'd left you to deal with all this by yourself." Maddie looked at her armor and wrinkled her nose. "I'll do my best to stay alive if you'll help me up and back into that disgusting armor."

"That I can do." Alistair could have sung his relief.


	29. 29 Maddie

_When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long_   
_and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong_   
_Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows_   
_lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose_

 

Alistair had taken her armor. Maddie found that a little strange but he and Zevran were cleaning all of her blood off of it. They couldn't afford new armor before they went off with Levi Dryden to reclaim Soldier's Peak so Alistair had determined that Zevran should make good on his offer to shine armor. A little smile tilted pink lips as Maddie affixed rabbits to a spit, the stew was bubbling but the extra rabbit would be good road food. Alistair was acting as if she were suddenly an invalid. He wouldn't let her carry firewood, clean her armor or set up her tent tonight. Instead he'd temporarily taken command and gotten Sten to fetch the wood, Rooster and Leliana to hunt the rabbits, he and Zevran to repair and clean the armor and Morrigan to work up another healing potion for Maddie to take. He'd talked Cogburn into making camp earlier in the day, as soon as they got a good distance away from the ambush point. What was worse was that her twin had agreed. Once they'd camped Cogburn had disappeared into the woods, presumably to hunt with Leliana and Rooster. They'd come back once already with game for the evening meal.

"If he treats me like any more of an invalid I'm going to show him how very not invalidish I am." Maddie muttered to herself. It was amusing but if this continued for more than a night she'd go mad from lack of occupation. There was only so much pouring over maps and treaties she could do before she wanted to hit something.

"Try to understand dear," Wynne's voice came from behind her as the mage joined Maddie in sitting on the log near the fire. "You gave the boys a terrible scare today. Wasn't the last time you fell in battle at Ostagar?"

"True." Maddie sighed. "But it's not like they haven't scared me half to death a few times with some of their wounds."

"But we're women dear, we expect things to go wrong. Men never seem to expect anything less than complete success." Wynne's tone was dry as bone as she took in the sight of Alistair and Zevran cleaning Maddie's armor.

Morrigan handed Maddie a flask of a bluish green liquid. "Their frail egos couldn't handle the thought of failure most likely." The witch rolled her eyes. "Drain that down and you'll feel much better. And then perhaps your foolish fellow Warden and your brother will stop worrying."

Maddie grimaced as she obeyed the witch. "As you command."

"That's the most sensible thing I've ever heard you say." Morrigan surprised her with a grin as she took back her flash and returned to her tent.

"Well dear if you'll give me a bit of that stew you've got near the fire I'll retire for the evening. It's been an eventful day." Wynne suited action to words and left Maddie alone by the fire again.

Maddie idly watched Zevran and Alistair working, it seemed they were almost done with the armor. It would be good to get back into her gear. Relaxing as it was to not carry the weight of the hardened leather and steel, it was a less than reassuring feeling when she was so conscious they were at war. She tugged at her tunic and sighed, staring into the fire. Even as a girl, she'd delighted more in following Fergus around, learning all the tricks a smaller warrior figures out to best larger fighters. Her mother had tried to civilize her and evenutally succeeded but even then Maddie had never longed for pretty dresses or jewels, even though she did know how to behave like a lady. Now…a pretty dress to entice someone's gaze and jewels to impress a handsome man were as far out of her reach as Highever.

A twig snapped in the fire and her mind jerked back to the present. Alistair was moving towards her, carrying armor so clean it the steel on it gleamed. Maddie leapt to her feet and eagerly took her boots. The look on his face was kindly indulgent as Alistair played the squire, holding each piece of armor out so she could buckle it on. Once her shoulder guards were strapped in place a huge sigh of relief escaped her.

Cogburn coming back out of the forest laughed aloud at the sight of Maddie practically petting her armor. Maddie sent Cogburn a glare when her twin began to move in her direction and he rolled his eyes at her before moving away to speak with Morrigan. Her twin was going to tease her unmercifully about Alistair when they changed watches, but talking to Alistair mostly alone would be worth it. Maddie smiled up at the Knight, hoping she could convey how much she appreciated what he'd done.

"I thought that might help." Alistair grinned. "And with this, I completely relinquish command of the camp back to you. Or your twin if you can get him to toss the coin again."

"Thanks sooo much." Maddie laughed and shook her head. She really did feel so much better with her armor on. Alistair seemed a bit nervous though… fumbling with his pouch and drawing something out of it.

He held it out to her. "Here, look at this. Do you know what this is?"

Maddie tilted her head. It was obviously a rose, a lovely deep red, just opening…but Alistair always seemed to like it when she was sarcastic. "Your new weapon of choice?"

He grinned appreciatively. "Yes, that's right. Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements. Feel my thorns, Darkspawn. I will overpower you with my rosy scent." He waved his arms wildly as if to drive off enemies with the flower.

More soberly he added. "Or you know; it could just be a rose. I know that's pretty dull in comparison." Alistair's blue eyes were dark with some hidden emotion as he looked at her.

"You've been thumbing that flower for a while now." Maddie observed quietly, remembering how Alistair would reach into his beltpouch while they were in camp, touching something and then close the pouch back up. It had been the rose, she realized.

He nodded, his eyes still serious and dark. "I picked it in Lothering. I remember thinking, "how could something so beautiful exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness?"

Alistair stroked the petals, his strong fingers gentle on the bloom. "I probably should have left it alone but I couldn't. The Darkspawn would come and their taint would just destroy it. So I've had it ever since."

Maddie shivered under her armor, feeling her entire body tighten as she watched his hands on the rose petals. If he ever touched her the way he was touching that rose she'd come apart at the seams. She was hopeless, afraid to care for him too much, and simultaneously desperate for him to care for her. "And what do you intend to do with it?" Her question came out a bit breathlessly.

His gaze turned a bit shy. "I thought that I might…give it to you, actually. In a lot of ways, I think the same thing when I look at you."

She couldn't help it, the words came out before she could bite her tongue; he looked so uncomfortable. Maddie always wanted to make him laugh when he looked uncomfortable. "Feeling a little thorny, are we?" Two seconds after the words came out of her mouth she could have kicked herself. What if he thought she didn't want it? What if he thought she was making fun of this wonderful sweet gesture? Maker! When would she ever learn?

Luckily Alistair took it with aplomb and humor; a chuckle escaped him. "Wow. 'She'll never see through that,' I told myself. Boy was I wrong." He grinned at her and Maddie relaxed slightly.

Hesitantly she reached out for the rose, her fingers touching his, wishing she could linger and prolong that contact a bit more, feel his skin against hers…even if it was only his fingertips against her palm. "Thank you Alistair that's a lovely thought." Maddie spoke as fervently as she could, hoping he would understand what his gift meant to her.

Alistair gave her another shy smile, and her heart seized in her chest. "I'm glad you like it. I was just thinking…here I am doing all this complaining, and you haven't exactly been having a good time of it yourself." His voice was gentle and sincere as he spoke and none of his usual humor leavened his words of their impact. "You've had none of the good experiences of being a Grey Warden since your Joining, not a word of thanks or congratulations. It's all been death and fighting and tragedy."

He hesitated for a moment but seemed encouraged by something in her expression, "I thought maybe I could say something. Tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this…darkness." Alistair's dark blue eyes gazed into hers, the connection heightening the effect his words had on her.

"I… feel the same way about you." Maddie murmured, staring up at him, feeling her heart thumping loudly in her chest, her entire body flushed with the need to connect with him, to somehow convince Alistair of how important he was to her.

"I'm glad you like it." Alistair smiled at her, prolonging that somehow intimate connection for a moment more. Then his eyes twinkled down at her and Maddie knew he was going to say something that would break the tension. "Now...if we could move right on past this awkward, embarrassing stage and get right to the steamy bits, I'd appreciate it."

The girl grinned back, a distinctly wicked gleam in her eyes. This was too good an opportunity to pass up. "Sounds good. Off with the armor then."

Her fellow Grey Warden gave a burst of laughter. "Bluff called! Damn. She saw right through me!" He shook his head in appreciation of her quick tongue.

"You're so cute when you're bashful." Maddie blurted the words out with a teasing grin before she lost her nerve. He was cute. And if he'd ever take off his damn armor she'd get a great look at the rest of him.

Alistair blinked in surprise and his face began to turn red. "I'll be…" he gave a nervous laugh. "I'll be standing over here…Until the blushing stops. Just to be, uh, safe. You know how it is." He hurriedly retreated until he was on the opposite side of the fire.

Maddie sighed and lifted the rose to her face, breathing in the scent once again.


	30. 30 Cogburn

_May it be an evening star,_   
_Shines down upon you._   
_May it be when darkness falls_   
_Your heart will be true_   
_You walk a lonely road_   
_Oh, how far you are from home_

His twin kept looking at Alistair and getting this silly smile on her face. Meanwhile, the Knight was having a very hard time not blushing every time Maddie sent him a smile. This went on all through dinner and during the discussion (i.e. coin toss) of who would take what watch.

Cogburn finally got a moment to talk with his twin after most of the camp had retired for the evening. Sten was taking first watch and Alistair had finally given in to the need for sleep before his watch. Maddie was looking over the treaties again, he could tell she was wondering if they should go to the elves next or the dwarves or deal with some of the other problems that had arisen in their journey. Certainly there were enough personalities in camp that everyone had something of an agenda.

Taking a seat next to Maddie as she began setting up the pot for the breakfast stew Cogburn nudged his twin. "So what's going on with you and our Grey Warden brother?"

"I could ask you the same question regarding you and Morrigan." Maddie slanted a teasing look at him. "She's gorgeous I'll grant you, so I don't need to ask what you see in her. But she doesn't seem encouraging."

"We aren't talking about me." Cogburn rolled his eyes as his twin gestured towards the sack of barley and handed it to her.

"I was." Maddie grinned at putting him on the spot as she liberally seeded the stew with barley.

"I was asking about you and Alistair." Cogburn reminded her.

His twin shook her head at him. "He's…sweet." Cogburn gave her a look and jerked his head at Alistair's tent. "All right…more than that…he gave me a rose. Told me I was a rare and beautiful treasure in these dark times."

"You're gone on him over that?" The Cousland male teased, careful to keep his voice low. "Mother paraded how many noble boys in front of you, all of whom praised your beauty, and a bastard Knight gives you a clumsy compliment and a rose and you're smitten?"

The sharp angry look Maddie gave him almost made him laugh. Maddie's temper was so easy to prick. She angered easily and forgave easily, unless it was something deeper, like Howe's treachery. Then his twin held to her grudge like a favored dagger, only to be released to kill someone. "He's different." Grey eyes stared into his for a moment. "He didn't know I'm a Cousland. And now that he knows…it doesn't seem to matter."

"That matters to you." Cogburn said quietly.

Maddie shot him a look that should have maimed him. "Every man paraded before me back in Highever praised my beauty and spirit, right up to the point where they saw I could use a sword. They didn't know me." She busied herself with the stew for a moment. "Alistair sees me, not the Cousland daughter, not a noblewoman. He sees me, likes me for me, appreciates that I'm strong enough to survive. He doesn't turn his nose up at me for handling steel or wearing armor."

Cogburn grinned. "Nice to have a lad like Alistair think you're pretty and still respect your skills?" He ducked his head as Maddie made to throw a potato at his head. She had more respect for food than to actually let the tuber fly, he noted. "So do you like him? Apart from how he looks? Don't think I missed the muttering about his armor, little sister."

Maddie sat back from the fire and looked at him. "All the boys that came to Highever….they never…never seemed real." She spread her hands in a gesture of helpless explanation. "Like they were made of sugar and would melt away like all their smiles and flattery." She stole a look at Alistair's tent. "When I first met him, he wasn't perfect and perfumed like them, he was actually a little messy, like he'd been running around and his first words weren't of my beauty or my lineage."

"He's real to you." Cogburn muttered, helping her tuck the unused supplies away. "I know he won't melt away, we've been rained on enough." He tilted his head at his twin. "But you didn't answer my question."

"He's not someone Mother would have picked, but I think Father would have liked him." Maddie whispered. "I'm…afraid to like him too well. There's so much that could go wrong. If I fall in love with him and lose him...I think it would break something in me. You know he'll have to be king if we want armies to defeat the Blight." The suddenly sharp look his twin sent at him made Cogburn feel pinioned. "And what about you and Morrigan? You spend a lot of time talking to her or Leliana. And don't think I've missed the fact that you're sleeping with the minstrel."

Cogburn couldn't help the grin that came to his lips. "Leliana is pretty, and religious…and I enjoy bedding her." He admitted, "If only to demonstrate to the Maker how little I value the divine." His grin widened as Maddie smacked his bicep with the back of her knuckles.

"I wondered, since we're neither of us overly devout." Her tone was dry as dust. "I just don't know how you stand listening to her. She's lovely to look at, but the constant talking and sanctimonious tone…gets on my nerves. How do you deal with that?"

Cogburn grinned at his twin, knowing what he was about to say would both shock and amuse her. "How do I tolerate her sanctimonious tone? She doesn't talk much when I'm with her. I tend to keep her mouth filled and when it's not, she's biting into the pillow trying not to be heard."

Maddie's porcelain skin turned pink even as she giggled, just as Cogburn had known would happen. "And Morrigan? She's…different…and don't think I'm unaware of her opinion of Alistair."

"No one in camp is unaware of Morrigan's opinion of Alistair." Cogburn nearly laughed at the memory of Morrigan and Alistair sniping at each other. "I'd tell them to go to bed just to cut the tension but that would have both of them and you ready to gut me."

Maddie almost giggled at the thought of Alistair's face at such a suggestion. "They'd both be horrified." She agreed. "So apart from her beauty, why are you spending so much time with Morrigan? I like her…she's interesting but I'd like to hear why you do."

Cogburn smiled faintly. "Maybe for the same reasons, or similar reasons to why you like Alistair." He shrugged. "She's the first woman I've met that makes me feel insignificant. Everyone else knew who I was, wanted something, or let me use them because of my family's name. To Morrigan, that means nothing."

He watched his twin nod. "It's not something she respects, a family name, because it's not earned." Maddie said quietly. "I think that's part of why I like her. She respects abilities, and intelligence, and more than intelligence the ability to think for yourself."

Cogburn grinned at his twin. "She's not an easy person to like…and it's not easy to get her to like you."

"And that's why we like her." Maddie nudged him with her shoulder. "Neither one of us like easy." She rolled her eyes at him. "Which is why I don't think it'll last with you and Leliana, especially since you’re making eyes at Morrigan."

"Mine's easier than yours…you're falling in love with the future king of Ferelden." Cogburn teased, ignoring the quip about his future with Leliana, mostly because he was pretty certain Maddie was right. "How will that work?"

Maddie sighed. "Maker only knows." She shook her head at him. "Yours doesn't believe in love." Her voice was dry.

"Aren't we a pair." Cogburn rolled his eyes at the heavens. "The last Couslands...two of three Grey Wardens in Ferelden, in a Blight, no major allies to speak of, and we're worrying about our love lives."

"Ah, well," Maddie shrugged. "I guess it just proves that we're as crazy as Mother and Father used to say."


	31. 31 Morrigan

_I am a poor wayfarin' stranger,_   
_Travelin' through this land of woe._   
_And there's no sickness, toil or danger,_   
_In that bright land to which I go._

_I know dark clouds will hover o'er me._   
_I know my pathway's rough and steep,_   
_But golden fields lie just before me,_   
_Where weary eyes no more shall weep._

 

Morrigan smiled as Cogburn dropped back to walk with her. Maddie had taken point and was scouting, Alistair was ahead of them walking with Wynne on one side and Zevran on the other. "Yes." She asked, part of her wondering what question he was going to ask now. Part of her attraction to the young rogue was how interested he was in everything around him, and interested in her life too, not just in bedding her. He'd even spoken with the chantry girl, and done more than spoken from some of the looks the girl gave him, and yet he still was interested in speaking with a Witch.

"I'd like to ask you something." Cogburn returned her smile.

Part of her was still delighted with the attention, even if he was bedding the red head. "So! Full of questions are you." Morrigan chuckled, watching as his eyes darkened with desire at the sound. It was an expression she'd begun to look for in his face after he'd kissed her, the fierce burn of need in his eyes had lingered even after the kiss had ended. That expression had consumed more of her thoughts than she'd cared to admit. Thinking back to when they'd first met and how that light had burned in his eyes even then, upon first seeing her.

"How did you become a shapechanger?" The male rogue asked quietly, mindful of the ears ahead of them.

Morrigan had wondered when this question would come up. "I was not born such. 'Tis a skill of Flemeth's taught over many years in the Wilds. The Chasind have tales of we witches, saying that we assume the forms of creatures to watch them from hiding. When a child is alone and separate from his tribe, that is when we strike, dragging the young boy kicking and screaming to our lair to be devoured. A most amusing legend." She slanted an amused glance at him.

He chuckled. "That does sound like something you'd do."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "O? I truly doubt that children would be worth the effort. They are filthy, smelly things full of tears and snot and trouble. That said, I cannot speak for the tastes of my mother. She has after all lived a very lengthy time in the Wilds and done many things I know nothing of." Morrigan tilted her head curiously. "Why do you ask? Is there something specific you wished to know?"

"I've never heard of magic like that before." Cogburn made it sound like a simple observation.

"No? 'Tis not unheard of, in the remote corners of the world. There are traditions of magic outside the Circle of Magi, despite what those mages would have you believe. Some of these traditions are old, indeed, passed down as carefully-guarded lore from one generation to the next." Morrigan explained dryly. "The zealots of the Chantry would uproot all such practitioners if they could, but as luck would have it some still exist. My mother is such a one."

Cogburn smiled, his expression seemed…fond, as if something pleased him. "That's good. Such traditions need to be preserved."

Morrigan knew her expression was shocked. "I am surprised you think so. Still, 'tis a pleasant thing to hear." She looked at the man out of the corner of her eye, skepticism still riding her features.

"That's all I wanted to ask." Cogburn was still smiling as if aware of exactly how surprised she was.

"Indeed? Have you an opinion on my abilities then?" Morrigan wondered sarcastically. "Am I an unnatural abomination to be put to the torch?"

Cogburn shook his head, his smile faded slightly, though his eyes were still warm as he looked at her. "I think your abilities sound quite useful."

Morrigan blinked. "Oh? You're simply full of surprises, little man, aren't you?"

The look she received for that remark was decidedly heated. "I'm no little man Morrigan, something I'm pleased to prove to you any evening."

"That is something best addressed in camp." Morrigan teased, grinning. "But enough of such talk; let us proceed, lest the dust gather on us." The witch kept her smile for half the afternoon as they walked, the feel of Cogburn's eyes on her was delicious.


	32. 32 Alistair

_all of the things that I want to say_   
_just aren't coming out right_   
_I'm tripping inwards_   
_you got my head spinning_   
_I don't know where to go from here_

_cause it's you and me and all of the people_   
_with nothing to do nothing to prove_   
_and it's you and me and all of the people_   
_and I don't know why_   
_I can't keep my eyes off of you_

 

It could have gone worse. Alistair told himself thinking back to the few nights ago when he'd given Maddie the rose. She hadn't thrown it back in his face after all. She'd said she felt the same about him as he did about her… Alistair moodily began to sharpen his sword. The only problem was that Maddie had no idea how he felt, other than that she was rare and precious. He'd done his best in that last few weeks of their travel to determine what it was he felt… and if this wasn't love then he was the most infatuated fool imaginable. But how to tell her… he couldn't just say it without any warning or buildup. Maddie would think he'd run mad.

He needed advice from a woman. Maybe he could ask Wynne. Cautiously he looked around. Cogburn was talking with Morrigan. Maddie was talking to Sten, from the look on the girls face the conversation was going about as well as all conversations did with Sten. That is to say, not well at all. Wynne was darning a sock as she sat on her bedroll. Trying to appear nonchalant Alistair made his way over to the elderly mages side.

"Wynne," the mage looked up when Alistair said her name, her sharp gaze curious. "Could I ask you a question?"

The circle mage smiled slightly. "I had many students in the tower. I'm accustomed to questions Alistair. Ask what you will."

The ex templar nodded and sat down nearby. "Soooo, what would you do if someone told you that they loved you?"

That surprised a chuckle out of the mage. "Check their eyesight first, perhaps. Is this someone I should know about?" She eyed the Grey Warden curiously.

Alistair shook his head. "No. I mean, pretend you're a woman..."

"I am a woman, Alistair. That shouldn't be too hard, but I'll give it a try." Her voice was dry as dust.

His hands rose in a gesture of frustration. "Ahhh, that's... not what I meant. Just... pretend you're another woman. And someone told you that they loved you. How would you react?" Having blurted out his dilemma Alistair eyed the mage anxiously.

Wynne shrugged expressively, "Well, that depends. Does this someone just blurt it out? Do I love them back? I need context." Her hands which had stilled, commenced their work again.

Alistair considered the question with a frown. "I... I don't know if you love them back. Maybe you do. You've... spent a lot of time with this person."

"Perhaps you need to wait for the right moment? You could get her alone in camp, give her a gift perhaps." Wynne's mouth twitched slightly as she spoke betraying her amusement.

"Oh, I wasn't talking about me... just... forget I said anything." Alistair stood and politely nodded to the older women before walking off. Unfortunately Wynne got the last word in, as the women of the camp tended to do.

"As you wish." Her chuckle followed him into the evening air.

 

* * *

 

Alistair regretted asking the mage anything even more the next morning. Walking at his accustomed place, slightly to the back and right of Maddie he noticed Wynne's smug smile a few paces to his left. She was so pleased with herself that as he recalled the prior evening Alistair couldn't help but be suspicious. "Why are you smiling like that? You look suspiciously like the cat who swallowed the pigeon."

"Canary." Wynne corrected him, no doubt from years of practice correcting students.

He shot her a slightly confused look. "What?"

Calmly she elaborated. "I look like the cat that swallowed the canary." The question and answer didn't change the older mages expression however, her smile only became wider.

Shaking his head Alistair disagreed. "I once had a very large cat, but that's not my point. My point is why are you smirking?"

Wynne chuckled, her expression wicked. "You were watching her. With great interest, I might add. In fact, I believe you were...enraptured."

His ears were going to start turning red at any moment. Alistair just knew it. "She's our leader. I look to her for guidance."

If possible the white haired mage became even more smug. "Oh, I see. So what guidance did you find in those swaying hips hmm?"

His face too, Maker help him if Maddie looked over at him he'd resemble a large armored tomato. "No no no, I wasn't looking at...you know her...hind-quarters."

Wynne wasn't buying his story. "Certainly."

It probably didn't help that he was near to stammering in his embarrassment. "I gazed...glanced, in that direction, maybe, but I wasn't staring...or really seeing anything even." Alistair darted a glance at Maddie who appeared to be in conversation with Morrigan at the moment. Cogburn, thank the Maker, had volunteered to scout the road ahead, so at least he couldn't overhear Wynne's teasing.

"Of course." Wynne smirked at him wickedly.

The Grey Warden groaned and prayed his blushes would fade before Maddie looked at him. "I hate you. You're a bad person."


	33. 33 Maddie

_When evening shadows and the stars appear_   
_And there is no one to dry your tears_   
_I could hold you for a million years_   
_To make you feel my love_

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet_   
_But I would never do you wrong_   
_I've known it from the moment that we met_   
_There's no doubt in my mind where you belong_

Morrigan sat down nearby Maddie and helped herself to the bread and stew the female Grey Warden had prepared. Maddie had noticed the witch had a preference for any food Maddie had prepared as opposed to Cogburn, Alistair, Sten or Leliana. Alistair's cooking was bad, Sten's worse and Leliana cooked what Morrigan termed 'rabbit food'. Cogburn's cooking didn't bear close scrutiny. If Zevran had cooked Morrigan would not eat the meal, simply nibbling on bread.

The girl smiled slightly to herself as she remembered Alistair watching her cook, his remarks over her lack of patriotism as her methods differed from traditional Fereldon food preparation. Alistair was convinced that the Fereldon method to preparing food was to throw everything in one pot and cook it until it was a uniform grey color, then it was ready to be consumed. Maddie had heard him explaining this to Leliana after the bard had questioned him regarding a lamb and pea soup.

In that light Morrigan's preference for Maddie's cooking wasn't at all unnatural. The Grey Warden handed the witch a hunk of cheese. "Before Alistair gobbles it all down." Maddie smiled. "Otherwise you might have none at all, and it's not bad with the stew."

"I wonder that you can tolerate his company for longer than five minute intervals." Morrigan remarked. "His willful ignorance and naïveté concerning the world around him must certainly be grating to an intelligent woman such as yourself."

Maddie blinked. "That's a rather…personal observation." She kept her voice as even as possible, "I thought you were unconcerned with my choices."

"In the time I have known you Madelaina Cousland, you have shown a preference for the company of a buffoon, invited an Orlesian bard and murderous Qunari to join us, allowed a Circle mage to follow you and granted asylum to an Antivan assassin." Morrigan replied in her customary sharp tones. "I find your choices extraordinary and mad, following no reason or logic I can conceive of."

"Hmm… this conversation is taking a turn for the worse, and I notice you credit my twin with none of the responsibility for these decisions even though he agreed with every one of them and would have implemented more than a few of them himself." Maddie shrugged. "Zevran will be useful, especially if all else fails and we need to do something…extreme in order to defeat Loghain. I have no doubt he'd be able to invade the castle at Denerim and take at least one of us with him." She ticked their companions off on her fingers. "Wynne is a healer and was also at Ostagar. I know she's good in a fight or she wouldn't have survived this long. She's also useful especially when one of us is gravely injured." Another finger flicked downward. "Sten is a Qunari warrior and I have rarely seen his equal in battle. Even you, with your antipathy for battle arts, must admit Sten is worthy of our company and perhaps he will find the answers he seeks with us." Only two fingers remained. "Leliana is stealthy, charming and a marvelous distraction to anyone who seeks to oppose us. I'm not overly religious but she speaks the language of the chantry without any sarcasm and is helpful when we're dealing with Reverend Mothers."

One finger remained. "I don't find Alistair to be a buffoon." Grey eyes remained steady as they gazed into Morrigan's green orbs. "He is unfailingly kind and courteous when we speak, a companion whose constancy I need never doubt. His motivations need never be questioned." Maddie's eyes dimmed and her gaze faltered slightly for a moment. Morrigan nearly smiled, scenting a weakness until the girl looked back at her with conviction blazing on her face. The reason for her hesitation was proven in her next words. "My father… my father had a saying, he used it rarely, for not often did he find anyone worth praise out of the ordinary. He would say 'his strength is the strength of ten, because his heart is pure'."

Morrigan's lips twisted in derision. "Your father sounds overly sentimental, much as you loved him." She shook her head. "Ones measure of strength has nothing to do with the purity of ones motivations."

Maddie's eyebrows rose skeptically. "You would call my father impractical? He was the most practical man I knew." She shrugged, "you didn't know him, so I don't expect you to understand." The slight girl picked up a stick and prodded the fire slightly around the stew pot. "But if you can take nothing else of understanding from this conversation, you might take this. Everyone we've gathered will be fighting the Blight and the Archdemon, directly or indirectly. My twin and I agree; we want as much strength as we can gather. That includes a witch of the wilds, whose motivations are also suspect."

"You would hoist me on my own petard." Morrigan laughed quietly. "You are more clever and ruthless than you led any of us to believe."

"I can be," Maddie said quietly, "When I must be. I am a Cousland."

"You say your family name as if it should have some special meaning for me." Morrigan replied lightly. "I have no knowledge of your family's history."

Alistair's voice came out of the darkness as he moved towards the fire, aiming for his dinner. "She's talking about the Cousland family motto." His expression was the mildest Maddie had ever seen when the ex-Templar was in conversation with the witch.

"Again, you speak of things of which I know naught." Morrigan's tone regained some of its asperity.

Alistair took a seat near Maddie before the fire and offered his fellow grey warden a bit of cheese before cutting off a large chunk for himself. Blue eyes flickered over the delicate looking girl who suddenly found the stewpot immensely interesting. "Maddie." He prompted her. "'Tis your family. 'Tis you who should speak it."

A sigh escaped her. "In the past few months I've really come to dislike it, because it seems like that's all we do. The luxury of choice escapes me." Maddie looked at Alistair and then returned her gaze to Morrigan. "The Cousland family motto is, 'We do what must be done'."

Alistair smiled slightly, his words obviously meant as a comfort. "You aren't as ruthless as you think. A more ruthless woman would have killed Zevran, maybe left Sten to rot, no matter how useful they might potentially be."

"I agree." Morrigan surprised them both. "You are less practical and hardhearted than I could like, and you are certainly no abomination in Grey Warden's armor. Your family motto suits you. But were you truly ruthless you would have simply killed the woman or the child at Redcliffe, rather than journeying to the Circle and then sending me into the Fade in order to save them both." The witch rose. "You could do far worse than our companions."

Alistair watched her go and turned to Maddie with a quizzical expression. "She forgot to exclude me from that statement." He paused for a moment as if thinking. "You don't think she's becoming ill do you?"

"I heard that!" Morrigan's voice snapped across the camp.

"I think we can safely say that Morrigan is feeling fine." Maddie smiled as she broke off a piece of bread, handing it to Alistair.

"I couldn't help but overhear…" Alistair began delicately, his gaze avoiding hers as he dished up a bowl of stew and handed it to her. "What did you mean?"

Maddie almost rolled her eyes at him. "Could you be a touch more specific? What did you overhear that piques your curiosity?" She took the bowl looked at it and with a smile handed it back to him.

"Eat it." He handed it back to her. "We'll have to talk about how much Grey Wardens should eat another time, for now just trust me." Alistair ladled up another bowlful for himself and took a hearty bite. Swallowing he went back to their prior discussion. "Uh…the bit about 'his strength is the strength of ten because his heart is pure', is what really confused me." His dark blue eyes gleamed wickedly. "I don't think I have a pure heart."

"Oh? We should talk about that lack of purity sometime." Maddie smiled teasingly, wishing she could convince Alistair of how magnificent he was. Strong, kind, courteous and intelligent, clever and good, he didn't seem to see any of those things in himself. Her expression grew reflective as she began to explain what she meant. "My father, when he said it…usually was referring to clarity of character, virtue or purpose." Her eyes grew distant and melancholy as if she were seeing a different thing before her than the fire. "Before Howe betrayed us…before the battle…I had the chance to speak with him. I asked about the Grey Wardens, what if had Duncan wished to test me. Father told me that if there truly was a Blight, that we would all have to do our duty. And it might be that the Grey Wardens were mine."

"Its good you were able to talk with him like that before…" Alistair's voice was soft, comforting to her ears. "Does it help to know that he would have approved?"

Maddie chuckled. "He didn't want to see any of us off to war, but he was a Cousland. He knew I could be called, just as he was, just as Fergus was. But yes…it does help to know he knew I was curious, interested in the Grey Wardens, and didn't disapprove of it." She turned and looked directly into Alistair's eyes. "The last time he used that phrase, that high praise…was when he was describing Duncan."

"That's…" Alistair's voice broke and he hurriedly put some stew in his mouth, swallowing hastily to disguise his grief. "Its good to know Teyrn Cousland thought so highly of Duncan."

"As Teyrn Cousland's daughter thinks very highly of you." Maddie handed him a piece of bread to sop up the broth of his stew. "I am hard pressed to recall a man of whom I think more highly."

"Ah…well you're young yet, right?" Alistair joked, the tips of his ears turning red. "You'll learn what a bastard I am eventually."

Maddie tilted her head thoughtfully, her pale gaze examining his face. "You already told me you were a bastard. And I still think highly of you." She made a moué of her lips. "I wish you would take me seriously. You never let me praise you without laughing away my words."

"I…uh…" Alistair seemed taken aback by her sudden change in mood. "Maddie…I'm sorry."

She shook her head, sighing a bit as she rose to take her place on the watch. "It's not your fault." The girl shrugged. "I'll talk to you later Alistair."


	34. 34 Cogburn

_There's a calm surrender to the rush of day_   
_When the heat of a rolling world can be turned away_   
_An enchanted moment, and it sees me through_   
_It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you_

Most of the camp was dark. Sten was on watch, and the main fire was low with the pot of porridge half buried in the coals before Cogburn made his way over to Morrigan's ten. He'd watched Morrigan talking with his twin during their meal and enjoyed the way the two women looked talking together, their faces animated. Alistair joining them had prompted Morrigan to leave after a while but Cogburn hadn't been able to join the witch then, as he'd been speaking with Leliana at the time. Morrigan always seemed to hear him just before he arrived within her circle of firelight. Her voice sounded quietly through the darkness.

"'Tis cold in my tent, all alone."

Cogburn grinned as he stepped into the ring of firelight and moved closer to Morrigan. "Well we can't have that."

"So you shall come to my tent? But whatever shall we do in that tiny little space together while we wait for it to warm?" Morrigan smiled up at him, her green eyes teasing as she gestured towards the canvas walls.

"I'm sure I'll think of something." The rogue set his hands on Morrigan's waist, sliding his palms over her back and drawing her closer to him.

"Good. Then let us waste no more time with foolish talk." Morrigan stepped back, drawing him into her tent.

That was an idea that he could agree with; given Morrigan's nature actions spoke louder than words. Within the twilight of her shelter Cogburn reached for her again, his hands drawing her closer until she was pressed against his body, no book between them this time. Then he took her mouth, devouring, feeling her response, the passion that burned inside her. Her lips were hungry against his, sweet and hot.

Morrigan moaned into his mouth, the sound further firing his blood as her hands moved on his chest, pulling at his armor. Cogburn pulled his mouth from hers to curse briefly and began to unbuckle his armor. Morrigan's chuckle sent heat straight to his groin and she let go of him to strip off her own clothing. The sight of her pulling off her robes and revealing every bit of pale skin had him reaching new heights of manual dexterity. Doubtless he'd have a time straightening everything out to don it again but at the moment, precision wasn't his concern.

Finally they were both naked in the dim light, and she reached for him with a smile enticing in its female smugness. Her hands stroked his cock while her lips found his again. Cogburn groaned into her mouth and his hands gripped her hips and slid to her bottom, squeezing and pulling her body closer. Morrigan didn't quite squeak in surprise but the little sound echoed in his head and he pulled his mouth from hers to bend his head to her breasts. Maker he'd lost track of how often he'd fantasized getting his hands on her breasts, the sounds she'd make, how damp and hot she'd be when he was done sucking on her.

The moan that rose in her throat was demanding and he nearly smiled around her nipple. Her hand hadn't left his cock, and his member jerked in her hand at the sound. Cogburn groaned against her skin as her fingers seemed to drive him mad, her mouth was on his neck and shoulder, like fire. He needed…it was insane how he needed her right now.

He slid a hand from her sweet ass to her thigh and cupped her mound, Maker she was hot, her skin felt as if she was burning beneath the dark curls that covered her. Greed overtook him and Cogburn slid his fingers inside her sheath, feeling her walls squeeze and pull at his fingers. Morrigan sagged in his arms and it was Cogburn's turn to smile smugly. He took a moment to be grateful he was strong enough to hold her before his thumb found her clit and he slid his fingers in and out of her.

The moan in her throat was a demanding cry of his name, drawn out to a near wail as she shuddered, the walls of her sheath greedily clamping around his fingers as she came in his arms. Lowering her to the bedroll, Cogburn knelt between her thighs and lay over her, his cock pressing against her mound. Her arms wrapped around his upper body, trying to pull him down to her. His chuckle was wicked as he bent to her breasts again. "No, I like a lady to go first." He murmured before his lips closed around her nipple.

The feel of her writhing under him as he sucked hard on her tits, her thighs spread and ready for him, was like nothing else in the world. Morrigan was moaning under him, her hands caressing his chest and her legs wrapping around his hips in a vain attempt to provoke him into entering her. Finally Cogburn lifted his head from her breasts and rose over her, his mouth fusing to her lips as their bodies joined. Her cry of need and satisfaction as his cock slid home, filling her tight sheath filled his head and he couldn't help groaning into her mouth. She felt so good, so right around him, hot and tight and so wet he could fuck her all night.

"I will," He muttered into her ear, gasping as he rotated his hips against hers, her moan filling the air around him. "I will fuck you all night, keep you coming around me all night Morrigan." He felt her shudder slightly as his words penetrated her desire fogged mind and she arched her back, pressing her hips to his.

"Do it." She hissed the words out. "Yes," Her body started shuddering around him and her voice rose in a wordless cry of delight.

Cogburn's hands grasped her hips, holding her hard under him, keeping her still as his hips pounded into hers, her sheath gripping his cock as it thrust into her, her pleasure built as he fucked through her orgasm, driving her further into pleasure as he approached his own.

"Yes," Morrigan's voice was like a hot breeze over his skin. "Cogburn, yes." He could feel the heat building inside her, every stroke and plunge of his cock stoking the fire.

His hands slid beneath her body, gripping her cheeks and pulling her closer, her legs wound around his hips, her arms pulling his chest down to hers. Her breasts were full and her nipples tight and hard, pressing to his chest, her body a lush warm delight. His lips found hers and Cogburn groaned into their kiss, unable to stop moving. They were wound around each other, hips pressing madly together, until Morrigan's body began to shudder, her breath coming in hot gasps.

She felt perfect around him. Cogburn couldn't stop, she was coming in hot waves of silky honey, her sheath tight like a silk fist around him. Groaning into her mouth he slammed into her, deeper and deeper, harder, harder, until it felt as if he'd cum blood. He couldn't help it, it was if he had to keep moving, had to thrust deeper into her. The explosion of pleasure was so exquisite it was almost pain as it blew through him. He felt his seed burst through him, as if Morrigan's pleasure was pulling it straight from his balls and drawing her name from his lips in long moan. Cogburn could feel Morrigan exploding around him, every muscle tightened in ecstasy and limp in release as if his seed had triggered a deeper explosion within her.

She was still wound around him, though her eyelids had fluttered shut. Cogburn smiled, aware his face was smug with satisfaction as he shifted over her. Her moan and tightening of her limbs around him spoke more of her enjoyment of their activity than a reluctance to move. That was fine with him. He'd nearly threatened her with fucking all night and he'd like to make good on that threat/promise. He grinned then and began dropping kisses on her face and neck, moving down to her breasts, and surprising another moan from her lips.

Feeling his cock hardening inside her Morrigan's eyes flickered open and she almost purred. Cogburn felt her tighten her body around him experimentally and hoped his eyes didn't roll back in his head at the erotic sensation. "I said all night." He murmured, tasting the skin, tender at the base of her neck. "I hope you enjoy men who keep their word."

Her arms slid from his back to stroke over his shoulders, neck and scalp. "I suppose since I agreed I shall have to live with the consequences." Her voice was an amused drawl.

Cogburn grinned down at her wickedly and pulled away, their bodies parting and drawing a moan of protest from the witch. His hands were quick on her hips and before she could protest he had Morrigan turned over on her stomach. Before she could even rise to her knees the rogue parted her thighs, his hands spreading her apart. Her breath was coming quicker, he could hear her soft panting, excitement and need filling her again.

It was a wonderful position to be in, especially with a powerful woman like Morrigan, something to be savored as he knelt between her thighs. Sliding his hands under her hips and slowly pulling her up so her position imitated his, his hands cupping her breasts, squeezing and pinching the nipples until her head was thrown back and cradled against his shoulder and neck. "And now I'll have you slowly Morrigan." He murmured into her ear, his tongue touching the soft curve. "I want to feel every tremble of desire, fuck you until we're both desperate for it again."

His cock was nestled between her cheeks, getting harder by the second as she shuddered under his hands. Her arms were at her side, hands caressing his thighs. Cogburn slid one hand down to her hip and between her thighs. She was dripping with need, her clit swollen between her nether lips, ready for his tugging fingers.

His fingers on her clit drew a shudder from Morrigan and a low moan from her lips. Tugging and stroking on the swollen bud while he played with her breasts and gently bit at the tender skin at her nape Cogburn felt every shiver and quake of need chase over her body. Her ass pressed against his groin, his cock throbbing and hard as a sword between her cheeks. "Come for me Morrigan." He whispered into her ear. "Show me." He felt her thighs splay further apart as she sought more of his touch.

"Fuck me Cogburn." Her voice was a hiss of desire and demand.

"Come for me first." His fingers danced over her clit, stroking and tugging the sensitive flesh. He could feel her thighs straining, her muscles winding tighter and tighter as she sought her pleasure. "I want to feel you come from my fingers Morrigan." His teeth nipped her earlobe, sucking gently one moment, teeth on her delicate skin the next.

Her breathing grew harsh in her throat, her back arching, thrusting her breasts up to his hand. He couldn't help but smile against her neck as he began tugging and stroking her nipples in the same way he fondled her clit. She was ripe for it, he could feel her entire body straining in need.

Cogburn pulled his fingers away from her clit, ignoring her gasp of protest to position his aching cock between her thighs. Now he could feel her juices damp on his shaft, readying his body for hers, her soft flesh hot against his cock. "When you come, I'll fuck you good and hard Morrigan, I promise." He moved his hips, rubbing the length of his shaft under her pouting nether lips as he returned his fingers to her clit. "Come for me."

Morrigan's hands fell between her thighs, to his cock, stroking his flesh and drawing a groan from his throat. "Cogburn, fuck me." She demanded.

He took himself in hand, rubbing his cock over her clit, teasing her. "I want to feel you come over me Morrigan." He whispered. "I told you, I want us both desperate for it again." He felt her shudder as he released his cock and put his fingers to her clit again.

The little bud was so hot and swollen under his fingertips his touch drew a cry of need from her throat. She was wet and slick under his fingers. Determined now to make her come Cogburn pressed his lips to her neck, nibbling on her pulse, his hand on her breasts pressing her back against him and his fingers stroking and pulling her clit rhythmically. Her breath came quickly now, her hands clutching at his thighs as her head strained up to his neck, her mouth pressing to his throat. Cogburn could feel her lips and tongue kissing his throat as she would his lips.

She was trying to move her hips now, to thrust her clit against his fingers, moaning and undulating in search of her pleasure. Cogburn found himself holding her tightly, loving how she felt as she moved against him. He surrounded her clit with his fingers and stroked the little bud from every side, pulling back and forth. Her moans turned to soft cries of need and desire, hot on his neck and he felt her body begin to shudder and stiffen against him.

"Come for me Morrigan." He growled the words out, his teeth nipping at her shoulder and neck. She nearly screamed as she bucked up against his hand, her clit throbbing under his fingers and honey soaking his shaft as she tried to tighten her thighs around his hand. One more stroke and a cry burst from her throat and she sagged back against his body.

Cogburn twisted his hips and drove his cock up and deep into her tight clinging sheath. "Yes." He groaned. "Now…again." He used his fingers on her clit and felt her body clench around him. Morrigan's hands gripped his thighs and he felt her pressing down on his cock. She was hot and wet and soon moving in unison with him, her body slamming down as his cock thrust up, their flesh slapping together. Keeping his fingers on her clit and breast the rogue could feel every shudder of pleasure, inner and outer, as Morrigan met him stroke for stroke. Pulling on that hot bundle of flesh now and then or tweaking her nipples would send a fresh orgasm through her body and she'd cry out as he fucked her right through it.

Finally he began to pull on her clit with every stroke up, slowing down until she moaned for him to finish it. Cogburn kept his fingers on her clit but moved his other hand from her breasts to her hip and pressed down hard, forcing his cock deeper up into her body. Bending her forward so she balanced on her hands and knees he finally had to release her clit. He could keep his hands on her hips, or play with her tits as they swayed with every stroke of his cock. Her thighs were spread nice and wide for him, he could fuck her nice and deep.

His beautiful witch moaned under him as he stopped and bent over her. "Put your fingers on your clit Morrigan." He whispered. "Let me play with those pretty tits of yours while I fuck you."

She shook her head, trying to press back against him, her sheath a hot fist around his cock. "Have to move." Morrigan gasped out. "Can't touch and…"

He slid his hands up to her breasts, palming them and using his fingers to pull harder on her nipples, feeling her body tighten deliciously around his cock when he did. "Touch your clit Morrigan…I'll fuck you good and hard I promise." He could feel when she did as she asked, her entire body began to strain for release.

Cogburn groaned as he began to slide deeply, thoroughly in and out of Morrigan's sheath. Her breasts were swollen in his hands, and he could feel her fingers moving frantically between her thighs. Her breath came in moans as she came around his cock again and still he kept his leisurely pace. Every time he pressed forward he could feel Morrigan shuddering under him, and each time he pulled back her body clutched at him to stay. For as long as he could he maintained that pace, feeling his lover coming under her hand, around his straining cock.

The rogue could feel Morrigan's body straining, every muscle tense with need for her final release. Each tiny shudder, all the small climaxes from her fingers simply wetted her appetite for satisfaction. She was hungry for more, no matter what small desire was quenched, she needed more. "Shall I do it now?" He whispered, his hands still pulling at her breasts, fingers pulling her nipples a bit harder. "I'll pound you into the bedroll, until you're screaming your climax into your quilts Morrigan…or should I go slowly." He pulled almost all the way out of her, only the head of his cock surrounded by her hot cunt.

"Now." Morrigan tried to press back onto him but her position afforded her no leverage for her need. "Fuck me hard, come in me now Cogburn." She moaned her demand.

He almost chuckled, in one of the most submissive positions a woman could be in, fucked like a hound in a kennel and his witch still managed to sound as if she commanded him. His touch on her tits gentled teasingly, fingers stroking like ghosts over her damp hot flesh. "Are you sure?" He murmured, "maybe I should go slower, more gently."

"No." Morrigan almost pulled away entirely, as if she would turn and mount him, but his hands on her breasts tightened firmly.

Cogburn squeezed her tits firmly, roughly and thrust into her tight body as hard as he could, drawing a gasping scream from her lips. Then he did just as he'd promised. Even with his hands holding her tits Morrigan was forced forward, supported by her forearms and elbows. He had to let go of her breasts then, and his fingers dug into the flesh of her hips as he fucked her harder.

She was so good and wet. Cogburn groaned, feeling how wet she was, ready for him to pound him even harder. The angle of her hips forced his cock to hit every sensitive place in her cunt and he could feel how it affected her body. Her legs were trembling as her body strained for her pleasure. She'd slid one hand between her thighs, pulling hard on her clit while the other pulled at her nipples. "Morrigan… come for me." He groaned. "You feel…so…" He could feel her readying herself, that strain tensing, stiffening, and he thrust harder, deeper.

"Yes!" He heard her scream into the quilt barely louder than his groan of desperate need as he began to plow her body. Cogburn heard himself panting, heard his flesh slapping into hers as he lost control. Deeper, deeper, hard…Maker, he was… she was screaming into the quilts, her voice pulling him deeper as she came around him, walls pulsing and dragging him into her, the mouth of her womb clamping around the head of his cock as his seed shot forth, hitting her hungry cunt in a torrent of hot sticky fluids.

He sighed as he fell forward, barely correcting his trajectory so he didn't crush her. She rolled with him, their bodies remaining joined for a moment longer before he slipped from her body.

Morrigan chuckled low in her throat and the sound swept over his skin like a cool breeze. "I'll require a slight respite if you don't mind."

Cogburn chuckled and slid his hand over her hip in an absent caress. "Well, at least a few minutes between rounds." He gathered her to him and let his hands wander over her skin while he recovered.

It was near dawn before they'd done with each other. Morrigan had demanded her turn on top of him and ridden him near dry before the night was over. Cogburn found himself hoping they would repeat the experience; he hadn't had near his fill of her. When they were dressing, something that was taking him longer than normal due to his earlier haste Morrigan began to drop hints that she wasn't done with him either.

"I see the stories they tell of Grey Warden endurance are not exaggerated." She remarked as she pulled her skirt on.

"Oh?" The rogue tilted his head, looking at her curiously before directing his gaze back at his twisted armor straps. "There are stories?"

The witch chuckled, the sound half arousing him again. "Indeed there are. The unanswered question, of course, is whether the endurance exists because of the taint within you or because the Grey Wardens are by nature so very…healthy. I enjoy the thought that 'tis a little of both. Natural prowess driven by a darker side."

Cogburn slanted a glance down at his groin; half roused just by her laughter and decided to ask the question. "Was this a one time thing?"

His answer was a shrug. When he simply regarded her patiently Morrigan gave him a real answer. "That is entirely up to you. Simply know that I have no designs on your independence. I wish only to do what I desire, and if that coincides with what you desire…then so be it. And should you decide not to continue our…misadventure, then so be it. Very simple, is it not?"

Cogburn rose, his armor finally in place and put his hands on her hips, pulling her close and kissing her with a passion that would remind his witch of how enjoyable he could be in her bed. "I can live with that."

Morrigan kissed him back and when they exited her tent had a mischievous smile on her face. "Then we should get along marvelously." She chuckled again, making Cogburn wonder if she was aware of how it affected him. "Come, then. Let us be off before the others begin to stare."


	35. 35 Alistair

_Restless tonight_   
_Cause I wasted the light_   
_Between both these times_   
_I drew a really thin line_   
_It's nothing I planned_   
_And not that I can_   
_But you should be mine_   
_Across that line_

Every time he closed his eyes he could see her skin. Alistair stifled a groan as he turned on his side, Maker be praised he was at least in his tent. His condition would be even more awkward in full view of Sten or Zevran, or worse, Maddie. He was fast coming to believe that the Maker had cursed men with unruly desire ever since Andraste's husband had betrayed her. Certainly his interest in his fellow Grey Warden could not be more inconvenient. Wearing armor, while an excellent disguise, could also become damn uncomfortable.

It was getting worse too. It used to be only before he slept or in dreams that he'd remember the sight of her body as Morrigan tore through her tunic, how pale her skin was, then length of her legs and the sight of her breasts pressing up against the fabric. Lately it seemed he could not look at Maddie without wanting to kiss her or touch a hand to that soft flesh. Maker help him he was becoming obsessed with her hair, wanting to take the rings out of the tiny braids and run his fingers through the silvery blonde strands.

He knew Maddie and Cogburn thought the only dream the demon had given him had been of his sister and her children, of being a family. But that had been the dream he’d believed, rather than the dream he’d nearly broken. The first dream the demon had given him, Alistair had known it was a dream, without a doubt, because it was entirely impossible. That it was so unlikely to actually occur did nothing to prevent him from remembering. Perhaps it was his templar training, or perhaps because the dream was something he’d desired so desperately, but he remembered every moment of it.

He and Maddie had been sitting together, not at Highever or Redcliffe or any other exotic locale, just sitting together by the fire. Cogburn and Morrigan had been on the other side of camp, but he hadn’t seen anyone else. Maddie had slid her hand into his, twined her fingers around his and pressed her lips to the back of his hand. In the dream, her lips had been soft as rose petals and he’d gasped in surprise. She’d reached up with her other hand and gently pulled his head down, pressing those soft lips to his. He’d been quite shocked by her actions and his attempt to talk with her had been met with a simple finger over his lips, shushing him, and another kiss. The dream had led him to laying with her by the fire, clothed in only their breeches and tunics, kissing and cuddling, Maddie’s hands encouraging his to touch her in all the places that drew and fascinated him. And then she’d asked him to be with her, to make love with her…and as wonderful as it sounded, her words had been like a bucket of ice water.

Because Maddie, his Maddie, would never do such a thing after only one evening of kisses; and not out in the open where her twin might see them, his Maddie was sweet and kind and understanding of his blushing though she teased him. A true lady, who wouldn’t ask such a thing of him without suggesting her tent or his as a location, or only when they were completely alone. And then that dream had been over, and he’d been in Goldanna’s cottage, telling her about Duncan and Maddie and Cogburn. And the twins had walked in and they’d woken him from that dream as well.

There were a million questions in his mind each driving him mad speculating on the answer. Were her lips as soft and sweet as they looked? How would the white of her skin look under his hands? Would her eyes grow brighter with a passionate kiss or would they darken with desire? How would she taste? Could he ever make her want him as badly as he wanted her? How would she sound if he kissed her neck? How would it feel to have her hands touching his skin instead of his armor? Would she ever want to kiss him? Did she have any idea how important she was to him? How much he cared for her and needed her? The memories of the Fade dream gave him those answers but they weren’t real, and were obviously suspect, so the questions drove him mad with the memory as well as supposition.

Alistair's eyes popped open and he cursed. He would never get any sleep thinking of this. It was pathetic that a grown man couldn't control his thoughts any better than this. Even the vaunted Templar training did no good against thoughts of touching or kissing Maddie. Cursing to himself he started to buckle on his armor. If he couldn't sleep he could at least stand watch and let someone else get some rest.

Exiting his tent as quietly as he could in deference to the other members of the company who were actually sleeping Alistair nearly cursed again. Standing in the moonlight, her back to the fire and the camp, was the object of his desire. Maddie was staring into the darkness, her Mabari hound Rooster asleep at her feet. She turned as Alistair neared her position and a smile curved her lips.

"Couldn't sleep." Alistair shrugged as he joined her. "Thought I might as well take over the watch and let someone else get some rest."

"That's kind of you Alistair, I was actually thinking I might wake someone and see if they would finish my shift. I feel like I've cobwebs in my brain I'm so tired." Maddie slipped her hand from her pouch back to her side and gestured towards the darkness outside of camp. "If you don't mind I'll sit with you for a little while before I turn in. It's been fairly quiet. I haven't even heard much of the wildlife moving around."

"No doubt the fire keeps any animals away." He shifted slightly, settling his armor into place and looked at her seriously. "Would you mind if I asked you a question?"

"It seems only fair, I've asked you enough things during our time together." Maddie tilted her head indicating the ground. "Would you like to sit?"

He shook his head as he joined her on the ground. "This will sound stupid… I know, big change when it comes to me right?" His lips jerked in a grin. "But I was wondering… what was your life like…when you weren't a Grey Warden?"

Maddie smiled a bit sadly but humor touched her eyes. "It was often frustrating. I was loved…I always knew my parents loved me. But I was the younger child and in some ways still considered too young for any serious undertaking." She rolled her eyes up at Alistair as she sat down on the grass and waited for him to join her. "Except for marriage. That was something my mother started working on when I was sixteen."

"So you had suitors then?" Alistair shook his head in wonderment as he took a seat next to her.

"Why the puzzled look?" Maddie's eyes narrowed at him. "Is that so strange a thought? That someone might have wanted to marry me?" Her tone and expression gave Alistair to understand that the wrong answer would mean his doom.

"I find it stranger that you did not have suitors by the dozen." Alistair offered quickly, his hands spread in the universal gesture of peace. "You're soo…" he shook his head. "I was just trying to picture you at sixteen, in a gown, acting the demure lady awaiting a man's attention."

The girl's expression eased somewhat but it was clear she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. "I'll admit I didn't do that demure lady part so well. Though sometimes wearing a gown and jewels could be fun." She admitted finally. "And I didn't have suitors by the dozen."

"I still find that hard to believe." Alistair shook his head. "You're… well… you're so alive and…beautiful… and then you're Teyrn Cousland's daughter… you should have been beating off suitors with a stick." Maddie laughed low in her throat, oblivious to the effect it had on Alistair's anatomy. He took a deep breath trying to relax every muscle that had tightened at the sound.

"I wasn't interested in men who wanted Teyrn Cousland's daughter." A tired sigh escaped her lips. "I was told I was beautiful, perfect, a wondrous creature, and any other ridiculous hyperbolic comparison you could conceive. And no one interested me. No one wanted, loved, me; they wanted the Teyrn's only daughter."

"No one?" Alistair couldn't believe that. "Were all those men so stupid?"

The girl shrugged wearily. "Once they learned I had skills with a dagger or sword they weren't as interested. Beauty must evaporate at the touch of blade and armor. It seemed I wasn't feminine enough for them."

"And that put paid to their attentions?" Alistair chuckled appreciatively. "More fools they."

Maddie shrugged. "So my suitors did not usually last long." Her brow furrowed. "My mother was careful at first to not leave me alone with anyone but later she didn't worry. I think my father told her that if a man tried to steal a kiss and I was unwilling everyone in the castle would know by his pronounced limp."

"And did anyone ever try?" Alistair couldn't believe he'd had the nerve to ask but now he couldn't stand to not hear the answer.

Maddie's smile was wry. "One managed to put lips to mine before I gave him such a kick and a knee to his jewels that he was curled up like a shrimp on the floor."

Alistair took a deep breath…using every method he'd learned in the chantry to calm the sudden roar of his blood. "And what did your father do to him?" He ground the words out from between clenched teeth.

"Father merely threw him out of the keep." Her eyes danced as she looked up at him. "Fergus and Cogburn went after him and according to a witness beat the man so bloody he resembled a newly risen corpse."

Alistair forced himself to relax and breathe. "Well I hope that wasn't your only experience with kissing." He tried to keep his voice light and teasing. "From my understanding it's meant to be an activity pleasurable to both parties."

Maddie chuckled again and rolled her eyes. "I'll let you know when I find out…" A yawn escaped her. "Oh Maker, that was rude…sorry." She lay on her side, pillowing her head on her arm, her back leaning against Rooster. "I meant to say I'll let you know when I find out for certain that kissing is a pleasurable activity."

"By all means." Alistair chuckled. "Maybe I should warn off any suitors? Let them know your terrible wrath if they don't do it properly?"

Her eyelids were drooping as she giggled. "You do that." She murmured in a sleepy tone. "I don't want anyone…kissing me… unless it's…" Maddie's eyes drifted closed and her body relaxed slightly as if in sleep.

"Maddie… don't you think you should go to your tent…or something to sleep?" Alistair murmured quietly. His fingers itched to smooth her hair away from her face, to touch the delicate skin of her cheek.

"Hmm…" Maddie wiggled a bit to get more comfortable, sighing.

"Maddie." Alistair bent closer to her face and whispered. "You need to go sleep in your tent, or bedroll…or something." This was fast becoming one of the most ridiculous situations he'd ever been in, including the time he'd locked himself in a cell in Redcliffe's dungeons.

"Alistair…hmm..." At least she responded to his voice. "Mine…mine…mine…" she mumbled.

Rooster roused at this and turned his head to look at Alistair. "Don't look at me like that." Alistair told him incredulously. "I don't know what she's dreaming…for all I know she thinks I'm trying to steal her socks."

"Ah…" Zevran's voice jerked Alistair's head in his direction as the elf moved towards the grey wardens. "The lovely Grey Warden succumbed to sleep at last eh?" The blond elf was fastening his armor as he walked. "Perhaps not the best place for a nap though no? Shall I carry the lady to her bed?"

The sound of Zevran's voice jerked Maddie out of sleep and she palmed a dagger with amazing alacrity. Both Alistair and Zevran regarded her with consternation and the girl blushed putting the blade away. "I'd better go get some sleep."

"As you say." Zevran gave her a saucy bow. "It is, as I believe you call it, my shift on watch."

Alistair nodded to the elf as he stood and offered Maddie a hand, pulling her up to her feet easily when she grasped it. Her hand in his was warm and strong and fragile at the same time and it was hard to let go when she was on her feet. The warm smile she offered him before making her way to her tent sent blood pounding through his heart.


	36. 36 Maddie

_Hey, don't write yourself off yet._   
_It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on._   
_Just do your best, do everything you can._   
_And don't you worry what their bitter hearts are gonna say._

Maddie approached Alistair before the rest of the camp awoke the next morning. "Alistair…could I talk to you?" She handed him a waterskin and a piece of bread. "Before we get started on our journey today?"

Alistair grinned up at her from his bedroll and pulled on his boots. "Absolutely my lady. After you so kindly answered my foolish questions last night it's the least I can do."

"Your questions weren't foolish." Maddie watched as he took a bite of bread. "Mine might be though."

"I'll answer any question you ask me, no matter how foolish you think it is." He handed her the waterskin and rose to roll up his bedroll.

"First…thank you for…letting me sleep last night." Maddie cursed herself…she could feel herself blushing. "It's sort of a personal question…"

"Maddie," Alistair looked at her seriously. "I trust you. You can ask me anything and I'll answer."

The girl groaned as she stared into those blue eyes. "I can't believe I'm asking this…but…" She twisted her hands, looking around to be certain no one else was awake, especially her twin, or Zevran and Morrigan. "If you were raised in the Chantry, have you never...?"

Alistair gave her a sunny smile as he pulled a hunk of cheese from his pack and offered her a piece. "Never… Never what…had a good pair of shoes?"

Maddie could feel herself blushing as Alistair grinned at her. "You know what I mean."

"I'm not sure I do." Alistair popped a piece of cheese in his mouth, chewed and swallowed before replying. "Have I ever seen a basilisk? Ate jellied ham? Have I never licked a lamppost in the winter?" His blue eyes twinkled at her.

"Now you're making fun of me." Maddie put her hands on her hips, eyes sparkling with irritation as well as amusement and Alistair's grin widened.

"Make fun of you dear lady, perish the thought." The ex-Templar spread his hands innocently. "Well tell me, have you ever licked a lamppost in winter?"

Maddie felt her face go pink. There was something slightly wicked about Alistair's tone. "No, I never licked a lamppost in the winter." She blurted out her confession.

"Good, I hear it's quite painful, I remember one of the younger initiates did it on a dare once. And there was pointing and laughing…Oh, the humanity." He shook his head in mocking sorrow. "I myself have also never done it. That. Not that I haven't thought about it, of course, but…you know." He shrugged slightly uncomfortable but smiled at her still.

Maddie nodded encouragingly, not wanting to embarrass him. "You never had the opportunity?"

"Well living in the chantry is not exactly a life for rambunctious boys." Alistair offered. "They taught me to be a gentleman, especially in the presence of beautiful ladies such as yourself. That's not so bad is it?" He smiled hopefully.

"You think I'm beautiful?" Maddie almost forgot everything else Alistair had said in her blush of delight at the compliment.

"Of course you are." Her fellow Grey Warden treated that as a fact. "You are ravishing, resourceful and all those other things you'd... probably... hurt me... for... not... saying." His tone, for all its humor was also completely sincere.

Maddie looked at Alistair and her smile faded. "I would never hurt you." She couldn’t say more than that, not without becoming far too forward, but the girl hoped the honesty of her tone would reassure the Knight.

"Nor I you, lady. Nor I you. Ever." His voice was soft, sincere, for silent moment the two Grey Wardens looked at each other. Then Alistair grinned at her teasingly. "Let us be off then lest your risqué talk make my ears blush."

Maddie grinned at him and looked around the camp. Morrigan was stirring near her lean to and no one else had yet roused themselves. "I'll get something started for breakfast. What do you think? Pease porridge? Or Oatmeal?"

"Either one is my favorite…at least the way you cook." He buckled on his breastplate and felt Maddie's hands slide over his back, untwisting a strap helpfully. "Which will Morrigan hate more…that's the question that drives my choice."

Maddie giggled as she held out his shoulder guard. "You're a bad bad man Alistair."

"I am totally unappreciated in my time." He strapped the guard on and found his gauntlets, setting them near his mess kit.

"Well I appreciate you." Maddie declared. "And I think oatmeal this morning…I've got some honey and raisins left to sweeten it."

"We can pick up some bacon in Denerim today." Zevran suggested as he emerged from his tent. "Bacon and cheese and bread makes a good roll for breakfast."

Maddie wrinkled her nose. "You can make that for us all tomorrow."

Alistair smiled. "Then Morrigan won't eat." He looked at Zevran. "How would you like to cook all the time?"

Maddie giggled and tapped her armor for Alistair to look over. "Am I all right?" She presented her back for him to inspect for loose or faulty coverage. After a moment she craned her head to look over her shoulder. "Alistair?" She asked, wondering why on earth his head jerked up so suddenly. "Is my armor all right?"

"Oh, uh yes…its fine." He nodded and moved over to stoke up the fire. "I'll get some water for the oatmeal."


	37. 37 Morrigan

_We're strange allies_   
_With warring hearts_   
_What wild-eyed beast you be_   
_The space between_   
_The wicked lies we tell_   
_And hope to keep us safe from the pain_

Morrigan couldn't be certain how it happened that she was to travel beside Alistair this day. Perhaps it was the world balancing out a spectacular night with the worst day possible to follow? A sigh escaped her and the fool walking next to her looked at her with concern and a certain reluctance. "Are you all right?" He asked quietly.

"I am fine Alistair." Morrigan retorted wrinkling her nose at him. "And were I not ‘twould be no concern of yours." He nodded at her, his idiot face lighting with what must be relief and she was spared his voice for a few minutes before he asked his next fool question.

"So tell me, was the Tower of Magi everything you thought it would be?" Came the inevitable inquiry.

"Abominations running rampant? Templars ready to slaughter every mage in sight?" Morrigan drawled. "Yes, it rather met all my expectations."

His next question was even more stupid if that was possible. Morrigan nearly ground her teeth. "You don't think you might have been better off getting your training there? Instead of whatever your mother taught you?"

The witch rolled her eyes. "You're right. My mother didn't nearly have as many abominations running about. That certainly would have improved my education."

At least her point seemed to have gotten across as Alistair considered. "Hmm. I'll give you that one."

Morrigan sighed slightly, "I'm so relieved." She shook her head wondering what had gone wrong with the day. Cogburn had spoken with his sister that morning and appeared slightly annoyed, but had kissed Maddie's cheek and flashed a smile at Morrigan before heading down the road to scout for the company. Normally he'd scout for a while, come back and Maddie, Zevran or Leliana would scout for a time. Today it seemed he was gone for quite some time.

Morrigan frowned and then thought of a way she could lighten her mood. "I have a wonder, Alistair, if you will indulge me."

It was the Knight's turn to sigh. "Do I have a choice?"

Silkily Morrigan inquired. "Of the three of you that remain, are you not the senior Grey Warden here? I find it curious that you allow others to lead, while you follow."

"You find that curious, do you?" Alistair sounded almost bored.

Morrigan continued, "In fact, you defer to new recruits. Is this a policy of the Grey Wardens? Or simply a personal one?"

"What do you want to hear? That I prefer to follow? I do." Alistair shrugged, his expression annoyed.

"You sound so very defensive." The witch drawled in amusement.

"Couldn't you crawl into a bush somewhere and die? That would be great, thanks." Alistair sighed heavily, as if extremely put upon.

Morrigan smiled to herself and looked ahead to the road before them. Maddie was hurrying forward slightly to meet Cogburn where he stood in the middle of the road. The twins were talking, Maddie becoming slightly more animated as Cogburn's head shook. Finally the girl threw her hands in the air and made a gesture that said clearly to everyone watching that she was supremely annoyed with her sibling. Cogburn grabbed her shoulders and gestured down the road, making a slashing motion across his throat. The argument continued as the rest of the group slowly moved forward until they heard Cogburn's words. "All right, Denerim it is, but the first sign of trouble and we're out of there like Rooster after rats."

Maddie's delight was clear when she jumped on her twin and hugged him. Morrigan chuckled to herself. She wanted Cogburn in her bed again, as soon as she could manage, but Maddie was the closest she'd ever had to a friend besides Cogburn. When the twins rejoined the rest of the group Cogburn spoke with Zevran briefly before the elf trotted off down the road. Maddie sent Alistair a warm smile as she jogged past them towards the rear of the company. The male Cousland sent Morrigan a slow wicked grin and nodded at Alistair before he assumed his position at the head of the group.

Alistair looked at the back of Cogburn's head and then at Morrigan. "So what's the deal with you and him, anyway? Dare I ask?"

Morrigan arched an eyebrow. "Him? Him who? Is this supposed to mean something to me?"

The ex Templar rolled his eyes. "You know exactly who I'm talking about. Mister Let's-Make-Kissy-Faces over there."

"My, my. You are jealous, aren't you?" She chuckled. "Did I take your favorite Grey Warden away from you?"

"What?" Alistair shook his head. "I'm not jealous! I'm horrified. And he's hardly my favorite."

Morrigan smirked at him, knowing exactly which Grey Warden was his favorite. "Those blushing cheeks of yours tell a different tale."

"These blushing cheeks are terrified that you'll suck all the blood out of them once you're done with him." Alistair blustered.

"If I feel the need to suck on anything of yours, Alistair, you'll be the first to know." Morrigan drawled, lips curving in a wicked smile.

Alistair looked repulsed. "That... was so not what I meant."

"Perhaps we should go and tell him together of your touching concerns? Perhaps he'll pay more attention to you if you ask nicely." Morrigan tilted her head in mock thoughtful concern.

The Knight shook his head. "Uh-huh. I think we're done here."

Morrigan couldn't help chuckling again. "Done before you started, in fact."

She looked at the Grey Warden beside her and realized he was looking a bit pale. Ahead of them the walls of Denerim rose in the distance.


	38. 38 Alistair

_And what do you think you'd ever say?_   
_I won't listen anyway You don't know me_   
_And I'll never be what you want me to be_

_And what do you think you'd understand?_   
_I'm a boy, no, I'm a man_   
_You can't take me and throw me away_   
_And how can you learn what's never shown?_   
_Yeah, you stand here on your own_   
_They don't know me Cause I'm not here..._

He couldn't remember when he'd last been so nervous. They'd entered the small house that smelled strongly of lye soap and hot water. "Err…hello?" Alistair called nervously.

A short woman emerged from a back room. "Eh? You have linens to wash? I charge three bits on the bundle you won't find better. And don't trust what that Natalia woman tells you either, she's foreign and she'll rob you blind." Her voice was crisp and businesslike, but her hair was a shade similar to Alistair's, only hers had more red in it than his.

Regaining his voice…Alistair still nearly stuttered. "I'm…not here to have any wash done. My name's Alistair. I'm…well, this may sound sort of strange, but are you Goldanna? If so, I suppose I'm your brother."

The woman's pinched expression tightened even more. "My what? I am Goldanna, yes…how do you know my name? What kind of tomfoolery are you folk up to?"

Alistair didn't know what to say and then Maddie's quiet smoky voice spoke into the silence. "He's telling the truth, listen to him."

In the moment of silence after her works Alistair spoke in a hurry. "Look, our mother…she worked as a servant in Redcliffe Castle a long time ago, before she died. Do you know at that? She—"

Goldanna's expression was anything but welcoming. "You! I knew it! They told me you was dead! They told me the babe was dead along with mother, but I knew they was lying!

Alistair blinked his surprise. "They told you I was dead? Who? Who told you that?"

Goldanna's words spewed out like vitriol. "Them's at the castle! I told them the babe was the king's and they said he was dead. Gave me a coin to shut my mouth and sent me on my way. I knew it!"

Oh this was uncomfortable…Alistair fought the urge to squirm. "I'm sorry, I…didn't know that. The babe didn't die. I'm him; I'm…your brother."

Goldanna scoffed at the sentiment. "For all the good it does me! You killed mother, you did, and I've had to scrape by all this time? That coin didn't last long, and when I went back they ran me off!"

Maddie's soft voice was slightly acidic, a glance at her face revealed a set jaw and darkening eyes. "That's hardly Alistair's fault is it?"

For her efforts Maddie received a sneer from Alistair's sister. "And who in the Makers name are you? Some tart, following after his riches, I expect?"

Alistair frowned angrily, Maddie was only here because he'd asked for her to come. She didn't deserve to be called names. A quick glance at her face revealed a slight blush; she'd been embarrassed because she wanted to help him. That just made him angrier. "Hey! Don't speak to her that way! She's my friend and a Grey Warden! Just like me!"

"Ooohhh, I see. A prince and a Grey Warden, too. Well, who am I to think poorly of someone so high and mighty compared to me?" Goldanna mocked. "I don't know you boy. Your royal father forced himself on my mother and took her away from me, and what do I got to show for it? Nothing. They tricked me good! I should have told everyone!"

She looked Alistair up and down in dismissive appraisal. "I got five mouths to feed, and unless you can help with that, I got less than no use for you."

"I…I'm sorry, I…" Alistair stumbled over his words. "I don't know what to say…"

Maddie, thank the Maker, spoke up then, supporting him even though this had to be a nightmare for her. "Goldanna, Alistair came here hoping to find his family."

"Well, he found it." The washer woman sniffed as if unimpressed. "And what good is that to me? None, that's what, unless he can see to it that his family lives as it should!"

Alistair murmured to Maddie quietly. "I suppose maybe I could give her some money…for my nieces and nephews? Fifteen sovereigns, maybe?" He knew they didn't have a lot of coin. "Would you let me give her that?"

His friend, the one Alistair knew worried more than she should about coin, smiled a little sadly. "Yes, go ahead if you like." Maddie pressed the coins into his hand, her fingers curling around his in a tangible indication of her support of his wishes.

"Then here, Goldanna…take this money." Alistair gave the sovereigns to his older sister. "I know it's not much, but—"

She didn't take it in the spirit it was meant. "You, a prince, marching in here with your fancy armor and such, and this is all you got to offer? You must think I'm very stupid."

The so called prince shook his head. "No, wait, I don't think that at all! I want to help, if I can…"

"You want to help?" Goldanna folded her arms. "You go to whatever high-and-mighty folks you run with, and you tell them you've got nephews and nieces that aren't living as they've a right to! You do that!"

Maddie clearly didn't care for Goldanna's attitude and it showed in her tone, her husky voice was dry as dust. "This is the family you were searching for Alistair."

Alistair looked at Maddie who was standing closer to him than normal, as if to throw herself between he and Goldanna should his sister attack. He couldn't help but contrast Maddie's attitude with Goldanna's. Goldanna was definitely coming up short. "Mmm. Yes, apparently so."

A sigh escaped him. No matter what, he would do his duty by his family, even if it was less than that family hoped for. "Then let me promise you this, Goldanna. I'll do whatever I can, speak to whomever I have to, to ensure you and your children are taken care of."

Goldanna sniffed again. "Mmm. That sounds all well and fine, but you'll have to forgive me if I don't exactly hold my breath."

Alistair felt his jaw set. No one questioned his word. "You have my promise. I can't give you more than that." He looked down at Maddie. "I…lets go. I want to go."

She nodded and moved towards the door, turning as Goldanna made one last derisive remark. "Someone needs to cut out that tongue of yours." Maddie's low smoky voice was dark with fury, her grey eyes snapping like storm clouds.

Alistair touched Maddie's shoulder and shook his head slightly. Her eyes left Goldanna and met his, and he was startled to see how protective her expression was. "Please don't," he said quietly. "It is her house after all." Maddie nodded slowly and stood by the door. Alistair looked at Goldanna, her folded arms and pinched expression. "Good bye Sister."

Alistair turned and looked at Maddie once they'd left Goldanna's house, conscious of Morrigan, Cogburn and Zevran waiting across the road in the shade of a building. Sten, Leliana and Rooster were one house down, in an alley. "Well that was…not what I expected. To put it lightly." He sighed and looked at Goldanna's door. "I'll live up to my promise, I suppose, but…this is the family I've been wondering about all my life? I can't believe it."

He couldn't remember when he'd last felt like such a fool. And in front of Maddie too. Here he'd been thinking this was his family at last…someone he'd be able to talk with, make a home with, somewhere Maddie could visit him someday…at least he hadn't blurted any of that out before meeting Goldanna. "I…I guess I was expecting her to accept me without question. Isn't that what family is supposed to do? I…I feel like a complete idiot."

Hesitantly Alistair turned his gaze back to Maddie and was surprised to see a fierce look on her face. He'd seen that look before. The delicate girl looked like a storm cloud about to burst, her hands fisted and ready to do battle, and apparently on his behalf. So amazed was he by her expression that Alistair almost missed her words. "You don't need her. You have others who care for you."

A bitter laugh escaped him before he could keep it back. "Such as? The only person who ever cared about me was Duncan. And he's gone."

Maddie's voice as fiercely protective as her expression and her words blunt as an anvil. "I care about you."

Alistair couldn't bring himself to smile, not completely, but she did have a way of making him feel better. She was the most wonderful girl. "I…thank you. I'm glad you came with me." He sighed and looked at the door again before turning his eyes back to Maddie's beautiful face. "Let's just go. I don't want to talk about this anymore."


	39. 39 Cogburn

_In my life, I have seen,_   
_People walk into the sea,_   
_Just to find memories,_   
_Plagued by constant misery,_   
_Their eyes cast down,_   
_Fixed upon the ground,_   
_Their eyes cast down_

Denerim was a pigsty; that was his first impression and hurrying through alleys and the market district wasn't exactly remedying that impression. He'd lost the coin toss so he was stuck leading his rag tag company through the streets on various errands. The only good thing about having such a relatively large group at his back was if they were recognized as Grey Wardens at least they'd be able to fight their way free of Loghain's men.

His role as the leader of the day wasn't helped by Alistair's need to visit his sister. He'd agreed because Maddie had already told Alistair that the next time they were in Denerim she'd go with the Knight to see the woman. Alistair's sibling lived near the Alienage which mean a fairly seedy part of town. In a way that was good, as the group of them loitering across the street from the house/laundry no one really cared. The problem inherent in a bad part of town was that people noticed things out of the ordinary, like someone with a price on their head.

Cogburn restrained a groan and looked over at Morrigan. Leliana was talking to the Wild mage, explaining how lovely Morrigan would look in red velvet. Privately Cogburn would agree that deep red velvet would look wonderful on the Witch. Publicly he admitted nothing and simply enjoyed the look of horror on Morrigan's face as Leliana described how Morrigan's breasts would be displayed.

Zevran was simply enjoying the sight of the two women conversing; apparently he was used to taking what small pleasures he could as he went through life. Wynne was eyeing Sten and asking if he was cold, mumbling to herself about getting some wool. Cogburn patted Rooster on the head and kept one eye on the door of the house across the street. Sister or no sister, if Alistair and Maddie didn't come out in the next few minutes he was going in there to make sure nothing had gone wrong in the way that everything always seemed to go wrong for Grey Wardens. The kind of wrong that involved guards and jail cells and hangmen.

Just as Morrigan was clearly getting ready to wallop Leliana with a staff made for magic not shillelaghing, the door to the sisters house opened and Alistair came out, Maddie on his heels. The Knight did not look like he'd had an ecstatic reunion with a long lost sister. He looked as if someone had pissed in his ale. Maddie was talking to him and Alistair's face brightened somewhat but clearly the sister was not going to be high on the list for the holidays.

"Let’s go." Cogburn called to the rest of them as he crossed over to Alistair and Maddie. Whatever was going on would have to wait while they earned some coin. They had a lot to do, not the least of which was seeking out the people who’d tried to kill Leliana. He’d bet a sovereign that it was her old patron Marjolaine.

 

* * *

 

Cogburn cursed to himself as he ran along the streets to yet another back alley. The Chantry's board had listed several places that needed clearing out and he'd taken the job because suddenly they were short of coin. His twin, soft hearted that she was, had given to the soft hearted and soft headed Alistair, fifteen sovereigns that he turned and gave to his gold digging good for nothing sister.

Well maybe Alistair wasn't soft in the head. Cogburn cleaned his sword after another group of would be thugs were relieved of their lives and valuables. But he was soft hearted and according to Maddie the sister wasn't worth two coppers but Alistair had wanted to give her something, though he'd stopped at coin and a promise.

Now the man clearly wanted to talk to Maddie about something and it was obvious to Cogburn at least that the Knight would never simply spit it out in front of the rest of them. Trying not to curse aloud and ask why the man couldn't wait until they were in camp, or at least out of the city, Cogburn gave Maddie a tap on the shoulder and suggested that she and Alistair take one side of the street and he would take the rest of the group down the other.

The look she gave him was an obvious 'what are you thinking' expression but at least this way he wouldn't be forced to overhear what Alistair wanted to say. And he wouldn't have to keep his twin from killing Morrigan for laughing at whatever it was.

Alistair finally found his nerve because it didn't take more than two city blocks before Maddie dropped out of her slow trot and steered Alistair towards an alcove. Whatever the Knight was saying wasn't anything terrible because Maddie seemed to relax fairly quickly. Then Cogburn almost applauded before he remembered where he was. He grinned, looking down at his boots, as Alistair backed Maddie up to a wall and kissed her.

"Yon jester seems to have forgotten his place." Morrigan drawled in the honey tone that told Cogburn she was irritated. "Will you not save your sisters virtue?"

At that Cogburn did chuckle. "Her virtue is perfectly safe." He assured the Witch. "Alistair…won't do anything too untoward in a public place."

"If you will not think of her virtue then think of my stomach. The sight of…he and such goings on is enough to make me ill." Morrigan's tone was acidic.

"My sister likes him. It's not like anyone is telling you that you must do the same." Cogburn was careful to keep his tone mild as if the conversation was faintly boring. Morrigan was gorgeous, powerful, intelligent and mysterious, everything he adored in women. She also had no patience for romance or anything that wasn't a matter of power or survival. Sometimes he found that amusing but it meant she didn't have much patience with Alistair's attempts to romance Maddie.

"You're not concerned?" Morrigan inquired, genuine curiosity in her voice.

The Cousland male regarded Morrigan thoughtfully. "Maybe I think its time my sister found someone who cares for her, not her title or lineage. Alistair doesn't seem to give a damn about any of that." A faint grin flickered over his lips. He might find the knight's attempts at courtship humorous but that didn't mean Maddie would feel the same. And for all her fears of losing someone else, he could tell his twin was already falling for Alistair. The way she kept the rose he'd given her carefully safe in her pack spoke volumes.


	40. 40 Maddie

_One of these days the sky's gonna break_   
_And everything will escape that I know_   
_One of these days the mountains are gonna fall_   
_Into the sea and they'll know_   
_'Cause you and I were made for this_   
_I was made to taste your kiss_   
_We were made to never fall away_

Making her way through the streets of Denerim with Alistair in tow was difficult enough; then her twin decided she and Alistair should be on the opposite side of the street. Something about their group drawing too much attention. Maddie mentally threw her hands up in exasperation and did as Cogburn asked. He usually had reasons for what he wanted, sometimes idiotic male reasons, but reasons nonetheless.

Speaking of idiocy, Maddie was mentally castigating herself for acting like ten kinds of a fool in front of Alistair at his sister's house when the man featured in her thoughts started to ask her a question. Dropping out of her jog, Maddie turned to look at him and saw that he seemed just as…awkward as she felt. Wonderful. She'd embarrassed them both with her stupid declaration.

Keeping her sigh to herself Maddie tugged Alistair out of the street and into the dubious shelter of an alcove before she faced him politely. Alistair was too good a person to hold one stupid remark against her, even if she had put him on the spot. Just because she'd overstepped didn't mean everything had to be spoiled. Whatever he had to say, she was going to hang onto his friendship if it killed her.

"So," Alistair began, "all this time we've spent together; you know, the tragedies, the brushes with death, the constant battles with the whole Blight looming over us. Will you miss it once it's over?"

Maddie almost groaned. If her luck didn't turn this conversation could go very badly. That last thing she wanted was for Alistair to feel uncomfortable around her. If he thought she was just a silly girl in the throes of an infatuation, she was so…screwed. Finally she settled for an answer that could be taken as teasing. Alistair always seemed to like it when she teased him. "Miss the constant battles, or miss you?"

Strangely enough, he didn't seem as easy with her humor as he normally was. "I know it might sound strange, considering we haven't known each other for very long, but, I've come to care for you, a great deal. I think maybe it's because we've gone through so much together. I don't know." His dark blue eyes stared down at her, as serious as she'd ever seen. "Or maybe I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm fooling myself. Am I? Fooling myself? Or do you think you might ever, feel the same way about me?" Alistair's voice had grown more and more quiet as he spoke, as if the words became more and more difficult to speak.

Maddie couldn't believe how brave he was. He'd just been rejected by his only blood relative left alive unless he could provide gold and instead of withdrawing or hiding his feelings…Alistair almost immediately… reached out to her. Maddie almost couldn't find her voice. "I think I already do. But I never thought…that you would…"

He moved in a bit closer, so she was between him and the wall of a house. That warm teasing smile appeared on his face. "So I fooled you did I? Good to know." Maddie stared up at him; mesmerized as Alistair bent down to her, his lips touched hers, gently…then more firmly, hungrily. Maddie blinked as he pulled away and almost checked to be sure Morrigan hadn't shot a fireball at them, her heart was pounding and her skin felt on fire. Alistair was looking down at her with a hopeful expression. "That…that wasn't too soon was it?"

He sounded so worried he'd done something wrong…Now she had to tease him. "I don't know." Her fingers stroked his face, feeling where he'd need a shave soon. "I need more testing to be sure."

The smile Alistair gave her was blinding. "Well then I'll have to arrange that won't I." Maddie was suddenly in receipt of another of those scorching kisses. "Makers breath but you're beautiful. I am a lucky man. Now…" he cleared his throat and gave a sidelong glance at Zevran and Leliana who were both looking bored, Morrigan looked disgusted and Cogburn who was carefully studying his boots. "Let's get back to what we were up to before…lest I forget why we're here."

* * *

 

Maddie almost giggled at Alistair's expression when she came to talk with him that evening in camp. He was so funny, and sweet, and just now he looked like she'd come to bring him cookies only for him. "Your desire is my command." He bowed low, startling a giggle out of her.

"I just wanted to ask a question." She smiled at him. "I was wondering why you became a Templar if you dislike the Chantry?"

"Ah… have you seen the uniform? It's not only stylish but well made. I'm a sucker for good tailoring." Alistair grinned at her.

Her smile widened as she tilted her head curiously. "Oh? I don't think I've ever seen you wearing it."

The ex Templar nodded sagely. "I keep it hidden under my pillow. Sometimes I'll take it out just so I can hug it fondly and remember the good old days." He sniffed insincerely, "brings a tear to the eyes you know."

Maddie poked him in his armored chest, teasingly. "And what's the real reason?"

Alistair took her hand and kissed her knuckles, making Maddie feel as if her hand was suddenly as sensitive as her lips. "You don't really want to know about my being a templar do you? It's really quite boring."

Her eyebrows rose at that. "Then make up something more exciting." She dared him.

"You know, I like the way you think." The knight smirked a bit. "But I guess if you're really curious, there's no harm in obliging. I have a couple of interesting-looking moles I can show you later, too, if you're interested." He gave her a mock leer, making her laugh aloud.

Maddie kept her hand in his as Alistair told her of how much he'd disliked the monastery but how the Templar training had actually come to be a solace to him. Duncan had mentioned the skills could be useful when the elder Grey Warden had recruited Alistair so the knight had kept up his training. "I never really felt at home anywhere, though, until I joined the Grey Wardens. What about you? Do you have anywhere you consider home?"

Maddie looked down at their joined hands. Alistair hadn't seemed to realize how gently he held her fingers, his thumb stroking along her hand in an absentminded caress. Home had always been Highever…but even if Fergus survived, she and Cogburn were Grey Wardens now… Highever could never truly be home again. "I guess my home is with the Grey Wardens now. With you," She added the last a bit shyly.

"Really?" He sounded pleased and Maddie looked up at him. "I…I guess I like the sound of that." Alistair leaned over a bit so his forehead touched hers. "We won't always be traveling like this, you know. Once the war is over, once the Blight is…well, a time will come when we'll have to think about having a real home again. Though that seems like a far ways off."

Maddie nodded. "We'll find a place to rebuild the Grey Wardens." She looked at him a bit sadly. "I know it won't be the same… but I think…together…we could do it."

Alistair nodded. "Nothing will ever be the same. We'll just have to do our best with what we have."

Maddie smiled and grinned teasingly up at him, wanting to lighten his mood and her own. "Now…you promised me you'd arrange for further testing." She reminded him.

"I did." Alastair suddenly had the most wicked smile on his face as he looked down at her. Maddie wondered where all the air had gone as she struggled to breathe. "I think now would be a good time." Maddie simply nodded and forgot everything they'd discussed as his lips began to nibble and devour hers.

Long, wonderful, languorous moments later Alistair kissed her cheek and whispered; "Madelaina Cousland… you will drive me mad before we're done. I know it." His voice was husky with the passion between them and Maddie nearly groaned at the feeling of his mouth on her skin.

"Well then, we'll go mad together." She whispered back, her lips close to his ear, and was gratified to feel a shudder go over his skin.

His groan at her words was a delight but the way Alistair set her away from him was frustrating. "We'd best…get on with what we were…doing before." He said taking deep breaths in between words.

Maddie sighed but silently agreed.


	41. 41 Morrigan

_Meet me on your best behavior_   
_Meet me at your worst_   
_For there will be no stone unturned_   
_Or bubble left to burst_

_Let me lay beside you, darling_   
_Let me be your man_   
_And let our bodies intertwine_   
_But always understand_

Morrigan looked up from her book as Cogburn sat down next to her. "Mmm?" She smiled a welcome, placing a scrap of ribbon between the pages to mark her place.

"I'd like to discuss something personal?" He bumped his shoulder against hers teasingly.

Morrigan rose from her seat and was gratified to see him rise as well, offering her his arm. "We are in camp, so 'tis as good a time as any." She gestured towards the edge of camp rather than speak at the main fire. Part of her wondered if she was going to have another night like her first with Cogburn. That had been several days ago as they'd spent some time in Denerim before beginning their journey toward Haven.

Cogburn didn't wait much more than a step or two away from the fire. "Care to join me in my tent?" He turned slightly, halting their progress.

Her heart pounded but somehow she kept her smile amused. "Hmm. Perhaps. Shall I consult my capricious nature and divine and answer for you?"

The rogue let his hand slip down to her ass, squeezing and reading the desire Morrigan knew grew in her eyes. "Get in the tent woman." He bent to her, taking her mouth in a hot strangely gentle kiss.

Morrigan chuckled as his mouth left hers, feeling her pulse racing in her throat. "Come now. You'll make Alistair blush."

He chuckled and Morrigan took a deep breath enjoying the feel of that sound brushing over her skin. She ducked into his tent as he'd asked and noticed he'd added an extra quilt and a pillow as well as a plate with cookies and a few slices of fruit. "A scene set for seduction." She observed.

"I thought we could seduce each other." He smiled as she began to remove her clothing.

Morrigan loved the look in his eyes when her clothing fell off her body. That careless façade, the pretense of a dilettante, the mask of indifference melted out of his eyes and off his face until only his true character remained. His character and his desire for her lived and breathed in his expression as his eyes took in her body.

His hands on her body were as wonderful as she'd remembered and dreamed of since that night. And his cursing as he tried to tear off his armor was just as funny and endearing as it was then. Soon enough he had the armor flung into a corner of the tent and to her surprise, Cogburn fell to his knees and pressed his face to her stomach. "Maker save me I've dreamt about your skin."

Morrigan gasped as he pulled her closer and swept his arm under her legs until she fell back against the bedroll, his hand cradled her head and back protecting her from any injury. "You are impatient this evening." She observed, knowing her voice was breathier than normal.

"It's been three days Morrigan." Cogburn parted her thighs, laying between them and fixing his mouth to her breasts.

A moan burst from her mouth, startling her with its sound, as his lips closed around the tip of her breast. The burst of heat that raced through her blood was almost worse than their first night, because she knew what he was like, how he could make her feel. "Such sentiment." She teased him breathlessly.

Cogburn chuckled as he sucked on her breast, his mouth hot on her skin, his hands sliding under her body, lifting her up to his lips. "Need," he corrected, "Honest passion and need."

If he'd used blood magic to look into her thoughts Cogburn couldn't have said anything calculated to make her want him more. No sentiment, no pretense of emotional connection, only the basic lust and delight in their bodies and how they felt together. Morrigan twisted under him, catching the rogue by surprise and climbed over him, straddling his body.

He was hard, his cock ready for her, and his eyes as he looked up at her…the desire in them made her feel worshipped. Those beautiful dark eyes, dark brows and deep black lashes burning in his unadorned face stared up at her as if he never wanted to look away. The sensual mouth she loved to see twist as he spoke parted and he sat up to take her mouth with his. Morrigan moaned against his lips. "Don't wait." She whispered. "If you have a watch tonight, don't wait."

"I don't have a watch, why do you think I waited three nights for you?" Cogburn retorted, his voice as dry as his hands were frantic on her body. "But I'm not sure I can wait."

Morrigan put her hands on his shoulders and pushed lightly, amazed when he obeyed, laying back on the bedroll. "Hard and fast and frantic then," She took his cock in her hand, loving how he felt against her skin. "And slow and careful later." Holding him firmly she began to slide down onto his cock, feeling him invade her body inch by inch, the feeling of pressure, of being filled and every ache of need satisfied flowed through her body.

His hands rose to palm her breasts, callused fingertips and hardened skin deliciously rough on the sensitive flesh and the satisfaction of being filled vanished. It wasn't enough anymore, to have his cock hard and hot inside her, stretching and filling her body. The need for movement, for the desperate friction of his body plundering hers, of taking him within again and again began to devour her reason. Morrigan moaned deep in her throat as Cogburn sat up and wrapped his arms around her, his hot mouth searing her throat and falling to her breasts again. Lava seemed to fill her veins as he sucked and nibbled at the tips of her breasts.

Morrigan gripped his shoulders and pressed herself up, lifting her body almost entirely off his and then sinking back down onto him. It felt so good to move, she could feel him shuddering as the walls of her sheath clung to his cock. His hands slid down to her back and she felt his fingers tight and hot on her ass, and knew that Cogburn was as lost to desire as she was. His mouth clamped down on her breast, the pleasure sharp as a dagger as he plundered her flesh, the tip dark and flushed with blood when he released her nipple and moved to the other. The same hot delight speared through her as he nearly bit into her breast he suckled her so hard. "Yes," she heard her own voice moan and his hands gripped her body, rough palms on her hips, taking control of her movements.

The witch felt his member harden further inside her as Cogburn pulled her off and onto his cock, his breath hot on her neck and breasts. The feeling of his body, hard and muscled under hers, graceful as any hunting cat or wolf she'd imitated, twisting his hips, rotating his cock to plunge in and out of her body in maddening demand. Then his voice was in her ears, a low growl of insistence. "Touch yourself Morrigan." He urged her pulling his upper body away from hers, and leaning back to watch her ride his body.

Morrigan slid her hands from his shoulders to her own, caressing her skin and cupping her breasts, pinching the tips between her fingers. She felt him jerk inside her as he watched and opened her eyes to see his fixed on her like she was the only object in the world for him. His hands pulled her body down onto his in rough need and she moaned in delight.

"Touch yourself." He urged again, pushing her up and nearly off his cock before slamming her back down. Morrigan nearly came just from the sensation of so suddenly being filled, the delight of his need exceeding his control. Her fingers slid down to her mound, sought her clit and parted her lips to show him the swollen pearl of flesh. One hand left her hip to touch, his fingers sliding through her curls to tug at her, delicacy and lust combined.

Morrigan gasped at the feel of his fingers on her, his hand forcing her body hard onto his while his fingers pulled at her clit in such heated demand. She was wet, almost dripping with need for him, ready for his seed to erupt inside her and he stilled, his cock throbbing hungrily but unmoving. Morrigan moaned and bent forward, bracing herself on her hands to rise and fall on his cock under her own power.

"No." Cogburn grasped her hands and held them at her hips. "I want to feel you come around me before I lose myself in you." He sat up and kissed her, his tongue probing her mouth, caressing hers, his lips devouring her.

"Maybe I want to feel you coming inside me." Morrigan groaned the words as she struggled to move on top of him.

"Touch your clit for me. Let me feel you." One hand touched her face so gently it was like he thought she'd break. "I need to see you come apart for me." Wicked brown eyes looked into hers. "If you do this…I'll fuck you however you like for the rest of the night."

"I thought you couldn't wait." Morrigan couldn't resist his request, couldn't resist him, she realized, and slid her fingers between her lips, stroking her clit greedily.

"It's not worth it if I can't watch you come." Cogburn looked almost sheepish and gave a half shrug. "Morrigan…come for me." He shifted his hips and his cock slid deeper inside her; Morrigan moaned at the sensation.

"I'll do it…but when I do…" Morrigan began to work her clit in earnest, pulling on the tender flesh and interrupting her own words with a moan. "Fuck me good and hard…don't make me wait too long for you to…" Her body gave a small spasm and drew a groan from him and a cry from her. "I…I need you…to…"

"I will." Cogburn groaned the words out as his hands fastened to her hips, lifting her up and pulling her down hard the way she loved.

The witch couldn't believe she was doing what he asked again, why she couldn't resist playing with him, playing with sex and Cogburn was so impossible to forget, he was so… Her thoughts fractured as her body shuddered around his again. "I need…I need…" She tried to tell him but her voice could only moan in need as her fingers worked hard and fast on her clit.

"Yes." He seemed to understand, his cock plowing her body harder and hard as she tightened and strained around him. Morrigan gasped, stiffening, forcing her hand to move, she was close…so close, and it was so hard to finish herself off like this. She moaned, helpless for a moment, and felt one hand leave her hip, the other still forcing her body to move over his, his hips thrusting up into her. Delicious, hard, demanding fingers slid over her clit, pulled on her flesh, dragged it back and forth just right…

She was babbling gibberish, cries and moans and demands of need as his fingers replaced hers, working her flesh until she couldn't move, couldn't breathe for the fire sweeping through her, the hard column of flesh like hot stone filling her tighter and tighter, her skin would burst with the heat. Morrigan heard herself cry out, knew it was his name, felt her body convulse around him, lost herself to the heat and pleasure and greed for more.

She felt as if she should be limp, but he wasn't done with her, his body still thrusting into hers, both his hands jerking her on and off his cock as if she weighed nothing. His dark eyes were burning, staring up at her face as she blinked down at him. His lips moved, his voice dark and rough, demanding something, something her body knew, could read from his, and obeyed. She was breaking in two, he was splitting her onto his cock he was fucking her so hard and so good, that pressure inside her, that wonderful heat, feeling of fullness, growing and growing.

Morrigan knew it was too soon, she couldn't again, not so soon, her body hadn't had time, but he was staring at her, his voice a low, dark mutter in her ears, pulling her down so her breasts pressed against his chest in the friction she needed, his mouth on her face and neck, whispering to her, dark, sensual wicked things, and she was so full…so hot and tight and full…she would surely burst with the feeling of his cock pounding into her body. Between one breath and the next she felt his flesh stiffen impossibly inside her, as if he'd become harder, pressing her further, shattering her, breaking her apart with ecstasy as pulse after pulse of his seed filled her womb.

Her eyes were dark, she'd closed them as he'd shouted his triumph into her mouth, her own scream drowned in his as they fell apart together.

* * *

 

They slept, of that Morrigan was certain as her eyes flew open and for a moment her heart pounded as she tried to remember where she was. The tent was dark but the slight sigh and male hands tightening around her waist reminded her of who slept beside her, or who no longer slept as Cogburn's voice murmured her name in concern.

The light of the main fire was dim through the canvas walls and Morrigan looked at Cogburn in mild curiosity. "How long have we slept I wonder?" She murmured, not really expecting an answer. Her legs had been covered with a quilt and she was arranged so her head had the greater share of the pillow.

"Well, it's been at least a couple of candlemarks." The rogue remarked pulling the quilt up to her shoulders. "By the way you're a pillow thief and you take a considerable share of the quilts but you're very warm and soft and feel nice to sleep with so I'll keep you if you like."

Morrigan chuckled, still a bit drowsy. "You make an excellent heating pad." She turned slightly her eyes adjusting so she could see his face more clearly. "So perhaps I'll use you until I'm bored."

Cogburn's chuckle still felt like a shiver over her skin and Morrigan barely kept from groaning as his hands squeezed her waist gently. "I'll enjoy you using me if it's anything like earlier." She could hear the smile in his voice. "I don't think either one of us was thinking of Alistair's blushes then."

Morrigan's giggle burbled through her lips before she could stop herself and she shook her head. "You have a virginal twin sister who just received her first kiss today and you're concerned with Alistair's blushes?" She asked, her finger poking his shoulder.

Cogburn shook his head. "Maddie used to spy on me when I was with girls back at Highever, and I know Oriana had more than one conversation with her that our mother would have considered naughty, so she might blush but she won't poke at me about you. She and Oriana were close, talked about nearly everything."

The witch rolled her eyes. "So the templar will blush and poke at you about being with me but your sister won't. And yet you do nothing to keep him from her?" She knew she sounded puzzled and disliked the sound and the feeling intensely.

Cogburn sighed quietly. "Maddie…was raised stricter than me. I know how to defend Highever, Maddie knows that as well. She has more skill in some areas than I do but the price she paid…was one of constriction. When she wasn't training, our Mother…well she taught Maddie to be a lady, to be comfortable and know how to behave in any situation"

"She did well at that, Maddie never seems ill at ease, even when dealing with my mother." Morrigan commented with a smile at the memory of Flemeth dealing with Maddie's unflagging courtesy.

"Yes." Cogburn's tone was decidedly grim.

"And that's a bad thing?" The girl looked at him curiously, wondering at his change

"Maddie couldn't…cut loose the way I could," he shifted as if guilt rode him. "I could get drunk, go be with girls… relax in a way Maddie wasn't allowed. She's…"

"She's had no release from her position, for her entire life." Morrigan finished, propping herself up to look in his eyes. "She's had no release…ever?" She wondered thoughtfully.

"I can't say for her personally." Cogburn grinned. "Though given Oriana's nature I wouldn't be surprised if Maddie at least knows the theory." Like quicksilver he sobered, "but she wasn't…close to anyone, never even allowed herself a little tendré for a guard or knight."

"So she's never allowed herself to lust over a man because it would reflect badly on her or your parents?" Morrigan knew she sounded confused again and shook her head. Cogburn and Maddie were so down to earth it was easy to forget they'd been raised as the highest nobility. The rules of such folk, any folk beside the Chasind were far beyond her understanding.

"I doubt she's allowed herself to feel anything beyond mild friendship for anyone beyond our family." Cogburn sighed. "She's my sister and I love her, and I wish she wasn't falling for the future king of Ferelden. But he seems to genuinely care about her and if he gives her any happiness before we all get killed I'll be pleased with him to my dying day."

"Seems to me your sister could be the queen if you two make Alistair king." Morrigan drawled lazily, "If we're to be concerned with her happiness that could be the best way to achieve it."

"We?" She felt Cogburn look at her and his hand squeezed her hip in a quick caress. "Suddenly you're in this mess with me?"

"Your sister is the first…friend I've had besides…well you." Morrigan said quietly, wondering if she'd said something wrong. "I don't like him, I think he's a fool, but if Maddie wants him and you truly think she'll be pleased to have him, then I'd do whatever I can to get him for her."

"You are a good friend to have." Cogburn suddenly kissed her with a passion that shocked as a moment ago he'd been only absently stroking her skin. Morrigan laughed and kissed him back, feeling his appetites rouse as quickly as his mood changed.


	42. 42 Alistair

_It was only one hour ago_   
_It was all so different then_   
_There's nothing yet has really sunk in_   
_Looks like it always did_   
_This flesh and bone_   
_It's just the way that you would tied in_   
_Now there's no-one home_

Alistair heaved a sigh of relief as they entered the mountaintop temple, he preferred to avoid high dragons if possible. Maddie exchanged a look with him and he knew she was worried about getting back out of the temple. She had lost the inevitable coin toss before arriving at Haven and ostensibly the consequences and decisions fell on her shoulders. The dragon would be their biggest obstacle if it chose to attack. They were both brought up short in their forward progress by an apparition. A ghostly looking man in knight's armor and a hood of Andraste's faithful.

"I bid you welcome pilgrim." The guardian's voice was deep and reverent.

Alistair watched Maddie take a deep breath. "I am here for the Urn of Sacred Ashes." She declared firmly.

"You have come to honor Andraste, and you shall, if you prove yourself worthy." The guardian intoned gravely.

Maddie glanced at Alistair and then looked at the guardian. "I need the Ashes to cure a noble man." Alistair found himself hoping that would be a worthy enough reason but…

"Still you must prove yourself worthy." Apparently… not; Alistair nearly rolled his eyes as the guardian continued. "It is not my place to decide your worthiness. The Gauntlet does that. If you are found worthy, you will see the Urn and be allowed to take a small pinch of Ashes for yourself. If not…"

Alistair wasn't sure he liked that. It sounded more than a little ominous. Apparently Maddie didn't care for it either. From the look on her twin's face Cogburn shared their sentiments.

"What is the Gauntlet?" She asked quietly. The ex Templar found himself envying Maddie her calm. Did nothing rattle her?

"The Gauntlet tells the true pilgrims from the false. You will undergo four tests of faith, and we shall see how your soul fares."

Alistair wasn't sure he liked the idea of anything judging the state of Maddie's soul. What if that something decided the Darkspawn taint was enough to damn her? What if she was feeling more whimsical than wise today?

He heard Maddie sigh audibly and looked at her. She had her calm face on. The one she wore when she had to deal with things she didn't like. Abominations, possessed children and foolish Orlesian Arlessas.

Cogburn spoke from his position on Maddie's other side. "Can you tell us anything else about the gauntlet?"

The guardian shook his head. "You will understand what it is when you face it."

The girl's back straightened as Alistair watched from her side. "Very well, I will enter the Gauntlet."

The guardian began to speak, his tone implacable. "Before you go, there is something I must ask. I see the path that led you here was not easy. There is suffering in your past—your suffering, and the suffering of others." Alistair wondered if the ghost was a seer. That could be handy; though anyone who looked at Maddie closely enough could see that her life hadn't been exactly easy of late. "You abandoned your father and mother, leaving them in the hands of Rendon Howe, knowing he would show them no mercy."

Alistair barely kept his jaw from dropping. He'd known they'd barely escaped Highever with their lives, he'd known that Arl Rendon Howe had murdered their family. But she'd never said anything about having to abandon her parents. He'd thought Duncan had found the twins and gotten them out of Highever. He should have known. Alistair shook his head. Maddie would never have cowered in her room while others fought. She'd probably gone out and taken on Howe's men. And at such a price…poor dear girl. A glance at Cogburn showed the man's jaw set like a rock, his hands flexing as if he'd like to pull out his weapons and attack.

The guardian continued without mercy. "Do you think you failed your parents?"

Maddie's jaw set and her lips firmed. "No, I—we had to survive, to tell Fergus that we were betrayed." She replied, her hands clenching and unclenching at her side.

"Then you do not dwell on past mistakes—neither yours, nor someone else's." The guardian sounded somewhat approving. That was a first Alistair quipped to himself. Still…he could tell Maddie was upset by the memories, her face was pale and her eyes dark with remembered pain.

Alistair found himself speaking before he could lose his nerve. "It's easy for others to judge what you've done, in hindsight, but it doesn't make it any better."

Even Morrigan seemed annoyed by the guardian's questions. "One wonders what this guardians' purpose is. Be wary of his traps."

"What's past is past. Why bring it up and open old wounds." Leliana asked her voice disturbed.

"And what of those that follow you." The guardian inquired. Alistair had the feeling he wouldn't like this. He hoped he acquitted himself as well as Maddie had.

"Alistair, knight and warden…you wonder if things would have been different if you were with Duncan on the battlefield." The guardian asked him.

Alistair nodded, "I…yes. If Duncan had been saved, and not me, everything would be better. If I'd just had the chance maybe…" He looked at Maddie and could see from her expression that she did not feel everything would be better if Duncan was accompanying her, but he couldn't blame her. She'd never known the kind of man Duncan was. Alistair hoped he could be just as good a man as his mentor had been; for Maddie's sake if not his own.

The Guardian went on to question Leliana, asking her if she considered herself Andraste's equal, saying she'd invented the vision from the maker for attention. Needless to say that did not go over well. Morrigan didn't even let the spirit get two words out before cutting him off. Sometimes Alistair could appreciate Morrigan's…wit. Mostly not, but times like these…oh yes.

Finally the guardian intoned. "The way is open. Good luck, and may you find what you seek."

Alistair followed Maddie into the temple and did his best to keep his eyes off her hips and the area…between her hips. The next room was filled with apparitions. When they moved towards one of the glowing figures it began to speak. The riddle was one Alistair had never heard and Maddie had to ask the figure to repeat the words. Finally they all figured out the answer. Then they did it seven more times…

Alistair heaved a sigh of relief when they finally left that room. But what came next was worse…for Maddie, but not for him. Maddie strode into the next room only to stop short and nearly back off in a way he'd never seen. Even Cogburn came to a full stop, nearly freezing in place. A man of late middle years…perhaps near fifty years in age, with graying brown hair, and Cogburn's deep brown eyes. He had the build of a warrior who had aged well, a wiry man who looked as if he had moved quickly his entire life. Alistair looked at Maddie who obviously recognized the man. Tears had filled her eyes. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Cogburn taking a deep breath, obviously disturbed by what he was seeing.

The man spoke and Alistair immediately realized where Maddie had received her expressive voice and loving manner. "My dearest children."

Maddie's voice nearly broke on a sob, "Father?"

Teyrn Bryce Cousland apparition spoke gently but firmly. Alistair had never wanted to hold Maddie so badly. "You know that I am gone, and all your prayers and wishes will not bring me back." Maddie's shoulders went back; Alistair could see her bracing herself for what she was to hear. "Pup...I know you miss me, but my death, and my life, no longer have a hold on you."

The ex Templar watched Maddie's face as her eyes never left her fathers. The apparition spoke firmly. "You have such a long road ahead of you, and you must be prepared. And so I leave this in your hands…I know you will do great things with it."

Something tangible passed from the hands of the apparition to the hands of the pale girl. Her head bowed for a moment as if she couldn't bear to see her father fade away again. Alistair touched her shoulder as she stood for a moment and was rewarded when Maddie looked up at him with a wavering smile. She turned and looked at her twin and with a deep breath handed him the object their father had given her. Cogburn pulled her into a rough embrace, his face in her hair while she took deep almost sobbing breaths into his shoulder. Alistair looked away, hoping to give them a moment to collect themselves before they entered the next room. A very large part of him wished he could do something to comfort her, them. His gaze met Morrigan's and her dark green eyes were just as concerned as his, one of the few times they'd been in agreement. The Knight's gaze flicked over Leliana, the bard was shifting her weight as if she felt uncomfortable with the twins' pain. Alistair saw Morrigan's eyes follow the direction of his gaze and a moué of disgust twisted the dark lips.

The witch moved slightly, as if she wasn't sure what she should do, or how, for a moment she looked as helpless as Alistair felt. Her eyes moved over Cogburn and his twin Alistair felt a twinge of compassion for her, Morrigan so obviously wasn't sure of her social footing and she had no way to know what was the wrong thing to say. Leliana had started to edge forward, her hand raised as if she would try to pull Cogburn into her embrace. Alistair did his best to keep his face expressionless though he could feel his eyes trying to roll towards the heavens. If Leliana really thought Cogburn needed her comfort more than he needed to hold his twin then the girl wasn't delusional about just her vision from the Maker.

Before it could become too awkward, or Leliana could edge closer to Cogburn, the Cousland twins took deep breaths and Cogburn raised his face from Maddie's hair. His gaze met Alistair's eyes and the rogue's lips tugged into a melancholy smile before he bent and whispered in his sister’s ear. Maddie turned and tried to smile at Alistair and the Knight felt his heart crack at the look in her eyes. All he could do was offer her a hand, squeeze her fingers in his and step back, allow her to lead again.

The next room brought more madness. A battle, against spirits, their own abilities turned against them. Alistair thought his heart would stop when Maddie charged into the fray, taking on the spirit with Morrigan's powers. But Maddie prevailed, as she usually did, cutting the mage down. He was amused to note that the spirit with his abilities was destroyed pretty handily by Cogburn. The rogue grinned at him and Alistair shook his head as if shocked and dismayed by such occurrences. And the door opened to the next room, more riddles…how delightful.

An altar…and a wall of fire. Maddie cast him and the others a look cautioning them to stay back as she moved carefully towards the altar and read what was inscribed upon it. Alistair watched as her shoulders tensed beneath her armor and she took a deep breath before turning back to them. "Cast off the trappings of worldly life and cloak yourself in the goodness of spirit. King and slave, Lord and beggar, be born anew in the Makers sight." She said in quiet voice that still carried above the roaring of the flames.

"But what does it mean?" Leliana wondered.

Cogburn's voice answered. "You're not going to like it."

Maddie's expression was grim and she dropped her pack on the floor. "Everybody strip." Suiting action to word she began to remove her weapons, pulling off her boots and unbuckling her armor. Alistair took a deep breath and slowly began to obey, doing his best to remember his Templar breathing exercises. Beside him the knight was vaguely aware of Morrigan, Cogburn and Leliana following suit. Keeping his gaze on Maddie was the easiest thing he'd ever done. Looking away once she was down to her undergarments was difficult. It was worse than the time she'd been wounded, worse than the fade dream.

The air in the temple from the back of the group was chilly but the flames before them were warm enough that they wouldn't freeze. Alistair watched as Maddie pulled off her boots and turned to flick a glance over her four companions before she walked towards the altar again. Alistair almost groaned at the sight of her moving, she was so lovely…Right, Alistair, this isn't the time, and her twin is watching you…think of the Reverend Mother in her knickers… grey, wrinkly, the stick she used on your knuckles when you missed an answer in class… The Reverend Mother…

Alistair forgot the Reverend Mother as Maddie walked through the wall of flames. "The woman will make me the first Grey Warden to die of heart failure." He muttered, watching carefully as the guardian appeared again. His voice rose as the flames died away and he congratulated Maddie on proving her worth in Andraste's eyes.

Maddie thanked him, her expression grave before she picked up her armor and hurried into it. The rest of them followed suit, Alistair having some trouble with his buckles. Maddie's white skin was extremely distracting and as usual when he was nervous he was all thumbs. Maddie got into her armor far quicker than he did but she waited for him before approaching the urn of Andraste's ashes. Cogburn just sent him a look that seemed to both smirk at his predicament and remind him of where they were.

It was amazing. That was the only word Alistair could think of. Maddie took her pinch of ashes and secreted it into a small pouch, safeguarding it for the Arl. And then they were leaving…back on the cold mountaintop… and nervously avoiding the notice of a large dragon.


	43. 43 Cogburn

_And you see the things they never see_   
_All you wanted I could be_   
_Now you know me and I'm not afraid_   
_And I want to tell you who I am_   
_Can you help me be a man?_   
_They can't break me_   
_As long as I know who I am_

Haven was behind them now, and Brother Genetivi on his way to Denerim. Maddie and Morrigan were talking about something at Morrigan's tent, he could see Maddie's shoulders vibrate with laughter and the teasing smile on Morrigan's lips. It was good to see the two women getting along considering he cared for both of them.

Alistair was making an attempt to cook, thankfully there was very little he could do to spoil rabbit. He'd managed to spit them and was slowly and carefully turning them. His gaze wasn't on the food though, and his pack was forgotten at his feet. Alistair's eyes were on Maddie as they always seemed to be. At Cogburn's approach he looked up. "How are you doing." The ex templar asked. "Avoiding the craziness?" He gestured towards Wynne and Leliana who were talking about religion again.

Cogburn rolled his eyes and groaned as Leliana cast a glance his way. "Maker help me, what have I gotten myself into." He muttered.

Alistair cast him a humorous look. "I'd be more afraid of Morrigan than Leliana, Morrigan might decide you'd make a good toad, Leliana would just talk you to death."

"I'd rather be a frog." Cogburn muttered. "Sometimes two women just aren't worth the aggravation, no matter how enjoyable the time spent in the dark."

The Knight turned a bit red at that and turned the spit a bit more. "I was meaning to ask you about that." He pushed a hand through his hair. "Why… why would you…I mean…isn't one…" His eyes darted towards Maddie and then just as quickly darted away. "Isn't one enough?"

Cogburn chuckled. "If you're a wiser man than I am, yes." He shook his head. "There are times I don't always think with my brain. My twin could tell you all about it."

Alistair laughed. "Oh yes, as if I'm not enough of a fool, I should ask her about that." He shook his head. "You didn't come over here to talk to me about that."

Cogburn shook his head and sighed. "Last night, I had another dream about the Archdemon."

"Yes, me too." The older Grey Warden took a deep breath. "Maddie woke at the same time as I, and she dreamed too. And I got the feeling at the end, there, that it saw us. Was aware of us. Whatever you want to call it. It could just have been my imagination, I suppose. What do you think?"

Cogburn sighed. "I think you're probably right." He looked at Maddie who had gone to speak with Sten.

"You know how some people want to be right all the time?" Alistair asked quietly. "Me, not so much. I guess one thing is certain, at least, isn't it. It's official. This is a Blight." The older Grey Warden sounded resigned and grim. Cogburn knew that Alistair had believed Duncan was right, that this was a Blight. He hadn't known the Knight was still hoping his mentor had been wrong.

Cogburn looked at Alistair and thought a slight change of subject was a good idea. Alistair was looking a bit too melancholy. "By the way, I wanted to thank you, for…watching out for Maddie, whenever I'm scouting or…occupied."

Alistair shook his head, his ears turning red again. "You might have noticed…being in Maddie's company isn't much of a hardship."

Cogburn grinned. "Yes, I had noticed that she seems to enjoy your companionship as well." He tilted his head at Morrigan and Maddie. "Well I'm going to brave the gates of hell and talk to the women."

Alistair grinned. "Before you do, we're heading to Redcliffe, right?"

Cogburn nodded, "Want to talk with the Arl before we get drawn into persuading the dwarves and elves to honor the treaties."

"That's what I was wondering about." Alistair said quietly. "The other Wardens would talk about Orzammar sometimes, and we might want to visit the elves first."

"Why's that?" Cogburn wondered, "There isn't a difference in the treaties."

"Orzammar, the dwarves, are odd, but they respect the Grey Wardens. I'm thinking that if we leave them for last, get everything else in line before we deal with them, we might be better off." Alistair explained. "Dwarves respect Grey Wardens, but they're odd about breaking tradition. We might be able to convince the elves but the dwarves may be more…amenable if we have the weight of other treaty holders behind us."

"You think if we have more might, the dwarves will give us more respect, be more inclined to join us." Cogburn said slowly. He nodded, thinking of all they had to do, Orzammar was closer to Redcliffe than the Brecillian forest but if what Alistair said was true, it might be best to have every other problem taken care of before approaching the dwarves. "I remember my father mentioning something odd about the dwarven city…how it only opened a couple times a year."

Alistair shook his head. "Grey Wardens are always welcome there. Dwarves are the first line against the Darkspawn; they're about the only ones in Ferelden that have always respected us."

"I'll talk to Maddie about it." Cogburn wondered what his twin would think. She'd undoubtedly have a million questions. "But I think you're probably right. Still it's going to take us at least a week to get to Redcliffe, so we'll have plenty of time to talk about it."

Alistair grinned. "Of that I have no doubt."


	44. 44 Maddie & Morrigan

_When these pillars get pulled down,_   
_It will be you who wears the crown,_   
_And I'll owe everything to you_

_How much pain has cracked your soul?_   
_How much love would make you whole?_   
_You're my guiding lightning strike_

When Maddie approached Alistair that evening as the knight was removing his gloves he smiled and winked. "Your desire is my command."

Maddie grinned at him, "Tempting…but I have some questions."

"Of course." The senior Grey Warden nodded his head and Maddie could just see his thoughts on his face. When didn't she have questions?

It wasn't easy to ask, but somehow Maddie knew she had to. "What changes about you after the Joining?"

His face grew serious and Maddie could tell he was dreading this conversation. "You mean other than becoming a Grey Warden?"

She nodded solemnly. "I have no one else to ask…You've been a Grey Warden longer than I have."

Alistair nodded his understanding. "Hmm… You know I asked Duncan this too, and all I got was…'you'll see'." Dark blue eyes gazed into hers, compassion filling them.

"He wouldn't tell you?" The girl asked; a bit confused.

Alistair shook his head, holding out his hands as if to ward off misunderstanding. "It's not that Duncan wanted to keep it a secret. It's just that the Grey Wardens don't discuss it much. I gather it's not a pleasant topic."

He took her hand gently, and Maddie turned her hand in his grasp, clasping his fingers with hers as he spoke. Alistair's voice was amused but his expression...it was melancholy in a way she rarely saw on his face since Lothering. "The first change I noticed was an increase in appetite. I used to get up in the middle of the night and raid the castle larder. I thought I was starving. I'd slurp down every dinner like it was my last, my face all covered in gravy. When I'd look up, the other wardens would stare…then laugh themselves to tears."

Maddie shook her head; bemused. "I haven't felt anything like that."

Alistair chuckled. "Really? Because I was watching you wolf down food the other day and I thought, 'it's a good thing she gets a lot of exercise'."

The girl's free hand flexed slightly as she looked up at him. "What can I say; I'm a growing girl."

"I'll say!" He laughed a bit and then took in the sight of her clenched fist. "Uh…I didn't mean it like that. Heh. Don't hit me! I bruise easily." Alistair gave a mock groan as she thumped him on the arm once with her fist.

His voice grew more sober as he continued. "Oh…and then there were the nightmares. Duncan said it was part of how we sense the Darkspawn. We tap into their…well, I don't know what you'd call it. Their 'group mind'." He raised the small white hand he still held and in an absent affectionate caress, kissed her knuckles as if for comfort. "And when we sleep it's even worse. You learn to block it out after a while, but at first it's hard. It's supposed to be worse for those who Join during a blight. How is it for you?"

The shudder that climbed over Maddie's skin was part desire over his kiss on her hand and part horror as she considered her dreams. "Nightmares…yes, I know what you mean." Grey eyes looked up into blue and Alistair gathered her into his arms, sinking down onto his folded bedroll with Maddie cradled between his armored legs and wrapped in his arms. For once he didn't think of her brother watching, of how Cogburn might disapprove, Maddie was more important. One of his hands still held hers, while the other absently stroked her hair. Maddie sighed. The topic was terrible but somehow Alistair could comfort her even as he imparted bad news.

He laid a kiss on her hair and continued to speak. "Some people never have much trouble, but that's rare. Others have trouble sleeping their entire life. They're just more sensitive, I suppose. Everyone ends up the same though. Once you reach a certain age, the real nightmares come. That's how a Grey warden knows his time has come." Maddie was glad his mouth was close to her ear, his voice had grown low, and she could tell he was reluctant to speak…but she had to know.

"His time has come?" She repeated his last words.

Alistair's tone grew determinedly jaunty and Maddie knew this was bad news indeed. "Oh that's right. We never had time to tell you that part, did we? Well in addition to all the other wonderful things about being a Grey Warden, you don't need to worry about dying from old age. You've got about thirty years to live. Give or take." His voice almost broke and his arms tightened around her. Maddie let her fingers clasp his more firmly. Thirty years wasn't long considering he was only a few years past his second decade and she'd barely reached twenty years.

His voice continued, rough with emotion and Maddie closed her eyes tucking her head under his chin, taking comfort from his strength and closeness. "The taint…it's a death sentence. Ultimately your body won't be able to take it. When the time comes, most of the Grey Wardens go to Orzammar and die in battle rather than…waiting. It's tradition."

Maddie pulled her head back to look up at him, a bit confused. "Why Orzammar?"

He shrugged and drew her closer. "You'll always find Darkspawn down where the dwarves are. The oldest Grey Wardens head to the Deep Roads for one last glorious battle. Not that there's a shortage of Darkspawn during a Blight, but that's the tradition. The dwarves respect us for it." Alistair's voice had gone dry at his last words. Clearly the respect of the dwarves was not something he was concerned with.

"And you wondered why we kept the Joining a secret from the new recruits! There you have it." Alistair's fingers combed through her chin length pale hair, playing with the strands.

Maddie took a deep breath and considered the Blight, the massacre at Ostagar and what would have happened if that Horde had reached Highever. Thirty years wasn't a lot…it was less than most had…but in thirty years, her father had sired three children, he and her mother had done great good before they'd been cut down. Her life was worth giving to stop the Blight. She wished silently that Alistair's life wasn't forfeit but he'd clearly considered the same things she had. Maddie could feel him growing more and more tense as he waited for her answer. "I never wondered that. I understand."

His voice was relieved and sad. "You know, Duncan…he started having the nightmares again. He told me that—in private. He said it wouldn't be long before he'd go to Orzammar himself. I guess he got what he wanted. I just wish it had been something worthy of him."

Maddie sighed. Even now, telling her of her own doom, the doom he shared, Alistair thought of absent friends. "He will be remembered Alistair. As will the others." She brought his hand to her lips and cradled it against her cheek.

His breath caught breaking on his words. "I know. Ending the Blight…should make all this worthwhile right?"

Maddie turned in his embrace, looking up at him, still holding his hand to her cheek. "My mother said she and my father had lived good lives and done all they could. That it was time for their children to do the same." She watched his face as she spoke, watched the meaning of her words reach him. "I am honored to be in your company Alistair. Even if we die defeating the Blight, fighting the Archdemon, I would be honored to die in your company; in thirty years in Orzammar or on the road during these mad quests. I would rather have thirty years with you than a hundred lifetimes with someone else."

Her reward was his smile as he bent to kiss her, in his whisper. "I would have you live for thirty years or more…and nag me about breakfast, watch shifts, armor and coin the whole time." He teased before his lips caressed hers.

* * *

 

 

  
_If I should float upon this stream_   
_And see you in my madman's dream_   
_I'd sink into your troubled eyes_   
_And none would know 'cept Lorelei_   
_River, river have mercy_   
_Take me down to the sea_   
_For if I perish on these rocks_   
_My love no more I'll see_

Morrigan chuckled to herself. Alistair was romancing Maddie, or was it the other way around, she could never be sure. Either way the two of them were standing near the fire and kissing rather…chastely. That was surprising. Maddie was a passionate capable young woman but she had yet to throw Alistair to the ground and mount him. The witch nearly chuckled. She'd done nearly that to Cogburn last night. Movement from the camp had her smile dying stillborn. Leliana was walking towards her, the bard's intention obvious. Morrigan moved towards the bard, she would not have such a preachy daughter of the chantry near her belongings lest further conversation be provoked.

"You look lovely tonight Morrigan." Leliana began in her usual gushing tone. "The new robes suit you."

Morrigan looked down at her clothing. Maddie had talked her into wearing something warmer, a soft clinging knit yarn tunic over her skirt, and gloves designed for a mage, to warm her hands and aid her magic. Something in Leliana's tone was grating, the girls eyes were bright and her smile a little too knowing as she looked over the witch. "I am not fond of sharing. You should know this." Morrigan spoke without a smile and kept her voice even.

The look Leliana gave the witch was derisive. "I haven't asked to borrow anything of yours."

Morrigan wished that she could coat the little wench in ice, just for a moment. "Nor would I lend it if asked. You would do best to desist and find your own."

Leliana shook her head. "Find my own what?"

The witch sighed. "This facade of yours is unconvincing. If 'tis a competition you wish, a competition you shall have." She folded her arms and stared at the bard.

"You wild folk are very odd. And possessive." Red hair swung over pale skin as Leliana shook her head.

"Do not play, do not pretend you do not know what I mean." Morrigan refused to infuse her voice with any emotion apart from boredom. "You can't possibly think he would prefer you?"

"Funnily, I was about to say the same thing to you." Leliana looked the witch up and down and sniffed in derision.

"Oh, and what exactly is it you believe you have to offer?" Morrigan drawled, her eyes sweeping over Leliana's figure and short hair.

The other girl lifted her chin, her voice defiant and condescending. "I don't know, but if we are together, it will be because he wants me and he loves me; these things are real."

Morrigan nearly laughed at the though. "And yet love grows rotten on the vine so quickly. A sour fruit that offers only a memory of sweetness, what is it worth, truly?"

"Everything;" Leliana sneered, "only a dried up shell of a person would not know that."

"We shall see." Morrigan rolled her eyes. "The way you look at him so intently, so hungrily... one would think you have never seen a man before."

The bard gave the Morrigan a roll of her eyes. "Where I look is not your concern."

"True enough." Morrigan smirked and looked over her shoulder to where Cogburn stood talking with Zevran. "There is no way I can deny you this... but why would he choose you, when he could have me?"

The bard's voice was like poisoned honey. "You're confident, for a woman raised in a swamp, far from anything remotely resembling civilization."

Morrigan smiled, remembering how she'd met the Grey Warden and how his warm gaze had dwelled on her even then. "And maybe that is my appeal? A woman like you, why, he could find in any city in Thedas. You think you are cultured? Worldly?" She remembered something Maddie had mentioned, how her twin hadn't valued any of the noblewomen he'd bedded. "Powdered, perfumed, you ooze elegance, but what man wants a woman who lies limp beneath him, frozen in place by the thought that she might ruin her hair?"

"So you're saying you're wild and uninhibited? I suppose he must like your shrieking, you sound like a genlock being murdered--a sweet, sweet sound to a Grey Warden." Leliana sneered at her. "You should try a little harder next time he takes you. I don't think they heard you in the Anderfels."

"Tsk, tsk, Leliana. Watch your jealousy, or you'll give yourself wrinkles." Morrigan chuckled, and knew her smile was smug as she recalled how Cogburn had made her scream with pleasure.

"Get away from me, or I shall have to take drastic measures." Leliana snarled ignoring the fact that she'd approached Morrigan.

Morrigan smiled more widely and couldn't help chuckling. "Resorting to violence. And here I thought you were civilized." She continued walking forward and thought she might tease Sten a little bit before she retired. Then she caught a snatch of conversation from Alistair and retreated to her fire, knowing that Cogburn would find her soon.


	45. 45 Alistair

_Til' all my sleeves are stained red_   
_From all the truth that I've shed_   
_Come by it honestly I swear_   
_Thought you saw wink, no_   
_I've been on the brink, so_

_Tell me what you want to hear_   
_Something that'll light those years_   
_Sick of all the insincere_   
_So I'm gonna give all my secrets away_

Despite the bad news he'd just imparted Alistair was enjoying his evening. Morrigan hadn't mocked him so far, her attention being taken up with Leliana. Maddie had as much as told him she would enjoy living with him for thirty years. Her twin hadn't appeared to warn him off holding Maddie in an embrace. He had her wrapped in his arms, her soft hair under his chin…and he was encased in metal from collarbone to toes. "Would you grant me a boon?" He asked her teasingly.

"It depends upon the boon." She looked up at him and smiled. Maker he loved to see her smile like that, a contented lazy smile. It made him want to kiss her. Alistair almost chuckled. Everything about her made him want to kiss her.

"Well I'd like to arrange for more of that testing you said you needed…but I'd rather we not be armored for battle." He raised an eyebrow as he looked at her Drakescale armor and his Warden Commander plate. "Would you be kind enough to help me out of this tin? And allow me to return the favor?"

"Why Alistair…" Maddie's expression took on a slightly wicked cast. "Are you saying you want to undress me, or that you want me to undress you?"

The Grey Warden and Knight grinned back at her. "Whichever favor you are most inclined to grant."

Maddie looked at his face and then her eyes wandered to his shoulders and she looked down to where she sat cradled between veridium covered thighs. "Let me give you a hand with your armor." Her soft voice sounded more like a purr and her hands moved to the buckles of his shoulder guards.

Alistair tried to breathe deeply and slowly as her hands moved over his armor, to his buckles, to the thin clothing beneath the armor. When she'd finally divested him of every bit of chainmail Alistair had completely lost control of his breathing and was ready to tear her armor off to get at her. "Maddie…you've managed to completely undo me." He touched her shoulder guard. "Will you…allow me the same privilege?"

Maddie's eyes glowed up at him. "I would very much appreciate it if you would remove my armor Alistair, so much so, that if you do not, I might have to use my fists on you." Her hands continued to wander over his chest, teasing him until Alistair started to remove her armor. His hands were nearly shaking but she was finally clad in nothing but the tunic and short breeches she wore beneath her armor.

Alistair looked at her and pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head and rubbing her shoulders. "Will you tell me something?" He murmured, "If I do whatever you ask of me now?"

Maddie wiggled closer to him, and Alistair tried very hard to think of the wrinkly Reverend mother as Maddie's backside nestled into his groin. "Your desire is my command." She replied teasingly.

"We've never spoken of how you came to be a Grey Warden." Alistair murmured, his hands rubbing her shoulders and arms. "You listened to me, when I needed to talk about Duncan. When I needed to talk about Arl Eamon, my sister, and my father and brother. But you've never asked me to listen to you." His lips brushed over her cheek and hair and ear. "Let me hold you, and comfort you, while you tell me about your family…and Highever."

Maddie looked at him and her eyes were brimming with tears. "Not exactly the romantic query I was hoping for…but I have shot a few awful questions at you lately." She said sadly. "All right…but you have only yourself to blame if I cry all over you."

Alistair felt his throat tighten at the blatant sorrow in her voice and wrapped his arms around her tightly. He wanted to hold her and never let go. "Tell me, and I'll keep you safe while you mourn." She was so small in his arms, she seemed so fragile without her armor, defenseless against her grief. "I promise Maddie, Madelaina…you'll feel better if you tell it. You did that for me. Let me do it for you."

Her voice was a shaking whisper. "It started when my father called us to the great hall to meet his guest…and to tell us Cogburn and I would be in charge of Highever once he and the Arl rode for Ostagar." Alistair listened, holding her tightly when her voice broke at times, as she described meeting the Arl, then meeting Duncan, her curiosity about the Grey Wardens, about Ser Gilmore and her mother's guests, the Priestess in the Chantry, her brother's wife and her nephew and her brother Fergus. Everything that had happened in the hours before she went to her room and her bed for that night.

"I woke because Rooster was barking at my bedroom door. I could hear men in the hall…and screaming…" Maddie sniffed and Alistair fished a handkerchief from his pocket for her.

"And you and your twin armored up and went out to see what was going on." Alistair smiled slightly when she looked up at him in surprise. "Do you think I could follow you, see you fight Darkspawn and undead horrors the way you do and believe that you cowered in your room waiting for Duncan to save you? You're the bravest person I know…I knew you would fight." He kissed her forehead and tucked her head under his chin in a prompt for her to continue.

And so Maddie told him of the battle through the halls of her childhood home. How the girl sharing Cogburn's bed that night was cut down without mercy. How she, her twin and her mother had found a servant, and with Rooster had made their way to the Hall. How they'd retrieved the Cousland family sword and shield, and how Cogburn and Maddie had begun looting bodies of their bandages, healing potions and anything valuable as it became clear that she and her family would have to flee. And she told of the dead they found. Her sister-in-law from Antiva, her little nephew who wanted a sword, her mother's guests, every family servant and even the old Tutor and their Priestess, all dead. She spoke of Ser Gilmore's sacrifice. And finally, of finding her father, Teyrn Bryce Cousland near the servants exit, dying of a mortal wound.

"I'm so sorry my dear." Alistair murmured, feeling tears come to his own eyes. Loghain had betrayed the Grey Wardens, but Maddie's father had been betrayed by an old friend and his entire family slaughtered but for his daughter and sons.

"No sympathy yet," Maddie looked up at him. "You haven't heard…everything." She tucked her head against his neck and told him of Duncan's entrance and of his condition for his escort out of Highever. "I was angry at first…even though I'd been interested… but then I started to realize that as awful as Highever was…it was done by men, not monsters…and the Blight would be far worse. It took until Ostagar for me to truly understand. I'm sorry Alistair."

Alistair pulled her away from him so he could stare down at her tear streaked face. "Am I to understand that you're worried I'll be…disappointed because, upon being told the price for your life was that you join the Grey Wardens…which is essentially a thirty year reprieve on a death sentence, you weren't exactly thrilled?" He hugged her to him and kissed her forehead, her eyes and cheeks and finally her mouth. "Maddie, my dear one, I think if I'd been in that situation I might just have told Duncan where to stick his sword. I admire your forbearance especially in such a terrible time."

"He did save my life." Maddie said a bit breathlessly, Alistair found himself pleased that his kisses were a fair distraction from grief. "And my father thought it a good enough bargain, though he didn't know everything about the Joining. But it got us out. And Howe's treachery was reported to Cailan."

"I am so glad you agreed to the bargain, to the Joining." Alistair whispered in her ear, feeling her shiver against him. "What would I do without you?"

"You'd be making eyes at Leliana or Morrigan?" Maddie actually gave a small giggle.

"Oh cruel woman…" He slid his hands down her shoulders to her waist. "A lay sister of Andraste or a Witch of the Wilds? Those are my choices?" Alistair touched his forehead to hers until he was staring into the most beautiful grey eyes he'd ever seen in his life. "I wouldn't be flirting with either or them, or Wynne, or Sten or Zevran or your twin…because you are the only woman, the only person I want to make eyes at. So I am grateful that it is you who survived with me."

"Thank you." Maddie's lips turned up in a trembling smile. "Now…I would ask a boon of you." She whispered.

Alistair nodded one hand moving from her waist to touch her cheek with gentle fingers, feeling how soft her skin was. "Anything."

"Kiss me. Make me forget the past, at least for a while." She pressed her body to his, her breasts crushed against his chest as she raised her face for his kiss. Alistair forgot to breathe and immediately began to grant her boon, his mouth happily devouring hers.

Unnoticed by either of them, their companions, who had drawn closer to the couple by the fire, eased back. Sten to contemplate his leader's losses and wonder if family was to her what his sword was to him. Leliana, to put aside her anger and pray for her friends and leaders. Zevran to consider how he might best aid the quest he had only taken half seriously until this moment. Wynne to rethink the speech she'd been intending to give Maddie the next time they spoke. And Morrigan…Morrigan remained where she was, sitting beside Cogburn at her own small fire nearby, gifting him with her company as they both listened to the events that had led to their meeting. Morrigan looked at him thoughtfully and began to consider her herbs, and if she might soon begin crafting a potion or two for the Couslands.

Alistair finally broke their kiss, Maddie's soft moan of protest like music in his ears, knowing he couldn't take anymore. He'd do something… rude or uncouth or unwanted. "We have to stop." He held her as tightly as ever, unable to release her from his arms, not wanting to relinquish the feel of her soft body against his. Every time she took a breath her breasts pressed against him, like the sweetest torture. "Before we scandalize our entire camp." He didn't sound terribly convincing even to himself.

"Sometimes Alistair…" Maddie's callused fingertips touched his face, her battle scarred hands feeling better than any pampered court lady's ever could. "Sometimes…I could wish you weren't such a gentleman." She laid a gentle kiss on his lips. "But you are…so I know that I can trust you. With my life…and with this." She pulled his hand from her hip, pressing it to her chest where her heart beat like a trapped birds wings beneath his fingers.

"Maker save me woman." Alistair groaned. "What you do to me…" He kissed her again, hungrily, the taste of her lips and tongue driving him mad before he pulled himself to a halt again. "Dear Maker! Madelaina Cousland, my lady, get your sweet…person to your tent and hide from me before I am run completely mad."

Her immediate obedience was too much to hope for of course. She embraced him one last time, and her soft whisper remained with him for the rest of the night. "You make me crazy Alistair…but thank you so much for everything tonight. You were right."

It took some time for Alistair to stop reeling from the feel of her lips on his skin and take in the meaning of her words. Of course, he didn't have a great deal of blood flow to his brain until several minutes after she'd left his embrace. But once he could finally think…a smile curved his lips. "I was right…" He turned at looked at Maddie's tent. "Then she does feel better. Thank the Maker."

Deciding he'd better get some sleep before he drove himself mad rethinking everything that had gone on, Alistair unfolded his bedroll and gathered up Maddie's armor, leaving it in a bundle by her tent's entrance. His own he put in a pile near his bedroll and pulled his blankets over him. Finally he allowed himself to think of Maddie in his arms, so passionate and lovely… and slipped into sleep blessedly free of nightmares.


	46. 46 Cogburn

_They say the sea turns so dark that_   
_You know it's time, you see the sign_   
_They say the point demons guard is_   
_An ocean grave, for all the brave,_   
_Was it you that said, "How long, how long,_   
_How long to the point of no return?"_

Cogburn rose from Morrigan's bedroll and tucked the quilts around her. Her gaze was questioning and he gave her a smile. "I need to speak with my sister." He explained softly. "What we spoke of…I'll need her to support that." He laid a finger on her lips. "I promised you, and I'll keep my word. But without Maddie, it could be very bad. If I get her to agree… she'll get Alistair."

"I understand." Morrigan murmured. "Come back if there's time before your watch."

Cogburn nearly closed his eyes at the touch of her hand on his face, for a woman who insisted there was no such thing as love, she could be unbelievably tender. "I shall." He promised. "Would you like me to return after?"

"If you like," She smiled sleepily. "I cannot promise to be awake."

He grinned wickedly. "Then I'll take great joy in waking you for breakfast. Perhaps I'll feast on the tender flesh of my witch." Her lazy chuckle was the only response and Cogburn moved as quietly as possible, pulling only half his armor on and buckling the rest of it on his way to Maddie's tent. A day closer to Redcliffe and Maddie had another watch in the middle of the night, after Alistair.

Entering his twin's tent was as risky as barging into her room had been when they were twelve. It was a bit of a surprise to find Alistair already crouched by Maddie's feet, trying to gently shake her awake. The Knight was just as surprised to see Cogburn and started to fumble out an explanation. Cogburn just shook his head, feeling unaccountably annoyed. "I know it's hard for her to wake in the middle of the night." A wicked grin creased his face. "Maybe you should kiss her awake like that old story."

"Do you think I won't?" Alistair muttered, "You just gave me permission."

Cogburn laughed dryly and began gather up Maddie's armor for her. "Well wake her up, get her in a good mood and put her on shift. I need to talk to her during her watch."

Alistair chuckled and moved further into the tent. Cogburn watched, more shocked than he liked to admit when the Knight bent down and did just as Cogburn had suggested. Alistair stroked Maddie's hair and kissed the girl awake.

Cogburn left the tent. It was one thing to tease Alistair about kissing Maddie. It was another thing entirely to, deliberately, watch while he did it. Hearing his sister's soft murmur and Alistair's voice in reply Cogburn reached in the tent and poked Maddie in the foot, making her squeak. Enough was enough, the girl had to learn to roll out of bed like everyone else, the male rogue thought to himself with a frown.

Alistair chuckled and said something. Maddie's irritation was plain in her tone, but her voice softened as the Knight said something more quietly. Finally Alistair came out of the tent and shrugged at Cogburn. "She liked your suggestion." He offered. "But you sort of wrecked the mood when you poked her."

"She needs to learn to be on time for her watch. What if we were attacked in the quarter candlemark it takes for you to wake her?" Cogburn nearly growled. "I'm going without sleep half the night because I need to speak with her."

Alistair's eyes narrowed at him and for a moment he looked every inch the king he could be. "There have been several evenings you've been late for your watch and she hasn't said anything." He pointed out, his voice polite if his expression wasn't. "I'd also point out that if she weren't spending all her time worrying about coin and supplies and how to travel across Ferelden while you romance half the unrelated women in camp then Maddie might need less sleep."

Cogburn tilted his head and wondered when Alistair had decided to grow a spine. Before he could say anything Maddie came out of the tent. "Alistair, it's all right." She laid a hand on his shoulder and a kiss on his cheek. "Please go get some rest. You're tired."

Another glare at Cogburn and kiss to the top of Maddie's head and Alistair took himself off to a bedroll by the fire. Maddie took her armor out of Cogburn's hands and strapped it on as she walked towards the edge of camp.

"You wanted to talk to me and you're on edge enough that you're snapping at Alistair about me." Maddie observed. "What's wrong?"

"You know Morrigan and I…" Cogburn began and rolled his eyes at her expression. "All right you know that. And I told you I'd found that book she really wanted, the one her mother lost to the Templars, right?"

"You told me she was thrilled to get it. She even mentioned to me how helpful it would be." Maddie nodded. "I take it something in the book is not good news."

"Morrigan thought it would be spells." Cogburn explained. "Instead she found a ritual of her mother's design." He began to explain what Morrigan had told him; what the ritual was designed to do. Maddie nodded periodically to indicate that she was listening and when he'd finished turned and looked at him.

"So Morrigan believes the only way for her to be free, the only way she’ll live, is to kill Flemeth. And we’ll have to do it without her help." Maddie summed up the situation. "I take it you agree?"

Cogburn nodded slowly. "I think Flemeth has lived a very long time somehow and between her legends and the tales of many daughters, none of whom or descendents of which, seem to exist any more, indicates that Flemeth's method of extending her life is considerable havey-cavey."

Maddie sighed. "So you already told her that you would kill Flemeth." Grey eyes suddenly seemed tired in a way that had nothing to do with lack of sleep. "Did you tell her when?"

Cogburn shook his head, "I didn't commit to a time; just said I'd do it." He took a deep breath. "And I told her I needed to talk to you about it."

"Because you can't do it without me, or without Alistair and if you convince me, you convince him." Maddie folded her arms, her spine straight as a spear as she stared into the darkness. "Why should I agree?"

"Because I need her…" Cogburn said quietly. "We all need her." He couldn't articulate how he needed Morrigan.

"Well that's one reason." Maddie's tone echoed his. "So I should agree to put all of us in danger, to kill a woman when we have no proof of anything she's done wrong beyond Morrigan's word."

"Morrigan…" Cogburn shook his head. "She might be lying but I don't think she is. She was convinced the book would contain spells. How she looked when she told me about what she'd read… she wasn't lying to me."

"And you want me to agree to this because you're in love with her." Maddie's voice was implacable.

"Just as I'll support Alistair for king so the man you're in love with will at least live." Cogburn retorted.

Maddie's head snapped around. "I'll do it Cogburn." Her pale gaze had hardened to ice. "I'll even ask Alistair to help. But be damn sure that you do love her, that she loves you."

Cogburn wondered when his sweet charming twin had frozen inside. "Maddie…" He began his attempt to placate her.

"No." She snapped the words out at him. "No, you can tease Alistair about kissing me, you can fuck two women in one night and leave the rest of us caught in the middle when they start arguing, and you can imply that the man I love will take the crown and not me." Maddie slashed her hand through the air like she wished she was holding a dagger. "All my life I've had to watch you do whatever you liked while I had to put down my daggers and pick up a needle."

"And now you'll decide that Morrigan isn't worth it?" Cogburn asked angrily, keeping his voice low with an effort. "She's better than Alistair and Wynne give her credit for."

Maddie sighed. "Morrigan is my friend. And if she asked me I would say yes. Because I believe she's right about her mother. But she didn't ask me. You did. You taunted the man I love more than anyone into kissing me and waking me in a haze so you could try to manipulate me into agreeing to whatever you asked."

"I didn't tease him about kissing you because I wanted to manipulate you." He said quietly. "I was just teasing him. When he said I'd given him permission and then went and did it… Alistair surprised me."

Maddie stared at him. "I already told you I agreed. But I won't force anyone to come with us." She turned and looked at the camp. "I'll ask. I won't manipulate him into it. I can't do that Cogburn, figure out what to say to make him react in the way I want."

Cogburn sighed. "I've never meant to hurt you." He touched her back, hesitantly, and when she didn't pull away, draped an arm over her shoulder. "Not back then, not these days. Leliana was a challenge… Morrigan...she's because…I can't stay away."

Maddie's eyes had turned back to scanning the road. "I can understand that." She sighed. "I just don't understand two in the same night."

Cogburn nearly chuckled. "Do you know what it's like to spend yourself with two different women each night?" When Maddie just rolled her eyes at him Cogburn continued. "No? Too bad; if you said yes, I was going to ask for a full description."

A giggle escaped her before she could stop herself and Cogburn hugged her. "I love you twin. But…I think…"

"You love her too." Maddie's voice was gentle.


	47. 47 Maddie

_And if I only could,_   
_Make a deal with God,_   
_And get him to swap our places,_   
_Be running up that road,_   
_Be running up that hill,_   
_Be running up that building._   
_If I only could, oh..._

It was several nights and an ambush later that Maddie approached Alistair with another question. "Something you need my dear?" He asked with a smile.

Maddie hesitated, hoping she was bringing up good memories, not bad. "Would you tell me…what was it like to be a Grey warden with all the others?"

He nodded still half smiling. "I didn't know them for very long, but I guess it was longer than you. You never met them all, did you?" He paused a moment, considering. "They were quite a group. Actually, they felt like an extended family, since we were all cut off from our former lives." A chuckle escaped the ex Templar. "We also laughed more than you'd think. There was this one time… well; you probably don't want to hear stories about men you didn't know."

The girl shook her head in denial. "No, I'd like to hear about them." She took his hand. "I'd like to know what they were like…what we're fighting to avenge."

Alistair grinned at a sudden memory. "There was one Grey Warden who came all the way from the Anderfels. What was his name? Gregor? Grigor? He was a burly man with the biggest fuzziest beard you've ever seen. And the man could drink. He drank all the time but never got drunk. Finally we all made a pool to see just how many pints it would take to put him under the table." His entire face was alight with humor at the recollection.

Maddie smiled up at him, it was so nice to see him happy. "Sounds like you had a lot of fun."

"Sometimes. We were kin, of a sort. All of us had gone through the Joining, so we knew…anyhow, it doesn't have to be deadly serious all the time." Alistair shrugged, his half faded smile rekindling. "Anyhow, we never did find out. He said he'd drink a pint for every half-pint that the rest of us drank. He was still going by the time the rest of us were passed out."

"I'm told that Duncan walked in later on and saw us all passed out from one end of the hall to the other and Gregor still drinking. Duncan laughed until he nearly…until…" Alistair's voice faded into grief and Maddie cursed herself inwardly.

"I'm sorry." Maddie forced the words past the lump in her throat. "I just wanted to hear some of your good memories. This is so hard for you."

Alistair took her hand and his thumb rubbed across her knuckles. "Yes, I…I suppose so. I thought I was done with this, but…I know you meant to make me smile…" He sighed. "It just struck me that I have nothing to remember Duncan by. Nothing at all. There's no body, not even a token of his that I could…take with me. That must…sound really stupid to you."

She shook her head, unaware of how fierce her expression was. "You never sound stupid to me. I know how you feel. But…you have your memories of him." Maddie's voice and face softened, "Just as I have the memories of my father."

"I just would have liked something of his to take with me, that's all." Alistair tried to explain. "Like we were bringing him with us, you know?" He shrugged, to Maddie's eyes visibly trying to shake off his gloom. "Well there's no use moaning about it, is there? He's gone."

Maddie nodded slightly, using her hand in his as leverage to tug him closer. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, one hand slipping up to his neck, pulling his head down to hers. Her lips murmured against his. "I'm sorry." She brushed her mouth over his lips, willing to do anything to distract him from the pain.

Alistair responded better than she'd hoped, wrapping his arms around her and holding her up against him, keeping her mouth level with his and pulling her up to her toes in order to keep kissing her. His hands pressed her ever closer until if felt as if Maddie could feel his heart pounding against hers, even through veridium and drakescale. He kissed her as if he would devour her entirely, as if she were the only food he desired.

Finally, breathing as if he'd run up a mountain in full plate and pack, Alistair's hold eased, his grip on her waist and back loosening so she was standing at her normal height. His kisses gentled, soft, light caresses of his mouth against hers. And then he spoke. "You may ask me any question, bring up any memory that causes pain or sorrow…so long as I may kiss you afterward, and down my sorrows on your lips." His hand touched her cheek and smoothed her mussed hair. "I hope you know… I would do anything for you."

Maddie smiled at him, unaware of how bright and joyous her expression appeared. "You may always kiss me thus, whenever you feel the need." A teasing light dawned in her eyes then, "unless we are in deadly battle. Then you must wait."

"And I am properly schooled." Alistair laughed down at her. "And by such a tiny little thing as yourself. No wonder men are ruled by their women."

"And a most intelligent man you are…to realize it is so." A saucy grin on her lips Maddie touched her fingers to her lips and blew him a kiss before she turned and walked away, putting an extra sway in her hips just for his benefit. The resultant groan she heard from her Knight was certainly worth the effort.


	48. 48 Morrigan

_You cannot quit me so quickly_   
_There's no hope in you for me_   
_No corner you could squeeze me_   
_But I got all the time for you, love_

_The space between the tears we cry_   
_Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more_   
_The space between the wicked lies we tell_   
_And hope to keep safe from the pain_

Morrigan looked up as Maddie approached, the female rogue didn't look especially happy this evening, a curiosity considering Alistair had just kissed her senseless not a candlemark ago, just before he'd gone on watch. "Maddie," Morrigan greeted her guest. "Will you sit with me?"

Maddie summoned a smile, obviously trying for a better mood and only half achieving it. "Thank you Morrigan." She sat in the peculiar, to Morrigan, way that warriors had, knees akimbo, feet tucked under the opposite knee. It was a position the witch had observed many who used a sword or dagger assuming around the fire, balancing weapons or armor over their spread laps in order to clean or polish equipment.

"Tell me, is that way of sitting comfortable?" Morrigan wondered. "I saw the Chasind sit in such a way at times."

Maddie looked down at the way her legs were arranged and tucked the skirt of her armor more securely between her thighs. "I find it very comfortable when I'm in armor. It isn't quite as enjoyable in a long skirt, unless the skirt has slashes or is very full."

"So not a position your mother taught you to assume." Morrigan guessed and was almost immediately sorry for it as Maddie's bright grey gaze darkened sadly.

"No, it isn't ladylike…though Mother was quite a capable warrior herself." Maddie smiled. "She fought with us through Highever, to find Father. Someday Leliana might be Mother's equal with the bow."

"If she was a warrior, why constrain you to such a…useless role as a lady?" Morrigan tried to ask the question as politely as possible. Perhaps she failed more badly than she realized as Maddie burst into giggles.

"A lady useless." Maddie took Morrigan's hand and squeezed it. "I can see why Cogburn adores you." She grinned at the witch. "And part of me agrees with that assessment. Many noblewomen are useless. But Mother met Father during the Rebellion, and she fought as hard as he did to expel the Orlesian occupation from Ferelden."

"Then…why?" Morrigan wondered. "Clearly you are talented at what you do here. Foolish though I find him, Alistair is skilled in battle and he finds you to be supremely competent, as is your twin." She added hastily.

Maddie's smile grew wider until a grin threatened to split her face. "Nice save." She teased the witch. Morrigan grinned back and poked the girl in the knee.

"Give me an answer or Alistair's beloved will be a frog for the night as he seems to so fear." She mock threatened, raising one hand in a ridiculously theatrical gesture.

"Peace, peace!" Maddie giggled. "Don't frog me Morrigan, please!"

Morrigan smiled and realized that insane as this journey was, she'd never laughed so much in her life as she had since meeting the Cousland twins. "For now," She arched an eyebrow and wiggled her fingers threateningly. Her lips twitched, holding back a laugh as she watched Maddie's face.

"Ah…" Maddie sighed. "Mother was raised…properly…and she never regretted that. But she also learned the skills she would need to defend her home. And that was also something she found valuable." The girl shrugged. "She saw no reason I couldn't do and be both. And her idea of a lady is somewhat different than most."

"In what way?" Morrigan wondered. "I mean…I did not find the Arlessa of Redcliffe impressive in the least, but she is a lady is she not?"

"Oh…" Maddie rolled her eyes, "That one. Yes I suppose she is the sort of lady that is proper especially by Orlesian standards. Properly helpless and lacking forethought for certain." Morrigan's face must have shown her confusion because Maddie continued her explanation and the witch found herself more interested in talking to her friend than in appearing wise. "A proper lady knows a lot about how to prepare a sumptuous banquet, how to be a good hostess, plan a salon…"

Morrigan made a face. "Prepare a sumptuous banquet, plan a salon..." She echoed. "Sounds most…practical."

Maddie giggled. "But that's my point. It's not." She shook her head. "Planning a banquet requires planning a menu, ordering foodstuffs and arranging guests according to rank, political inclination…that sort of thing."

"Can you do that?" Morrigan asked curiously. "It seems as if 'twould be fair complex."

The girl smiled. "I was taught to do all of that." She explained. "But Mother was like you, she believed in practicality. So in order to be the lady my mother thought appropriate to my station, I had to learn everything she knew. To be a chatelaine as well as a lady."

"A chatelaine…a keeper of the keys?" Morrigan gave the old definition of the title.

"As Mother was," Maddie smiled. "Mother ran the keep. She could defend it as well as my father, should he be away and Highever attacked. She knew how to get a harvest in, a fair price on spices, how to cook a basic meal, and what was the best season for hunting. How to…care for the Highever and its people as well. And how to do a little bit of everything, otherwise how would she know if a servant was doing the work properly?"

Morrigan looked over the camp with a thoughtful eye. "And your father taught you both about war. How to plan and equip a camp for efficiency and defense." Green eyes narrowed thoughtfully at the girl. "But you know how to allocate supplies, because your mother taught you what would last and what should be used immediately. Your life must have been a constant…education."

Maddie nodded. "Oh yes… more so than my brothers…my mother knew that when—if I married, I'd need to have all of her skills. It was my choice to learn from my father as well. But that's why Cogburn and Alistair defer to me when we go to the market. Though, Alistair is actually more practical than my twin usually is. It must come from living in the stables for years before being sent to the chantry." As Morrigan's watched the girl's face flickered with emotion, sorrow and delight and then irritation settling on her features.

"But 'tis also why you are the one worrying about coin and provisions more than your twin." Morrigan observed, "Is that why you're annoyed?" When Maddie frowned at her Morrigan spread her hands in mock surrender. "You approached my fire in an…irate frame of mind…and as we talked it eased, but now…"

"I'm irritated again." Maddie admitted. "Part of it is just as you said. I worry a great deal over all of it. And part of it is your request via Cogburn that we… remove Flemeth from the equation."

"That upsets you?" Morrigan asked, more worried than she liked over this gold mirror girl's opinion. Though Maddie had proved more resilient than that gold mirror Flemeth had smashed. "I…would not ask it…but I do not wish to…become a mount for Flemeth to ride."

Maddie took Morrigan's hand in hers. "I wish you had asked me yourself." She said with a squeeze to the witch's fingers. "But I agreed to help you and I will. I know a fair amount of my irritation stems from…other issues."

Morrigan looked closely at the girl and decided to try a different tack. "If 'tis Alistair that bothers you why not tell him to let you be?" She asked in a reasonable tone. "Zevran has made it no secret that he would welcome your company come nightfall."

Maddie's fingers released Morrigan's as if the witch held fire in her hand. "What?"

The green eyed witch would have laughed were Maddie in more of a mood to joke. "If Alistair cannot satisfy you then seek a man who will."

"Morrigan!" Maddie sounded appalled. "I know you don't…I mean…" Frustration contorted her mouth before she shook her head and started again. "Alistair—"

"Is clearly a fool in bed as well as out if you are so irritated with him." Morrigan interrupted. "Throw him out of your tent and take Zevran in, and see if he better satisfies you."

"I have not had Alistair in my tent for…for… that, yet." Maddie tacked on the last word belatedly.

"Oh?" Morrigan pretended surprise as she studied the girl. "No wonder you are so…frustrated." She eyed Maddie speculatively. "Why not just… pull him into the woods and put him to good use then?"

"I can't." Maddie shook her head. "What if he told me no?" Her voice vibrated with repressed misery at the thought.

"The man is besotted with you. He will not tell you no." Morrigan rolled her eyes.

"He was raised in the Chantry for most of his life Morrigan. He hated it, but some…things remain from our childhood whether we like them or no." Maddie pointed out.

"Have you considered taking care of matters yourself?" The witch asked, knowing it was a terribly personal question but it was a practical solution to the problem.

"You mean…take myself in hand, so to speak?" Maddie lowered her voice. When Morrigan rolled her eyes but nodded her confirmation the other girl sighed. "It doesn't help."

"Are you sure you're doing it right?" Morrigan's voice was dry as dust.

"Morrigan!" Maddie blushed and then shook her head, giggling. "Yes I'm sure I'm doing it right. I know what a bloody orgasm feels like."

"You're such a lady otherwise…how was I to know you were so practical about this?" Morrigan grinned.

The girl sighed and shook her head again, blushing. "My sister by marriage was Antivan. I've been doing that for years. Though I have the feeling Cogburn believes I know nothing about the area between my thighs, or that breasts are for more than feeding babies."

"Rest assured I will not tell him otherwise." Morrigan drawled. "I only asked such a…question because that is the normal way to…satisfy such urges when a man is not…hmm…available."

"Why Morrigan…" Maddie fluttered her eyelashes teasingly. "Are you offering?"

The witch felt herself begin to blush, and snatched her hand away when Maddie made to kiss her fingertips. "Madelaina I am no red headed…bard." She hissed and rolled her eyes when Maddie started to giggle at her.

"Oh Morrigan, I do love you." Maddie sighed as her laughter faded. "You're a wonderful friend." Morrigan stared at the girl and felt a smile dawn on her face. No one had ever said such to her, not without wanting something in trade. But Maddie didn't want anything of the witch, she only asked to be a friend in return. "What?" Maddie asked, her eyes darkening. "Are you all right?"

"You're…a good friend too Maddie." Morrigan smiled. "Now before we were distracted by talk of men…you were telling me of what your mother required to be her idea of a proper lady. I should like to examine the Arlessa when we reach Redcliffe in a few days to see if she is as useless as I first thought. And I am most curious that your twin escaped all this training as it seems quite useful for a man as well."

Maddie laughed until tears streamed down her face. "Oh it would be." She sighed, "Sorry, I was trying to picture Cogburn in a dress."

Morrigan couldn't stop her laughter as the image invaded her mind. "Red velvet…he'd look wonderful." She giggled remembering Leliana's inane chatter about red velvet gowns.


	49. 49 Alistair & Maddie

_i just want to tell you nothing you don't want to hear_   
_all i want is for you to say,_   
_"oh, why don't you just take me where i've never been before?_   
_i know you want to hear me catch my breath"_   
_i love you 'til the end..._   
_i love you 'til the end..._

He couldn't take it any more. He had to tell her. Muttering to himself Alistair paced by his tent, trying to figure out the best words. He'd thought of asking Zevran for advice…certainly the elf seemed experienced…but most of the conversations he'd had with Zevran were unmitigated disasters ending in mockery. And the last time he'd done something Cogburn had suggested it had worked out well enough but it hadn't been about something this important. And the day he asked Cogburn for advice on how to woo the man's twin…well, Alistair shook his head, that day would be a long time coming indeed.

He'd never have thought in a thousand years that he'd take anything Morrigan said seriously but while Maddie was scouting and Cogburn was talking to Leliana, the witch had looked at Alistair very seriously and threatened to turn him into a toad or worse if he didn't so something to ease Maddie's mind. When he'd asked what Maddie was so worried about Morrigan had given him the patented female 'if you don't know I won't tell you' look.

He must have appeared truly anguished and more than a little desperate because after a moment the witch had relented. "Every woman in the world wishes to know how the man she cares for feels about her, before she…makes an irrevocable choice."

He'd spent the rest of the day thinking as they'd traveled, barely able to concentrate on anything else as he poured over his memories of Maddie and their conversations. He was truly an idiot if he didn't at least tell her how he felt about her. Then at least she'd know he cared, that she was… she was everything to him. Alistair admitted to himself as he considered what to do. She had been from the moment he'd met her.

What if she was offended? What if she didn't want more than kisses? What if he completely insulted her by asking…? Cursing to himself Alistair decided he'd never find the right words…maybe Maddie wouldn't mind a little awkwardness… he had to at least try. Screwing up his courage the Knight approached the slender girl. "All right. I guess I really don't know how to ask you this."

Maddie smiled her welcome though she felt rather confused. Alistair had been pacing and muttering to himself at the edge of the camp for near half a candle mark. "Ask me what?"

Alistair shook his head helplessly. "Oh, how do I say this? You'd think it would be easier, but every time I'm around you, I feel as if my head's about to explode. I— I can't think straight." His hands waved wildly trying to emphasize his dilemma.

The girl nodded, still smiling a bit. "I feel the same way." About to explode explained how she felt around him all too well, nothing seemed to diffuse her need for him. And if he didn't do something soon she was going to embarrass them both by dragging him off to her tent.

Alistair nearly groaned. "Well, I hope you mean the head exploding thing in a good way." He took a deep breath trying to get the words out without fumbling. "Here's the thing: being near you makes me crazy, but I can't imagine being without you. Not ever." He took in the smile still on her face and the look in her eyes…was welcoming? Alistair forced himself to take another breath. "I don't know how to say this another way. I want to spend the night with you. Here, in the camp. Maybe this is too fast, I don't know, but…I know what I feel." He could feel his voice getting lower; it was suddenly hard to breathe.

Thank the Maker…Maddie wasn't sure she would ever have had the nerve to ask him to bed. "I thought you'd never ask." Maddie took his hand, her fingers trembling and drew Alistair closer, her sigh of relief audible. "I didn't want to…do anything that would…offend you, Alistair. But I want—need you…so much."

Alistair loved it when she did that, drew him in, inviting him to touch. And now she was going to allow him to touch all he liked. His bright, strong, confident Maddie was trembling with nerves. "Let's… go to your tent?" He whispered. "I doubt you want Sten and Zevran, or worse your twin, to get an eyeful…and I know I don't want to share you." Her husky chuckle was acquiescence enough as she led him to her tent. It wasn't the first time he'd been inside; thanks to their long days and watch schedules he'd had to wake her up more than once. But this was different.

Alistair was finding it hard to breathe, the fire threw just enough light through the walls of the tent that they could see, but not so bright that he would get more nervous. He suddenly couldn't get his chainmail off, his fingers fumbling with the straps. Maddie giggled at him and shook her head. "Let me help." She offered. If he tried to tear his armor off he'd ruin the buckles and probably bring the tent down around them. If that happened awkward would be the mildest way to describe the situation. "I'd…like to." Suddenly she felt shy. She'd seen him without his armor before…but she'd never seen all of him. Only that fleeting glance at Andraste's temple, and a few times bandaging his wounds.

Alistair nodded. "And I'll help you." He carefully began unbuckling her armor, trying to be gentle as he removed the drakescale. It was hard to think with her hands busily removing his greaves and chainmail, she was awfully nimble with her fingers. Her hands stroked his flesh where she found it, petted and squeezed through cloth, and her mouth kissed his hands, his cheek, his neck until he felt as if he'd go mad with need. He felt clumsy as he traced fingertips over the bare skin of her forearm, the fragile veins in her neck, and the hot skin blooming over her cheeks.

It wasn't long but it felt like too long before they were both down to their tunics and trous…and then Maddie's hands slid under his tunic…her fingers hesitant. "Alistair…may I?" She wasn't certain if he'd be too shy to completely disrobe with her, he was chantry raised. But his smile was warm and so welcoming of her touch as she stood close to him.

He couldn't help it, that she would ask, she was so sweet. Alistair pulled her closer and kissed her. Kissing Maddie made everything right with the world, even in the middle of a Blight. She was squirming to get closer to him, and her hands pulled and pushed his tunic up until he was forced to let her go so Maddie could pull it over his head. He knew he was blushing, he wasn't exactly an awe inspiring sight, but if she wanted to see him…Alistair thought at that moment that he'd strip off his skin if she had the sudden urge to see his bones.

Maddie stared, his skin was golden, and his chest intensely muscular, it was now so obvious how he bore the weight of all the veridium armor. He was all tanned gold and brown everywhere, sparse reddish blond hair trailing from his chest down his naval in a tempting line. All she wanted to do was touch…and half raised a hand…hesitant...he couldn't be real. How he could want a skinny, half grown girl like her… "Alistair…you're so… beautiful." She whispered. "How you can…even…I mean…I'm not…" She shrugged. "I'm…small, skinny."

Alistair blinked, she was reaching as if she wanted to touch him, but she'd stopped. "Small?" He asked…he must have misunderstood her. Did she mean they wouldn't fit? No…her expression was…shy…and a little…worried, she'd said skinny. "Oh Maker." He got it. She was comparing herself to Morrigan and Leliana… And she was worried he wouldn't want her to touch him? Well he wasn't having any of that. Taking her hand in his, Maker she felt so delicate in his grasp, he pulled her palm forward gently and placed it on his chest, over his heart. "I'm yours Maddie," he whispered, "Yours. You touch me however you like, though I'd prefer if you didn't use your fists on me. You can be scary you know." That relaxed her a bit, she giggled.

With boldness he didn't know he had, Alistair reached for Maddie's tunic and pulled it over her head. Kneeling in front of her, the knight pressed kisses to the soft skin over her ribs, sliding his hands up to her breasts, bound within the tight wrap that held them below her armor. His fingers slid beneath the tight fabric until he found the lacings and pulled it away from her flesh. Her breasts swelled, full and pale and tempting him with dark rosy tips. "Maddie… you're so beautiful." He breathed, fascinated with how her nipples tightened at the touch of his breath on the sensitive flesh. She was trembling again, shuddering as she stared down at him. Carefully he drew her forward, pulling her into his lap, until his mouth was level with her breasts and did what he'd been dreaming of since he'd first seen Madelaina Cousland.

Maddie blushed, staring down at him as Alistair gently brushed his lips over her breasts; he looked as if he was worshiping at Andraste's altar. He was so careful with her, tender as if he was worried he'd hurt her somehow. But everywhere he touched fire seemed to ignite her skin. Even his hand, feeling huge over her spine as Alistair supported her in his embrace, felt like the sweetest heat. Then his lips closed over her nipple while his hand palmed her other breast and she moaned his name. "Alistair."

Her voice was like smoke and honey… Alistair groaned against her skin and pulled her closer. He could feel his flesh straining against his clothes and couldn't care. Her hands were clutching his shoulders, fingers sliding through his hair, pulling him closer to her body. She felt so good, sounded so sweet, gasping little cries of passion as his lips teased her flesh.

Maddie couldn't take anymore. He was driving her mad and she had hardly been able to touch him yet. Her hands clenched at his shoulders until his mouth finally had her sinking in his arms, her breasts falling away from his mouth. Finally she could kiss him, frantically, desperate to make him feel even a fraction of what he'd ignited inside her. "Alistair…" She gasped against his lips. "I…"

"Are you all right?" He managed to gasp the words out between kisses, hard as it was for him to think of words and then articulate them; his brain was definitely lacking blood flow. It killed him to ask…but if she was afraid…or he was doing something wrong…he knew he was going to do something stupid…he just knew it. Maddie liked kissing, he knew that… and it was wonderful… Alistair wracked his brain for anything he'd heard women liked, one hand was still cupping her breast, his thumb rubbing over her nipple. "Is this…all right?"

"I'm fine…its—you're wonderful…" Her face was pink, suddenly she felt so shy and at the same time, desperate to feel him against her. "I just want to take the rest of our clothes off…because I don't want to stop. At all. Ever. I want to be yours…and you mine." Maddie buried her face in his shoulder, so glad she'd said it but feeling so forward at the same time. "I…I don't want to rush you…or push or…make you feel… uncomfortable…" she mumbled into his skin.

"But…" Alistair could feel his cheeks stretching into a grin as he looked down at her, "clothes off." His fingers touched her hair, tugging her face up to look at his. "I told you…I'm yours Maddie. Your desire is my command. And oh Maker do I want your clothes off." He looked down at her, the breeches that were dipping low on her hips already, exposing the ties of her smallclothes over her hips. And suddenly his hands knew just what to do, pushing the fabric down her suddenly very long legs…her feet kicking the fabric away. And when her hands started to pull at the ties of his breeches Alistair also knew he'd better keep something between them a while longer. "Not me…not yet." He shook his head.

Maddie suddenly wanted to hit him and frowned dangerously at his smiling face. "Yes, you. Now!" She demanded. Here she was near bursting out of her skin with need to have him and he wanted to stall? Was he really crazy? Just how frustrated did he want her to be before they finally made love?

Alistair never thought he would grin to see that look of murder on her face, but that it was out of desire for him was the most wonderful thing. "I just know…that if you get your hands on me…that if I…get free of this… I might lose…control." He pulled her into his arms again, reveling at the feel of her bare skin against his. Maker, it was hard to remember words when her breasts were rubbing against his chest. "I remember hearing…the first time…for a girl…a man has to be careful…or…she might not like it. And I want very much for you to like this...and hopefully want to do it again." Every time he took a breath their flesh pressed together, it was like torture, wonderful torture.

Maddie moaned at his words. "You are such a noble bastard." She muttered, her mouth against his neck. His flesh tasted right, hot and salty against her mouth and she kissed him there, feeling him shudder at the feel of her lips on his skin. He'd wrapped her tight in his arms, her breasts pressed against his chest and her nipples lightly abraded by that sparse hair every time she took a breath. It was the sweetest agony she'd ever felt, worse and better than his kisses when he'd keep his hands still on her shoulders or back because they were in full view of the camp. Desperately she kissed him.

"Literally." Alistair chuckled and kissed her back and then groaned as her hand slid down to his trous. "Maddie… that's not…" he tried to remember how to talk as she began unlacing his trous, pulling them down his hips and off his legs. His smallclothes were next, revealing just how arousing he found her. The sudden absence of compressing cloth was a relief in part, but all the blood fueling his brain drained to his lap. "Maddie…" all he could do was groan her name as her hand clasped him, her fingers gentle but firm. "Bad idea…very… not good…" His words were disappearing with every touch.

"Trust me." Maddie bent over him, loving that he wasn't really arguing with her, was nearly powerless to even speak. Oriana had been a font of information that no innocent girl should know…and Maddie had a great deal of fun hearing all the things a woman could do to a man once they were wed. Spying on her brother and his wife, or her twin and his women, had given her an entirely different education from her lessons with the sword and dagger. Tentatively she touched the tip of her tongue to Alistair's sword, licking at his flesh and was rewarded with a groaned curse. "Alistair…" She teased him. "Does that mean I should stop?"

"Maker, no!" The knight groaned as she lapped at his flesh again, and then patted the bedroll. Disoriented he rearranged himself, legs stretched out before him, body propped up on his elbows and the pillow, lying on top of the quilts so she could kneel between his legs. Alistair stared as her lips slowly engulfed his cock, those sweet pink lips…sucking on him now…feeling unbelievable, so good… warm and tight… he was going to lose control. "Maddie…you have to stop… I can't…"

"Hmm…" Maddie stopped for a moment, her chin resting on his hip. "Oriana told me that if a woman does this to a man until his seed comes that when he recovers the man is more able to take his time." She frowned thoughtfully. "I've never done this before…I hope I'm doing it right. You'd tell me if I wasn't wouldn't you?"

"Doing it right…" He could barely think, "How would I know?" He reached down to grasp her shoulders and pulled her up so he could touch her cheek. "You want me to…in your mouth?" Alistair blinked. "That's…all right with you?"

Her fingers swept gently up and down his flesh and Maddie kissed his palm. "Just tell me if you don't like something." She murmured and slid back down his body.

"Are you certain you want to do this?" Alistair found complete sentences difficult with Maddie's face so close to his groin. "I don't need…I mean… I…"

Maddie smiled lazily up at him, her hand still stroking his cock. "Oriana made sure I knew a lot of things my mother would never have taught me. She was from Antiva you know." She tilted her head sideways and licked his erect flesh. "Unless you want me to stop…" her eyes darkened. "Am I doing it wrong?"

"Maker help me Maddie love, I told you, how would I know?" Alistair half groaned and half laughed. "I love it…I just don't want you to do anything you don't like." His hand reached out to caress her hair and face. "You can do whatever you want with me Maddie. I love you." He'd never seen such a look of joy on her face. It was blinding, the glow of her eyes, her smile so sweet, happiness practically radiating from her skin.

"I want to do this…" Maddie began to lick and suckle on him between words. "And then…you…" She turned pink and stopped talking, concentrating on sucking and licking until he was panting and moaning her name. It was a powerful feeling, this man who was so strong, who would be king, was helpless under her mouth. And it made her feel good, warm, she could her body flush and dampen the more she licked and sucked on Alistair's cock.

Alistair fought to keep his hands at his sides, knuckles white as he gripped the bedroll. His eyes wanted to roll back in his head but he couldn't stop watching her. She was so lovely, he just wanted to touch… Her mouth was so hot…wet… and he was… he was… "Maddie…I'm going to… Maker…Maddie!" He groaned as his seed shot into her mouth, like fire through his body as he came.

"Hmm…" Maddie tilted her head thoughtfully as she swallowed and looked around for her waterskin. A quick rinse and a nice swig of water later she crawled up to his side and was immediately wrapped in those wonderful muscular arms. "So you liked that." She grinned at him.

Alistair groaned and began to kiss her neck. "If I liked it anymore I'd be dead." He began to roll her on her back. "And I'm going to give you the same pleasure if it kills me."

Maddie giggled. "The way you make me feel when you look at me…it won't be too difficult." She stretched against him, loving how his body felt against hers. "The way you make me feel now…You could have me now…" She kissed his forehead. "Will you have me now Alistair? Please?"

Her shocked moan as he began to suck on her breasts sounded delightful to Alistair's ears. He slid one thigh against hers, feeling her soft flesh welcome him, their legs tangling together. Maddie's skin tasted wonderful, the salt of her sweat, the scent of the soaps she used, and the feel of her nipple tightening in his mouth, easing as he sucked on it…and how her back arched up, pressing her flesh to his mouth.

"Alistair…" Maddie moaned. "Please…oh Maker please." Her thighs parted invitingly, her flesh damp with need. Her hand slid down to clasp him again, and was gently caught around the wrist.

Alistair lifted those delicate fingers to his lips and kissed her palm. "I can't take anymore of that Maddie… I want to please you now." He said gently. He placed her hand on his chest, holding it there. "But I love your touch." His gaze traveled over her body, the long legs and slender waist, hips curving and drawing his gaze to the apex of her thighs covered in silvery blond curls. "So beautiful…" Alistair nearly groaned, his voice half gone with need for her already. The curls were darker than her soft braids and his breath caught when he realized the darkness was from moisture…she desired him that much…was wet for him. His heart seemed to triple its beat. "Maker help me, Maddie…you're so lovely."

He looked down at her pale skin and slid a hand down to that damp flesh, feeling the wetness of the silvery curls, his fingers slid down between the soft folds and the girl in his arms moaned. Zevran had said something, mockingly of course, but something about the feast of the gods…lying at the apex of a woman's thighs. The elf had laughed and said that doubtless the Warden would learn of it in time…and muttered something about the Grey Warden's deathbed.

Alistair cupped her mound in his hand, feeling a shudder streak through Maddie's flesh as he did. He knew the basics of how females were made…tipsy older Grey Wardens made for quite an education…but putting it into practice… He slipped his fingers up slightly, pressing and felt such wonderful damp heat around his fingers. Maddie moaned his name as his hand moved and one knee drew up slightly, parting her thighs further, pressing his hand against her body.

"Maddie…" Alistair groaned and bent to kiss her stomach, "I want…will you let me…" His mouth touched the silver blonde curls and her thighs opened further for him. His hands slid underneath her bottom, cradling her under his mouth. He felt his cock throb and jerk hard between his legs at the feel of her curls under his lips, the taste and scent of her body and feel of her slick honey coating her mound.

"Alistair." She was almost whimpering his name. "I'm yours…" She lifted her hips. "Please…" Her hand slid between her thighs, and as he watched, her fingers slid through her nether lips, caressing, pulling her folds apart for him to see the moist opening of her sheath. Her fingers dipped and stroked near the top of her slit, rubbing slightly and Alistair watched mesmerized as her fingers grew damp on her flesh.

The knight groaned at the sight of her, slick with need, silver curls wet and her lips pouting. "Maker help me." Tentatively he bent forward, letting his lips and tongue slide over her curls in a kiss. Her moan was encouraging enough so he did it again, his tongue touching a swelling bud beneath her fingers, like a hot little tongue between those lips. Maddie's hips jerked against his lips and a cry of need burst from her mouth. Her fingers pulled away from her body and settled on his shoulders, her hips arching up to his tongue.

Alistair groaned and let his lips surround that bud, suckling it like he had Maddie's nipples. His eyes caught movement and he saw Maddie's hands rise to her breasts, caressing them and his body grew painfully hard to see her so passionate. Her moans were like music, quickening as he licked and kissed between her thighs. He watched as her head thrashed back and forth as he sucked on her, heard her cry his name and felt trembles start from her center and erupt over her body. Praying to the Maker it would please her Alistair slid a finger inside her sheath.

Maddie almost wailed as Alistair kissed and suckled her body, feeling as if a fire was living in her skin. He was slow over her flesh, almost deliberate, like he wanted to memorize what pleased her. The measured build of heat and need was delightful and maddening. She couldn't stop shivering, her hips jerking against his mouth in helpless passion. And then her body went mad, she wasn't ready for the pleasure that swept over her, his tongue and lips surrounding her flesh, implacably caressing as she began to come apart for him. "Alistair," his name emerged as a moan that nearly became a shriek as he pressed a finger inside her. The fire on her skin exploded, multiplying, covering her body as she came.

Alistair groaned into her as Maddie's pleasure took her. Lifting his mouth from her body he watched her as she shuddered in his hands. He slid another finger inside her as she jerked against him and pressed the heel of his hand to that bud he'd suckled. Rising over her Alistair rubbed her mound, hungry for more of the beautiful sounds she made when she came. Her arms reached for him and he couldn't resist.

The feel of her was overwhelming; Alistair groaned in need as he settled the length of his body over hers, their hips meeting, her breasts pressing to his chest as her arms wrapped around him. Her thighs parted, cradling him, his cock jerking and pressing hungrily against her mound as he withdrew his fingers from her sheath. Trying to hold her tightly, but to not crush her, Alistair braced himself on his forearms, his hands sliding under her back. "Maddie… Maker help me…Maddie I…"

Maddie almost sobbed when Alistair lay against her, his fingers withdrawing from her sheath, his body hard and warm against her trembling flesh. She'd never felt such exquisite agony, desperate to feel him inside her. She didn't care anymore that it might hurt, that he could lose control, there was only the devouring need to be filled. "Alistair, please… I need you..."

He wanted to ask if she was sure, wanted to say he could wait…but he couldn't. His body was too hungry to bury himself in her, it was all he could do to not twist his hips and plunge home like a hound rutting. He needed her too badly, it was almost pain, this need. "Maddie… mine…" Alistair moved his hips, his body pulsing against hers, the tip of his cock weeping fluid against her mound. The knight felt his body spread her thighs farther apart and his shaft jerked against her mound, seeking her sheath, finding her… "Ohhh…Maddie…" Alistair whispered, his voice near a moan at the hot wet feel of her sheath enclosing the tip of his cock.

Maddie knew she was panting, like she'd run the mountain at Haven all over again, the feel of him inside her…even just the tip of him, was shocking in its heat. She thought she'd known how it would feel, his fingers had felt delicious, but this… this sensation, eclipsed that as the sun eclipsed a candle. She grasped his shoulders, pulling his body towards hers. "I always have to pull you to me." Maddie whispered. "Please Alistair…have me, love me." His body began to slide inside hers… full and tight and hot…so hard inside her, it felt as if she'd split in two and die of the pleasure and fire of it. Pain, twinges like little needles on her skin, blending with the ecstasy of his body filling hers, made her cry out in shock and delight.

Alistair couldn't have stopped pressing into Maddie if he'd tried, her body seemed to pull at his, drawing him forward, forward… She was so tight…wet and hot wrapped around him. A soft cry from her lips drew him up short… she was hurting. He groaned in dismay forcing his body still, every base instinct protesting, wanting nothing more than to bury himself in her. Alistair took a deep breath, halted, waiting…if he could just stop for a moment, would it ease her. It felt like his body had a mind of its own, throbbing and swelling against her flesh. "Maddie," He gasped her name, hoping she'd tell him what to do, how he could help.

Maddie moaned in dismay when Alistair stopped pushing inside her. "Oh…no, don't stop." It hurt for only a moment, but he felt so right…so perfect inside her… Wonderful and hard…every inch of him pressing her open… Her hands clutched at his shoulders. "Alistair don't stop." She moaned and thanked the Maker that he was done being noble as Alistair slowly thrust completely inside her. He made her feel so full, so good…burstingly tight inside, heat radiating from his body outward into hers. "Maker…Alistair… yes…" She hissed the word in a long moan of pleasure and his hips met hers hard and firm.

Alistair bent over Maddie, bracing himself on his elbows, conscious of how deeply connected they were. Her eyes had closed while he'd begun to slide inside her, but now beautiful grey eyes stared up into his and she smiled. She was so…lovely…Alistair dipped his mouth to hers, unable to help himself, he had to kiss her. Her breasts rubbed against his chest, her hands stroking his back, warm and loving. When her knees drew back and her legs wrapped around his waist Alistair groaned into her mouth and pressed his hips to hers instinctively, feeling every muscle in his body blaze with pleasure at the feel of her body around him, under his.

Maddie's breath caught in her throat at that, a tiny gasping cry, and her body shuddered in need under him. She'd never felt so alive…his body filling her, pressing down against her. Her eyes opened as Alistair began to move more certainly, thrusting inside her and sliding back, warm delicious pressure building in her belly. "Alistair…Oh…ohhhh…" She moaned again and tried to move with him, pressing her hips up to his, meeting him as he thrust inside her.

Alistair groaned as Maddie moved under him, and strained to keep his pace deliberate, to not twist and slam his hips into Maddie like he was a mad thing. She was trembling around him, a delicious feeling of pleasure as she came close to the pinnacle…her sheath was tightening around his cock, and he groaned again. "Maddie…" He couldn't stop moving, he was going to lose control, his hips began to thrust harder, her body taking him in so completely...

Maddie thought she'd die before he was done with her. Every movement increased the pleasure building inside her. She could feel him, harder and harder, pounding into her until the pressure was too much. "Alistair…don't stop… don't stop…" She moaned the words… She couldn't take anymore…it was too much…her hands clutched at his back, wrapping up to his shoulders, seeking any anchor, needing his strength to hold her to earth as she flew to pieces under him, the explosion beyond anything she'd ever felt.

Alistair moaned into her mouth, her scream swallowed by his kiss. She was convulsing around him, her sheath squeezing his cock as she came, so tight and hot around him. He needed her so badly…she was so tight…hot and sweet…taking him in… he was going to… Maker help him, he felt his body jerk, couldn't stop shuddering over her, felt the lava, the fire spill out through his body, flooding him, filling her as he came so hard, so deeply inside of her. He lost his breath, lost his words, could only groan her name in delight as his seed spilled into her body.

Then they were simply holding each other, bathed in delight. Alistair couldn't stop touching her face, smoothing her hair, tracing his fingers over her skin. She was so delicate beneath him, and still so strong. Afraid he was crushing her, Alistair finally lifted himself from her body and pulled her to his side, wrapping his arms around her body so they were spooned together.

"You're so beautiful." He murmured. "I can't do without you."

"Mine…" Maddie whispered quietly. "All mine." She turned to look at him. "Handsome Alistair, I am keeping you."

Alistair smiled down at her. "Hmm… you know, according to all the sisters at the monastery, I should have been struck by lightening by now."

Maddie gave him a lazy grin. "That so?"

He chuckled. "Yep; lightning first, then the end of civilization as we know it. I'm a bad, bad man." Alistair couldn't resist, he kissed her cheek. "You do realize the rest of our little party here is going to talk, right? They do that."

She stretched against him, enjoying how his body felt against hers. "First smart comment and I feed them to the Darkspawn."

"See? This is why I love you." His smile faded a bit and his dark blue eyes stared down at her. "So…what now? Where do we go from here?"

Maddie looked up at him and saw the future king of Fereldon. Even if he was to be king…she couldn't let him go, wouldn't give up her heart now, he was everything. She'd love him forever. "We stay together, no matter what happens."

"Right. I can handle that. I hope." Alistair looked around the tent and hoped she'd tell him to stay. "Before we go, have I told you that I love you?" When she smiled happily and nodded he grinned and teased. "I did? Well, it won't kill you to hear it again, will it?"

"I love you too." Maddie smiled up at him, any resolve to resist him crumbled away completely. Her worry for the future must have shown in her eyes because Alistair kissed her gently.

Alistair laughed down at her. "See? Was that so hard?" One finger traced the curve of her jaw and the elegant line of her neck. Even now…he wanted her again, he could feel his body growing ready again, and he couldn't keep from touching her. And she loved him, his brave wonderful girl was shy about the words, but the look in her eyes, soft and tender, spoke of everything she felt.

"Yes." Maddie nodded. "It really was…but if you'll stay with me tonight…stay with me all night…" She slid her hand up his chest to caress his face. "I'll tell you as often as you like." Would he ever see, she wondered, how lost she'd be without him, how much he mattered to her, that she'd do anything for him?

He wrapped her up in his arms, suddenly uncaring of his body's demands and only wanting to hold her she was so dear. "Then I'll stay all night." He kissed her. "And I'll tell you I love you for as long as you can stand to hear me."

"You'll be talking all night." Maddie kissed his neck and shoulder and finally his lips, "Because I'll never get tired of hearing it." Her hand slid down between their bodies, seeking him, feeling his arousal against her thighs. A wicked smile spread on her lips and she kissed him more deeply, her fingers clasping his flesh and squeezing him teasingly.

Alistair groaned as Maddie began to stroke him, up and down in a way guaranteed to drive him mad. "Love," He tried to draw breath and couldn't, his hands sliding down her back to cup her bottom, pressing her body to his. "Love, Maddie…"

She blinked up at him. "You don't want to?" Grey eyes stared up at him in surprise and her fingers loosened around him. Maddie wondered what he was thinking. Maker knew she loved him but sometimes the path of his thoughts confounded her. He had his hands on her bottom, her breasts pressed tight to his chest, his body roused and hard enough to pound tent pegs into the ground, but he was stopping her.

"Maddie, with you…I always want to, I have since…" He thought back and finally admitted, "Practically since we first met, I've wanted you, loved you nearly as long." Alistair rested his forehead on her shoulder. "I just…I thought you'd be…tender…or need rest…um…here." One hand slid between her thighs from behind to touch her mound and sheath carefully.

"A little, but we have middle shifts again tomorrow if we don't reach Redcliffe so we…well I doubt we'd get any rest if we…" Maddie wasn't sure how to finish the sentence. "Well I'd have time to…get better… and I…" the girl gave up and kissed him, as passionately as she could.

"Hmm…" Alistair happily kissed her back and rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him. "Then I'm putting you in charge of this…exercise." He declared with a smile. His gaze fastened on her, completely nude, straddling his body his pale hands stroking his cock and it felt like lava flooded his veins. "Maker… I can't believe my luck…it's been crap my entire life until Duncan conscripted me…and now you… What have I done to deserve you?" Alistair wondered aloud. "I still can't believe that you… even want to be with me."

His words brought a blush to Maddie's face, pink spreading down her neck and chest, tinting her white skin with pink. Alistair couldn't take it, he sat up and kissed her, holding her in place with his hands, kissed her until he was dizzy with passion and love for her. "I love you," he whispered finally. "I will never stop loving you."

Maddie felt her eyes fill with tears and returned his kiss before he could see. How could he doubt why she loved him? He was absolutely wonderful. "I love you too." She sighed happily, kissing him, ignoring her tears.

Alistair froze as he felt moisture on her cheeks and drew back. "Maddie?" He touched her cheek, smoothed the tracks of tears away and saw her smile at him. "Why?" He smoothed away another tear as it slid down her pale cheek.

The girl leant forward and kissed him happily. "You make me so happy," she said softly, "and I love you so much… I…tried to stop, tried to hide it… tried to resist you… because…I knew you… you wouldn't want to be distracted… but I can't stop. I'll love you for the rest of my life and into eternity."

"You're afraid." Alistair breathed the words in shock. "I never thought I'd see you afraid of anything."

Maddie looked down into those beautiful blue eyes and thought of the future he didn't even see coming. She could lose him to the throne if not the Blight, could lose him to a stray arrow or ambush or Loghain's treachery. "I'm so afraid I'll lose you." She admitted. "And if I lost you… I'd lose all the light you've given me since we met. Without you… the world doesn't… without you…I wouldn't care for anything."

"Yes you would. You'd have your twin…and even Morrigan." Alistair coaxed. "You're a warm, sweet, loving girl. You wouldn't become cold hearted if I wasn't around." He kissed her gently.

She smiled and kissed him back, deepening their embrace until they were both panting with need and the conversation faded from their minds. Unspoken went her thoughts that she'd rather go into the deep roads unarmed and without armor than live without him, that was how close she'd been to closing off her heart from everyone when she'd met him.


	50. 50) Cogburn

_I'm a piper by trade_   
_And a roving young blade_   
_And many a tune I do play_

_Let us catch well the hours_   
_And the minutes that fly_   
_And we'll share them together this day_

Cogburn hated to get up early. Life was so much more enjoyable when he awoke after the sun was up. Greeting the day before the sun had a chance to peek over the horizon was not his idea of a good morning. And yet, he had the last shift of the night, which meant he was up a good two hours before the rest of the camp began to stir. It was his responsibility to get the porridge or breakfast stew out of the coals and begin to clean up the fire, smothering it so there was no danger of a spark igniting a wildfire behind them.

He'd spent most of his night with Morrigan, enjoying time alone with her in her tent before his watch began. And the overlap of his and Leliana's shifts had been conveniently brief so they couldn't talk much, but long enough that they'd had the chance for a quick coupling by the fire while the rest of the camp slept.

Now the once noble rogue bit back a curse as he pulled the pot of porridge from the ashes of the fire. Leather gauntlets were great for armor, not so great as oven mitts. A soft sound, like a quickly smothered giggle came from the direction of Maddie's tent. Rustling and masculine chuckling, just as quickly hushed, drifted through the air. Cogburn eyed Maddie's tent and sent a quick glance at Alistair's bedroll, still sitting by the fire, clearly untouched through the night. Silence followed the brief sounds and Cogburn shrugged, continuing his work in prepping for the camp breakdown.

Another giggle, cut off by a slightly gasping moan, broke the stillness and Cogburn turned and stared at Maddie's tent. There was obviously no ignoring it, his twin and Alistair had finally succumbed to their attraction. From the sound of it they were also living up to the Grey Warden stories Morrigan had told him about. He had to give them credit though, they weren't doing badly for two people who were virgins until the night before. A sly smile curved his lip at the thought of teasing his twin or Alistair about their activities. Before he could consider the best way to go about it, Cogburn heard a long moan of pleasure in his sisters unmistakable tones, joined by a very male gasp and groan of satisfaction.

His grin widened. So Morrigan had been wrong. He'd have to collect on that bet the witch had made with him concerning the Knight's prowess. Apparently being a virgin didn't mean being a clod if the noises Maddie was making was any indication. The two of them were going at it fairly well from the sounds they were making, though he had to credit them with attempts at discretion, their noises were fairly muted.

Still, he had to tease the two of them somehow. Wickedly Cogburn picked up Alistair's bedroll and pack and snuck up to Maddie's tent, placing the items just outside the opening. Then he stole back to the fire and busied himself with his duties, as quietly as possible. When their sounds had ceased and only the murmur of conversation broke the morning air, Cogburn sat by the site of the dead fire and began to stir the porridge, adding dried grapes and a few pieces of dried apple and honey as Maddie had taught him.

He was in an excellent position to observe Maddie's tent as Alistair emerged from it in his trous and tunic, to nearly trip over his pack and bedroll. Cogburn pretended to be busy with preparing breakfast so as to seem as if he hadn't noticed the Knight in the opening of Maddie's tent.

Cogburn smothered a chuckle and considered that Alistair was quick on his feet at least. He'd simply grabbed the two items and pulled them into Maddie's tent. It wasn't long before the two new lovers exited the tent, Alistair holding the packs and Maddie the bedrolls. They made short work of breaking down the tent, Alistair snatching a forgotten scrap of fabric from the ground and tucking it into the pocket of his trous. As Cogburn watched Maddie blushed and tried to reach in the pocket to take it back, only to have Alistair shake his head with a grin and hold her arms at her sides while he stole a kiss.

Whatever it was, and the male Cousland had a sneaking suspicion regarding the object, Maddie wasn't getting it back. Finally the two of them had the tent canvas folded and put away, the pegs rolled up with the ties. It was Alistair's habit to don his armor before he broke his fast and this morning was no exception. But now Maddie played his squire, untwisting buckles, smoothing the padded undertunic with a familiar and gentle hand as he donned each piece. The kiss he gave her was so tender Cogburn almost felt embarrassed for watching.

Then Maddie said something with a smile and Alistair nodded. The Knight watched the girl walk away with a gleam in his eyes and bent to attach their bedding to the bottom of the packs before gathering up her armor and packs and bringing it over to where Cogburn sat.

"She wanted to take a quick splash in the creek before we left." Alistair said quietly to Cogburn. "She won't be long."

"I imagine she'll find the cold water a relief," Was all Cogburn said, keeping his voice mild.

Alistair blushed slightly, the tips of his ears turning red, but simply nodded, a look of relief on his face when Maddie reappeared. The girl sent her twin a look that dared him to comment as Alistair began to play the squire for her.

"So we should reach Redcliffe today, barring any ambushes or sudden problems." Alistair said finally, once Maddie's armor was on and all three of them were dipping their spoons into breakfast. The rest of the camp was stirring, Morrigan emerging from her tent first and the rest of their companions following soon after.

"Let's hope the ashes actually work. Or we're in a world of hurt." Cogburn said quietly. "Though it'll be good to see how Connor is doing."

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Connor yes, Teagan and Isolde? No." She said flatly.

"I can understand your antipathy for Isolde," Alistair wondered, "But why Teagan?"

"He flirts too much for my taste." Maddie said quietly. "And he didn't let on until we were leaving last time, but he knows who we are." She gestured at her twin and herself with her spoon before continuing. "I don't think he and Eamon will be above using that."

Cogburn frowned. "You mean he flirted with you when he realized who you were in the Chantry." He looked at his sister. "Was he forward?" Unspoken was his intent to have a hard word or two with the Bann if he'd been too forward. The rogue ignored Alistair's frown of annoyance at the news that his quasi uncle had flirted with Maddie.

Maddie shook her head. "He didn't do anything except a little bit of flirting," She shrugged. "It felt more like that's what he did with any pretty noblewoman unbetrothed to someone else."

Alistair's face lightened only minimally, and Cogburn watched him look at Maddie and deliberately tuck a strand of hair out of her face and behind her ear. The look the girl sent Alistair was tender and reassuring. "He won't be flirting with me anymore Alistair." She smiled.

"Better not," was all Alistair said, his eyes on someone behind Cogburn.

"I made it fairly clear that I wasn't interested, though I wouldn't tell him why." Maddie told him quietly, her eyes following the direction of his gaze.

Cogburn turned to look and saw Morrigan tending to the embers of her own fire and pulling down her tent. Catching the attention of the witch Cogburn waved her over to have breakfast. "I'll take down your tent while you eat." He dished up some porridge and handed her the bowl. "Someone needs to chaperone these two." He said wickedly.

"I don't need a chaperone anymore than you do." Maddie said sweetly. "Though I welcome Morrigan's company."

Alistair nodded, for once preferring the caustic witch to Maddie's twin. "More honey for the porridge Morrigan?" He offered the earthenware crock politely.

The witch shook her head, eyeing the two of them as Cogburn left to dismantle her tent. It didn't take long and as he headed back to the fire the rest of the camp woke and began trudging towards the stream or the woods to fulfill one need or another.

Morrigan had apparently asked his twin a question, for Maddie was eating and considering her answer, and apparently driving Alistair mad simultaneously. Maddie would tilt her head speculatively, her spoon in her mouth, absently sucking on the utensil for the sweetness of the honey, her gaze dark with thought. Cogburn watched as Alistair's eyes drifted to her mouth and how the Knight's eyes began to heat. A chuckle nearly burst from the male rogue's lips as Maddie slowly withdrew the spoon and dipped up some more porridge and honey, repeating the entire process.

She seemed ready to repeat herself yet a third time when Alistair finally spoke. "Maddie, for the love of the Maker," He set his spoon in his empty bowl. "I'm begging you to finish that quickly."

Cogburn watched as his twin blushed, taking the last two bites quickly and finishing her meal with a swallow of water. Alistair hurriedly took both the bowls and spoons, muttering something about washing them. Maddie looked at Morrigan and her twin and smiled sheepishly before she hurried after the Knight. Tilting his head at Morrigan Cogburn wondered, "What did you ask her that she was considering it for so long?"

Morrigan's laugh was wicked as she spooned up more porridge. "I merely asked if she'd slept well." Cogburn sat down, chuckling as he did so. "Apparently that was enough to send your sister off into a reverie." Morrigan shrugged. "I take it she and Alistair have finally…"

"Succumbed." Cogburn nodded. "I don't know how much sleep they got last night, so it's a good thing Redcliffe is close."

Morrigan smiled. "I am pleased for your sister, though I wonder at her taste."

Cogburn shrugged. "I don't know how long it will last. I know Eamon will push for Alistair as King. Maybe it would have been better if they'd never known how the other felt if they're going to lose each other to duty."

Morrigan raised an eyebrow. "And if she lost him to the Darkspawn would it be better she'd never known how much he cares for her?"

Cogburn sighed. "Losing someone to death…is different than living with the knowledge that separation is inevitable." He looked at the camp and at the woods to be sure they were alone. "I doubt they'd allow Alistair to have Maddie as his queen. They'll want him to marry Anora most likely."

Morrigan shook her head. "I will never understand the empty maneuverings of human politics." She rose and gathered up her bowl to wash. "Has…Maddie spoken to Alistair regarding Flemeth yet? Do you know?"

Cogburn shook his head. "I don't think she has. Firstly because she was trying to think of how to approach the issue, and now…" He looked at his twin and Alistair, smiling at each other as they left the woods. "She's not as manipulative as I am, it wouldn't occur to her that she could soften him up with sex and ask him when he's in a haze of need."

Morrigan rolled her eyes. "Maddie is dear to me," she began and was unable to finish as the girl in question walked up to her.

"You're dear to me too Morrigan." Grey eyes sparkled at the witch. "Shall we break camp and march on to save Arl Eamon?"

Cogburn gazed up at the heavens as if pleading for mercy. "Of course, I wouldn't want to keep you waiting."


	51. 51) Morrigan

_What is this I feel, why is it so real_   
_What am I to say_

_It's only love, it's only pain_   
_It's only fear, that runs through my veins_   
_It's all the things you can't explain_   
_That make us human_

Morrigan shook her head as she walked and considered the Knight beside her. In many ways Alistair was precisely as Maddie saw him, gentle, kind and brave. His personality would border on insipid were he not mocking and sarcastic of anything he found truly idiotic or offensive. She supposed Maddie was practical enough for the both of them, which would explain why such an intelligent girl had become attached to such a fool.

"Alistair," Morrigan began, "As Maddie is scouting ahead, and Cogburn is behind, attempting for whatever reason to persuade Leliana that she is stamped upon his heart, I wonder if I might speak to you regarding your recent activities."

Alistair looked at her incredulously. "My recent activities? Did Cogburn put you up to this?" He looked down the road where Maddie was scouting. "I'm not going to talk with you about Maddie." He said firmly. "It would be...rude."

"Commendable." Morrigan shook her head. Considering what she wished to talk about, his refusal to discuss Maddie was...problematic. Before she could put into words her lack of interest concerning he and Maddie's tent antics Wynne dropped back to walk beside Alistair.

"Alistair, may I have a word?" The older mage asked in a quiet tone. Morrigan remained silent; there were times that the old schoolmarm provoked reactions from Alistair that were quite amusing.

Alistair nodded jovially, "Of course, anything for my favouritest mage ever."

Wynne smiled slightly, "It seems you and the female of our fearless leaders are inseparable these days. Joined at the hip, almost." Morrigan looked down as if inspecting her boots, concealing a tiny smirk. Of course Alistair never suspected Wynne until she'd truly begun to tease him.

The Knight shook his head. "That's a bit of an overstatement, don't you think?" He gestured ahead to where Maddie was scouting down the road. "She's quite far away at the moment, that's hardly being joined at the hip." His eyes remained on Maddie for a while longer and he smiled without seeming to realize it, a sweet and slightly wicked smile, at least from Morrigan's perspective.

"Well then, now that you're in an intimate relationship, you should learn about where babies really come from." Wynne said in a pragmatic tone. Morrigan cast a glance at the old besom, apparently she hadn't missed that little smile of the Knight's either.

"Pardon?" Alistair's voice was a cross between a squeak and a cough. Morrigan nearly laughed but turned it into a cough as if the dust of the road bothered her throat, Wynne was a master at taking the mickey out of the Knight.

Wynne continued in her quiet practical voice. "I know the Chantry says you dream about your babies and the good Fade spirits take them out of the Fade and leave them in your arms...but that's not true. Actually what happens is that when a girl and a boy really love each other-"

"Andraste's flaming sword!" Alistair interrupted, "I know where babies come from!"

"Do you?" Wynne asked thoughtfully. "Do you really?"

"I certainly hope so." Alistair sent the grey haired mage a frown, blushing as he did so.

"Oh, all right then." Wynne smiled, and looked up, blinking as if surprised. "Aww, look, you're all red and mottled. How cute."

Morrigan concealed her smile as Alistair snarled. "You did that on purpose!"

"Now, now Alistair, why would I do such a thing?" Wynne shook her head, making a tsking noise in her throat

"Because you're wicked." The knight shook his finger at her. "That frail old lady act? I'm so not fooled. I'm on to you now." Wynne chuckled at him and rolled her eyes.

Morrigan watched as Alistair pointedly ignored Wynne for the next few miles. The old mage chuckled and strode forward to walk beside Sten. The witch decided she'd continue the ex-templar baiting. "Alistair, I do wonder. Is it permissible for two Grey Wardens to... oh, what is the word I search for?"

"Caboodle?" Alistair suggested with a grin.

"Fraternize." Morrigan said finally. She looked up at Alistair curiously.

Alistair frowned down at Morrigan. "What's wrong with fraternizing?"

"It seems most undisciplined, for an organization that claims it will do whatever is necessary to end the darkspawn threat." Morrigan shook her head, wondering exactly how Maddie would react if the girl heard about this conversation.

"One thing has nothing to do with the other." He protested.

Morrigan shook her head. "Oh no? And what if a Grey Warden has forced to choose between the Warden he loved and ending the Blight?" She tilted her head. "What should his choice be?"

The witch found it extremely interesting that while Alistair paled he didn't seem surprised by the question. Almost as if he'd considered it before he'd become involved with Maddie. But then, she considered, he might have, if only to determine that he would throw himself into harms way in order to protect the girl he loved.

"That is a... a ridiculous question." Alistair finally retorted.

She chuckled. "And I have my answer. Most kind of you."

"You don't have an answer." He shook his head. "What you have is an assumption based on what you think you know of me."

"Oh, and my assessment of your character is faulty." Morrigan shook her head. "I believe you cannot help but prove the reasoning behind my assessment."

"Fine," Alistair rolled his eyes. "But only because I find talking to you marginally better than talking to Leliana or Zevran."

"As you will." Morrigan smiled slightly, sympathizing with that viewpoint in spite of herself. "I have something to ask you."

"Just the one thing?" Alistair sighed.

"About you, perhaps," Morrigan retorted, "Why the deception over your parentage?"

The knight looked at her incredulously. "I'd figure you'd be the sort who knows all about deception."

Morrigan smiled, her eyes thoughtful. "I do. And what use the deception might have had ended when King Cailan perished, did it not?"

"Maybe." Alistair shrugged, his gaze pulled towards Maddie's slender figure in the distance. "I guess I was sort of hoping that would go away."

The witch shook her head. "The truth does not 'go away'."

"I didn't say it was a good plan." Alistair shrugged.

Morrigan looked from Maddie's figure to Alistair. "You are afraid of losing Maddie to either the Blight or the Crown."

Alistair stopped in his tracks for a moment and then continued walking, frowning angrily down at Morrigan as he did so. "Yes." He hissed finally. "She's a Grey Warden, which means she could get killed, and even if she doesn't die during this damn Blight..."

"Being a Grey Warden will eventually kill her anyway." Morrigan said softly.

Alistair sighed. "I suppose I'm not surprised you know about these things, considering who your mother is, and the skills acquired between the two of you." He looked at Morrigan. "I know you're with him, and I know he likes you, a lot better than he likes the crazy red head. What would you do if something happened to him?"

Morrigan frowned thoughtfully. "I suppose that is part of why I'm so insistent on being nearby the three of you whenever there's the likelihood of a battle." She looked back at Cogburn who had left Leliana to her fuming self and was bringing up the rear of the party, keeping an eye out for attacks from behind.

"So you're not in love with him, but you'll die to protect him?" Alistair said quietly, his gaze back on Maddie. The girl was headed back to the group.

The witch looked up at the Knight thoughtfully. "I don't believe in love. I don't want to die...but my mother was right about the Blight. We have to stop it, or everyone will die, including she and I."

Alistair sighed. "Yeah," He said quietly. "So I don't want to lose Maddie to the Blight. But it's worse if I lose her because Eamon's pushing me to be king. So yeah, I want to avoid that at all costs. It's fine for one Grey Warden to love another one, so long as they both do their duty."

"That's what you tell yourself." Morrigan replied. "But avoiding the crown or hoping your heritage will go away only makes you a fool because that won't happen."

"Thank you Morrigan." Alistair snarled. "I've had a couple of months to deal with the fact that I'm the last Theirin. I've had one night with the woman I love and I'm headed towards a man who's going to do his damn best to put me on the throne whether I want it or not!" Morrigan looked up at the angriest Templar she'd ever seen looming over her as he stopped and stared at her. "If it makes me a fool to hope that I'll have more time with her, to hope that there's another way to keep Ferelden in one piece besides me being the worst king in its history."

"Why does that mean you'll lose her?" Morrigan hissed back at him. "If my faulty understanding of Ferelden nobility isn't completely overturned, isn't she the daughter of the highest ranking noble in the country apart from your brother?"

"They'll never let it happen." He nearly growled. Then Alistair looked around, realizing the rest of the group had halted behind them and began to walk again. "Ferelden hasn't let Grey Wardens get involved in politics since Soldier's Peak fell."

"According to you they're going to make a Grey Warden their king." Morrigan retorted quietly. "That's about as enmeshed in politics as you can get."

Alistair shook his head. "They'd have to take me; otherwise they have no king of Maric's line. They'll want me to marry someone...appropriate."

Morrigan rolled her eyes. "So you'll be a puppet?" She snapped the words out. "If you have to be king at least be a king with a spine." Mindful of Wynne and the others the witch kept her voice low in spite of her irritation. "Choose your own bride. Choose your path, choose her."

Alistair looked down at her with a slightly confused expression. "Morrigan are you becoming sentimental?"

"I am the farthest from it." Morrigan ground her teeth. "But Madelaina is my friend. She's and her twin are the only two people in our company who have been kind to me, unless one counts the dog. And for some reason I cannot fathom she loves you more than anything in this world."

"So you're telling me," Alistair said slowly, "that if Eamon and Teagan want me to be king I should agree on the condition that Maddie be my queen?"

"Cogburn wondered if it was better if you two had never...been together if you would just lose each other to duty." Morrigan said quietly. "What do you think?"

"I don't expect you to understand." Alistair said quietly. "I can tell you care for him, and for her. But I wasn't raised to take command. Everyone who knew my heritage believed it was too dangerous to teach me, or allow me to... lead because it would be a threat to my brother's crown. Now everything will depend upon me taking that crown, and I am woefully unprepared."

"You've followed Maddie and Cogburn." Morrigan said quietly. "But I've seen you command us when you were too overcome with concern for her to let your doubts sway you." She raised an eyebrow at the Knight. "Maybe you haven't been as crippled as you assume." After a moment she heard Alistair sigh.

"I can only try." He said quietly. "And the trying will start with fighting Eamon making me king."

Morrigan sighed, an echo of his. "That might be a futile effort, but it is a start."


	52. 52) Alistair

_There has been no one brighter than you_   
_I can't deny these things that I do_   
_Feels like the world's at stake 'cause_   
_I have been waiting_   
_I have been waiting for you_

_Heavenly, that's what you are_   
_You're burnin' me like a shining star_   
_How am I supposed to be that king without you_

'What was the woman thinking?' Alistair wondered to himself as he got ready for bed. So much for trying to make decisions based upon what he wanted, or what he thought was right; the conversation with Eamon had been like being run over by Mabari. Maddie was actually supportive of Arl Eamon's idea that Alistair become king. Maddie knew it was never what he wanted. How could she do this to him? She'd said she understood what it was like to have no choices in life. He'd told her that he'd never wanted to be king. He'd had a very similar conversation with Cogburn and yet the man had simply stood silent. Oh, once or twice he'd made a comment but it was very plain that the man supported his twin sister's mad delusions that Alistair would be a good king.

A knock at his door startled him out of his thoughts. Heedless of the fact that he was wearing only his breeches Alistair jerked the door open to find Maddie with her hand raised for another knock. She blinked at the sight of him and lowered her hand. "Come in." Alistair barely kept from growling the words. "What were you thinking?"

"I thought it would be nice to spend the night with you in a bed…the whole night…and not have to leave for a watch. Since we're staying at Redcliffe until we leave for the Brecilian forest." Maddie tilted her head, her tone uncertain. "If you don't…I mean I can go if you—"

"Maker preserve me, that's not what I meant." Alistair groaned. He tugged her inside the room and closed the door. "I meant…why in Andraste's name did you agree with the Arl about me becoming King?"

Maddie sighed, her hands twisting together before she spoke. "I thought that you were our only option, which is handy because I believe you'll be an excellent king." Alistair watched her face as she spoke, noting how carefully she seemed to be choosing her words. "Loghain isn't an option really. And…I haven't met her yet…but I really don't think Anora will be accepted as Queen unless we support her."

"Why not support her then?" Alistair asked, aware that his tone was still irritated. "You know I don't want to be king."

Maddie's spine straightened as he watched and her chin took on the mulish set he was too familiar with. "Because I want you alive for one thing!" She snapped the words out. Alistair realized his face must have looked as confused as he felt because Maddie continued speaking. "Number one, Anora is Loghain's daughter and I don't know how much of her father's plot she supports, but I don't think we can trust her completely and Cogburn agrees with me. Number two, no matter what you'll still be Maric's son and a danger to anyone on the throne if they aren't of Maric's direct legitimate line."

"Even if I don't want it?" Alistair protested. "How am I a danger?" He knew he sounded like a child but somehow he couldn't stop himself. Being king, just the thought of that responsibility, was terrifying.

Maddie actually groaned. "I know you're not that naïve. You'd like to be but you're not." She shook her head, raking her hair back from her face in way Alistair knew meant she was frustrated. "Anora has been queen for years. And she's popular which means she knows how to sway opinion to her side and she's political enough to have the support of the nobles doing it. Without Cailan she's going to lose some of that support, she has no claim to the throne beyond being Cailan's wife. So she has two choices. Marry Maric's other son, or have him killed so that she's the only option for the throne."

"Have Maric's—have me killed." Alistair sighed. "Yeah, you're right, I'm not that naïve. I suppose I was hoping she'd realize that if I hadn't gone after the throne when Cailan was alive I wouldn't do it with him dead."

"You could marry her." Maddie said her tone cautious. "It's politically expedient."

"I don't see that happening." Alistair shook his head. "Cailan was already being pressured to set her aside because they hadn't had a child yet."

"And if she's told that in no uncertain terms, her only option to keep the throne is to have you killed." Maddie touched his arm, drawing his gaze from the window back to her eyes. "And that's something Loghain has already tried. We don't know that Anora didn't give him her support for such an endeavor."

Alistair sighed. She had such beautiful eyes and right now they were dark with worry, her forehead wrinkled with concern. "So I really don't have a choice. I have to take the throne. Somehow if she's that ruthless I don't think me being a Grey Warden and renouncing titles will be enough."

"No." Maddie shook her head. "But there's a small bright side to the whole thing." She offered, her lips curving in a tiny smile.

"Oh?" Alistair took her hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. "What's that?"

"As far as the nobles are concerned, they'll see me as a Cousland more than a Grey Warden."

Alistair frowned tugging her closer. "How is that the bright side?"

"Technically if they overlook the fact that I'm a Grey Warden, they'll think of me as the possible Teyrna of Highever. Or they'll see my twin as the next Teyrn and he supports you as king too." Maddie's smile was tinged with a sorrow Alistair hated to see. "We're of a rank equal to Loghain. If we support your claim to the throne no one will argue."

"So you'd have to stay close to me…if I have to be king…so the nobles will see you support me?" Alistair smiled down at her as he slid his hands to her waist and held her. "That is a bright side."

"Now… did you want me to return to my room or should I stay here?" Maddie asked, her eyes brightening a bit as she looked up at him.

"Oh…you should really stay here…I think I'm going to need a lot of reassurance about this king stuff." Alistair grinned as he finally took in what she was wearing. The Arlessa must have lent Maddie a robe and gown because Maddie was wearing silk and lace for the first time since Alistair had met her.

"Well then I should begin my duties directly." Maddie stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Alistair groaned as her movement pressed her breasts against his chest and scooped her up. "I move we adjourn to the bed for this discussion." He declared. "I want you horizontal for this talk." Her only answer was Maddie's giggle and a sigh as he began to kiss her more thoroughly.

After, Alistair stroked the softness of Maddie's hair as she lay against him and wondered how he could become king. Kings had to have heirs. The only lover he wanted was another Grey Warden. Grey Wardens couldn't have children together…not that he'd ever heard of. With others besides the Wardens possibly, but it was rare. How could he tell Maddie? If he became king the nobles were certain to insist that he marry if only for heirs. How could he marry someone other than Maddie?

Her hand slid up and down his chest. "You're not sleeping." Her soft voice observed. "Are you still worrying?" She rested her chin on his chest and looked at his face.

"It's a lot to think about…become king or end up dead of a knife in the dark." Alistair sighed. "I just don't know how I could be king without you at my side."

Maddie pushed herself up on an elbow and looked down at him. "And what makes you think I'll be going anywhere?"

"They'll want me to marry." Alistair's arms tightened around her as if someone would come take her away immediately. "You're the woman I love… I don't want anyone else."

Maddie smiled. "I love you too." Her grey eyes were bright with a mischievous look Alistair knew well. "Trust me, I don't want to give you up either. Let me worry about the rest of it."

Alistair pulled her up so her face was level with his. "Well, if you put it like that." She was so beautiful, how could she care for a fool like him? "I'll just concentrate on keeping you happy." Her lips were parting in a grin when he kissed her. Maddie's mouth was sweet and hot, her tongue dueling with his as Alistair's hands moved from her waist to her breasts, cupping her in his hands.

Her low moan of delighted need was like music. Alistair rolled so Maddie was beneath him and balanced on his elbows so he could continue kissing her before he bent and fastened his mouth to her breasts. Her reaction was a cry, desire ringing through her voice and her hands clung to his shoulders. In this, Maddie always gave him his way, his leader, the warrior he would follow into any battle, became only a woman when she was in his bed.

Alistair smiled against her skin, feeling Maddie trembling under him. Only a woman…such an understatement. She was the most extraordinary woman he'd ever known. He felt her hands slide down his body, seeking his cock, stroking him seductively. "My impatient lady." He murmured as he lifted his head to kiss her again.

"I'd not be so impatient would you give me what I need." Maddie groaned under him. "Alistair…"

"My love…" Alistair teased as his lips touched her neck and shoulders. "I only want to be certain you're fully…pleased." He couldn't help but enjoy the way she writhed under him, her thighs parted and ready.

"I shall be pleased beyond measure if you would simply take what I would give." Maddie pulled his face to hers and kissed him in erotic demand. "Please Alistair."

"Your desire is my command." Alistair groaned the words as he slid inside her. "Maddie," he gasped as she moved her hips under him, meeting his thrusts.

"Mine…" He heard her gasp. "You're mine...my love…my Alistair…"

Alistair rolled pulling her on top of him, his hands on her hips to help her ride. "Love," He gasped, "Maddie…" He stared up at her as she rose and fell over him, her breasts gleaming in the light of the candle, her eyes were luminous as she looked down at him. Her pace quickened as she bent down, her breasts rubbing against his chest. Alistair groaned, Maddie gasped and their bodies began to collide ever faster.

"Alistair…" The girl's cry came out as a gasp as her body shuddered and climaxed around his.

He couldn't take anymore, she was so tight, her body so hot around him, Alistair watched as Maddie came, squeezing around him, his hands gripped her hips, pulled her body hard onto him, and groaned as his seed erupted into her. "Mine…" He moaned, "Maddie…mine."

Maddie slept finally, exhausted from the day's events and Alistair cuddled her close, smoothing her soft hair away from her face. It had grown in the months he'd known her, instead of reaching her jaw now it fell a knuckle length below her ears. She'd gained several scars as well. Alistair slid his hand down her side, feeling the scar like a starburst over her ribs, the wound from a Darkspawn mage that had nearly killed her.

"I'll find a way to keep you at my side." Alistair promised. "If we don't die during the Blight...I swear my love, I'll find a way to marry you. You'll be my queen or I won't have one." He looked down at her beautiful face and wondered how he'd managed without her in his life. "You're mine, my adored." He murmured. "Maker help me, even if it leaves Ferelden without a king, I won't give you up."

He rose from the bed carefully, hoping he wouldn't disturb her, and gathered up the clothing they'd discarded. Draping her robe and gown over a chair where Maddie could reach them in the morning, Alistair set his own clothing nearby and slid back into bed. Maddie opened her eyes and looked at him, her lips curving up in a smile.

"I'm sorry my love, I didn't mean to wake you." Alistair murmured. He pulled the quilts over them and let his fingers caress her face once more.

"It's all right." Maddie's eyes were tired but stayed on his face, as if she too feared their separation. "I'd rather wake and be able to see you, than sleep alone."

"I feel the same way." Alistair kissed her forehead. "Cogburn said something about spending a day here before we go see the Elves." He sighed. "I'm not eager for Eamon and Teagan to bend my ear another day more about ruling Ferelden but if it means a day of rest, mending the armor and healing up I'll deal with it."

"And it means another full nights sleep." Maddie yawned and snuggled closer to Alistair. "I love being with you."

Alistair smiled down at her. "I love being with you too." He made sure the quilts were tucked securely around her. "Now sleep my love. And let me hold you and love you even while we dream." Maddie made a soft noise of assent and let him wrap her in his arms.


	53. 53) Maddie

_Like anyone would be_   
_I am flattered by your fascination with me_   
_Like any hot-blooded woman_   
_I have simply wanted an object to crave_   
_But you, you're not allowed_   
_You're uninvited_   
_An unfortunate slight_

A day spent at Redcliffe wasn't the worst thing that could happen, Maddie thought with a sigh. It gave them all a chance to get some rest, patch up their armor and trade for supplies. Isolde had lent her and Leliana gowns to wear for the day, and while Leliana had reveled in the Orlesian silks, Maddie hadn't been as thrilled. Morrigan had also been lent a gown but the Witch had refused to wear it, claiming it was far too binding. Maddie wondered if Morrigan had the right idea. Maybe if this visit was truly during a time of peace a gown would be a nice change. As it was, Maddie found herself constantly fidgeting and unable to relax. Her hands wanted to touch dagger hilts, or her sword, and without armor she was always looking over her shoulder.

Currently she was studying a map of Ferelden and the Grey Warden Treaties in the Arl's library and jumping out of her skin at every noise in the hall. Even with her back to the wall so she could see the door, it was hard to relax.

She'd finally managed to become immersed in planning the route to the elves and determining the supplies they'd need when Teagan strode into the room. The door opening so suddenly had Maddie jumping out of her seat, her dagger out of her sleeve and in her hand before she'd even thought to draw the blade.

Teagan held up his hands in surrender and halted his approach. "I beg your pardon my lady. I did not mean to startle you."

Maddie sighed and offered a half smile as she sat, re-sheathing her blade. "It is I who should beg your pardon." She said quietly, gesturing to a chair nearby. "I find I am uneasy and out of my element."

"I do not think you could ever be out of your element my lady." Teagan smiled, his eyes twinkling at her. "You seem as perfectly suited to gowns and great halls as you are to armor and blades." He took a seat across from her at the table, angling his chair so he was within an arms reach.

"Perhaps once." Maddie gave a one shouldered shrug, not entirely agreeing with him. "But we've been on the road for some time now, and I am not as comfortable as I once was in civilized surroundings."

"Apart from drawing on me, you don't seem so very agitated." Teagan chuckled. "And Eamon would laugh and tell you I probably did something to deserve a dagger's point short of my throat."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that." Maddie returned in a dry tone. "It could simply be Redcliffe, rather than my apparel," she mused, "considering the last time I wandered the halls here they were filled with skeletons."

"Put like that I don't wonder at your caution." Teagan's chuckle had left a grin on his face. "If there's anything I can do to set you at ease my lady, I would be pleased to do it." His knuckles stroked the back of her hand gently, a wealth of flattery and flirtation in the gesture.

Maddie felt her spine stiffen and she picked up her quill, noting how many loaves of waybread they might need to make the forest. "I'm certain that you mean nothing untoward by your kind words." She murmured quietly.

"I hope I am not unwelcome." Teagan's flirtatious smile hadn't faded.

"That is not the word I would chose," Maddie's lips curved in a cool half smile. "I'm afraid that I am…entirely too cognizant of the honor you would do me."

"It would be my honor to… see to your comfort." Teagan replied, his fingers lingering once again over the soft skin on the back of her hand.

"And yet, I find all my comforts already seen to," The girl tilted her head, catching movement by the doorway, and knowing her twin was simply waiting to thrash Teagan if the Bann became too aggressive. "My companions are sound friends, guarding my life and comfort and honor better than I ever could myself."

"Ah." Teagan nodded his understanding. "I had hoped I had misunderstood your meaning the last time we spoke." He offered with a smile more enticing than friendly.

"I am flattered by your thought of me," Maddie said quietly. "But I am…not free to indulge your…interests." She made another note on her list and rose to put the map back in its place, rolling the treaties back into their scrolls and stopping the ink.

"And if you were free? To indulge?" Teagan asked quietly, his face oddly intent.

Maddie tilted her head thoughtfully. "I didn't think you found me so very attractive that such persistence is warranted." She offered. "I am not able to stay here, and I am not the prettiest girl in Redcliffe." Grey eyes narrowed speculatively as she looked at the nobleman. "And I have never been interested in someone who pursues me for my rank."

"But you seem to encourage Alistair." Teagan pointed out in a low voice. "His eyes follow you like the moon follows the sun. Or is his attachment unrequited?"

Maddie felt her hand curl into a fist and willed her fingers to relax. "Alistair is my dearest friend, and the one man other than my twin whom I trust unreservedly. His eyes might follow me but his hands have never done anything I considered wrong or unwelcome." She was aware her voice had chilled as if winter had swept through her. "Something I cannot say about you Bann Teagan." The skirts made a dramatic swish as she walked from behind the table towards the door and turned to face him. "You and Eamon conspire to make Alistair king."

"We do." Teagan replied in exact and polite tones. "And you agreed with that aim last eve."

"I did and I do still." Maddie told him. "But that does not mean I support you or Eamon as a puppet master behind the throne. A king is no king unless he is strong and willing to do what he believes is right after hearing counsel from his advisors."

"You encourage Alistair's infatuation in order to gain his ear when he is king?" Teagan sounded as if he considered the idea ludicrous.

"No." Ice should have fallen from her words Maddie's voice and face were so cold. "I encourage Alistair to seek counsel from those he trusts. And I encourage him to think for himself and question my twin and me when we make decisions he does not find palatable."

"And what has that to do with his eyes following you?" Teagan retorted.

"Nothing sir." Maddie eyed the Bann. "Nothing at all." She made as if to leave. "But Alistair looks at me because he wishes to look. Not because he desires the Teyrn's daughter."

"You speak in circles." The Bann shook his head, his annoyance plain.

"No." Maddie lifted her chin as she paused at the door. "I speak to make clear that should you seek to divide Grey Wardens from their purpose that your aims may fall by the wayside." Her fingers tightened on the treaties she held. "There is no one in Ferelden who can force Alistair to go against his conscience. Not even someone who draws his eyes."

"Are you saying he may decide not to take the crown?" Teagan frowned, his concern genuine at the thought.

"I'm saying that Alistair has a mind of his own, and your actions may influence his decisions in ways you cannot imagine." Maddie returned and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

In the corridor stood both her twin and Alistair, neither of whom appeared pleased. Maddie put a finger to her lips and gestured for both of them to follow her, leading the men to her room. "My apologies," She shook her head as she closed the door to the bedroom she'd been given. "I didn't want him to overhear anything you might say."

Alistair glanced at the door and then at her. "What exactly were you trying to accomplish?" He asked finally. The knight was frowning thoughtfully, though that he was agitated by Teagan's actions was also plain on his face.

Maddie sighed and sat down on the bed. Alistair joined her after a moment, leaving the chair for Cogburn. "I was hoping to imply that his pursuit of me would have a detrimental effect on his efforts to make you king." She said quietly. "Telling him you have a mind of your own, that you don't follow Cogburn and me blindly, that you can't be manipulated…"

Cogburn regarded his twin with steady brown eyes. "That if Alistair takes the throne they may get more than they bargained for."

Maddie nodded slowly. "I had hoped he would take the hint." She offered them a weary smile. "I am unused to political maneuverings and I fear Eamon and Teagan play those games very well. We need their support in the Landsmeet. But I'm not willing to go to Teagan's bed to get it." Beside her, Maddie could feel Alistair stiffen with outrage.

"Is that what he was getting at?" The Knight whispered dangerously. "His flirting…"

Cogburn apparently didn't like what he saw on Alistair's face. "His flirting was just that; flirting and innuendo, which Maddie has dealt with before, and surely will again." The rogue said firmly. "Teagan is well aware that Maddie could be the future Teyrna of Highever. His flirting is politically motivated, however beautiful you are twin," he added looking at Maddie.

Alistair shook his head and put his hands on Maddie's shoulders, unaware of how possessive he appeared. "You know that somehow makes it worse." He grumbled. "I can understand him wanting Maddie because she's beautiful and vibrant. But just because she's…"

"Teagan conveniently forgets that Grey Wardens give up family ties and titles." Maddie smiled slightly, leaning into Alistair's embrace until he took the hint and slid her back towards his body, cradling her between his thighs and wrapping her in his arms as he had so often while they were traveling.

"Something we also conveniently forget to mention when dealing with the Bann and the Arl." Cogburn grinned. "I think your aim was accomplished though twin. Teagan won't flirt or make advances towards you because if he upsets Alistair by poaching, it might upset his and Eamon's plans to make Alistair king."

"That's what you were saying with all that…" Alistair rolled his eyes. "I wondered but you were so…circumspect in what you said, I couldn't be certain that was absolutely what you meant."

Maddie chuckled slightly. "That's the point my love."

Cogburn's grin grew wider. "I completely overlooked that aspect of it Alistair, brilliant."

"Love to take the credit, but I don't see how I'm brilliant just yet." Alistair's voice was dry as dust.

"She never said it straight out. Maddie implied a whole bunch but Teagan and Eamon are going to be wondering if she meant what she implied, or if she was just leading them to a false conclusion." Cogburn explained quickly. "You and I know what she meant. We know her very well. Teagan and Eamon don't and so they'll have to step very softly when they deal with the three of us."

"Because they won't know what we might find offensive or what we could misconstrue from their actions." Alistair said slowly. "Duncan would say this is a deep game."

Maddie shook her head. "Politics usually are." She sighed slightly feeling very tired. "Being on the throne won't be any easier but at least you'll be in a position of strength. You have an instinctive way of knowing what's right, what to say to make people want to follow you in the correct decision." She squeezed Alistair's hand.

"You mean being king will be like this all the time?" Alistair looked and sounded horrified.

Maddie shook her head. "Sometimes yes, and sometimes no," She said quietly. "That's why we don't want to completely alienate Teagan and Eamon. They're good at this. But they have to understand you will not be led around on a leash and the sooner we make that clear to them the better."

"Are you going to be all right around Teagan?" Alistair seemingly changed the subject.


	54. 54) Cogburn & Morrigan

**Cogburn**

_Are you looking for answers_   
_To questions under the stars?_   
_Well, if along the way_   
_You are grown weary_   
_You can rest with me until_   
_A brighter day and you're okay_

The young nobleman looked at his twin, awaiting her answer to Alistair's question. It was plain to another man that should Teagan go anywhere near Maddie that Alistair would be happy to beat him within an inch of his life. Cogburn looked down, concealing a smile. It was actually funny from his perspective, considering that part of the reason Alistair found Maddie so attractive was her independence and skill. His twin was quite capable of beating Teagan soundly but Alistair was so in love and protective with it that it never crossed his mind.

"We leave in the morning." Cogburn offered finally when Maddie didn't answer Alistair immediately. "Perhaps it would be best of the two of you played least in sight for the remainder of the day."

Maddie tilted her head at Alistair. "Perhaps you'd like to show me some of the places you remember from when you were a boy. I'd like to see some of where you grew up, before Eamon shipped you off to the Chantry."

"I would enjoy that very much." Alistair nodded, looking at her. "But you haven't answered my question."

Maddie shrugged. "I'll feel better when I have my armor on. Gowns are fine for dining but..."

Cogburn did grin then. "But it's easier to get away from someone if you're unhampered by skirts." He pointed out. "I think Leliana and Zevran were talking to Owen, the smith, about repairs."

"Then until I get my drakescale back I'll play least in sight with Teagan." Maddie said quietly. "I know I've irked him. I don't know him well enough to say how he'll react to that."

Cogburn's felt the smile fall off his face. "Do you think he'll be insulted enough to do you injury?"

"I would rather not leave anything to chance." Maddie said quietly. "If you will stay with Morrigan, perhaps Alistair and I can explore some of his childhood haunts and arrange for supplies in the village. I know Eamon will give us some aid but I'd rather not become too dependent on his...grace."

"I don't disagree with you." Cogburn rolled his eyes. "And having had a taste of politics I pray Fergus is alive more than ever. This makes my head ache."

"And you're better at it than I am." Maddie retorted. "I haven't a fraction of your skill at manipulating folk."

"You did fairly well against Teagan." He grinned and rose. "I'll leave you two to organize your excursion. I'll go check on the armor. I know what you mean about feeling...uneasy without it." Before he opened the door Cogburn turned and regarded his twin and her beloved. "Though the two of you do make a dashing couple in silks and velvets." He teased and ducked out the door as Maddie grabbed a hairbrush and hurled it at him.

* * *

 

The armor would be ready after the evening meal. Cogburn shook his head and regarded Sten thoughtfully. The Qunari seemed to be having a conversation with Rooster. The rogue shrugged, at least Sten was getting along with someone. Snatches of conversation between Leliana and Zevran reached his ears as he followed them into the keep. Cogburn shook his head, Zevran was incorrigible and Leliana never stopped rising to the bait.

Zevran was tilting his head curiously. "So tell me of this vision of yours, Leliana."

Cogburn watched the bard toss her head. "I'm not certain I wish to discuss my vision with you. You'll make fun of me."

In an earnest tone that nearly had the watching rogue chuckling Zevran denied it. "No-oooo, why would I ever do such a thing?"

"See? There you go. No, I am not speaking to you of it." Leliana returned.

"Hmm. Yes, I suppose the Maker would not want you to spread His words. Very well, I'll accept your reproach."

Zevran's words seemed to confuse Leliana, "I... why do you even wish to know?"

Cogburn shook his head as he listened to the elf. "Why, to make fun of you, of course."

Leliana gave a huffy sigh. "You are utterly impossible."

As the Warden watched Zevran shook his head. "On the contrary, I am often told how very easy I am, my dear."

Cogburn chuckled as Leliana increased her pace, leaving Zevran to walk with the Warden. "You never tire of baiting her do you?" He asked the elf.

"When she responds to my quips every time?" Zevran smiled. "It is a delight to annoy her, and so very easy to do." He gestured towards the keep walls and presumably to Maddie and Alistair somewhere within. "Your lovely sister has given her heart and fidelity to the not so bold Knight Alistair. You divide your time with Morrigan and Leliana, what recourse have I but to take my enjoyment where I can get it."

Cogburn grinned at him. "And here I thought you'd taken a liking to Wynne." He teased.

"She is a lovely woman," Zevran nodded. "But I fear she does not take me seriously."

"Zevran, I got the impression that was the point." The dark eyed warden shrugged. "You seem best pleased with the world when no one takes you seriously."

"Ah, I am constantly misunderstood." The elven assassin chuckled. "Will no one see into my heart, am I doomed to live my life in solitude, hunted through Thedas?"

Cogburn stopped walking, hearing something in the elf's voice that bespoke emotions other than amusement. "Maddie might be in love with Alistair, but I know she meant it when she said you two were friends." He told the elf quietly. "You and I might not talk as much but if some came hunting for you, I'd stand between you and danger without hesitation."

Zevran tilted his head, a thoughtful expression on his face. "You are a good friend then." He replied in a similarly quiet voice. "And your words are not unappreciated."

Cogburn smiled slightly. "I also noticed you haven't been speaking as often with Maddie, is that because she's so obviously in love with Alistair?"

"One does not wish to intrude upon lovebirds unless one is welcome to join them." Zevran shrugged, turning and walking with Cogburn more slowly through the keep.

"You and my sister have more in common than you might think." Cogburn told him. "And something Alistair has in common with both of you. A life where most choices are taken away."

"Perhaps I might speak with them while we are traveling then eh?" Zevran wondered. "One does not like to speak too…openly within such walls…they have eyes and ears unseen by those watched."

Cogburn nodded his understanding. Redcliffe was the home of an ally. Allies weren't always friends. "I know what you mean." He agreed, his voice still quiet. "I know Maddie will be very pleased to leave early tomorrow. And Alistair… well lets say he's feeling the lack of blood relation between he and the Guerrins."

"Ah, the Bann finally attempted to gain our fair Maddie's attention did he." Zevran chuckled a bit wickedly. "I think if his brother were not ill, the Bann would have made him so, if only so your sister would return here."

Cogburn rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't go quite that far but he was very pleased when we agreed to stay a few days." He slanted a glance at Zevran. "I hadn't realized he was so obvious about his intentions last time we were here. Maddie never said anything."

"She wouldn't would she?" Zevran murmured. "I take it from what she's said that he did nothing improper when you were here last, only made his attraction clear whenever you and Alistair were not at her side."

"Our father always said Teagan would only settle down when he was forced to do so." The Grey Warden shook his head. "When did you and Maddie speak of this?"

"We scouted the route extensively this morning." Zevran shrugged. "She asked that if you or Alistair were not nearby that I attempt to keep Teagan in my sights." He shook his head. "I thought Alistair was going to be with her in the library this morning."

"He was until I dragooned him for sparing practice." Cogburn sighed. "Which explains how Teagan was able to corner Maddie alone."

"Did he…do anything?" Zevran's voice held an edge as sharp as his daggers.

"Nothing untoward," Cogburn shook his head. For a moment the Warden looked around determining the best route to their rooms, and then began walking in that direction. "Maddie was able to make clear her disinterest, and sow a few seeds concerning Alistair."

"Ah." Zevran chuckled. "Never one to be caught much off her guard is Lady Maddie."

"You seem concerned." Cogburn observed.

"I told you I was raised in a whorehouse." Zevran arched an eyebrow. "Did you imagine every woman there was content and happy to be so employed?" He folded his arms and leaned against the wall, regarding Cogburn with glittering eyes. "More than a few were forced into the trade due to… well, due to an unfortunate past. They tended to prefer women as bedmates after such atrocities were done to them."

"Do you think Teagan would take it that far?" The Grey Warden found his fingers flexing as if ready to attack at such a thought.

"I think he is the type of man to enjoy women perhaps more than they enjoy him, though I do not sense violence of that sort in the man." Zevran told him. "Your twin…perhaps as a female she is more astute in such matters or perhaps she prefers to be overly cautious. Myself, I am pleased that she is guarded at night."

"Oh, yes you could say that." Cogburn's face flickered in a brief smile.

"Indeed, Alistair strikes me as a man who would happily skewer first and question the corpse should someone attempt to harm your sister." Zevran grinned, pleased at the thought. "I would prefer her to enjoy my company at night, but since she does not, I am glad Alistair is such a man."

"Let's get an early start tomorrow." Cogburn suggested, his face settling into grim lines. "We'll determine our route after supper."

"I shall leave you to your preparations." Zevran nodded. "I think I will go find Wynne and impress upon her your concern for your sister. Perhaps it would be best for all the ladies to not be alone."

* * *

 

**Morrigan**

_But I am holding half an acre_   
_Torn from the map of Michigan_   
_I am carrying this scrap of paper_

_That can crack the darkest sky wide open_   
_Every burden taken from me_   
_Every night my heart unfolding_

Morrigan wondered what had passed during the day that Alistair was so cool towards his relations. She'd seen the night before that he was slightly displeased that he was required to become king but he'd still been genial towards his male relations. Even in the morning she'd heard him talking cheerfully with the Bann regarding the repairs in the village. Now Alistair was pacing about the study frowning down at his boots. He'd escorted Maddie into the room and though the girl was engrossed in her work, Alistair would not leave.

The witch sighed. "Alistair, would not the hallway be better suited for your exercise?" She inquired with only a hint of an edge to her words.

"No." Alistair shook his head. "Not really." He frowned at the door again, as if he expected skeletons to come barging through the portal.

Maddie looked up at Morrigan. "Alistair wishes to keep Teagan from being a nuisance." She offered with a smile. "Teagan caught me alone in the study this morning."

"Did he now?" Morrigan frowned, and tilted her head at Alistair. "And now you will not leave her alone?"

"It's not any trouble." Alistair muttered. "We went for a walk after…after Maddie and Teagan talked."

"Now he's hoping Teagan will try it again so he can bluster and be protective." Maddie sent her lover a teasing smile.

"I don't want to… do…well, I do, I mean, I…" Alistair sighed and sat down, his long legs stretched out before him.

Morrigan chuckled at his expression. "You wish to protect a woman quite capable of protecting herself so you feel foolish but not so much you're willing to leave off." She mocked the knight in an easy tone. "You do not consider the company of an apostate enough of a deterrent?"

The knight looked at Maddie and rolled his eyes. "It can't just be that she looks so pretty in the gown?" He asked in a whimsical tone.

"I don't look pretty in my armor?" Maddie narrowed her eyes at him and Morrigan began chuckling as Alistair tried to verbally backpedal.

"No, I mean yes, you do, of course you do, you're beautiful…" Abruptly he stopped and stared at the delicate looking rogue. "You're taking the mickey out of me." He accused with a grin.

Morrigan's chuckles turned into outright laughter and she shook her head as Maddie rose and curtseyed to Alistair in mocking acquiescence. "Well if the two of you desired you could form a troupe of jesters. I suggested as much to Cogburn a while back."

Alistair bowed to the witch with a grin. "I think I'm much more suited to the part of the fool than the king." He offered. "I know you agree with that Morrigan, you've called me one often enough."

"A king or a fool?" Morrigan retorted her green eyes still alight with humor. "'Tis true, you are more suited to one than the other…"

Maddie smiled at the both of them and then her gaze became more sober. "Alistair, while Morrigan and I are both here, I should like to ask you something."

Morrigan felt her spine stiffening, her hands tensed on the book she held. The girl meant to address the promised death of Flemeth, Morrigan could discern as such from Maddie's tone. "Are you sure 'tis wise, while we are here?" She asked quietly.

"Zevran is guarding the hall." Maddie assured her. "No one will hear that we don't wish to."

Alistair regarded them both with a confused gaze, and then his jaw firmed. "Is this something to do with your mother?" He asked Morrigan and then turned to Maddie, "Or the argument you had with Cogburn the night I kissed you awake?"

Morrigan blinked at him in surprise and saw that Maddie was blushing in embarrassment. "How much did you hear?" The rogue whispered the question, obviously mortified.

Alistair shrugged. "Enough to know that it's important to both Cogburn and Morrigan, and you agree. And that you weren't going to manipulate me into it." Morrigan found herself somewhat impressed by the wicked smile that curved the ex-templar's lips as he continued. "Though if you'd like to seduce me into agreeing to do what you want I don't think I'd mind."

"But you understand what I asked of Cogburn?" Morrigan questioned him in a quiet voice. "'Tis not a light thing I need done."

"I understand that you think your mother is going to possess you and ride your body like a horse." Alistair said in his bluntly humorous way. "And that you find that less appealing than the horse does a rider. What I didn't hear was how you found out." He shrugged. "You were talking more quietly at the beginning of the conversation than at the end." The knight pointed at Maddie. "Did you know your voice gets this sort of growly undertone when you're really mad?"

"Um…it does?" Maddie tilted her head curiously.

"Oh yeah," Alistair grinned, his expression even more wicked, a sensual quirk to his lips that told Morrigan that whatever 'growly' meant, it was something the knight found very appealing.

"When we were at the Circle of Magi, Cogburn found a tome of my mothers that the Templars had stolen long ago." Morrigan explained, keeping her voice even. "I had asked that he look for it, on the chance that it might be there, as I was most interested in learning more of my mothers spells." To her surprise Alistair nodded his understanding again.

"And of course Cogburn agreed because he finds you irresistible and because the more knowledge you have the better you're able to help us. Everyone wins." The knight shrugged.

"It took me some time to read the book in its entirety." Morrigan spread her hands. "There were few spells within, the bulk of the book contained information on a ritual that would allow Flemeth to transfer her…mind, or spirit, from her body into mine. My spirit…would simply be gone."

"Not appealing." Alistair nodded. "So you asked Cogburn to kill your mother."

Morrigan didn't quite wince at his blunt words but she nodded. "Should I simply run she will find me. I will never be safe unless she is dead."

"Well I just have one question then." Alistair asked, his face completely serious as he leant forward in his chair.

"I'll endeavor to answer it." Morrigan kept her eyes on his.

To her surprise Alistair gave her a sunny grin. "Does this mean you finally agree with me that your mother is a malificar?"

Morrigan stared at him, and then looked at Maddie in astonishment. The rogue was near giggling with relief that Alistair wasn't angry. "That is your one question?" The witch inquired incredulously. "Nothing about what a terrible daughter I am, or how I should run for the rest of my life, or even the particulars of how it could be done?"

Alistair shook his head, leaning back in his chair again. "I think you've already considered all of that. As for if it can even be done…if Flemeth is worried about the Blight it means she's as mortal as you or I, else she wouldn't need this ritual."

Maddie gave a little sigh. "My only concern, well," she amended her words, "not my only concern, but the one on my mind right now is when."

Alistair shook his head. "Right now I wouldn't want to face Morrigan in battle let alone her mother who can change into a dragon." He offered with a wry smile. "I won't say I like the idea, and I'll probably have plenty of questions," he looked at Morrigan, "but it's obvious that this scares you pretty badly."

"I'd say as bad as being king or being forced back to the Templars scares you." Morrigan remarked, rewarding his astute observation with one of her own.

Alistair shuddered theatrically. "Bad then," He said quietly. "I think though, that we'll have to wait a while before we commit to such a battle."

Maddie took a deep breath and looked at Morrigan. "That was my thinking as well." She said in a soft voice. "We know your mother wants the Grey Wardens to stop the Blight. Logically she won't move against you while the Blight is still a threat."

"We just aren't skilled enough right now." Alistair evaluated their battle prowess with painful clarity. "We need more training, more experience, or we'll get eaten alive."

"Then it is agreed." Morrigan nodded. "It will be done, but not until the three Grey Wardens decide on the optimal time." Morrigan wondered at the sense of relief she felt. She'd known Maddie and Cogburn would convince Alistair, why was she so pleased that he'd decided on his own? Perhaps because Maddie would have been upset had she been required to manipulate Alistair to gain his agreement. Maddie was a friend, and one didn't like to see a friend unhappy.

"You'll let Cogburn know that we've talked?" Alistair asked Morrigan, his tone polite.

"I will." Morrigan nodded.

"Good." Alistair rose from his chair and reached to pull Maddie out from behind the table where she had settled with her work. It was really amazing how quickly the man could move when he wasn't encumbered by plate armor, Morrigan thought. Before Maddie could even guess his intent, Alistair had pulled her into his arms and was kissing her soundly. "I'll let you express your thanks for my agreement before we have to dress for dinner." He told the delicate girl with a laugh.

Morrigan shook her head in amusement as Alistair twirled Maddie around before setting her feet on the floor, escorting her decorously out to the hallway as if he were merely another companion to the girl. Before the witch could resume her studies Zevran poked his head in.

"Such romantics they are, no?" He grinned. "I shall guard your virtue until Cogburn comes to replace me."

"As you like," Morrigan shook her head at him before bending her head over her books again. As she watched out of the corner of her eye the elf pulled a random book off the shelf and became seemingly absorbed in its pages until Cogburn wandered in to take a seat and begin reading a book of his own.


	55. 55 Alistair & Maddie

**Alistair**

_There ain't no rest for the wicked_   
_Money don't grow on trees_   
_I got bills to pay_   
_I got mouths to feed_   
_Ain't nothing in this world for free_   
_No I can't slow down_   
_I can't hold back_   
_Though you know I wish I could_   
_No there ain't no rest for the wicked_   
_Until we close our eyes for good_

Dawn hadn't even thought about breaking over Redcliffe when the travelers left the castle. Cogburn had lost the coin toss and thus had decided to leave after a hasty meal in the kitchens. The servants like the cook and scullery boy hadn't been present. Isolde had let it slip the night before that ever since the nights of undead many of the castle servants preferred to live in the village and walk to the castle every morning, leaving in the evening. That left the kitchen empty until the cook arrived; convenient if someone wanted a meal and had the ability to pick the locks to the pantry.

Maddie had lost that coin toss, so she had prepared a hearty meal of eggs, bacon and griddle cakes. Alistair had been deemed sufficiently inept that he wasn't allowed to help with the cooking so he busied himself washing the pots and pans as Maddie finished her work. The more accomplished before or during the meal the less time it would take to clean up and leave. It was surprisingly enjoyable Alistair found, helping Maddie while she cooked, like they were keeping house together or something.

Few words were spoken as everyone bolted their food down. Even Sten and Wynne who hadn't had much part in the plotting and planning of the last two days seemed to feel the pressure to remain quiet and eat quickly. Alistair had almost laughed as he'd started to take a plate from Zevran only to have the elf threaten him with a fork. The knight had bitten his lip to keep from chuckling and simply taken his own plate to the sink. Between Alistair and Maddie they managed to get most of the kitchen clean as the others ate. He and Maddie barely sat down for the meal, both of them standing to eat and cleaning in between bites.

Even Rooster had been quiet, gnawing on his leg of lamb in relative silence. They'd all finished eating and Alistair had just finished washing the next to last plate when Rooster's ears pricked up and the mabari tilted his head.

"Someone's awake." Zevran pointed upward as he murmured, his sharp ears catching the same noise as the mabari. Alistair took the opportunity to hand the elf his last griddle cake and took Zevran's plate.

"Everybody except Alistair and Maddie, out." Cogburn snapped the words out in a low calm voice. "Alistair, grab Maddie's pack and yours. Maddie, relock everything and join us in the lower level. We're going out the way we first came in."

Maddie nodded and began to lock up the pantry, banking the fires and letting the water in the sink drain. The one dish left unwashed was hurriedly wiped down and set next to the sink. She motioned with her hand for Alistair to go into the hall. The knight wondered if she really thought he'd leave her, and instead gave her the most foolish expression he could summon. Sighing in exasperation Maddie tugged him out of the kitchen and down the hall to the stairs leading to the lower levels. Alistair grinned as he followed her. Sooner or later she'd get used to the idea that he was never going to abandon her.

"Take off your boots." Maddie whispered to him. "At least until we get to the passageway to the windmill. You can't sneak around in splint mail boots."

Alistair nodded, setting the packs down, unbuckling the armor from his boots. Maddie slid her pack over her shoulders and carefully picked up the plate boots. Once he'd hoisted his own pack up on his back she led him down the stairs and into the dungeon level. Thankfully no one was occupying the cells at the moment, Jowan was being kept elsewhere. Waiting for the two of them at the door to the passage was Cogburn and the others.

The male Cousland looked at the boots Maddie held and rolled his eyes but gestured for Alistair to put them back on once everyone had entered the passage and closed the door behind them.

The walk under the lake was chilly and damp, and everyone walked quickly. The secret passage had held for years but no one wanted to consider the results if it chose to collapse today.

Finally in the pale light before dawn they reached the windmill. Alistair was amused to hear Cogburn's muttered curses as he picked the lock that would let them out of the tunnel. Teagan's ring had opened the tunnel to them, and the door automatically locked once it was closed. Sometimes Cogburn was too clever for their own good. Some judicious lock picking and several increasingly audible curses later they were finally out of the windmill and on the slopes of the hills surrounding Redcliffe village. The pale light of dawn's precursor gave the mountains and bridge an eerie air and Cogburn pulled Alistair and Maddie aside. "Take the rest of them to the road," He told his twin. "I'm going to leave a letter with the chantry and coin to pay for delivery."

"Telling Eamon thanks for his hospitality?" Alistair grinned.

"In a manner of speaking." Cogburn gave him an answering grin and moved down the hill into the village. Maddie gestured to Alistair to take the lead, walking beside him. The rest of the group followed, conversing in low voices until they reached the main road.

Alistair looked at Maddie curiously. "I think part of it is that your twin likes to sneak around." He said quietly. "But why did we leave without a word to anyone? And in such a way? The guards would have let us out the gate."

Maddie smiled. "Well he does like sneaking around." She admitted, shifting her pack slightly to get it more comfortably settled. "But I think he also had in mind that Eamon mentioned seeing us off in the morning."

Alistair groaned remembering how late the Arlessa had liked to sleep when he was young. The Arl had refused to start any occasion without her. If that habit had continued, they might not have gotten out of Redcliffe before noon. When he voiced that opinion to Maddie she grinned and nodded. "So why sneaking out the back way?" He wondered.

"I think that was to remind Eamon that we knew the passage was there, in case he ever...had a change of heart." Maddie tilted her head thoughtfully.

"So a way of making a threat without saying or really doing anything aggressive." Alistair sighed. "That's a little scary."

Maddie shook her head. "I think it'll help keep the Arl honest." She murmured. "And there's also the fact that we're leaving on our own terms. It reinforces the message that the Grey Wardens and the future king are a force to be reckoned with. We won't be manipulated; we have to be beyond politics."

Alistair grinned his appreciation of that. "Once I get my brain wrapped around it I might like all the ways to say something without actually saying anything."

"Wait until you see some of the courtship rituals." Maddie rolled her eyes. "Some of the Orlesian madness crept into Ferelden noble customs. People took to having conversations entirely with flowers and the meanings therein."

Alistair bent and kissed her forehead, taking a moment to enjoy the feel of her skin under his lips. "Perhaps you could teach me some of those meanings?" He asked quietly. "I'd like to send you messages with a bouquet of flowers."

"We could." Maddie smiled up at him, grey eyes glowing in the new dawn light. "I can talk to you about politics too, and the alliances of the different houses."

"Won't that be fun." Alistair rolled his eyes. Maddie smiled up at him and Alistair couldn't help but smile back, at once overcome with wonder that she actually loved him and believed in him. "It means a lot to me you know." He said quietly keeping an eye out for Cogburn.

"What does love?" Maddie tilted her head curiously.

"You believe that I won't be a complete disaster as a king." Alistair said simply. "I know I'm not...politically minded. And I don't consider myself a leader. But you seem to think I'm educable and that means a great deal."

"You're a good man. That you don't want to be king will probably make you the best king Ferelden could have." The girl told him. She bit her lip, considering and then offered, "My father said those who seek power are rarely the right ones to hold it. Those who avoid power, who wish to only do good with their own abilities, they are the ones who should hold power."

"Did your father know Cailan?" Alistair asked curiously. "I remember Teyrn Cousland fought alongside Maric and Loghain in the war."

"Father was a regular attendant at the Landsmeet so yes, he and Mother both knew Cailan and Anora." Maddie nodded wondering what Alistair was thinking. Was he wondering if his half brother was someone who shouldn't have been king?

"As I recall, neither Father or Mother had much good to say about Cailan," Cogburn remarked as he joined them finally. "Only that he was a nice boy. And of Anora they didn't say much but that she had Cailan wound round her little finger."

"Hmm..." Alistair nodded. "Like your sister has me wrapped around her dainty fingers?" He slanted a teasing grin at the girl in question.

"As if I'd want a man so easily manipulated." Maddie sniffed. "You're smarter than you give yourself credit for Alistair."

"I just hope I'm as smart as you give me credit for." Alistair returned.

Cogburn rolled his eyes. "Enough with the flirting." He ordered. "Maddie you take point. Lets see how far we can get before Eamon wakes up."

Alistair chuckled and gave Maddie a quick kiss before she darted off. "Yes oh fearless leader." He saluted Cogburn. His antics drew a laugh from Zevran and Wynne while Leliana folder her arms and rolled her eyes. Morrigan simply sighed and gestured for the others to begin walking. The knight simply grinned at her and followed Cogburn.

* * *

 

**Maddie**

_our lives are made_   
_in these small hours_   
_these little wonders,_   
_these twists & turns of fate_   
_time falls away,_   
_but these small hours,_   
_these small hours still remain_

Maddie sighed as she sat on her bedroll. It was a small camp tonight, one fire, one tent and the Feddic's wagon all squeezed into a flat bottomed ravine overshadowed by huge trees. The ground was exceptionally hard and cold, which made sense considering all the rock underfoot. Alistair and Cogburn had managed to get a tent set up through sheer stubbornness, pounding tent pegs into the ground for what seemed like hours. Wynne would use it for the night to rest and keep an eye on Leliana. The bard had been wounded in a skirmish with the encroaching darkspawn earlier that day and still hadn't completely recovered despite several poultices.

Alistair approached the fire, an armload of wood scavenged from the area around the camp in his arms. "I'm a bit concerned about rain." He told Cogburn and Maddie as he set his load down by the fire. "If we get a storm water is going to wash through this ravine and carry us all down to the Wilds."

Cogburn nodded looked up at the sky. "I agree, its something to keep in mind, but we hadn't seen a cloud all day and the sky is clear."

Sten's voice came rumbling from the shadows near the Feddic's wagon, where he was helping the merchants feed the cattle. "Something we should be aware of, when we are on watch tonight." He agreed. "With care, we will not be caught unawares."

Alistair nodded. "Its not that the rain would be so bad," he laid his bedroll side by side with Maddie's, "but being caught off guard by a flash flood would be disastrous."

"Whose turn is it to cook?" Zevran asked as he brought a bucket full of water from the stream by the road. "I ask only because I must know how much more to fetch."

"'Tis my night to prepare our meal." Morrigan set her book of spells aside and wrapped a shawl around her shoulders as she left the comfort of her quilts. Her eye brows rose as she looked inside the bucket the elf had brought. "Pour that in the cookpot, and fetch another bucket for washing, and that will be enough." The witch commanded as she fetched their supplies.

Maddie tilted her head watching the dark haired woman as she sorted through the herbs and grains they carried. "I picked up some wild carrots and onions as we walked today." She offered. "We have barley and dried venison and dried peas. Would you like me to throw a stew together? You don't look…well."

Cogburn had been scrutinizing Morrigan since she'd first spoken and now cast a look at his twin. "Maddie's right, it's been a hard day for everyone." He said quietly. "Why don't you keep warm, study a bit more, and make an early night of it."

Maddie nodded. "You nearly overspent yourself in the battle today." She took the herbs from Morrigan. "If you'll only look at the carrots and onion I found, to be certain I haven't picked up anything…inedible I'll take care of dinner. If you're feeling better tomorrow night you can take my turn at fixing the meal."

The witch looked oddly reluctant but nodded. "I am…quite tired…and chilled I fear." She agreed. "Thank you Maddie."

The female rogue chuckled as she watched Morrigan check over the wild vegetables and hand them back with a smile. "I recall a time or two I was wounded and you told me to lay my idiot head back down and rest when I tried to take my turn cooking." She reminded the witch.

Alistair had remained quietly beside her during the conversation; now out of the corner of her eye Maddie saw him jerk his chin at Cogburn and motion towards Morrigan's quilts. The witch had, according to her custom, placed her bedroll as far from the main fire as she could without withdrawing from the circle of light it cast. As Maddie watched, Cogburn peremptorily picked up Morrigan's satchel and her bedding, bringing it closer to the fire, then placing his right beside hers.

Maddie nearly giggled as she cut the greens off the wild carrots and snapped the roots in two before throwing them into the pot. Morrigan was clearly trying to argue quietly with Cogburn but she was too tired to give it much effort and her twin was winning. With a sigh of ill grace the witch sat down on her relocated bedding and opened her spell book again to study.

Humming to herself Maddie began work on the stew in earnest. Alistair looked up from the armor he was cleaning now and then, a smile on his face. Rooster whined a plea deep in his throat as she began to pull apart the pieces of dried venison and rolling his eyes Alistair stole a piece and gave it to the Mabari.

"What is the tune my dear?" Zevran inquired as he brought back the other bucket of water. "It is fair enchanting me with your lovely voice."

Maddie grinned. "An old song our nan used to sing," She cut up a few potatoes and threw them in the pot, seeding the stew liberally with barley. "It speaks of the way our lives build around small moments and the odd little twists of fate."

"I don't think I've heard it before." Alistair looked up from the armor. "Would you sing us a bit?"

Maddie felt herself blushing and hoped it wasn't too obvious. "I'm no bard or minstrel." She protested.

"No you just wanted to be when we were both little." Cogburn teased from across the fire.

"Well I can't remember how it begins." Maddie shook her head. "I don't think I even know all the words, just the tune."

Cogburn grinned. "Excuses," He challenged.

Zevran took a seat and began to sharpen his dagger, watching Sten fed another log to the fire before sitting himself. "Another tune then," He shrugged, "I am not picky."

Maddie slanted a glance at him. "Why the sudden fascination with my voice?"

"It has been an odd day no?" Zevran grinned at her, a saucy twinkle in his eyes. "And I am not shy about asking for what I want."

"You can say that again." Alistair rolled his eyes, watching as Maddie dropped flour salt and water into a bowl and began to make oddly wet dough.

"And then you will drop this?" Maddie asked, raising her eyes from her work.

"I swear I shall ask no more of you this evening." Zevran raised his hand in a solemn gesture belied by his sparkling eyes.

"Very well," Maddie considered for a moment. "The elves who worked for us would sing this sometimes. I always liked it because it was…defiant but sad too."

"I am fortunate indeed, to hear an elven song." The elf did look pleased Maddie thought as she met his gaze.

"As you will then." The girl set the bowl of dough down for a moment and considered. Taking a deep breath she began to sing, her voice smoky and sweet, untrained, but still a pleasure to hear.

_"The Minstrel-Boy to the war is gone,_   
_In the ranks of death you'll find him;_   
_His father's sword he has girded on,_   
_And his wild harp slung behind him._   
_"Land of song!" said the warrior-bard,_   
_"Though all the world betrays thee,_   
_One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard,_   
_One faithful harp shall praise thee!"_

_The Minstrel fell! - but the foeman's chain_  
 _Could not bring his proud soul under;_  
 _The harp he loved ne'er spoke again,_  
 _For he tore its chords asunder;_  
 _And said, 'No chains shall sully thee,_  
 _Thou soul of love and bravery!_  
 _Thy songs were made for the pure and free,_  
 _They shall never sound in slavery._ '"

Alistair whistled in appreciation, a low amazed sound and Zevran nodded his agreement. "Indeed my friend," he looked at Maddie. "Best not let Leliana hear you, she'll grow jealous."

Maddie rolled her eyes at him and began scooping the dough up into balls and dropping them on top of the stew. "I've heard Leliana sing. She has nothing to fear from me." Finished with the meal preparations she the bowl aside and moved the cookpot closer to the fire, using her feet to embed the pot in the coals. She relaxed back onto her bedroll with a sigh. "About an hour for it to cook maybe…probably less."

Alistair stroked her check with the back of his finger. "Thank you." He gave her a smile and Maddie felt her heart thump in her chest. "Since you made dumplings to go in the stew, perhaps everyone would like to wet their appetites with some bread and cheese?" He dug out an oblong loaf of waybread and a round of cheese from his pack and passed it to Zevran.

Maddie grinned, Alistair's love of cheese was entirely predictable, and began to remove her armor, groaning a little as she did so. It felt as if her entire back was one big bruise.

"All right?" Alistair's glance at her was concerned and he left off cleaning his armor to take the drakescale from her.

"I'll be fine." The girl assured him, "I'm just sore, as I'm sure we all are." Her mind flew to the events of the day and she finally asked the question she'd been considering since that morning. "So what does everyone think? Should we head south to Honnleath before we head east towards the forest?"

"As today has shown more brute force would be handy in battle." Cogburn opened the debate. "So a golem would be very helpful, assuming the control rod works."

"And if we make the trip for nothing?" Morrigan asked. "We'll be heading towards the Darkspawn army. Not something to take lightly considering the cost of our battle today."

"Morrigan makes a good point." Maddie said grimly. "It won't be easy and if we run into the bulk of the horde we could have a lot of trouble."

"But right now, we're a company with four rogues, two mages and two warriors." Cogburn argued. "We're all capable in battle but really Sten and Alistair are the only ones specifically trained for it. We need more warriors."

Alistair had been considering the question quietly, listening to the twins argue back and forth. "I vote that we go to Honnleath." He said firmly. "If we get a golem out of it, that's great. Even if we don't, there might be survivors who could follow us north, out of the darkspawn territory. We have to at least see if those people need help." He looked at Maddie and Cogburn seriously. "And, if nothing else, it will give you two more practice at sensing where the Darkspawn are. I sensed where they were today, and was able to warn you in time, but the two of you need to pay more attention to the taint within you."

Maddie nodded. "I know that we've both felt it when the darkspawn are near, but I've never been completely certain." She said quietly. "So I've been depending on you to…confirm my instincts are right."

"And normally that would be fine, but there are a lot more darkspawn that usual out there and we all three of us need to be paying attention." Alistair said firmly.

Cogburn nodded his agreement, his expression grim and talk turned to what they might find on their journey to Honnleath until the stew was ready. Wynne emerged from the tent to collect her meal.

"How is she?" Maddie asked the older mage. "Do you need one of us to sit with her while you rest?"

Wynne shook her head as she ladled out a bowl of stew, "She's resting now. I'll do a bit more healing on her arm before I sleep and as long as I'm nearby I'll be able to tell if she grows worse."

"Has she regained her senses yet?" Cogburn inquired. "We've all taken a knock on the head a time or two but she was almost maddened in her ramblings."

"She's quieter and seems more lucid when she speaks but…" Wynne hesitated before she continued. "I think she still isn't sure where she is. I should be able to do more in the morning. Sometimes all that is needed is rest."

Maddie slanted a look at Cogburn and then looked up at Wynne. "If she isn't recovered by tomorrow, we'll camp here another day, unless it looks like rain. We can't afford to lose people and Leliana's skill with a bow is superior to any of ours."

"Agreed." Cogburn nodded and after a moment Alistair nodded as well, looking thoughtful.

"What is it love?" Maddie regarded the knight curiously.

"If it does start to look like rain, we might want to think about improvising a litter. Perhaps something Rooster can drag which will leave us free for combat." The young knight blushed as everyone stared at him. "What? I can have an idea…even if it's a bad one."

"If 'twere a bad idea no one would stare fool." Morrigan's voice was slightly less acidic than normal and Maddie concealed a smile behind her hand. It seemed to her than Morrigan's taunts towards Alistair were more for forms sake than out of real irritation.

"I can rig something." Zevran gestured towards the tent. "A few saplings stripped to poles and tent canvas, some leather scraps and rope. Leliana is light enough that the Mabari should be able to pull her without discomfort."

"Then that's settled." Wynne seemed satisfied as she returned to the tent.

* * *

 

Later, after they'd all eaten and the bowls and spoons were cleaned, consensus was an early night was best.. They made a rather amusing sight, Sten standing guard at the mouth of the ravine, Bodhan and Sandal sheltering under the wagon, everyone else bundled up around the fire in odd lumps of quilts. Cogburn and Morrigan were asleep together under their combined quilts. Zevran was close to the fire and Rooster had curled up behind the elf. Maddie smiled and snuggled back against Alistair, feeling supremely content with his arms around her, their bodies spooned together.

"Stop wiggling you madwoman." He muttered in her ear. "Or you'll end up getting taken right in front of your brother and the rest."

"You wouldn't." Maddie murmured more than half hoping he would.

"You're right, I'd pick you and the quilts up and go further down the ravine." Alistair chuckled low in his throat. "But from the state of your back and hip I think rest is a better idea."

Maddie groaned slightly but agreed. "I wish we could camp like this every night." She murmured, feeling exhaustion creep over her. "I love how you hold me." Alistair cuddled her closer in response and she felt him succumb to sleep finally. Maddie struggled to stay awake a bit longer savoring his embrace but followed him into dreams a few minutes later.


	56. 56 Cogburn

_They painted up your secrets_   
_With the lies they told to you_   
_And the least they ever gave you_   
_Was the most you ever knew_

_And I wonder where these dreams go_   
_When the world gets in your way_   
_What's the point in all this screaming?_   
_No one's listening anyway_

It was very disconcerting to have a golem walking alongside a Qunari and discussing the ways of the Qun, the noble rogue decided. Shale didn't have much memory of life before Honnleath though she'd mentioned her former master had told her the drarves stopped creating golems centuries ago so she was much older than the rest of them.

Maddie had talked a great deal with the golem as they'd made camp and at dinner had given her twin a huge grin. "Shale has pointed out that it doesn't need to sleep so it would be happy to supplement the watch schedule."

"It's unwise to place all our safety in only one person." Sten pointed out as he ate his stew his eyes still watchfully upon the road.

"Which is why I said supplement, not replace." Maddie replied quietly. She handed Alistair his bowl and looked at her twin. "I told Shale I would pass the offer on to you two."

"I don't see what the harm is." Cogburn shook his head as he dipped up a spoonful of stew. He slanted a glance at his twin and noticed she had sent a hard glare at Wynne. Thoughtfully the young man looked at Morrigan and then at Alistair. His witch seemed a bit more irritated than usual, her green eyes flickered over Maddie with a sympathetic gleam.

Alistair nodded his agreement. "Better to have two sets of eyes rather than one." His eyes met Cogburn's and he held out the copper piece they used for the coin toss that determined their watch schedules.

Cogburn couldn't help grinning at the knight. "I think you'll feel better if you actually toss the coin, rather than me, Alistair," he told the other man.

"Well you and I won last night so tonight we're only tossing to find out which shift we have in the middle of the night." Alistair shrugged.

The noble born male chuckled. "Well I think it's safe to say we won't like either." He applied himself to his stew, watching his companions as they discussed the inevitability of the trek eastward and the best routes. True to her nature, his twin had prepared several options and the routes and their potential for disaster were discussed ad nauseaum. By the time a decision had been made everyone was ready to retire for the evening.

* * *

 

Cogburn groaned as he stumbled out of Morrigan's tent, it felt like he'd just gone to sleep. One more reason he hated middle of the night watches. Maddie was making a slow circle of camp, he could hear his twin walking carefully on the perimeter, employing all her arts to go unseen and unheard as she remained out of the firelight. Meeting her half way to Shale's stationary position the man wasn't surprised to see his twin's dagger drawn and a hand on the hilt of her sword. "Good night for an ambush, no moon, precious little starlight," was the greeting she gave him.

"Yeah, I'm really glad we decided to go to Honnleath, though I still think beating that self righteous mages' son would have been more enjoyable than bargaining." Cogburn grinned wickedly. "I take it everything has been quiet?"

Maddie nodded as they reentered the circle of firelight. "I'll stoke up the fire before I turn in," She offered. "It's been a long day."

"Tomorrow will be longer," her twin commented eyeing her shrewdly. "So are you going to tell me what's wrong now or will I have to get it out of you on the road while everyone is listening." Maddie shot him an exasperated look before she shrugged. "It's Wynne isn't it," Cogburn offered his theory.

"She…" Maddie angrily dashed at her eyes and squeezed them tightly shut. "I shouldn't let her get to me."

"No, you shouldn't, but since you're clearly more soft-hearted than I am, she has been." Cogburn pointed out shaking his head. "She tried to get in between Morrigan and me. She didn't have any trouble with me screwing Leliana, but when I seemed to get serious about Morrigan, that old hag started to run her mouth."

Maddie's husky voice was darker with unshed tears. "She made the point that I might have to choose between Alistair and stopping the Blight," the grey eyed girl told her brother quietly. "That Grey Wardens serve others, that I have a responsibility…"

"In short, nothing you don't already know; nothing you haven't heard from the time we were walking." Cogburn sent a black look at Wynne's tent.

"Still not easy to hear." Her whisper was obviously pained.

"She conveniently forgets that you and Alistair aren't the only two Grey Warden's in Ferelden." He kept his voice low with an effort. "Do you think I would ever let you have to make that choice?" He asked his twin fiercely. "We need our future king. And the future king needs you." He finally said what he'd been thinking ever since Morrigan had posited the idea. "If there is a sacrifice to be made, let me make it."

"How could I do that to Morrigan?" Maddie asked him folding her arms. "How could I put my happiness above hers, above yours?"

"What makes you think you'll be making the choice?" Cogburn retorted. "You charm people Maddie, you talk them round to your way of thinking. I charm people too but I tend to manipulate them more. I'm pretty sure I could maneuver a Landsmeet and Alistair into claiming you as his queen. And I can damn sure manipulate Alistair into sacrificing me rather than you. He loves you. Given any choice, he'd rather save you than me. I'm his friend, but you're his heart."

"And what would that do to him?" Maddie's head bowed and her shoulders shook with repressed sobs. "To sacrifice his friend, my twin, rather than lose me? He'd blame himself for the rest of his life."

Cogburn took a deep breath and roughly pulled his twin into his arms. "Alistair has learned a lot about the nature of sacrifice since Ostagar." He muttered into her ear. "He's like gold, your love, you can bend it, dent it, but you can't change its nature. It doesn't tarnish or rot away. You are his heart now. He lost his father at Ostagar, he lost his brother, but he found you. And you found a man who saw that you're worth more than a title or a pretty face. If I have anything to say about it he'll have you for the rest of his life. We, none of us, know what's to come, maybe we're worrying for nothing."

She didn't say anything, but she shuddered in his arms and he knew Maddie was taking those deep harsh breaths that kept her from weeping. He held her a while longer and then held her by the shoulders at arms length. "Go on to bed and hold onto him little twin." Cogburn advised quietly, "Just as I cling to her each night. Give him something else to fight for." Maddie nodded and with a sigh turned her head towards the tent she shared with Alistair. A tiny smile curved her lips and Cogburn could tell she was simply thinking about Maric's bastard son. Turning her by the shoulders and facing his slender twin towards the tent Cogburn gave her a shove. "Get some rest." He commanded. "I'll be making the rounds."

She didn't reply just threw a few more logs on the fire and nodded at him before she moved towards the tent. She didn't remove her armor outside of it; for all Cogburn knew when the watches were split she might not bother to take her armor off. The rogue shrugged to himself and began to make his way towards the edge of the camp.

* * *

 

Cogburn was ready to fall over with exhaustion by the time his shift was over. Fury at Wynne and concern for his sister had fueled him for the first half of his watch. But those selfsame emotions also tended to exhaust him, one more reason why he tried not to get too worked up over things he couldn't change, there being very few exceptions.

When Alistair emerged from the tent, boots in hand the rogue was so tired he could have happily kissed the knight and then keeled over. The knight simply looked at the male Cousland and frowned thoughtfully. It was an expression few people recognized when on Alistair's face, a subtle narrowing of his eyes, a slant to his mouth that could be mistaken for a sardonic grin. It was the eyes that gave it away to the Cousland twins. Raised among nobility, people who lied in a thousand ways for a million reasons, they'd grown adept at sorting truth from falsehood in both word and expression. Alistair was childs play to read in comparison to Howe and Loren.

"You're bloody exhausted." Alistair observed finally. "This have something to do with what's bothering Maddie?"

Cogburn nodded tiredly and threw another log on the fire. "Wynne," He said shortly.

"What'd she say to Maddie?" Alistair's tone conveyed the impression that the circle mage had already said something to him.

"What did she say to you?" Cogburn returned.

"That I had a duty to my people, to Ferelden and to the world, to keep my 'priorities' straight." Alistair waved a gauntleted hand in a gesture encompassing the camp and Maddie.

"Well she told Maddie something along the lines of choosing between saving you and ending the Blight, and how Grey Wardens are servants of the people." The rogue ran a hand over his shaved head and absently reminded himself to shave again the next day. "As if my twin doesn't already know that."

"Like she hasn't known that since you were both in nappies." Alistair seconded Cogburn's opinion. He shook his head. "You know I'll see to it that she doesn't have to make that choice right? I'm not much of a leader, but I could be a damn good sacrifice if need be."

Cogburn felt anger burning through his veins again. "What makes you think I'll give you that chance?" His words were nearly a hiss. "Break her heart one way or break it the other? Do you think sacrificing yourself will help her? When she'll have to live without you? Bad enough you'll only have thirty years together, but to not have even that? And what started all this talk of sacrifice anyway? Who says we're going to die?"

"I just have this feeling…a Blight isn't easily ended. And if someone has to die…" The knight shook his head. "You don't understand," Alistair said in a quiet voice. "I just can't imagine a world without her in it. They're forcing me to be king. They'll force us apart so I can make some political marriage. And even if they allowed us to remain together, they'd tear us apart when they learn that its hard enough for one Grey Warden to have a child, but for two to have a child together…"

"What?" Cogburn frowned and stared at the knight. "What are you talking about?"

"The Taint, it…" Alistair sighed. "I don't know of any Grey Warden that has had children after joining the Order." He kept his voice as low as possible. "I know you and Maddie weren't given a choice and I don't know if she wanted children, but… it's just one more price we pay. We save the world from Darkspawn, from the Blight, but by doing so we give up our future in every way." His voice was nearly broken. "I thought it was worth it. Part of me still does," He took a deep breath.

"But now, with her…" Cogburn sighed and shook his head.

"I would give anything to give your sister a child if she wanted it." Alistair whispered. "I'd give anything to make her my wife. Thirty years would be enough for a lifetime if it was with her."

Cogburn sighed. "Let's worry about the throne part and then the wife part and the child part after that, all right?" He scrubbed his hands over his face. "And as for sacrificing yourself, you two aren't the only Grey Wardens. And you're not the only one who wants her alive. I've been the spare all my life. It's about time I was good for something. If it's even called for."

"The spare?" Alistair blinked. "I'm sorry, is that a noble thing?"

"Yeah," Cogburn grinned at him, aware his expression was lopsided. "Nobles have an heir, preferably a son, and then they have a spare, in case something happens to the heir. And they have daughters to marry off for alliance."

"But…" The other Grey Warden was obviously confused.

"Yeah, Maddie," her twin chuckled dryly. "Women can hold titles, hold lands, but you know damn well men prefer they don't. Though our parents were definitely of the idea that capability mattered more than gender, so really of the two of us Maddie was the spare."

"The whole thought is demeaning to the both of you." Alistair was scowling.

"Well our parents were never like that. But that was how the rest of Ferelden saw us twins. Might be why Mother and Father never did tell us which was born first." Cogburn sighed. "I'm sorry Alistair, but I've got to get some sleep. If you like we can talk more about this in the morning."

"No, it's all right." Alistair shook his head. "I've got the idea. I don't like it, but if it keeps her alive…"

"Yeah," the other man sighed. "She's been acting like the responsible one all our lives. Maybe I'd just like the chance to…take care of her. Let her have a life…and as much as she can, a life with you." He began to stride quietly towards Morrigan's tent, exhaustion weighing his steps so much that they could almost be heard.

Unbeknownst to the Knight and rogues, Morrigan slept very lightly, always attuned for voices in the dark. The witch closed her eyes as Cogburn carefully entered her tent. The nobleman pulled off his armor almost soundlessly and slid into the quilts, gathering the seemingly sleeping witch in his arms. "I'm going to keep everyone I love alive, at least everyone that's left," The rogue muttered against her hair. "If I have to get killed to do so; so be it."


	57. 57 Morrigan

_I dreamed last night_   
_That my love came in_   
_She came in so easy_   
_Her feet made no din_   
_She came stepping up to me_   
_And this she did say_   
_It will not be long love_   
_Till our wedding day._

Being a witch was a mixed blessing at times, Morrigan thought as she collected elfroot from the forest. There were those who valued her magic, but found her self to be an irritant. And there were those who disapproved of both her self and her talents. Usually such people were fools, but now and then, they were simply misguided. Decent people who were doing their best in a world gone mad. She'd given up trying to collect good opinions long ago and she was pleased with who she was generally. But there were times… regret was a painful thing.

Morrigan tucked the elfroot in her satchel and looked for anything else useful. She'd found deathroot and Andraste's Grace. The Brecilian forest was an interesting place, like and unlike the wilds. There were ruins here too, and sylvans that had attacked them several times. She should find quite a few things she'd need for the potions she wished to make. Maddie and Cogburn had even found quite a few lyrium potions on the dead and those would be extremely helpful, both in battle and in creating other potions.

"Alistair," Morrigan glanced at her companion. "Why did you volunteer to accompany me?" No one had been more surprised than she when Alistair had offered to help her gather herbs and act as a lookout for any dangers.

The knight rubbed the back of his neck in a gesture she recognized as discomfort with either the weight of his armor or the topic. "In part because Cogburn was wounded today and I didn't want him walking on that leg, Zevran would drive you mad and I didn't think the forest needed another frog. Maddie is cooking, Leliana and Wynne would be refused if they bothered to offer. Sten is standing guard and Shale would be useless in the forest." He shrugged. "And I wanted to ask you a favor."

"A love potion doesn't work on a woman who's already in love." Morrigan told him, mostly just to tease him.

"Ah, what? Oh, no," Alistair blushed and shook his head and then sighed as he caught on to her jest. "Ha ha, very funny."

"I am endeavoring to match the twins and their wit." The witch told him dryly as she bent to gather more herbs. "What did you wish to speak with me about?"

"Two things, actually." Alistair took a deep breath. "I was hoping you'd make a point of walking with Maddie if I can't for some reason."

"Is this about that old hag's prodding of Maddie regarding your relationship?" Morrigan wished Alistair would stop looking so surprised when she knew something he thought she didn't.

"I don't want to give her another chance to bother Maddie, I think she has enough to worry about." Alistair said quietly. He looked around and pointed at a plant. "Isn't this deathroot?"

"It is." Morrigan nearly smiled and stooped to gather the plant. "I prefer to walk with Maddie or her brother whenever I can, so your request is no hardship." She slanted a glance at him. "What else did you wish to speak of?"

Alistair looked at her seriously. "Before we stopped in Redcliffe you suggested I take more control of my life." He reminded her. "You told me to stand up for myself, and don't let others do the choosing for me."

"And yet you have somehow managed to become a candidate for the throne in spite of your attempts." Morrigan muttered dryly. "You may need to practice disagreeing more."

"I attempted that and got told that Maddie wants me on the throne because she thinks I'll be a good king and because she wants me alive. She thought Anora would have me killed." Alistair admitted. "After that…I stopped arguing. She made very good points, and really, who else is going to do it? Eamon made it clear that he's not going to, and the twins pointed out that Anora can't be trusted. So in this, I doubt I have a choice."

"It does not seem that you do." The witch agreed as she moved towards another plant.

"But I have been thinking of what you said, about insisting that Maddie be my queen." The knight said quietly. "You know how the taint kills us all eventually," he eyed the witch, "I imagine between you and your mother there's little you don't know about the Grey Wardens."

"Very little," Morrigan agreed. "Mother has taught me everything about you."

"Then you know how rare it is for a Grey Warden to have a child after the Joining." Alistair looked at her.

"I do." Morrigan tilted her head, "And the seeming impossibility of a female Grey Warden bearing a male Grey Warden a child."

"Seeming," Alistair's eyes narrowed and his mouth quirked up slightly. "Cailan was being encouraged to set Anora aside because they had no heir." He said softly. "I would rather give up the throne that be forced to give up Madelaina," he told Morrigan. "I know you don't like me. You think I'm a fool, a chantry raised fool at that. And you might be right." He spread his hands. "But I'm her fool, and I would rather be hers and a fool than king and not be hers."

"Alistair, what are you asking of me?" Morrigan faced the knight directly and folded her arms, green eyes fixed upon the tall man's face.

"I'm asking if you and your mother know of a way that Maddie could conceive and bear me children." Alistair said quietly, "If she wants them."

"She does." Morrigan told him, her voice almost gentle. "I can tell she does." She looked in the direction of camp and a smile curved her lips at the thought of her friend. "You don't see the way she looks at you, how her eyes light up when you appear or her constant need to have you in her sight."

"I can imagine," Alistair nodded, "I dislike having her out of my gaze as well." He admitted, "But I don't see how that means she wants a child with me."

"When you and she are together," Morrigan found herself praying Alistair would take her meaning without elaboration. "Does she cling to you? Wish to remain...joined with you for as long as possible?" She tilted her head as Alistair began to blush. "A woman who does not desire a child with a man will rise from his bed and begin to wash herself." She told him her tone not entirely bereft of amusement. "She won't want the scent of his sweat on her skin, the seed of his body or the touch of his breath once she's done with him."

"You find my...reaction to your words funny." Alistair accused in a strangled tone his ears a bright red and his cheeks matching in hue, though he did not retreat and leave her in the woods alone.

Morrigan couldn't help laughing. "I find your embarrassment ridiculous." She told him plainly. "You have a woman who loves you, gave you the gift of her innocence, gifts you nightly with her presence in your bed and desires you in a way most men long for. If you were a man so inclined you could break her, so deeply has Madelaina given herself to you." The witch shook her head at him. "And instead of crowing from the rooftops about your good fortune you blush."

"I do," Alistair admitted with a sigh, "It does not mean that I find anything she does or wishes to do embarrassing." He lifted his chin stubbornly, "And contrary to my upbringing, I don't find any reason for shame in being with Maddie. I merely am not accustomed to such talk and find it difficult to be blasé about something I find so...precious." He met Morrigan's gaze with a firmness the witch found pleasing. "And you never answered my question."

"No I didn't." Morrigan agreed.

"Is that because you don't know of a way? Or because you wouldn't help even if you knew?" Alistair's jaw was set with some emotion Morrigan couldn't read.

"I do know of a way." The witch told him flatly. "And I will help you both." She gestured to the herbs harvested around them. "Why do you think I am gathering herbs?"

"Truly," Alistair's expression was that of a man afraid to hope. "Even though you think I am a fool?"

"You may be a fool Alistair FitzTheirin but you are a loyal fool." Morrigan told him, "And what I will use my mother's knowledge to make for you and Madelaina will help the two of you conceive children. But it will only work if you are loyal."

"I don't understand," Alistair shook his head in confusion. "Why would I be disloyal to her?"

"You are still a man." Morrigan's voice was dry as dust. "Men are notoriously fickle." She held up a hand to forestall his protest. "What I will give you is something you must consume." She patted the satchel. "I will make something for Madelaina as well but this will be reliant upon your loyalty."

"Morrigan, it won't..." Alistair hesitated and pushed his hand over his face and hair, "I don't want to insult you, Maker knows I, I'm not the most eloquent of men and I've done plenty of insulting in the past, but that was intentional..."

"I understand, you have a question, you fear my reaction will be anger." The witch sighed, "Please just ask it and let me determine if I am insulted or not."

"It's not dangerous to Maddie?" Alistair blurted the question out, "I mean I know all magic is dangerous and I'll gladly take any risk to do this but I don't want her to be harmed."

"Alistair, pregnancy is dangerous," Morrigan told him quietly. "What I will give you would be counterproductive if it was harmful to Maddie." She saw another plant she needed and crouched to harvest it. "It will not harm you either. But since it is you that asked me for this I key it to you."

"I don't understand you Morrigan," Alistair sighed and bent to harvest another deathroot plant. "Please say what you wish to say plainly."

The witch took the plant he held and put it in her satchel. "Plainly then," she agreed. "I will make potions for you and Maddie to take. They will ensure conception. But the magic will only work if you remain faithful to Madelaina. If you are unfaithful, the potion will not work."

"I would never be unfaithful to Maddie," Alistair said quietly. "She's the only woman I will ever want or have."

Morrigan smiled slowly, "I hope so. It would be a fine thing, might make you worthy of her."

"Oh you don't believe that," Alistair nearly grinned. "You don't think I'll ever be worthy of her."

"Most likely not," Morrigan shook her head. "But your intentions do you credit." She looked around. "I believe I have everything I will need."

"It will likely be some time before I will be able to marry her." Alistair said quietly. "I will trust your potions will keep until then?"

The witch smiled mysteriously and nodded. "They do not even require me to be nearby supplying magic." She gestured in the direction from which they'd come and began to walk. "I will explain to you what must be done so that you will know when the time comes. I shall also write the instructions down so that Maddie may peruse them at her leisure once the two of you are married."

"Morrigan," Alistair halted a moment, "Again with no insult intended, thank you, even if the potions don't work. Thank you for agreeing to make them, and for trying. I have no doubt that Wynne wouldn't have done either, even if she had the knowledge."

"The old besom is a hypocrite." Morrigan frowned furiously. The older woman got on her nerves with her preaching and lectures about duty. "She spoke with Cogburn about me, trying to warn him off, but did nothing when he was bedding Leliana. She spoke with Madelaina regarding her relationship with you, but tells you that you make Maddie happy. It seems she is quite content to lecture about that which she knows naught."

"Actually, she had a child, a son," Alistair told the witch softly. "The Circle doesn't allow the mages to raise their children. The child is automatically given to the Chantry." He shook his head. "The child isn't ever given a choice either. It always sounded like slavery to me."

"I always thought the Circle sounded much the same." Morrigan shook her head. "I will attempt to walk with Maddie if you cannot be by her side. Really all we must do is occupy Wynne elsewhere, then perhaps she won't bother Maddie and Cogburn."

"We can only hope," The knight sighed as the camp came into view. "I'd rather we didn't speak of our discussion to Maddie right now. I'd like for her to at least have the idea I want her as my queen before we talk about pregnancy."

"Yes," Morrigan shot him an impish grin, "Let us not put the cart before the horse, your normal method of dealing with problems unless you're trying to ignore them."

Alistair groaned and shook his head. "And we're back to the usual banter. Well at least there's something halfway to normal around here." He tilted his head thoughtfully, "Morrigan, I know we don't get along really, but if there's ever anything I can do for you...they're making me be king, theoretically I should have enough power to keep Templars off your back at the very least."

"Yes, perhaps you just might be worthy of her, a little bit," Morrigan strode towards her tent and felt her sardonic smile tilt sadly as she considered the future.


	58. 58 Alistair

_If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?_   
_If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?_   
_If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call_   
_If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all_

He hadn't been able to discuss much of anything with Maddie last night. She'd been on watch and so had he, and they'd been able to talk for a bit before they both collapsed into sleep, but there hadn't been time to talk of Wynne's words to her, or anything else important. Alistair clenched his jaw and barely kept himself from grinding his teeth as he considered the likelihood of a serious talk with Maddie tonight.

The likelihood just as probably as the arch demon dropping from the sky and transforming into a pigeon for Shale to kill. Alistair sighed and shook his head, drawing Maddie's concerned gaze. "All right?" She asked quietly.

"You're walking with me, how could I not be?" Alistair smiled at her, hoping he looked and sounded reassuring.

"Still worrying about becoming king?" Her voice, always so gentle with him was slightly amused in its tone and he reflected for a moment how it was possible that Maddie teasing him was more enjoyable than any other woman blatantly flirting.

"I suspect I'll worry about that for the rest of my life." He admitted with a shrug. "It's not as if I was born to it."

"Technically since you're Maric's son, you were born to it." She reminded him dryly.

"Yes, well I think a birthright overridden by a lifetime of being firmly taught my place at the back of the hall might require some doing to be reclaimed." Alistair chuckled. "They didn't exactly want me developing the skills to lead remember."

"No, they taught you to serve, which is more than they taught Cailan." Maddie's smoky voice was dry and held a note of irritation as it did whenever she spoke of his half brother.

"He always seemed charismatic, a born leader of men." Alistair offered quietly. "I take it you saw him in a different light."

"He thought battle was glorious." She shook her head in amazement. "Maybe if Highever hadn't fallen before I met him I would have been more impressed with your brother. I longed to prove myself to my father once. But…I don't recall ever wishing for battle or thinking a war was a chance to create another tale."

"I recall that his mother used to tell him tales of the old kings and their great deeds." Alistair wondered what that must have been like, to have a mother to hold you and tell you stories. "Perhaps he felt he needed to prove himself worthy of their company."

"Perhaps," Maddie nodded slowly and Alistair could almost see the thoughts turning in her head. "I think you will be a better king than he, you might make mistakes, but you truly wish to do what is right for all of us."

"Good intentions don't count for much if they end in disaster love," Alistair nearly grinned at the look on her face. She was debating whether to thump his arm or kiss him, it was so cute. "I know what you mean though," he added before she could decide on thumping him. "You told me once a good leader cares more about who he leads than he does glory. I think we can safely say I care more about Ferelden than being king, which is how you all talked me into this mess."

Maddie seemed to hesitate and then her husky voice asked very quietly. "Where do you see this going between us?"

Alistair blinked, a bit startled by the question. Maybe he hadn't been as clear as he'd hoped about his feelings for her. A glance at her expression, a carefully neutral mask and he understood. She was as frightened as he was by what could happen if they made him king. He really had to speak with her about this when they weren't surrounded by people. "I don't know. Arl Eamon wants to make me king at the Landsmeet. I never ever wanted that, not in my wildest dreams…but I won't refuse it if it's in the best interest of the nation either." He wished they were alone in her tent so he could hold her. "I love you. You know that right? But I have no idea what being a king will mean for us." He shook his head. "I know only my hopes for us. Reality…" The word ended in a sigh as he looked at her.

Her mouth had tilted into the lopsided half smile that had been her only humorous expression when they first met. "I won't let you go Alistair. No matter what." Her words sounded like a vow to his ears and Alistair prayed to the Maker that it was a vow he could help her keep.

"Let's hope we have that option." Alistair's expression turned grim as he felt a frisson down his neck. "This isn't really the time for this conversation." Before she could reply they both heard Cogburn give a shout from his scouting position.

Well, we're done with the werewolves and the forest at least, Alistair thought to himself as he and Maddie both stiffened. The feeling of Darkspawn nearby was unmistakable and he pulled his sword from his back. He could see Maddie doing the same. Cogburn was retreating back to the group, his blades drawn. Morrigan ever alert was readying a spell. The rest of the company belatedly reacted to the Grey Wardens and began to ready for battle.

Sure enough, Sten's sword had barely cleared his back and one of Zevran's daggers was still sheathed when the Darkspawn appeared. Alistair didn't even bother to scowl or shake his head as Maddie attacked one of the hurlock emissaries, her sword and dagger flashing; there was no point in it. Fighting his way to her side was second nature now, and he lost himself in the curious blend of instinct and tactics that seemed to take over when he was in battle.

Raise his shield to block the enemy's sword. Smack same enemy with the shield, repeat at least three times and knock the enemy down. Swing sword downward and bloody the enemy. Repeat as needed until enemy is dead or he gets up. Quick glance at the battlefield for anyone in trouble, keep Maddie in sight, new enemy approaching.

Thrust sword, dodge blow, block second blow with shield. Curse the darkspawn that attacks from behind and finish the one in front quickly. Turn, engage the enemy at his back, bash with the shield, thrice more and swing the sword from the shoulder, twist waist for greater force. Ignore the heaviness of the armor. Deep breath, pain, scan the battlefield again.

Another enemy, Maddie is farther away, Leliana firing into the battle from the edge, Zevran stabbing a genlock in the back, Shale smashing a hurlock to paste, Cogburn and Morrigan fighting back to back, Wynne near Leliana, casting a spell, Sten beheads a genlock. Fight his way towards Maddie, genlock takes his sword to the gut, hurlock gets his skull bashed in with the shield. Armor is heavier. Raise sword and slash at the hurlock attacking Maddie. Shield bash again, another blow with the sword, swing from overhead, blood spatter.

Raise his shield to block another blow, why won't it lift? His sword is far too heavy, swing clumsily at the monster in front of him. Vision is narrowing, darkening. His sword has slipped from his hand. Everything is dark. Someone screams.

TBC


	59. 59 Maddie

_what did u expect to find?_   
_was it something you left behind?_   
_dont you remember, everything i said when i said.._

_Dont fall away, and leave me to myself_   
_Dont fall away, and leave life bleeding in my hands_

Later on she could say to the instant when Alistair was grievously wounded. He'd taken a vicious stab to the back in the thick of the fighting and from that moment forward moved more slowly. When he fell she screamed; fury and fear combining into raw sound and began to fight her way to his prone form. No matter what she would not let the darkspawn have him, they would have to go through her cold dead body to get to him.

The rest of the battle was a blur of blood and dust and sound as she stood over Alistair's body and fought off any monster that came near them. When it was over it took her a few moments to let her guard down, sheathing her blades and kneeling beside her fallen knight. Her hands were suddenly clumsy as they fumbled with the buckles of his armor. "Let me help you," Zevran's voice was quiet as he knelt on Alistair's other side. Maddie could hear Cogburn yelling for Wynne and was vaguely aware of Morrigan kneeling in the dust by her side.

"He took a dagger to the back, lower right side," Maddie heard the words emerge from her mouth distantly as she continued to strip Alistair's armor off of him.

"I see it," Zevran nodded and looked at her. "He cannot lie on his stomach in the dust for this," The elf's dark eyes were somber as he looked from the knight to meet her gaze. "One of us must hold him so the other may apply the poultice."

Maddie took a deep breath and looked at the elf. "I can hold him, but keeping him in place will be difficult. Will you help me?" She glanced at Morrigan. "Morrigan, will you apply the poultice?"

"Of course," the witch seemed surprised by something but Maddie couldn't spare the attention at the moment. Zevran was at her side in a moment, Morrigan taking his former place, and the two rogues carefully lifted the knight so he was cradled against Maddie, Zevran beside her to hold him in position. It certainly looked odd, the huge knight dwarfing Maddie but across her lap and shoulder like a child in order to expose the wound high on his back ribs. "Ah, this is in a bad place, you were right Zevran." The witch applied the poultice and held it in place.

"He'll need a healing potion as well," Cogburn's voice was concerned but Maddie couldn't see her twin, Alistair's head was cushioned against her own, her face turned to his neck.

"I believe Maddie has him positioned well enough, you may be able to get a potion down his throat." Zevran sounded a little out of breath. "My dear, if you could shift slightly towards me, the angle will be better."

"Yes," Maddie took a deep breath and angled her body carefully towards Zevran, the position turning Alistair's face towards the elf. "How's that?"

"Perfect." Cogburn's voice was filled with forced cheer. "Lets all thank Morrigan for making us these potions," he unstopped a vial and Maddie could hear and feel him carefully feeding the potion to the unconscious knight.

"Thank you Morrigan," The three rogues chorused in a long worn joke.

"I am surrounded by jesters," Morrigan's voice was dry as the roads dust. "But the wound does seem to be closing, I will cleanse it again and put another poultice on, this one is useless."

"The blade was poisoned wasn't it," Maddie said quietly.

"You knew it must be or you wouldn't have him positioned so. The wound needed careful cleansing." The witch agreed. "Get another healing potion down him if you can. I think he'll wake in a few hours."

"This isn't the worst place to camp." Maddie heard Leliana say and could nearly picture the bard looking around. "We'll have to clear the bodies and get off the road, but I think I hear water." The rest of the group began to take action as well while Cogburn and Morrigan concentrated on Alistair's wounds and getting another potion down his throat.

"I've gotten the second potion down him." Cogburn announced and Maddie heard him straighten up behind her. "Zevran, if you and Maddie will stay here with Alistair, I'll get something together to use as a litter. We should be able to keep him on his side and off the wound long enough to get him to camp."

"I shall help you in a moment." Morrigan told him. "I believe… yes, the wound is beginning to close." She sounded satisfied Maddie thought, nearly smiling. "All he will need is rest and time."

"Well then, the two of us will remain with the Grey Warden and rest while all of you set up camp." Zevran's voice was amused and Maddie nearly chuckled.

"We should have made Sten do this part," Maddie said trying to smile. She could attempt to joke but part of her wouldn't relax until Alistair opened his eyes and smiled in his usual fashion.

"Ah, think of poor Alistair in such a position," Zevran denied. "In whose arms would he rather wake, yours or the Qunari's?"

"I would hope mine, or else there's something Alistair hasn't told me." Maddie replied with a sigh. "We'll have to take a look at his armor when all this is done. It's sure to have a huge gaping hole in the back of it."

"Truly, I am surprised he does not wear the plate armor." Zevran said curiously.

"We have a set, but of the two of them, Sten needed the protection more, Alistair insisted." Maddie heard her voice nearly break and took as deep a breath as she could manage. "We've been saving coin so we could get another set. The drake scale Cogburn and I wear is too light for him."

"I thought we had found a very handsome set of armor with a jaunty plume upon the helmet whilst we were in the elves forest?" The assassin asked.

"We did, and it was too heavy for Alistair." Maddie's voice did break then and she shuddered, taking another breath before speaking again. "He's been doing all the wood chopping and everything he can to build up his strength. He knows I want him to wear it."

"We shall have to do something about this then." Zevran sounded determined. "There are many tomes recounting the ways one may build up strength. We shall procure one for Alistair so that you and I will never be in this position again."

"Zevran, you are a very good friend." Maddie nearly laughed even though she could feel tears streaking her face, dampening Alistair's hair.

"All right you two, Morrigan and I have a liter rigged up." Cogburn's voice came closer as he spoke. "Sten, will you help them get him onto it? We have to keep the pressure off that wound so he has to be on his side." The next few minutes were tension filled as they moved the man from his position across Maddie to the litter.

* * *

 

Sten had been right, it didn't take long to get to the camp site he'd found. Wynne was setting up a tent, and Leliana was bringing a final bucket of water. Rooster was watching Morrigan as she crafted a potion near her own tent. Maddie looked around and saw her twin behind them, carrying the pieces of Alistair's armor, as well as the knight's sword and shield.

"It's my night to cook," her twin said quietly. "If you and Zevran will keep an eye on him, and clean his armor. I'm going to dig out that plate we found when the Feddic's catch up with us."

"I will fetch wood." Sten said gravely. "He will need the fire's warmth."

"Thank you Sten," Maddie tried to smile up at the Qunari.

"I shall set up your tent for him," Zevran offered. "Perhaps a bit closer to the fire than normal?"

"No, that's all right," Maddie shook her head. "Sten is right, he'll be better off here by the fire, so I'll stay with him."

"Then let us clean our arms and armor, yes?" Zevran smiled slightly and gestured to the knight. "Perhaps remove the rest of his armor, I cannot think his legs will be comfortable in that."

The girl nodded, pushing her hair behind her ears, and regarded the unconscious man dubiously. "I'm more worried about shifting him and the wound reopening," She looked at Zevran. "Not that I disagree with you, though he's slept in his armor before."

"Perhaps you are correct, better to wait until his wound is healed." The elf looked at the chain mail they'd pulled off the knight's upper body and made a face. "Ah the delights of polishing armor."

Maddie nodded and pulled her sword and dagger out to clean them more thoroughly. "Father always said dagger before sword, sword before shield, shield before armor," she smiled slightly, remembering.

"Your father, he sounds a wise man," Zevran remarked doing the same as she. "It is a rare man who will allow two of his children to wander the countryside and join the Grey Wardens."

"He was very wise," Maddie glanced at her twin who was frowning into the stewpot and gave a mental shrug. "But we joined the Grey Wardens as payment for our lives." She tilted her head. "I'd been curious about them, might have asked to be tested anyway, Cogburn wouldn't have. And even if he did, Father wouldn't have wanted all three of us off to war. He said as much to Duncan."

"Ah, the man who recruited you, Alistair's mentor," Zevran nodded as he placed the name. "There is another sibling somewhere then?"

"Fergus was scouting in the Wilds before Ostagar, we haven't heard anything of him since Highever." Maddie felt her throat tighten. "We hope he's still alive somewhere." She changed the subject, "My sister by marriage was from Antiva, she always told me the city was gorgeous. I never really believed her tales, but perhaps you could tell me more about it?"

Zevran smiled slightly and began to tell her of Antiva City and all its glories, his voice kept low so as not to disturb the unconscious knight. They'd made it all the way through their weapons and were working on Alistair's chainmail shirt when the elf began teasing her about the suitors he was sure she had. "Surely Alistair cannot be the only one smitten with your beauty? Or are all the men in Ferelden fools? Was he the only one who wasn't stupid?"

"Well that's nice to hear," Alistair's voice was slurred as if he was still half asleep but his eyes were open and regarding the two rogues.

"You're awake. How are you feeling? Don't try to move yet," Maddie didn't let her sweetheart get a word in before she was calling for Morrigan.

"You worried her," Zevran murmured as Maddie frantically hailed the witch.

"I see that," Alistair muttered back as the witch strode across the camp holding a potion in her hand.

"Let me see the wound," Morrigan knelt without ceremony and began to remove the bandage. One white finger poked carefully at the flesh, drawing a hiss of pain from the knight. "Drink this, and then you may sit up for your dinner." The witch told him.

Maddie watched like a hawk as Alistair drank the potion, his nose wrinkling at the taste. Her grey eyes snapped from her lover to Morrigan anxiously until the witch nodded her approval. "Will he be fit to travel tomorrow?" Cogburn asked quietly as he joined the group.

"I believe so," Morrigan nodded. "I will craft another potion for the morning and that will help him maintain our pace." She looked at Cogburn, "Did you not say something about plate armor?"

Maddie watched as her twin nodded and felt her control begin to slip. "I, please," She pushed herself to her feet, "excuse me, I need to..." She turned and walked as calmly and as quickly as she could out of the camp towards the sound of running water.


	60. 60 Cogburn

_And all my sorrows awaken_   
_And all my fear's run down_   
_I turn myself into an angel_   
_I run myself into the ground_

_And all the reasons invading_   
_Twist and turn my aching soul_   
_I leave myself behind in pieces_   
_I know you'll need them when I'm gone_

Morrigan's green eyes were far too knowing when they met his. Cogburn sighed and shook his head. Before he could attempt an explanation for her behavior Alistair was trying to get to his feet. "Ah, no, let's not do that just yet," Cogburn quickly knelt and put a hand to Alistair's shoulder, easily keeping the weakened knight on the litter where he lay.

"There's something wrong," Alistair argued, "I'm not going to just lie here when I can tell she's upset."

"Yes you are, because if you reinjure yourself it'll just be worse for her." Cogburn didn't care that his voice wasn't exactly gentle. "She's trying to keep from weeping all over you."

"Isn't that what I'm for?" Alistair retorted, drawing chuckle from Morrigan and a grin from Zevran.

"If I surmise correctly, this is Madelaina's way of handling her grief; she maintains a calm facade until the crisis is over..." Morrigan began slowly.

"And once it's over, she finds a quiet place, away from everyone, and she breaks down." Cogburn finished. "I've really only seen her cry as an adult once; when you held her Alistair."

"She hides even from you?" Zevran pursed his lips thoughtfully.

"Of course she does," Morrigan rolled her eyes. "She's a woman surrounded by men. A warrior does not weep on the battlefield regardless of gender. She cannot be a woman and succumb to her fear and anguish before all of you and then be the leader you will respect."

Cogburn sighed when Alistair looked as if he'd object. "Morrigan is right." He threw some onions in the stew and stirred it. "Men won't follow someone they see as weak."

"We're not..." Alistair began to object.

"No, you're not Alistair," the nobleman sighed again. "But you're not the only one in camp. She won't display weakness of this sort in front of people. This is a private thing. That she spoke of Highever to you by the fire and wept in your arms was as shocking a thing as I'd ever thought to see. There was no privacy on the road from Highever to Ostagar, nor afterwards. She must have been near the breaking point to have not insisted on being alone with you for your talk."

"That's all well and good but it doesn't help now." The knight scowled fiercely. "She shouldn't be alone."

Zevran looked at the three humans thoughtfully. "She will not accept comfort from me I think, I am male and we are not so very close as that. Her twin has already said she does not weep before him. Alistair cannot move as yet." He fixed his gaze on Morrigan, "Would she accept comfort from a woman and a friend?"

"Possibly," Cogburn nodded.

Morrigan was on the verge of speaking when Alistair asked suddenly. "Where is Leliana?"

"Oh...codswallop." Suddenly he wished he had hair he could tear at in frustration. Cogburn turned, scanning the camp and cursed again. "Well it looks like my twin is going to get my company whether she wants it or not." He looked at Zevran. "Keep Alistair here, I'll bring Maddie back to him."

"As you wish my friend," Zevran replied in a deceptively cheerful tone.

Cogburn turned on his heel and strode in the same direction as his twin. It didn't take him long to find her. Her normally smooth husky voice was rough with tears and anger.

"Leliana, what are you doing?"

The male twin sighed as he saw his twin push Leliana away from her and listened to the bard's protests. "Leliana go back to camp." He commanded the red haired girl, jerking his head in the right direction. "My twin doesn't need your help."

"But, I, I mean..." Leliana tried to protest and was cut off.

"Enough." Cogburn scowled angrily and jerked his head again. "Go." When the bard finally obeyed he took three steps towards his twin and folded her into his arms. "I've got you little sister," He tucked her head under his chin. "It's all right."

"I thought he would die," Maddie wept, "I've only just found him and I could have lost him."

He knew exactly how she felt, Cogburn thought sadly. He'd only just found Morrigan, to lose her would be the cruelest fate he could imagine. He couldn't be sure where his path would lead, but he knew he wanted Morrigan with him for as long as possible. But the idea of Morrigan dying, being wounded so terribly as Alistair had been was enough to give him a sick feeling in his stomach. "I know," He sighed quietly. "I know."

She sniffed once and took a deep breath. "We'd better go back; I only intended to be gone long enough to get control of myself."

"Before we go back, what did Leliana do?" He asked grimly.

"She must have been on my heels, because the minute I stopped walking and started to cry she was hugging me." Maddie drew back, pulling out of her twin's embrace and looking up at him. "I wasn't in any shape to object, I was weeping fair violently."

"And?" Cogburn wondered if he'd have to keep a better eye on the bard.

"Her hands...moved from my back up to my hair, petting me," Maddie began softly, "She kissed my cheek, and then kissed my neck and my mouth. One hand ended up on my behind and the other one held my hair." She scowled, "Remind me to cut it."

"Did she do anything else?" He wondered grimly just how crazy Leliana was.

"The hand on my bottom was under my armor, not over it." His twin shuddered with distaste. "Honestly, I'd rather kiss Morrigan, at least I'd know it was real."

"That's not going to happen." Cogburn retorted. "All right, let's get back before Alistair worries himself sick."

"Before we do," Maddie hesitated a moment. "The soul we freed from the gem, it made an offer, to teach any mage among us how to become an Arcane Warrior. I was going to ask if Morrigan would be interested."

"It's hard for me to see her in close combat." He admitted, "Even though we could use that skill."

She nodded her agreement. "I could teach her; it's not as if we have a sword that can channel magic like a staff. That would give her the knowledge but she wouldn't be in close combat."

"That is something I can support." Cogburn nodded. "Now let's go, the stew should be nearly done, and Alistair must be going out of his mind by now."

She nodded and wiped at her face, doing her best to erase the signs of her grief as they walked back to camp. By the time they arrived within the circle of firelight she'd been fairly successful and Cogburn walked her over to where Alistair was sitting up, his back partially leaning against his pack. Zevran was helping the knight remove the rest of his armor and Cogburn was grateful the elf had more control than the bard. "Tell him tomorrow," Cogburn commanded his twin mildly. "I'm going to speak with Leliana."

"As you like," Maddie's shrug was elaborately nonchalant. "I'll watch the stew."

Cogburn took a deep breath as he approached the bard near her tent. "Leliana," He greeted her keeping his voice even. "May I ask what you were attempting to do with my twin?"

"I wished to comfort her." Leliana cast a soft glance at Maddie where she sat with Alistair and Zevran.

"I got the impression it was more than comfort you were offering." The dark eyed man regarded the woman before him shrewdly. "What's all this about?"

For a moment it seemed she wouldn't answer, then the pretty mouth twisted, "I see you're still with Morrigan." When Cogburn didn't say anything Leliana continued and he began to understand exactly what Leliana's game had been. "I thought you said she didn't mean anything to you. What are you playing at? You tell me you like me, that I mean something to you, and you have her on the side? It is not fair to either Morrigan or me. Do you say the same things to her that you say to me?"

He did his best to restrain a sigh, "Not really. She's a different sort of girl."

That seemed to annoy the bard even more. "I suppose you need different girls for different days of the week? Morrigan when you want some rough tumbling, Leliana when you need a bedtime story and someone to tell you what a nice boy you are? Just show me some respect. Show us some respect, please." Her lovely eyes were wide and shimmering with unshed tears. For a moment Cogburn was struck by her loveliness and then his jaw set. Out of jealousy this girl had tried to seduce his twin. Now she sought to manipulate him with the implied emotional intimacy.

Now he did sigh out of sheer irritation with himself and with Leliana. He'd gotten himself into this by sleeping with both women. "What do you want from me?" He asked finally folding his arms.

"Stop playing with my feelings. If you want her, tell me so. I care for you…more deeply than I can say, but...I...I can't watch you going to her and then me." Leliana stared at him, her eyes imploring, her lips trembling. All Cogburn could think was that she truly was a masterful performer because no woman so in love with him as she implied would attempt to seduce his sister in order to get his attention. Being attracted to his twin he could understand, but on the heels of attempted seduction she then proclaimed her ardent affection for him? No.

Cogburn was aware his voice was implacable and didn't care how indifferent he sounded at the moment. If he truly believed he was hurting more than her pride, then he might have softened his words. "Then we can't be together, because I can't give her up."

"I… I see. That's your choice then." Leliana looked taken aback; her eyes were wide with shock, traces of tears gone. Clearly she hadn't expected him to say that. "I…understand. Excuse me…I have to be alone for a while."

"As you like," He nodded and regarded her a moment. "Leliana, if you touch my sister again, you had better have witnesses that it was innocent. I'll tolerate a lot of misbehavior towards me since I was the one who slept with you. But my twin? She's not part of this and you'd better not make her part of it."

"I, I only…"

"I don't care what your intentions were," The nobleman shook his head. "Don't touch her like that again." He turned and stalked back to the fire and his twin, speaking for a moment with her before he moved towards Morrigan's fire and the peace he always felt in the company of the Witch.


	61. 61 Morrigan

_I envy not in any moods_   
_The captive void of noble rage,_   
_The linnet born within the cage,_

_That never knew the summer woods;_

_Nor, what may count itself as blest,_   
_The heart that never plighted troth_   
_But stagnates in the weeds of sloth:_   
_Nor any want-begotten rest._

Morrigan wondered precisely what it was that the bard had done to anger the Cousland twins. Maddie had emerged from the wilderness with a carefully clean face, her twin beside her, his eyes like thunder. The girl had taken a seat with Alistair and Zevran, not quite clinging to the knight but definitely keeping him within reach. All three were carefully keeping their conversation light and concerning armor and weapons.

Cogburn had approached Leliana with those dark eyes and whatever the bard had said did not please him for his spine seemed to stiffen with fury. Slowly as the two conversed his posture grew more weary though few would read it in the folding of his arms or the rigid line of his shoulders. The bard looked shocked by something the nobleman said and then her lips pressed into a petulant pout as he turned his back to her. A few words with his twin seemed to draw some of the tension from his frame and as Cogburn turned towards her fire Morrigan could almost see the cares of the day drift off him.

He was very dear, the witch thought almost idly, a man worthy of her respect and company. It would be shameful if Loghain or his minions captured the young man. The course she had been debating for the last few weeks resolved itself in her mind and Morrigan smiled as Cogburn drew near. "I have something for you." She told him.

His grin flashed like lightening over his face. "Is it bigger than a bread box?"

Morrigan rolled her eyes at his humor, she enjoyed it but this man was too often humorous when she would be in earnest. "Tis a ring. Now, before you get any foolish notions, let me explain." She cautioned him and he smiled encouragingly, plainly disposing himself to listen. Morrigan nearly smiled at the sight, "Flemeth once gave me the ring because it allowed her to find me no matter where I went, in case I was ever captured by hunters. I disabled its power as soon as we left the Wilds. Recently, however, I thought to change it. Now I will be able to find whoever wears it instead."

He nodded thoughtfully, his voice neutral in a way that the witch wasn't certain she liked. "So you would always know where I am."

She shook her head, hoping she could reassure him. "'Tis not to track you, you understand. I believe you are too important to risk. If you were to get captured, however, it would be far easier to find you with this." The Witch held it out to him in the palm of her hand, hoping he would take it. If he did not, if something happened and they could not find him…all could be lost. Thankfully he seemed inclined to accept it, one hand cupping hers while the other gently took it from her palm.

He slid it on the third finger of his left hand immediately moving another ring to his other hand to make room for hers. "Does it do anything else?" Cogburn asked her with a curious gleam in his eyes.

Morrigan shook her head doubtfully. "Flemeth used to say that 'twas a link between us, one that I presumed worked both ways. I never tested it, but I doubt she would have lied over such a thing. So it would mean I am linked to you as much as you to I." She regarded the man before her with a thoughtful gaze wondering if he would find that a burden or a comfort.

He seemed to be considering her words carefully, his dark eyes were riveted to hers as he spoke. She hadn't ever heard his voice quite so tender. "So I could find you, if need be?"

The dark haired girl shook her head slowly, part of her hoping it was so, and the practical part knowing it was unlikely. "I…do not know. As I said, I never tested it. Perhaps…"

He smiled and tugged her forward against him, his lean body pressing against hers as his lips met her own. "Thank you for the gift." Cogburn's mouth moved to her cheek in a sweet caress and his arms wrapped around her, embracing her as if she were suddenly delicate. Morrigan flushed with desire and affection and hoped she was not becoming as lovesick as Maddie was.

"You…are welcome." She said finally, uncertain of what to say. "Perhaps it will be useful some day."

His smile was openly affectionate as he leaned back to gaze at her face. "Come and have something to eat. I can't vouch for the taste but it should be nourishing at least."

"Such a reccomendation," Morrigan couldn't help laughing. "Perhaps I'll simply eat the bread and cheese and leave the stew to the more adventurous of our company."

"Oh you can't say you aren't adventurous Morrigan," Cogburn teased, "You are, after all, bedding me, a Grey Warden."

"Hmm…" Morrigan shook her head as he tugged her away from her tent and fire towards the main fire where Maddie sat. "Does that mean that Alistair is adventurous or would it be your sister?"

"Those two aren't adventurous, they're lovesick." The male Cousland chuckled as they neared the fire.

"Lovesick? Who is lovesick?" Zevran asked curiously looking from Morrigan to Cogburn.

"Those two," Morrigan gestured at the other two Grey Wardens.

"I do not think so," Zevran shook his head. "To be lovesick implies a lack of or unrequited affection on one side. They are most defintely not lacking in that regard. In fact, should they become anymore in love, I believe your archdemon will expire from sugar sickness."

"He's not my archdemon," Cogburn shook his head with a grin. "Though I take your point. But you haven't gotten a look at the two of them arguing. Sweet they are not."

"These two? They argue? No, I do not believe it." Zevran shook his head and Morrigan smiled down into her bowl at the elf's foolishness even as she was thankful for it. His silliness was doing a great deal to ease the tension as Leliana and Wynne joined them by the fire. Sten came forward from his self imposed watch for movement on the road to take a bowl of stew and sit next to Rooster.

"We fight," Alistair told the elf with a sheepish grin.

"I have never seen you fight," Zevran told the knight with a wicked grin, "Surely you do not do this in the privacy of your tent, whispering so as not to wake the camp?"

Maddie blushed and Morrigan chuckled as the girl met her eyes. "I do not believe it is fighting you are thinking of Madelaina Cousland," The witch teased.

"You are a wicked witch," Maddie threw a piece of her bread at the other girl, a smile curving her lips.

Morrigan laughed and took the bread from Cogburn who'd very nimbly snatched it out of the air before impact. "Perhaps, but I am the wicked Witch with your bread." She mocked.

"That's not all you have," Zevran leered dramatically, drawing a chortle from Alistair and giggles from the girl beside him.

"You will never know," Morrigan shook her head and dipped her spoon into the stew. "Now eat your food before the night is half gone."

There was more laughter and ribald remarks from Zevran, blushes from both Alistair and Maddie and low chuckles from the Grey Warden at Morrigan's side but they did finish the meal sooner rather than later. Morrigan rose and looked at Cogburn wondering if he would join her tonight after his watch. The dark eyed man nodded his answer to her unasked question and Morrigan left the fire feeling curiously warm even without the flames.

* * *

 

Morrigan roused as Cogburn entered her tent with his usual silence. "Is your sister all right?" She asked, her normally crisp tones a tired mumble.

"She's doing better," Cogburn murmured as he slid into the quilts behind her. "I think Alistair being able to talk helped." He kissed the back of her neck and Morrigan shivered.

"I'm sure it would, not that he'll talk sense," She turned in his arms and kissed him hard on the mouth. "I do not wish to discuss Maddie and Alistair right now, do you?"

"No," Cogburn took her mouth with a passion that said he'd been suppressing his need for quite some time. His hands pushed her smalls aside and found her warm and wet for him already. She couldn't help moaning into his mouth, her hands reaching for him.

"Now," Morrigan hissed as one of his hands cupped her breast and his mouth left hers to suck on the nipple. "I want you inside me now."

"So demanding," he murmured against her skin. "Luckily I agree with you, need you too badly right now." He shifted so he was lying between her thighs and plunged his body into hers. Morrigan moaned in pleasure and wrapped her legs around his waist.

Hot and hard and fast, they took each other, moans and gasps filled the air, until Morrigan was crying out, waves of pleasure washing through her. Cogburn moaned into her hair, his lips on her neck as he plunged into her and stiffened, his body spasmming as his seed erupted into her. Morrigan couldn't help it, the feel of him, his body thrusting into hers, his cock rooting so deeply inside her, hot seed filling her, she convulsed around him, her body milking his.

* * *

 

Morrigan sighed in pleasure. Cogburn always held her after they'd been intimate; his hands were still gentle, simply cradling her body in his arms. She felt the gold of the ring she'd given him, warmed by his skin and hers. "You are not in love with me are you?" She heard herself ask in trepidation.

"Pretty little witch," Cogburn sighed as he pulled her naked body against his, "You don't believe in love remember?"

"I do not." Morrigan agreed, her heart twisting. Why did she wish to hear that he loved her when she didn't even believe in such things? "And I believe you are far too important to risk your heart on one such as me."

"Morrigan, I'm not having this conversation," Cogburn's agreeable tone seemingly contradicted his words. "You know I believe in love. My parents had it for years; it survived a marriage and three children."

"There is no such thing. There is passion and survival and companionship, these are more important than love." Morrigan knew she was trying to start a fight, but Cogburn simply wasn't obliging. "Love is merely a distraction; it is not worth it, not at such a time. I am not worth your distraction from your duty."

"Morrigan," Cogburn pulled her closer and drew the quilts up around them, kissing her neck affectionately. "You are definitely worth my distraction," he said in a slightly drowsy voice. "Don't worry, I don't expect a declaration. I value you; you are my friend and companion, a friend to my twin. You are dear to me. You're strong and lovely and real. I find you worthy of my respect and worthy of my affection. But you need not worry I'll forget my duty."

"You are a fool Cogburn Cousland," Morrigan smiled as she spoke, her body suffused with warmth from his words. "I find it annoying that I am so glad of your foolishness."

"You'll get used to it." He sighed against the back of her neck and pressed his lips to the tender skin below her ear. "Don't worry so much about me; I know how to take care of myself." He reminded her sardonically.

"I am aware," The Witch sighed and closed her eyes. "Good night."

"Good night love," Cogburn kissed her neck again and relaxed against her body. Morrigan could feel him sliding into sleep, his body relaxed with it.

"Good night my love," She whispered softly, sorrow filling her.


	62. 62 Alistair

_Believe me, if all those_   
_endearing young charms,_   
_Which I gaze on so fondly today,_   
_Were to change by tomorrow, and fleet in my arms,_   
_Like fairy-gifts fading away,_   
_Thou wouldst still be adored, as this moment thou art,_   
_Let thy loveliness fade as it will,_   
_And around the dear ruin each wish of my heart_   
_Would entwine itself_   
_verdantly still._

 

For some reason or other it seemed the world was conspiring to keep him from speaking privately with Maddie. He'd been wounded and slept like the dead, waking only when she'd lain beside him to wrap an arm around her waist. Then it had been decided that they would go to Ostagar and attempt to retrieve the documents left there when the battle had been lost. That discussion had taken place during breakfast and Maddie had been assigned scouting duties.

Heading south meant more Darkspawn and thus more skirmishes as they traveled. It had been three days worth of fighting and making camp with at least one person wounded. Maddie was looking more and more exhausted and Alistair was deeply worried about the toll this was taking on her. He would never have agreed to go to Ostagar if he'd known it would mean such darkness dwelling in her eyes. Part of her worry was about him; ever since he'd fallen in battle her tension had been palpable. And Alistair was certain the conversation they'd started and not finished was part of it. She was at the head of the group, scouting the road or he'd talk to her while they traveled.

And now she was not ahead, but hurrying back towards the company, which meant another fight, or if the darkspawn ahead were too many, hiding as the enemy passed them by. From the look on Maddie's face hiding would be the best option. Alistair turned and looked at Zevran, "Get Cogburn from the rear, I can tell from the look of her that we'll need to hide and let them pass us by." The elf took off at a run and Alistair looked around, glancing at Morrigan. "We're closer to your territory than mine," He spoke quickly. "Ideas about how to conceal ourselves?"

"Break for the woods, those that are able, climb into the trees, others, like Shale, must find greenery thick enough for a hiding place." Morrigan's voice was crisp and decisive and Alistair nodded.

"We'll count on you to hide Wynne, I doubt she's up to tree climbing even with her new lease on life," He said dryly. "Unless my fellow Grey Wardens have a better idea?"

"Hiding?" Cogburn surmised as he and Zevran hurried up and Maddie arrived a moment after. "Unless Maddie thinks we can take them?"

His twin shook her head. "Alistair is too right, we need to hide, get off the road now," She gestured in the direction from which she'd come. "There's a battalion's worth of Darkspawn not half a mile up and they're not moving slowly either."

"Then let's get off the road and into the woods as Morrigan said," Alistair nodded. "Zevran, go with Shale, help her conceal herself and then get up into the trees. Leliana, same with Sten unless you think you can climb in that?" He eyed the Qunari's armor.

Sten shook his head. "I would make too much noise," He looked at Leliana, "Your aid will be appreciated, much as I despise hiding from our enemy."

"Let's move then," Alistair looked around. "Rooster, you stay with Sten all right? Between Leliana's bow, Rooster's teeth and Sten's skills if he's found that'll give him the best chance."

Morrigan began to lead the way into the woods, finding what remained of a deer trail and leading them down its winding path. Alistair found himself beside Maddie and wished he could reach for her hand, give her some comfort.

"T'would be best if we remained close together," Morrigan told them softly. "Should we be discovered, we will then be able to attack our foes." She gestured at the trees around them. "These will hold the weight of two or more people. And the underbrush is thick enough to conceal our larger companions. Climb and hide yourselves, Cogburn and I will remain on the ground, to be certain all are concealed, then we too will take to the trees."

Maddie nodded and looked at Alistair, gesturing towards a tree nearer the road than the others. Her grin was wicked and he found himself returning it with a nod. Nimble as a cat she climbed up into the branches while he watched. Somewhat less gracefully he followed and found himself on one side of the tree's trunk, balanced on a branch, while she spread her weight over two smaller branches on the opposite side.

Cogburn looked up from the base of their tree and nodded his approval clear before he hurried off. Alistair looked at Maddie and sighed, risking a whisper. "You and I, we're going to talk tonight," he told her in as firm a voice as he dared. "We never got to finish our conversation and I'm not taking chances with you Madelaina."

"All right," She nodded slowly and gave him a smile. "I mean what I said you know, I'm not giving you up."

"And as I don't intend to lose you, we shouldn't have much of a problem then." He grinned and looked back down at the ground. A shudder ran over him and he looked at her seeing that she felt it too and they both looked toward the road. The Darkspawn were close, now was the time for silence. He saw Maddie turn her head and squint in the direction of their companions, her grey eyes flickering over the forest floor and the trees around them. Nodding she turned back to him and he gave her a quick smile before returning his gaze to the forest before him. All they could do now was wait.

* * *

 

They'd set up camp in a ruin very close to Ostagar and kept the fires to a minimum. It was much colder this far south and everyone was huddled as closely as possible to the fire. Alistair looked at Maddie helplessly and she sighed tilting her head towards the rest of the group. He lifted his eyes heavenward and wondered if the Maker was simply mocking him. Obviously any talk he and Maddie wanted to have would have to wait until after they were away from Ostagar. He wrapped his arms around her and draped a blanket over her lap to keep her legs warm as they sat by the fire. She laid her head back on his shoulder and smiled at him, and pressed a kiss to his cheek before she answered a question Morrigan posed her. Alistair sighed, oh well, at least he could hold her at night. Shale was keeping watch so they could all rest, the cold not bothering her. There wasn't much room for tents but they'd managed to combine two of the smaller canvases to make one larger tent. Everyone would bundle up and sleep inside tonight. Alistair, Cogburn and Maddie had agreed that if their quest appeared too overwhelming that they would find a defensible hiding place and leave most of their companions behind while they along with Morrigan and Wynne dealt with Ostagar. Alistair brought up that point and was surprised to hear that Sten objected.

Cogburn shook his head at the Qunari. "We're here to retrieve documents that belonged to our king. We will hopefully find his arms and armor so that they are kept from Darkspawn hands. You aren't a Grey Warden Sten; you weren't at Ostagar with the rest of us. This isn't your quest. So you will remain where we leave you. We'll need a defensible position so that we can retreat as needed."

"Another blade will surely be needed," Sten argued. "The Darkspawn fill this place."

"This is our battle," Maddie spoke from within Alistair's arms and he was filled with warmth and pride for her. "We lost our comrades, friends and our king. This is not your fight Sten. You weren't here. You have no idea what this place is to us. Ghosts must be laid to rest."

Alistair watched the Qunari's face as he absorbed that and decided he'd had enough of the arguing. "You agreed that the Grey Wardens lead," He said mildly. "We've decided. Abide by that. Because you won't win this argument Sten." He looked around the tiny camp and shook his head. "We'll need to start early. I marked a few places on the map that might do as the fall back position. We'll have to get to them and conceal our presence before we can even begin to look for Cailan's belongings. Let's get some rest."

* * *

 

He didn't have words for the horrors he'd seen. Alistair scrubbed at his skin and face wishing he could remove the memories of Cailan crucified and bloodied and an undead Ogre with Duncan's daggers sticking out of its chest like macabre brooches. Ostagar was behind them again and ghosts had been laid to rest, but the memories would take time to fade. The journey north had been as grim and dangerous as the journey south to Ostagar and part of him wished they'd been able to take care of Flemeth while they'd been there, but they weren't ready yet. He couldn't even wear the armor they'd found in the Elven Forest yet.

Footsteps behind him had Alistair grab instinctively for the dagger at his hip as he turned. Maddie simply grinned at him and crouched beside him dipping her hands in the river. "Let's not do that again," She suggested as she scrubbed her face.

"Hmm…" Alistair agreed as he scrubbed at his hands yet again. "It feels like the blood just won't come off." He looked around. "Where's the rest of them?"

"Twin and Morrigan are bargaining with the Feddic's." Maddie ticked off their companions on her fingers. "Wynne and Leliana are making dinner. Zevran is cleaning his armor. Shale is keeping watch. Sten is cleaning his sword and talking to Rooster."

"Then we are alone?" Alistair smiled as he asked the question. "Finally?"

"We are." She nodded in pleasure at the thought. "So you and I can talk if you like…or we could take advantage of being secluded and enjoy having a bath."

Alistair regarded her thoughtfully. "Finishing the conversation won't take long," he told her quietly. "You said you wouldn't give me up. I just want you to know that I'll fight to keep you by my side Madelaina." He slid his hands into her hair, enjoying the silky feel. "I don't want to be king. I'll do it if it's best for Ferelden but not if it means I can't be with you."

She looked at him and took a deep breath. "Thank you Alistair," She murmured. "I… I'm a stubborn woman and I have some ideas about how to remain at your side, a few of them might surprise you. But any idea in my head is worthless if you don't feel the same as I do, that what we have is worth fighting for."

"You are worth it." Alistair wondered what he'd done that the Maker had blessed him so. "I even spoke with Morrigan about this, about a way to be certain we could stay together." He grinned at the look of surprise on her face. "You see how much you mean to me? I've enlisted the aid of an apostate."

"I'm surprised you didn't go to Wynne for help instead, you and she seem to get along better." Maddie wondered and cast a mischievous glance at him, unlacing her boots and pulling them off.

Alistair stared as she began to remove her armor as well and finally found his voice when her hands began to remove his armor. "I might have if I'd thought she would be any help. But the way she spoke to you before… I didn't think she'd be sympathetic. She can lecture me about duty all she likes, but I won't have her haranguing you about it."

"So you actually spoke to Morrigan, and didn't end up becoming a frog?" Maddie teased as he pulled his chainmail shirt off.

"Spoke with her and received a promise of aid, all without spending any frog time at all." Alistair rid himself of his tunic and reached for her, sliding his hands beneath her tunic to feel her soft skin. "And now I don't want to talk anymore about Morrigan," He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, to her cheek, her neck and to her lips again. "You realize it's been weeks?"

She giggled and pulled off her tunic before reaching for the waist of his breeches. "Why do you think I've been so ruthless in battle?" Grey eyes sparkled up at him as she stripped him of his clothing. "I've been so wound up with frustration I'm surprised our enemies don't see the look on my face and turn tail."

"I've been the same," Alistair groaned as her hands found his body ready for her. "I never thought I'd find a woman covered with blood arousing," His hands found the drawstring of her trews, loosening the waist and pushing them down her legs. "But I'd see you in battle, or afterward, looking so fierce and gorgeous…" he pulled off her breast band and bent his head to suck on her nipples. Her moan was the most arousing sound in the world.

Maddie's mouth found his neck, sucking lightly on the sensitive skin and Alistair groaned around her flesh. Her hands were stroking his engorged flesh, until he gasped and grabbed one of her hands to hold her in place. "How do you think I felt?" She gasped as his mouth moved to her other breast. "My handsome strong knight, cutting down everything around him and when the battle was over, all I wanted was to drag you off somewhere."

His chuckle was wicked against her white skin as he pulled away from her hands and knelt, pulling the smallclothes that concealed her silver curls down her legs and off to sit on the ground with the rest of their discarded clothing. "At least you wanted to drag me off," he kissed the soft curls and slid his hands up the back of her thighs, holding her slender form upright as he kissed and suckled on the hot bud of flesh within her folds, "I fantasized about taking you right there in the road." Alistair groaned at the taste of her, hot and salty and sweet on his tongue.

"Have me then," Maddie's hands were clutching at his hair and shoulders as she shuddered against his mouth. "My Alistair, my knight, have me now, please."

He looked up into the most beautiful pair of grey eyes he'd ever seen and pulled her down to straddle his body as he knelt. "I want to watch you," He held her hips as she carefully slid down onto his body, impaling herself upon him. Alistair couldn't help moaning at the feel of her tight slick flesh surrounding him. "I want to feel you around me, coming around me Maddie," He kissed her, unable to stop as she wrapped her legs around his waist, his hands gripped her hips tightly and began to move her on and off his body.

"Alistair," She moaned and pressed her mouth to his, her scream echoing in his skull as she shuddered hard and came around him, her body suddenly intensely wet, gripping his flesh until he could have sworn he'd go mad.

"Maddie, I can't…" He groaned into her mouth and couldn't stop himself from thrusting hard into her body, his fingers biting into her flesh as pulled her hips down to his. "Can't stop, love," Alistair gasped and ground his body up to hers while he pulled her down to him again. She shuddered and began to tremble and vibrate around him, crying his name out against his neck and he lost control, plunging his body in and out of hers, his hands hard and ruthless on her hips, slamming their bodies together until she was moaning and crying his name in a near scream of pleasure. Alistair felt it building, heat and madness gathering in his spine, exploding outward until he groaned with the pain and shouted the pleasure of his seed boiling through him and filling her body in white hot ecstasy.

She was panting against him, her body sagging over his, draped over his shoulders and Alistair gasped for breath, wrapping his arms around her body and kissing the soft skin of her shoulder. "Did I hurt you?" He asked when he could speak again. "I think I lost my mind there towards the end."

She shook against him and he heard her giggling. "Alistair, I lost count of how many times I came," she told him, her head cradled on his shoulder. "Please, feel free to lose your mind as often as you like with me."

"Ah," Alistair felt himself blush and sighed wondering if he'd ever outgrow that tendency. "Well, it's nice to do something right at least." He stroked her hair and kissed her shoulder again. "I wouldn't ever want to…I mean…it seems it would be rude to, um…leave you behind, so to speak."

She giggled again. "That hasn't been a problem," she told him kissing his neck. "You've always seen to me quite admirably."

"I'm glad to hear that," He chuckled and began to rise from his kneeling position, keeping his arms around her firmly. "And now for that bath."

"Oh no, Alistair the water is cold," Maddie objected and was overridden as he simply walked into the river with her still wrapped around him. Her shriek as the cold water hit her body turned into laughter as Alistair's body reacted unfavorably to the cold water and the knight groaned in dismay.

"Ah well," He grinned and kissed her quickly before setting her down and scrubbing himself off. It didn't take long for him to clean up and he was able to study Maddie Cousland naked in a river, her dark pink nipples tight with cold and her white skin glowing under the moon. "Maker you are beautiful." He told her reverently. "I've never seen a more lovely woman in my life."


	63. 63 Maddie

_In the arms of the angel_   
_fly away from here_   
_from this dark cold hotel room_   
_and the endlessness that you fear_   
_you are pulled from the wreckage_   
_of your silent reverie_   
_you're in the arms of the angel_   
_may you find some comfort here_

Maddie stared at Alistair and wondered how it was that such an amazing man found her wonderful. His golden skin gleamed in the moonlight, like he'd been gilded. Blue eyes were staring at her as if she was the most perfect thing he'd ever seen and the shoulders and arms that carried her into the water so easily were slightly spread as if he was just waiting for her embrace. "I'm the one who's lucky Alistair," She said softly. "You're the only man who thinks I'm beautiful when I'm not wearing a gown." She moved towards him in the water, her hand outstretched, palm down on his chest, feeling the sculpted muscles that bore the weight of chainmail so easily. "You're easily the most handsome man I've ever met. Good and kind and brave and not prideful in all that you can do. You're amazing my love."

Her knight just blushed a bit and shook his head. "If you wore a gown I wouldn't be able to see your legs," he confessed with a grin that tilted wickedly. "I wouldn't even know how to get you out of one of those things Isolde wears." He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. "I like you best like this, but your armor, that nice blue drakescale, makes your eyes glow and your hair gleams and your skin is so white I want to touch you all the time." Alistair kissed her again and looked at her solemnly. "Now will you tell me why you ran away the minute I was conscious when I was wounded last?"

"Only if we can get out of this water," Maddie shivered. "And remind me that I want to cut my hair." He frowned at that but shrugged and helped her out of the river. Maddie shivered again in the air and picked up the raggedy towels she'd brought, tossing one to him. With more speed than grace they hurried into their clothing and gathered up their armor to clean back at camp. Absently Maddie pulled the rings off her braids and put them in her pocket for later.

"All right," Alistair waited until they were settled by the fire and looked around to see where everyone else was. Their companions were all busy with their own tasks by their various tents tending to needful things while they waited for the meal to be ready. "Now please Maddie, explain."

"I was terrified." Maddie said softly, shivering as she remembered watching him fall. "I hadn't ever seen you take a wound like that before, I went a little mad, hacked my way over to you so I could guard you where you fell." She shuddered. "And then I realized the blade had been poisoned."

"I understand," Alistair nodded in sympathy. Maddie frowned and tilted her head and the knight spread his hands. "You took a wound to your side from an Emmisary once, remember? The battle was over and I'll be…haunted by how you just crumpled to the ground for the rest of my life. We hadn't…I mean… I didn't know I was in love with you before that…but I realized then, the sheer terror I felt when I thought there was a chance you could die… I decided when I was waiting for you to wake that I would court you."

"You gave me the rose that night." Maddie smiled at him and hoped he knew how deeply she loved him. "I was so glad when you did that. I was more than half in love with you already and it gave me hope that you might love me back one day."

"Aren't we the romantic pair," Alistair smiled at her. "So I fell to the ground and the next thing I know I'm by the fire and you and Zevran are talking."

"Zevran helped me hold you so Morrigan could treat the wound, and Cogburn could get healing potions down your throat." Maddie explained. "You couldn't just lie in the dirt, the wound had to be opened and cleansed and the best way was to have you nigh in my lap." She sighed. "Zevran helped me clean your armor and make sure you didn't move until you woke. We talked…mostly to keep me from running mad."

"I understand that, but you ran from me when I woke up," Alistair shook his head. "I know your twin said it was because you couldn't cry in front of everyone…"

"I was afraid I'd lose control in front of our companions." Maddie whispered. "I wept so terribly when I was alone, but I can't do that with Shale and Sten and Wynne and Leliana around. They only follow me as well as Cogburn because they don't see me as a weak crying girl. If I'm to lead them they can't see me like that."

"I understand love," Alistair took her hand and kissed her knuckles. "I suppose I simply wished that I could hold you while you wept. I told your brother that I thought that's what I was for you know."

She giggled a bit and nodded. "And were it only you and my twin with Morrigan and Zevran and Rooster, I would have sobbed on your shoulder until you were ready to shake me. But the rest of them…I don't believe they…believe in me the way you do. I don't trust them to follow me."

"Why Zevran?" Alistair asked curiously. "I understand Morrigan and your twin, but Zevran?"

"Maybe it's because he helped me with you." Maddie shrugged, "Or perhaps because at Redcliffe he happily kept us all company so no one was alone with Teagan once Cogburn talked to him. He just…seems sad to me…like I was before I met you, before I had a purpose. I think when he bid on the contract for the Grey Wardens…he was ready to die. I think part of him is still ready to die and I know what that's like."

"But not anymore?" Alistair asked her, an anxious tone to his voice.

"No, not anymore." She shook her head and began to unravel her braids. "Would you hand me that knife there?" She pointed at the gleaming tool on her pack.

"Remind me, why do you want to cut your hair again?" The knight held the knife hostage until he could get an explanation.

"When I…ran so I could cry in private, Leliana followed me," Maddie resigned herself to explaining the entire humiliating episode before she could get the knife.

"Right, I was the one who noticed she was gone." Alistair nodded his understanding.

"Well she hugged me, which I wasn't thrilled by but it didn't exactly bother me," Maddie shrugged uncomfortably. "But she also moved her hands, one of them ended up in my hair, and the other on my…bottom, and she kissed me."

"She…what?" Alistair's voice rose slightly before Maddie laid a hand on his knee to calm him down. "Maddie, she…" He lowered his voice with a visible effort, his frown thunderous. "She kissed you? Kissed you? When you were crying and upset and in no way prepared for someone to…to…" He obviously couldn't find the words and settled for glaring in the direction of the bard's tent.

"Yes," Maddie sighed. "And I was distracted because I'd been crying, and she'd gotten hold of me and I couldn't move. Cogburn came right after that and when I was asking her what she was doing and he ordered her away from me." She rolled her eyes. "So I want to cut my hair."

"Do you really want to cut your hair for you? Or is it because of her?" Alistair still withheld the knife his blue eyes stern. "Because if you like your hair the way it is and you cut it then you're changing because of her."

Maddie sighed and felt her throat close with tears she couldn't shed. "I…" She shook her head and shrugged, looking down at the rings in her hand, the silver rings her father had given her when she'd started to put battle braids in her hair. She was still his little girl, he'd told her, and deserved to be a girl with something pretty even if she did wear battle braids. "My father gave me these," she whispered showing Alistair the rings. "To hold my braids closed when I started to use a sword. To remind me I was still his girl even with armor and blades."

"Then use them." Alistair set the knife aside and pulled her into his lap, cradling her more effectively than she had him weeks ago. "Braid your hair and use the silver to close them and be who you are. Don't change because of what she did. If you want your hair short because it gets in your way or because you like it short then by all means, let's cut it. I'll help."

"It's growing longer," She touched the ends of the silver locks. "It's almost to my shoulders now. We've been traveling a long time."

"I love your hair," Alistair told her, a smile in his voice. "When I first saw you…I had the thought that your hair was like the moon. And then I thought I wouldn't mind seeing it spread out over a pillow in bed. Of course at the time I was convinced you'd smack me if I voiced any such thing. You are terrifyingly efficient in battle you know."

Maddie giggled and was amazed at how much better she felt. "You don't mind that it's getting longer? Changing from what you first saw?"

"I like it," His voice was husky in her ear. "Keep growing it and I'll brush it for you. I'd love to see you with your hair unbraided and down to your waist, wearing nothing but your hair in my bed." He kissed the sensitive curve of her ear and Maddie gasped. "You're mine Maddie, my love, my lady, my…" He broke off and kissed her neck. "Do as you like with it and I'll be happy, but it must be as you like love."

Maddie sighed and pressed her lips to his jaw. "Then I won't cut it. But I must braid it again or it'll be a mess."

"Let me brush it first please," Alistair murmured. "I've never been allowed and I'd…like to do that for you."

"If it pleases you," Maddie leaned forward and dug through her pack for her brush, handing it to him. Her lover then very carefully arranged her so she sat between his legs while he brushed her hair. Long after she was certain he'd tire of it Alistair was still happily pulling the brush through her hair. "You're not bored?" She asked finally, her hands busily cleaning his armor once she'd finished her own.

"I used to dream of doing this," Alistair murmured. "You have no idea how long I've loved you." He sighed and looked up as Cogburn and Morrigan approached. "But if the meal is ready I suppose I must cease."

"Yes you must." Maddie's twin teased. "You two are more sugary than cookies." He shook his head as Maddie took her brush and put it away.

"Leave them be," Morrigan nudged Cogburn with her shoulder, unbalancing the rogue as he crouched down so that he fell on his side. "From what you've said during your perusal of the maps and treaties we must first find Sten's sword and then we must deal with the dwarves."

"Well the trader at Lake Calanhad said the man who'd sold him the spot had gone to Orzamar so we may as well do that and begin negotiating to enter the Dwarven city." Cogburn righted himself without blinking and began to dish up the stew. He looked at Sten as the Qunari drew near the fire. "We'll beat it out of the man if we have to, but we'll find your sword."

"Oh let me hit him, I've been itching to hit something for a while now." Alistair begged humorously.

"What brought on the violence?" Cogburn asked with a grin. "I thought with the two of you all cozy that your…urges would be satisfied."

Maddie sighed and removed herself from Alistair's lap, handing him his armor and donning her own. Her knight was blushing and so was she if the warmth she felt in her face was any indication. "I told Alistair about…what happened after he woke a few weeks ago."

"Ah," Cogburn nodded his understanding. "By all means, let's go hit something soon then."

"Why are we hitting things?" Wynne asked curiously as she neared the fire, Leliana at her side.

"Getting rid of excess frustration by hitting Darkspawn, or in this case, the person who stole Sten's sword." Cogburn told the Circle Mage.

"Ah," Wynne nodded and her gaze fell on Alistair and Maddie for a moment. Maddie nodded calmly and offered a bowl of stew. Alistair gave the mage a brief nod and tucked Maddie closer to his side when her hands were no longer busy.

"I would have thought you two would be exhausted, without excess anything if the noise I heard from the river was any indication." Leliana remarked as she took her bowl of stew and sat beside Wynne. Her tone was completely casual and innocent to any who were ignorant of the undercurrents.

Zevran chuckled and patted Rooster on the head as he joined the circle on Maddie's other side. "Ah Leliana, you should not take rejection so personally. I can see our fair Lady Madelaina is truly in love with Alistair, I do not take her kind words and dismissal of my advances to heart. I merely enjoy making her laugh and bask in the reflected glow of her affection for the handsome Alistair." He accepted the bowl of stew Maddie handed him with a nod of thanks. "Of course, my attempts at gaining her affection do not begin with a kiss and end with groping her ass so perhaps even bards need to learn subtlety, hmm?"

Alistair chortled and nearly choked on his stew. Wynne obligingly thumped him on the back until his coughing ceased while Maddie just blinked at Zevran in amazement. The elf winked at her and applied himself to his stew while Leliana sat gaping at the assassin. Cogburn regarded his twin and her lover for a long moment and then looked at the elf. "You don't miss much do you?"

"I would not have lasted very long as a Crow if I did," Zevran grinned. He regarded Alistair soberly. "I believe you and Maddie have the middle shifts tonight. I am not tired and I am due for an evening free. Perhaps it would be best if I allowed Maddie to sleep and I will take her shift."

Maddie blinked at the elf and looked at her twin. Cogburn just shrugged. "It's fine with me," He told her, "You do look like you could use the rest."

"Thanks," Maddie rolled her eyes. "Zevran, I was due for a full night tomorrow, I'll take your shift then."

"No need, you and Alistair both have a night together then, and I believe I have the evening shift. If I may speak with you at sometime in the near future, I would be grateful." The assassin bowed his head gravely. "I need very little sleep after so many years with the crows."

"As you like," Maddie said quietly and began to eat her stew.


	64. 64 Cogburn & Morrigan

**Cogburn**

_Then the devil's clock struck midnight_   
_And the skies lit up again_   
_And the battlefield where heaven stood_   
_Was blown to hell again_

_But for just one fleeting moment_   
_The answer seemed so clear_   
_Heaven's not beyond the clouds_   
_It's just beyond the fear_

"I am sick and tired of these roads being overrun with either bandits or Darkspawn," Cogburn called to Alistair as he cut his way through a genlock.

"Well we could address the subject with the Bannorn at the Landsmeet," the Knight shouted back.

"Somehow I think they'll have other things on their mind." Cogburn nearly laughed and then cursed as his twin and Morrigan got cornered. "Our girls have trouble," he called to the knight.

"When don't they? They're with us," Contrary to his words Alistair began to make his way over to Maddie and Morrigan.

Cogburn grimly cut down the darkspawn he was fighting and cast a quick look around, everyone else was holding their own. For some reason the darkspawn always flocked towards the women. He hoped it was because the girls looked weaker, not for some other sicker reason.

With he and Alistair attacking from behind and Morrigan setting off a tempest in the middle of the road they managed to get rid of the Darkspawn. Maddie sighed and sat down on a rock while she drank a healing potion. "Twin?"

"Yeah?" Cogburn cleaned the gore off his dagger.

"I have the strangest feeling that a war is about to break out and we've managed to put ourselves on the front lines," Maddie told him.

"I get the feeling you're right." Cogburn told her with a grin. "For the record I still think Alistair's idea of holding hands and singing a song has merit. At least it'd be new."

"Our friends haven't heard you sing," Maddie retorted, "Or they'd be shouting that idea down right now."

"I don't sing that badly." Cogburn objected, shaking his head.

"Yes you do." His twin nodded firmly. "Now, can we get going?"

"Waiting on you now," Cogburn shot back at her. "You gonna get up or you want to sit around and collect moss?"

"Work work work," Maddie rolled her eyes and pushed herself up.

Alistair sighed. "And they used to tell me I was strange."

"Oh don't worry Alistair," Morrigan drawled. "You're just as strange as they are." The witch finished the lyrium potion she'd been drinking and got to her feet.

"Well that was our skirmish for the day," Cogburn surveyed Morrigan carefully and nodded, hiding his relief. His Witch was undamaged and his twin would be fine. "So if everything goes according to my schedule, we'll have another fight tomorrow before the evening." Turning he saw Leliana and Wynne standing together, both of them in good health, Shale towerering over the two women nearby. Rooster ran up to him, Sten close behind and Cogburn winced at the smell of the Mabari's breath.

"Well that was bracing," Zevran finished cleaning his blades and sheathed them. "We are close to Orzammar are we not?"

"Should arrive within an hour or two," Cogburn nodded looking at Sten, "Ready to look more intimidating than usual?"

"It has been my experience that I need not make an effort for fools to find my presence fearsome." Sten rumbled.

"Then this should be easy." Cogburn looked around, "Let's get going. We have to work on getting into Orzammar if we want that treaty fulfilled. We look for the man who stole Sten's sword, either find it or get a new lead and then we get into Orzammar. Anything else is a distraction; we deal with it quickly and move on."

"No more delays then," Maddie nodded her understanding and looked at Alistair and Zevran. "We three will deal with any distractions. Remember there's a deserter there, and one of the men we're dealing with for that merchant in Denerim."

Cogburn chuckled, "You'll get no argument from me." He looked around and saw that everyone had their blades cleaned. "Let's go."

* * *

 

The entrance to Orzammar was aweinspiring; Cogburn shook his head in amazement. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his twin peel off the group with Zevran and Alistair as she caught sight of the deserter. He headed towards the merchants, noting one that looked extremely nervous at the sight of Cogburn and Sten. "And there is our man," Cogburn nodded towards the merchant.

"Then let us speak to him." Sten rumbled.

Cogburn nodded and they moved towards the merchant. A moment later the merchant was denying having ever seen a Qunari sword. "Sten, rip his arms off," Cogburn requested with an impatient sigh. A moment later, without Sten taking even a step, the merchant blurted out that he'd sold the sword to a dwarf in Redcliffe.

Cogburn shook his head and headed over towards his twin. Maddie was happily killing a mage the deserter had hired while Alistair was just cutting down a mercenary. Zevran was already cleaning his blades and shook his head. "Surely those who stand against us wish only to die." He remarked as Cogburn walked up.

Maddie dealt one final blow and the mage crumbled while Alistair shrugged as if the fun were over and sheathed his weapon. "Did we get Sten's sword?" The knight asked hopefully.

"Nope, the merchant sold it to a dwarf that lives in Redcliffe." Cogburn shook his head.

"Dwynn," Maddie rolled her eyes. "Perfect. I was hoping to avoid Redcliffe until we were ready to call the Landsmeet."

"If we must deal with the dwarves in order to be ready as you wish-" Sten began, his voice reluctant but clearly feeling it was something he must say.

"No," Cogburn interupted with a shake of his head, "I'd rather you have your sword." He looked at his twin and then at the Qunari, "Maddie and I said we'd find your sword and we will. It isn't that far to Redcliffe. Let's make sure we can get into Orzammar and then we'lll head to Redcliffe."

"Would you like some of us to stay here?" Maddie asked thoughtfully. "Keeping our foot in the door as it were?"

"No," Alistair shook his head firmly. "No, splitting us up is a bad idea, no matter how expedient it may seem."

"He's right." Cogburn nodded, "Let's go talk to the gatekeeper and find out what needs to be done so we can speak with the king."

"We heard one of the merchants saying that Orzammar is closed." Maddie confirmed the rumors they'd been hearing from merchants across Ferelden. "Getting this last treaty acknowledged might be harder than we like."

"It's never easy." The noble rogue shook his head as they walked up the stairs towards the great doors leading into the dwarven city.

"Easy isn't interesting." Maddie retorted. "Easy isn't a challenge, easy bores you after a few minutes."

"Is that why we're so in love?" Cogburn heard Alistair's mutter to Maddie, "Because neither one of us is easy?"

"That's not what I heard," Zevran teased the older Grey Warden. "Do you not follow her every command? Indulge her each desire? What is that if not easy?"

"Sooo not what I meant." Alistair groaned. And then they were at the doors of Orzammar.

"All right enough," Cogburn muttered at them, "Play nice before company."

* * *

 

**Morrigan**

_Medusa smiles, Judas lips_   
_Open arms and finger tips_   
_Love bites and recompense_   
_I'll be with you until the end_

_Let's walk through the fire together_   
_Disappear in the golden sands_

Morrigan cast a glance at Cogburn as he led them down the road towards Redcliffe. No sooner had they left Orzammar than the heavens had opened with a clap of thunder. They'd had no choice but to keep traveling and eventually the rain had ceased but the twins and Sten had been very uncomfortable. Alistair hadn't been much affected by the rain, and Zevran claimed that Antiva had rains that came every day during the wet season. The elf said he found the downpour refreshing. Leliana and Wynne, not that Morrigan cared for either's comfort, hadn't seemed too irritated by the downpour. And of course the Mabari had acted as if the rain was a new amusement, chasing his tail and running in circles around the group.

The witch looked at Maddie as the girl trotted up beside her, her pale hair plastered to her scalp and slicked back from her face. "Morrigan are you all right?" The girl asked, her expression concerned even as she rubbed her hands together for warmth. "You have fewer clothes than I do, and you're drenched."

Morrigan gave the noblewoman beside her a smile. "I'll admit to some discomfort but 'tis nothing that will bother me overlong." She nodded at Maddie's soaked form. "You seem to be far worse off than I."

Maddie shrugged, clearly uncomfortable and just as clearly determined to ignore it. "I'll live," she slanted a glance behind her and smiled wryly, "and so will my twin. He's just pouting like a cat that had a bath."

Morrigan chuckled and shook her head. "You are a wicked woman Madelaina Cousland," she accused. "And if you become ill it will be on your own head."

The girl shook her head, shrugging off her bedraggled state. "I don't mind the wet, it's the cold that bothers me more. We'll all have to get warm and dry tonight or we'll have troubles we don't need in a week or so."

"Ah, foot rot and skin lesions you mean," The Witch nodded her understanding. "Dry clothing from the skin out will help, though I doubt your armor will dry with you wearing it."

"No," Maddie agreed. "We'll have to camp or quicken our pace and hopefully reach one of the towns along the lake. We've coin enough to stretch to an inn if need be, and it would certainly be a treat to sleep in a bed for a change."

"Perhaps sharing rooms?" Morrigan suggested. "Women in one and men in the other?"

Maddie wrinkled her nose. "And put up with Leliana trying to talk shoes and hair and ballads along with Wynne preaching at me about my duty and difficult choices?"

"I find myself in agreement with you as I would also be subjected to such…conversation." Green eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Perhaps an early camp is in order."

"I'll tell my twin you think it is a good idea." The rogue pulled her hair back and squeezed the wet locks releasing a trickle of water. "Ah, the drowned rat look, it's all the rage this season," she trilled in an insipid voice. "Complete with the bedraggled battle braids and blue lips, it's a look to delight any suitor."

Morrigan couldn't help herself she began to laugh. Zevran walking behind them beside Alistair chuckled and the knight grinned shaking his head as Morrigan looked over her shoulder at the two men. "You disagree with fair Madelaina's assessment?"

Zevran smiled wickedly as Maddie glanced back at him for a moment. "I do believe Alistair and I had the same thought, but it is not one that I could politely express in your company." Beside him Alistair blushed slightly, and tugged at the neck of his chainmail as if it constricted him.

"This I must hear." Morrigan declared and looked at the now girl beside her. Maddie groaned and shook her head deep pink coloring her cheeks.

"I was merely contemplating the apparition Lady Maddie would make were she only clothed in the rain and her hair," Zevran admitted with a wider grin as Alistair blushed harder, his ears burning red.

"And you Alistair? Do you admit to such thoughts?" The witch speared the knight with her green eyes.

Taking a deep breath Alistair shook his head slightly. "No, I was simply thinking of the last time I saw her hair wet like that." He finally admitted. "I wish she wasn't cold though, it would be more enjoyable if Maddie could have a hot bath and have her hair wet from that."

"Alistair!" Maddie turned to look at her lover her cheeks now a very bright pink. "I think Zevran is a bad influence on you."

"Come now my dear, you cannot blame me entirely. After all, have you not corrupted him far more than I?" The elf teased obviousy enjoying the girl's blushing.

Morrigan laughed at Maddie's expression. "You know that's true." She prodded her friend. "He would never have been so bold as to say that in public had the two of you not…fraternized."

Alistair smiled and reached forward to pat Maddie's damp shoulder affectionately. "I'd rather be corrupted with Maddie's affection than innocent and without it." He stated firmly.

The witch found herself nodded in approval and gave a mock sigh of exasperation. "Cogburn is right, the two of you are terribly sweet."

"There are worse things," Alistair declared with a shrug and Morrigan rolled her eyes.

"Such as?" She drawled curiously.

"I don't see how being considerate of the person you care for is so bad." Alistair defended himself. "I never understood men who beat their wives, or the Templars who looked down on new recruits for ignorance they couldn't help. I don't see how you can claim you love someone one minute, and then the next instant act as if they have no bearing on your life. If you care for someone you want what is best for them, but you want them to be…well happy I suppose." He shrugged. "Admittedly I don't have much to draw from but I know what I find abhorrent and avoiding that behavior seems to be a good start."

"But so sugary sweet," Morrigan retorted, "Consideration is one thing, but such treacly behavior we are forced to view is entirely another." She raised an eyebrow at Maddie who simply shook her head with a smile. "I dare you to find one fault with Madelaina." She challenged the knight.

"She worries too much." Alistair said promptly. "She hides her feelings because she doesn't want to be seen as weak. She'd rather take on a burden alone than share it for fear of hurting someone else." He tilted his head thoughtfully. "She's stubborn as a Mabari and she'd rather do someone a favor than have a favor done for her. And she won't let me take care of her, ever."

Maddie paused in her forward motion to turn and regard Morrigan and then Alistair. "Well I am schooled am I not?" Her throaty voice was low and calm as she began walking at the same swift pace.

The witch regarded Maddie thoughtfully, her friend didn't seem angry, merely thoughtful. "And you Maddie? Can you name Alistair's flaws?"

Maddie looked at Morrigan and then at Alistair. "I suppose I could." She said quietly, "Alistair would you mind if I did?"

Alistair looked at her a bit guiltily, "Well it would serve me right, considering I probably should have asked you that question before I started merrily listing your faults." He made a self-deprecating face. "Sorry?"

Morrigan watched as Maddie turned and grinned at him. "It's all right, it's not as if you were mean or said something that wasn't true." The witch concealed her smile as the slender girl rolled her eyes. "I agree with everything you said."

Zevran chuckled. "All right I challenge you then to name Alistair's flaws."

Alistair groaned. "We don't have hours you know."

Maddie laughed and shook her head. "Alistair doesn't see his own good qualities, only the ones in others, he doesn't see his own worth." She sighed, "He's selfless to a fault. He hides his worries and feelings with humor and deflects questions and attention to himself in the same way. He's afraid to be responsible for too much because he thinks he'll make mistakes. He's afraid to make mistakes and sometimes that leads to doing nothing." She smiled slightly and shrugged, "And sometimes he speaks without thinking."

Alistair blinked a bit but nodded slowly. "All very true," he admitted with a shrug of his own. "I'll work on mine if you work on yours." He told the girl.

"And you Morrigan?" Zevran asked curiously. "What faults have you?"

"Why none," Morrigan chuckled lightly, "I am perfect, am I not?"

Maddie laughed and rolled her eyes. "You suffer my twin's company you crazy Witch, I think that speaks volumes."

The Witch gave Maddie a light shove and shook her head. "Perhaps you should spend some time as a frog, at least then you would like the rain, and Alistair could carry you in his pocket." She wiggled her fingers threateningly.

"I am suddenly very nervous about my own potential as an amphibian." Zevran remarked from behind the witch. "Perhaps I will scout ahead."

"Very wise," Morrigan laughed as the elf moved past them farther up the road. "Maddie perhaps you would like to list my flaws?" She teased. "I am most curious as to what you've observed of me." She regarded the girl beside her expectantly.

Maddie smiled and tilted her head at the witch. "Are you sure? You might not like what I see."

Morrigan nodded. "I am certain." She slanted a look back at Alistair. "Always keeping in mind that I don't consider being an apostate a flaw."

The rogue grinned widely, "You're secretive, even when honesty would serve you better, you still keep your secrets. It's an old habit with you." She studied the Witch and nodded. "You're afraid and worried a great deal, about things you haven't told the rest of us, not even my twin, because there are things you cannot say." Grey eyes narrowed thoughtfully and Morrigan wondered at how perceptive Maddie was, and if her twin was just as perceptive and merely kept his thoughts to himself. "You say you don't believe in love, but you lie often and that is the lie you tell yourself." The slender girl continued, "You are sad very often, but you won't take comfort from any of us, because you've been alone for so long. You're afraid you'll always be alone, part of you wants it because it's safe and certain, and part of you wishes for a companion, but you're convinced that you know it can never be."

Morrigan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Are all these things flaws?" She asked quietly.

Maddie shook her head. "Morrigan, everything Alistair and I said were flaws in each other, they're only strengths that we've used to hurt ourselves. I'm stubborn yes, and it can be a problem, but it also kept me going when I wanted only to die. Alistair is afraid of responsibility, but that fear makes him be absolutely certain before he takes action. They aren't flaws unless we make them flaws."

The witch sighed. "Perhaps my sorrows come from knowledge," she acknowledged softly. "Wisdom rarely arrives with happy circumstances, as we all know."

"Exactly." Maddie's fingers slid into Morrigan's hand and squeezed the witch's fingers in what Morrigan knew was meant as affection.

"I simply see...far too much of what may come." Morrigan said finally. "What I see I cannot say, or else the path may change." She looked at Maddie and gave her a smile that felt born of sorrow rather than comfort. "I do swear this Madelaina, you and your twin, you are closer to me than any other. If possible…I will not see either of you pay the price for peace." She met Maddie's gaze and hoped the girl would forgive her for what would occur. "There are some regrets that I do not wish to face."


	65. 65 Alistair

_I just want to be there_   
_When we're caught in the rain_   
_I just want to see you laugh not cry_   
_I just want to feel you_   
_When the night puts on it's cloak_   
_I'm lost for words don't tell me_   
_All I can say_   
_I love you 'till the end_

If he strained he could almost understand what the archdemon was saying. The horde was all around him, calling out to their god for instruction, the archdemon was speaking, the words were…wrong, didn't make sense. Alistair twisted in his sleep and frowned, trying to understand. And then it turned and looked at him. Those eyes were like spears to the belly, burning fury tearing at his flesh. He woke with a start to find Maddie panting and waking in his arms, her face full of the same trepidation that gripped him. "What was that?" She asked turning to look him fully in the face.

Alistair shook his head. "I don't know, it looked at us, like it saw—" He broke off, his skin crawling and saw the same realization dawning on Maddie's face. He cursed, a phrase he almost never used, as he realized that Maddie's armor was still drying by the fire, she wore nothing but her breeches and tunic and blades.

"I know," She said grimly, pulling her daggers and making ready to leave the tent.

Alistair put a hand to her shoulder, "Armored knights charge first," He told her simply. "Back to back we fight." He pushed out of the tent in time to see the first of the Darkspawn climbing out of the shadows and gave a shout to rouse the rest of the camp. Cogburn was already climbing out of Morrigan's tent to join in the battle. Sten turned at Alistair's shout and Shale stamped its foot in the golem's version of a war cry.

"Remember love, back to back." Alistair reminded her, and then the Darkspawn were on them. He could hear Maddie cursing behind him, a low steady stream of furious words as she fought. A spell struck them and it was like moving through swamp mud until Wynne's counterspell hit them.

As battles went it didn't last long. Their company was more than capable of defeating a dozen Darkspawn but the sobering reality was unavoidable. The archdemon could find them, could see them.

Alistair turned to see if Maddie was alright and found her drinking a healing potion. "Are you all right?" He couldn't help but ask.

Grey eyes were bright and determinedly cheerful. "I will be soon enough. A shoulder wound, and my feet aren't happy with no boots but considering I wasn't wearing armor, I got off lightly."

"Well we're both filthy," Alistair looked around the camp. The Feddics had hidden under their wagon and thankfully the Darkspawn hadn't noticed them. Leliana was gulping a healing potion and Wynne was tending to Zevran. Sten and Shale were fine, the Qunari seemed pleased with the account they'd given of themselves. The Golem was looking around the camp for something and its eyes brightened when it saw Maddie and then Cogburn. "Let me grab some clothes for you and we'll go wash." He suggested.

"Thank you," she sat down on a rock a bit heavily and Alistair frowned realizing that much of the blood on her clothing was hers. He grabbed her pack out of the tent and slung it over his shoulder before returning to her side.

"All right," Alistair frowned as she stood, there was the tiniest sway to her stance. "Don't hit me now," He admonished and scooped her up in his arms, heading towards the stream.

"Alistair," Her throaty voice was bubbling with amusement and confusion. "What are you doing?"

"Thought it was obvious." The knight grinned, "Carrying you so your feet don't get hurt anymore. And you lost a lot of blood. You're dizzy with it."

"If you can pick me up we'll have to see about getting that plate we found onto you." Maddie told him, relaxing into his arms. "Even Cailan's armor wouldn't be too heavy."

"Hmm…" Alistair wondered how he could explain he didn't want to wear Cailan's armor. He'd tell her later, he decided, after she'd gotten some rest and was back in her armor. "I'm more concerned with you at the moment, seeing as you're the one that was hurt."

"A flesh wound," Maddie scoffed. "My feet hurt more than my shoulder."

Alistair set her down and grinned. "Then you won't object to me carrying you around until you get your boots on." He pointed out, "Soak your feet in the stream while I get out of this and get washed up."

"Good idea," Cogburn's voice came out of the darkness, the rogue was carrying a bucket. "Once we get cleaned up and in our gear we're leaving. If we set a good pace we can make Redcliffe before nightfall." He dipped the bucket in the water and stripped out of his armor as Alistair was, before dumping the bucket over his head.

Alistair chuckled as the rogue sputtered through his self imposed shower and splashed water from the stream on his face. "It's a good idea," He agreed looking at Maddie, "It's like Duncan said, we can sense them and they can sense us. We won't want to stick around for more Darkspawn, if we keep moving we'll have a better chance of avoiding other sorties."

The girl nodded and looked at her feet. "With some salve, I can probably keep the pace you two set." She agreed. She leaned forward and began to splash water on her face, pulling off her blood soaked tunic and dropping it in the water. "Might just be able to get the blood out of this." She muttered.

"Maddie," Cogburn's voice was strangled as he stared determinedly away from his twin.

"What?" Maddie pushed off her breeches and stood on the soft bank of the stream in her smalls. "I'm your sister, and it's not like you're ignorant of how a woman is shaped."

"That's the point, you're my sister."

Alistair shook his head over their antics. "You two make me wonder if I was lucky to be chantry raised." He chuckled as he pulled a clean tunic out of Maddie's pack. This one was even more threadbare than the first and he frowned. "Is this all you have?" He asked looking at the slender girl as she pulled the tunic over her head. "It looks like it'll come apart any minute."

Maddie shrugged. "Food, weapons and armor and other supplies have been more important."

"You let me give gold to my sister when you don't even have enough clothing to get through a week?" Alistair looked at Cogburn. "Are yours this bad?"

"It hasn't been important." Cogburn avoided the knight's gaze. "I'd best get back and start breaking camp." He suited words to action, disappearing in the direction from which he'd come.

Maddie nodded and pulled on her other pair of breeches, tying them at the waist. "I'll put my stockings on when I have my boots nearby," she told her lover, "if you'll help me back?"

Alistair frowned, annoyed beyond measure. He was an orphan and he had more clothing than the twins, the chantry hadn't been luxurious but of neccesities there had been more than enough, and the Grey Wardens had made certain he was properly equipped. "Of course I will." He pulled the chainmail back over his head and strapped it tightly to his body. Maddie wrung excess water from the bloody tunic and bundled it and her dirty breeches together, wrapping them in a square of oilcloth before sticking them in her pack. Alistair watched her for a moment and took a deep breath. "Ready?"

She nodded with a smile and gave her feet one last rinse in the cool water before he scooped her up into his arms again. Standing there a moment he smiled. "I might not have the chance to do this before Redcliffe," he pressed his lips to hers, loving the taste of her mouth, the warmth of her lips and how soft and sweet she felt against him. "Sometimes I'm still amazed that I'm allowed to do that you know." He told her as he began to carry her back to camp.

"I know," Maddie leaned her head on his shoulder, "I'm still surprised that you want to sometimes." She told him with a shy smile.

The knight carefully set her down near her armor, using the convenient rock as her seat. Sitting on the ground before her Alistair carefully lifted her feet and frowned. "Well they're clean but you've got some nasty cuts." He remarked as he rummaged through his pack for salve and bandages.

"Maddie, you and I had the same trouble I see," Zevran's chuckle was a bit strained as he sipped at a healing potion. The elf had also left his armor to dry by the fire. "Drake scale and leather, both troublesome when they get wet," He shook his head. "We shall have to be more diligent in avoiding the rain. At least your twin was well armored before we were set upon."

Alistair regarded the elf thoughtfully. "How are you?" He looked at the elf, wearing boots, breeches, a tunic and guards, but no breastplate of hardened leather.

"I shall live, though my ribs will be complaining for days." Zevran grimaced as he drank the potion he held. "But now that we have lived through the attack, our armor, it is dry and in fairly good shape."

"Very helpful indeed." Morrigan presented the elf with another potion, handing an identical one to Maddie. "Drink those, between Wynne's spells and my potions you two should be able to keep up with the rest of us."

Alistair regarded Maddie thoughtfully and checked her feet as she finished Morrigan's potion. The wounds were closing, but slowly and the soles of her feet would be raw and tender for a while. Turning to regard Zevran he found the elf cautiously stretching and taking deep breaths to test his ribs. "Let me help you two get your armor on," he suggested, "Then you can both try to walk and see how well you do." He frowned and looked at Wynne. "Reccomendations for them walking? Should we bandage Zevran's ribs for extra support?"

The circle mage shook her head. "The breastplate should support his ribs just fine, I'll take another look when we camp and check his lungs to be sure. Maddie should wrap her feet though, salve and bandages to aid healing as she walks."

Alistair nodded. "Maddie you heard her," He grabbed the bandages and began to wrap her feet, easing the boots on over her tender soles. He looked up from his work to see Maddie just smiling at him, her grey eyes bright with some emotion. "Stop looking at me like that, we have a long day ahead of us and we can't stop so I can kiss you every few minutes." He admonished in a low voice.

Maddie grinned at him as she buckled on her breastplate and tossed Zevran his. "Maybe I'm just hoping you'll carry me around some more?" She teased and wrapped the armor kilt around her waist. The shoulder guards were more difficult and Alistair had to help her buckle one over her wounded shoulder. As she pulled on her greaves and gauntlets the knight moved to help the Antivan elf.

Zevran chuckled, "I am as a child, unable to dress myself," he shook his head as he buckled on the kilt of his armor. He gestured to the breastplate, "It requires an agility I pray I will posess once again." Alistair shook his head and picked the armor up, gesturing for the elf to hold his arms up. In short order Zevran was buckled into the hardened leather and drew a breath with a pleased look. "Our fair Wynne was correct, the armor supports my ribs. I may sleep in it tonight."

"Broke down the tents and got everything together." Cogburn walked up to them just as Zevran was standing and Maddie was gingerly doing the same. "We about ready here?"

"Seem to be," Alistair nodded and hoisted his pack over his shoulders. "Might end up a little slower than we like. Zevran and Maddie won't be moving easily."

"Work with what we've got," Cogburn shrugged and looked at Leliana, "You're on point, I'll bring up the rear."

Leliana nodded and strode out of the camp without a word. A moment later the rest of them were following, watching for any sign of Ambush.

* * *

 

Alistair stroked the whetstone over his sword slowly, he liked to have something in his hands when he was thinking, it kept him from fidgeting and if people thought he was so dim he had to concentrate on something so simple as sharpening a blade, well all the better. Being underestimated wasn't all bad, he'd managed to surprise Morrigan, of all people, a time or two with his observations.

Cogburn had taken Sten, Morrigan and Leliana down into Redcliffe to retrieve Sten's sword from Dwyn. Maddie had argued quietly and fervently for she and Alistair to remain out of sight of the village. Zevran, Wynne and Shale had elected to remain with them and the Feddics had decided that the sparse amount of trade in Redcliffe Village wasn't worth the aggravation of dealing with the steep roads down to Redcliffe.

He couldn't be sure, but Alistair thought avoiding Teagan was Maddie's main reason for wanting to stay behind. She was taking the opportunity to dig out the plate armor from the Brecilian forest and Cailan's golden armor as well. Bodhan was explaining all the fine points of the armor and how well it was made and Maddie was nodding patiently. Alistair nearly chuckled as he sheathed his sword and began sharpening his dagger. Maddie knew as much about armor as he and her twin, she really didn't need to have it explained, she knew a good set of plate when she saw it.

Finally she was bringing the piles of plate over to him, Zevran following along with his arms laden down as well. The knight cast a sharp eye over the two rogues. They both were moving a bit more slowly than usual, the injuries they'd taken in the midnight battle still paining them.

"All right," Maddie gave him a cheerful smile as she set down her burden. "I'll spare you the details, but the sum of it is that either of these sets will be good. The Blood Dragon armor is amazing but not even Sten can wear it yet, I doubt any of us will be able to use it before we deal with the Archdemon."

Alistair frowned as he gazed at Cailan's golden armor. It was gorgeous, the work of years encompassed in elaborately chased and gleaming plate. It was the armor of a king. "I'm sorry that you carried Cailan's plate over here," he said quietly. "But I can't wear it."

"Why not?" Zevran asked curiously, tilting his head. "It will suit you quite well I think."

The knight glanced at Maddie and saw her grey eyes were darken with sympathy, she understood some of why he didn't want to wear it. Struggling to frame his thoughts properly Alistair sighed. "I'm not my brother," he sighed. "That's the armor of a king. Which I am very much not."

"But you will be, so why not wear the armor that says so?" The elf wondered. "It is not too heavy for you, we are sure of that."

"It's not mine Zevran," Alistair shook his head. "It's bad enough everyone at the Landsmeet knows I'm a bastard, but I won't wear Cailan's armor as if I'm the man he was. I'm not. I don't wish to be." He shrugged. "The only thing Cailan had that I ever wanted, was a family." He spread his hands. "So I won't wear his armor as if I'm a little boy trying to walk in his brother's shoes. It doesn't feel right."

Maddie pushed her hair behind her ears, the rings on her brains chiming softly as she regarded the golden armor. "It's lovely but…" She shrugged. "It's something out of a tale, like Cailan wished to be. A golden knight to defeat the Archdemon."

"And I'm not out of a tale," Alistair said firmly. "I'm a Grey Warden, and I always will be. I can't wear that armor as if I'm simply stepping into Cailan's place. I'll always be compared to him, but it won't be because I'm trying to be him." He chuckled suddenly. "And apart from all that, is there anything more flashy and guaranteed to get me noticed on the battlefield? I mean, really, bright gold plate rather screams 'come attack me, here I am, Big Target Right Here'."

"Ah, now that reasoning I can understand," Zevran chuckled. "I will take this back to Bodhan's wagon then."

"No, I'll do it," Alistair shook his head. "You've abused your ribs enough surely." He unbuckled the sides of the chainmail and pulled it over his head. The greaves and gauntlets were next. "Let me just get into this," he indicated the veridium plate Maddie had laid out for him. "It certainly is shiny isn't it?"

"Very," Maddie agreed. "I like the helmet myself," She stroked the bright blue plume, her expression soft.

"Very jaunty," Zevran agreed sitting down and taking out his own whetstone to sharpen his daggers.

"Yes, nice and bright, sure to attract all sorts of attention." Alistair began to buckle on the plate, surprised it didn't feel heavier. "At least I can put the visor down if I don't want folks to see my face." He grinned at Maddie as she ran her hands over the straps and buckles, making certain everything was smooth and fastened properly.

"I think you will be wearing your armor more often," Zevran observed as he ran the whetstone over his blade. "That is not so easy to pull on and off as the chainmail shirt."

"If I have to play squire from now until the Blight is ended or beyond it will be worth it," Maddie declared as she handed the knight a shoulder guard. "I don't think I can take another wound like that last one."

"Hopefully my magic will also help with that," Wynne had moved closer, watching as Maddie helped Alistair don the armor. "It has taken time to build up my strength again, but my spellwork is as strong as it was before I tangled with demons at the Circle Tower."

"That is good yes?" Zevran smiled, "Alistair and Maddie are good friends, a pity to have them worried and fearful for each other's safety."

"Yes," Wynne's voice was dry. "Rather distracting I would say."

Alistair felt his jaw set as he strapped on the greaves and his eyes met Maddie's grey ones. "No more so than being aware that the healing mage might keel over at any moment." He finally said aware his tone was rather flat. "I might worry about her but if Maddie weren't around I doubt not that I'd be the worse for it. Her twin is a good friend but she is the one who makes me aware that if I believe in something I need to fight for it."

"Then you don't think your loyalties are split?" The elderly woman asked, her sharp eyes boring into his.

Alistair shook his head. "She's a Grey Warden. And she's a Cousland." He ignored the plate armor for a moment and reached for Maddie's hand, holding her slender fingers firmly in his. "No one knows better what it means to serve a nation."

"Service to a Teyrn isn't the same as ending the Blight." Wynne sounded unbearably pompous to Alistair's ears and he frowned.

"No, service to one's country is never ending." Alistair snapped finally. "Any one of us could die at any time along the way to ending the Blight. Does that mean we shouldn't care about the people who come along with us? Should we have ignored your needs or Sten's? Or maybe we shouldn't have gone after the assassin's trying to kill Leliana." He began strapping the armor on angrily, keeping his hands busy so he wouldn't wring Wynne's neck. "If being in love with a fellow Grey Warden is so very wrong then why didn't Duncan caution me against it?" He looked at the mage, unware of how furious his expression and eyes looked. "He had plenty of time to warn me off. He wasn't a stupid man, he could see I liked her from the moment I met her. I certainly filled his ears with babbling about how she acquitted herself in the Wilds."

"Duncan couldn't have known ending the Blight would fall on your shoulders." Wynne retorted.

"Enough," Maddie's voice was quiet but firm. "Both of you," she slanted a glance at Alistair and then looked back at Wynne. "You've made your position clear Wynne, first to me and then to Alistair." She checked the knight's armor as she spoke, nodding in pleasure at how well it fit and how sturdy it seemed. "I love him. He loves me." She turned to stare at the mage coldly. "Of all the people in our company, there are only three Grey Wardens. Three in the entirety of Ferelden thanks to Loghain's treachery. You are not one of them." She picked up the blue plumed helmet and handed it to Alistair. "You don't wake in the night near screaming because the archdemon turned its gaze upon you. You don't hear it whispering insidiously in your ears when you dream." The delicate looking girl was suddenly anything but fragile as she folded her arms and stared down the mage. "And because we came to aid you at the Circle you didn't lose every person you ever cared for in one night. How well do you sleep Wynne? Do you rest well, knowing the people you care for are safe in the Tower's walls?"

"I—" Wynne looked taken aback.

"Alistair lost everyone at Ostagar. Cogburn and I are the last Couslands unless by some miracle our brother is alive." Maddie's throaty voice was harsh. "We are orphans in the world and all we have is each other and the ones we love. We live every day knowing it could be our last. You can return to the Circle whenever you wish. You have somewhere to go. What do we have Wynne?" Silver blonde hair drifted over one shoulder as Maddie tilted her head. "We didn't ask you to come with us. You insisted because you said you could aid us. Casting doubts on our decisions and trying to split couples in twain is not in any way helpful."

"We have nothing but each other," Alistair said quietly. "They're going to make me king if I survive the Blight. A bastard with no training, deliberately kept from learning to lead, now they insist on it. Why do you persist in trying to take away the woman who makes me stronger? Who believes in me and teaches me each day what a leader is?"

"I will say no more on it," Wynne finally said in a quiet voice. "I have simply seen too much to believe divided loyalties serve to end the Blight."

"You speak of divided loyalties but you do not see they are stronger with each other than they are apart?" Zevran remarked as he put away his sword. Tossing the whetstone to Maddie he rose from his makeshift seat. "Even I can see that and I am no romantic."

"Our loyalties are not divided," Alistair sighed suddenly exhausted. "We only have one goal. To end the Blight."

"That's good to hear." Cogburn's voice was a welcome distraction. "Because we're headed to Orzammar to get the last treaty acknowledged." The rogue nodded as Alistair put on the helm and slung his pack over his arm. "Armor looks like it fits well. Let's see what kind of pace we can keep."

"So Dwyn had Sten's sword?" Maddie asked as she picked up her pack.

"It is mine again." Sten answered gravely. "I thank you both."


	66. 66 Maddie

_let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder_   
_don't you know_   
_the hardest part is over_

_let it in, let your clarity define you_   
_in the end_   
_we will only just remember how it feels_

Maddie stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Alistair's mouth. "I'm going to talk to Zevran. He wanted to speak with me a while ago but we keep getting attacked or interrupted...it must be important."

Her lover grinned. "Just don't let him charm you out of your love for me." He cautioned, his expression and humorous tone belying his words. "And for the love of the Maker, no kissing him, not even for comfort." He called sotto voice as she chuckled and hurried up the road to where Zevran was scouting.

"Ah, hello my dear," The elf greeted her with a smile. "How are your feet?"

"Healing," Maddie returned his smile with one of her own. "And your ribs?"

"The same," He gestured at the road before them. "Are you here to relieve me?"

"To talk," the girl shrugged. "You mentioned that you wished to speak with me but ever since then we've been interrupted or there's been no privacy." She shrugged. "I figure this would be the best time."

"You are kind." Zevran smiled, "Let us hope we are not attacked en route eh?"

She grinned. "Let us hope." She agreed. "What did you wish to talk about?"

"I had some questions for you if I may," the elf said slowly. "Forgive me, your twin said something about...you knowing how I felt during my career with the Crows, the lack of choices."

Maddie tilted her head thoughtfully. "Well he's not completely wrong, the life of a noble's daughter can be fairly...restricted, even if mine was a bit more unconventional than most."

"Restrictive?" Zevran wondered, "I always thought a noble's life was freedom to do as one pleased."

"For men perhaps." Maddie rolled her eyes. "My twin is a living example of that."

"I always found the morals of the nobility to be confusing," The assassin commented. "Once married they have no interest in fidelity. The virtue of their daughters is guarded but after they are wed..."

The noblewoman chuckled. "Oh I know exactly what you mean, though my parents were different from your average Orlesian couple. Ferelden has done its best to reject all influences of Orlais. But a few things remain." She shrugged. "I suspect the protection of a maid's virtue is something prevalent in many societies. Being born a Cousland merely made it much easier for my parents and brothers to...guard me."

"What does that mean precisely?" Zevran wondered. "One hears a great deal of innocent young girls, but one never hears about the world from their perspective. You are a capable woman, was it not difficult to learn such skills and remain chaste?"

She laughed. "Oh it meant that..." Maddie sighed. "I could learn...nearly anything I wished, but never put the knowledge to use until Highever fell. I can run an estate, defend a keep, pick locks and kill. I can arrange a salon or banquet, maneuver through politics and make bombs, but I couldn't get close to anyone." She shrugged as if to throw off the memories. "I was up at dawn to learn from my mother. I spent a great deal of time with my father and brother. All of my life was spent preparing for a life that I'll never have now."

"I'm afraid I do not quite take your meaning." The elf spread his hands apologetically.

"Ah, well," Grey eyes regarded the elf thoughtfully. "My life was...restricted to Highever, restricted to propriety and chastity." She said, her smoky voice quiet. "I was acquainted and friendly with many of our people. Knew almost all of them by name. But I couldn't confide in any of them, couldn't..." She shook her head. "If I was close to someone not of my station then rumors would start that I was... well, acting inappropriately."

"Surely someone could see how your life was, that you needed friends." Zevran wondered.

"My sister by marriage, Oriana, she was a friend, though she was older than me." Maddie nodded. "But other than my twin, I really..." she shrugged again. "Alistair was the first man to-" She blushed slightly and turned her head, looking back at her knight walking beside Sten. When he saw her looking he raised his hand in an affectionate wave.

"You mean until him you had never, ever?" The elf looked appalled. "And you would not be with him were you not a Grey Warden." He surmised.

"A man kissed me once," Maddie recalled. In a dry voice she added, "It was not something I desired or invited and I made that clear to him." She turned her gaze back to Zevran. "I have never been so free as I have been since becoming a Grey Warden. Free to take a lover, free to love someone without fear of what will be said of me, of disgracing my family. Free to finally make choices for myself rather than out of duty. To actually have choices...I never thought to have."

"But it comes at such a price," Zevran nodded his understanding. "You remind me of the birds kept for their songs, caged and protected, their wings...grow weak because they are not allowed to fly."

"I hope I am not so delicate." Maddie sent him a smile, grateful that he understood. "All my life...I knew I would be given in marriage to someone my parents found for me. Most likely someone they knew I would like, who would appreciate all I could do. I might have even loved the man, or believed that I did. But I knew I would have very little say in who the man was. My parents loved each other...they found one another during the rebellion. But..."

"But during times of peace few noble alliances are for love." Zevran tilted his head. "I see what your twin meant. Your life has had as few options as mine."

"I don't see how I can complain when you were sold to the Crows. Alistair was given to the chantry and would have been forced into the Templars were it not for the Grey Wardens." Maddie pointed out dryly. "I was cherished and loved and protected. You were bought and then taught to kill or be killed. Neither of us had much choice in the matter but I scarcely have cause for complaint."

"The result is the same is it not?" The elf asked with a smile in his voice. "I concede that you grew up in more luxurious surroundings, but I, like you, like Alistair, have had my path chosen for me. When you and your twin offered to give me my life in return for service, for the first time I saw a fork in the road, so to speak."

"Ah," Maddie nodded. "You know that if you wanted to leave we wouldn't try to kill you right?" She offered with a smile. "We need your help, but you are free to go if you truly don't want to be here."

"I am...grateful for your words." Zevran appeared to have trouble speaking. "But I find no desire to leave such charming company."

"I always wondered something," Maddie said, concern leaching her voice volume. "You always seemed...very pragmatic to me. And it's been mentioned that the Grey Wardens are...regarded with both trepidation and esteem by the Crows." She frowned choosing her words carefully. "I never understood why you would bid on the contract. We outnumbered you and we...well we survived Ostagar. That didn't argue for your chances of success."

Zevran chuckled harshly, "You have caught me out," He conceded in a grim voice. "I was not expecting success you see, the farthest thing from it."

"You bid on us...hoping we'd kill you?" Maddie felt her eyes well up with tears and tried to blink them back before he could see.

"Ah, my dear you are truly too soft-hearted; your twin is right to try and guard you." Zevran offered her a smile. "I no longer wish such a thing...but that is because you Grey Wardens are much more than companions. You have truly become my friends. I never thought to have such again."

"So you aren't coming along simply in the hopes that you'll die during the Blight?" Maddie asked hopefully.

"No, though to die in such company would be more than I deserve." The assassin said gently. "I hope to live, perhaps to serve you and your king." He looked at her and sighed slightly. "I loved a girl, and she, I found too late, loved me. But I...betrayed her. Betrayed and killed her. I did not believe what she told me and I am to blame for her death. Too late I learned the truth. And the truth...is not always kind to one such as I."

Maddie nodded her understanding. "Would you like to talk about it?" She offered. "When Alistair...convinced me to talk about Highever, he was right, it did make me feel better."

"I...I will try." The elf began to speak slowly, telling her of the job he, the girl he loved, Rinna and his partner, Taliesin, had taken together. Maddie did her best to remain quiet and not interrupt as he explained how Taliesin had told him of Rinna taking bribes from their mark. How she had been confronted and denied the accusations, proclaiming her love for him. That he had laughed at her and told Taliesin to kill her, learning only afterward that she had not been guilty. "I regret nothing in this world more than I do her death."

The girl concentrated on taking deep breaths to hold back her tears. "I am so very sorry Zevran," She told him softly. "I wish..."

"It is all right my dear," The elf gave her a sad smile. "None of it was your fault, and at least...well, we are friends are we not?"

"Of course we are." Maddie nodded fiercely.

"And you, I know, would fight for me, as I would for you." Zevran said quietly.

"Down to the last dagger or arrow." She agreed. "And if the Crows come after you, they'll have Alistair and me to contend with at least."

"Ah, I think your twin finds me valuable enough, though he and I are not quite so close that I confide such things to him." Zevran chuckled.

"I just wish there was something I could do." Maddie told him softly. "Is there? Anything?"

The elf smiled wistfully and his finger gently traced the trail of a tear down her cheek. "Your heart is given to another and my own is in pieces far flung across the lands and seas. The comfort of your friendship and companionship is enough." He grinned wickedly, "Unless you think Alistair will consent to share you, my dear."

"Zevran," Maddie could feel her cheeks grow hot with blushing. "You're incorrigible."

"I make no secret of the fact that I find you attractive." The elf chuckled. "If I thought I stood a chance I would woo you. But it is clear your heart belongs to your knight."

"If it didn't..." Maddie smiled. "I'm sorry, I can hardly think of a world where I don't love him, but if such existed..." She touched Zevran's shoulder affectionately, "To have you woo me would...be very desired."

"I am told that friends are those who make the best lovers, and if such never happens, friendship is the worthier bond." He smiled. "But we are becoming maudlin and sweet and my reputation will not stand for this. We must speak of other things."

"Hmm..." Maddie chuckled. "Maybe you'd like to give me some hints as to how I might...please a man in bed? I can hardly ask the women in our company. Morrigan is bedding my twin and her knowledge would thus be suspect. Leliana would take such a conversation as an invitation to seduce me and Wynne..." Maddie shuddered. "Can you imagine?" She shook her head.

"You are a very wicked lady." The elf grinned. "As I enjoy the company of both men and women I am uncertain how helpful I could be to you. And did your Antivan sister not educate you?"

"She did," Maddie nodded blushing slightly. "Oriana was...most educational. But she is not with me and I would not wish for Alistair to...grow...bored with me." She blurted out the last three words.

"That will not happen." Zevran shook his head. "You recently virginal folk are very insecure."

Maddie groaned. "Not insecure, just...aware of my own ignorance."

"You know if you two want to talk maybe you should do it when you aren't supposed to be scouting." Cogburn's voice came from over their shoulders, growing louder as he came closer to them.

Zevran chuckled. "What other time have we to speak?" He asked the other Grey Warden. "Your sister kindly kept me company while I addressed a certain matter with her. We have kept our eyes open for trouble I assure you."

"Well you can both head back to the main group." Cogburn rolled his eyes. "Twin, I'll flip you for the lead position in Orzammar later."

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Yes, and won't that be a delight."

* * *

 

Maddie groaned as she pulled her boots off and rubbed the bottoms of her feet. The road to Orzammar had been bad enough, but the hard stone of the dwarven city had her feet aching in a way she hadn't felt since they'd first set out from Highever. Alistair looked over sympathetically and she offered him a weak smile. Zevran peered past Alistair's bulk, a humorous expression on his face that faded as his eyes met Maddie's. The elf muttered something to the knight and Alistair blinked at him in surprise.

Maddie watched curiously as Alistair stripped off his gauntlets and moved closer to her. "Bear with me, as this is something new." The knight said as he lifted her feet into his lap.

"Alistair not that I mind you touching me, but what are you doing?" She really didn't understand this new interest in her feet.

"Something Zevran suggested might help you." The Knight laid his warm hands on her feet and his dark blue eyes were filled with affection as he looked at her. His hands were so big they made her feet seem tiny in comparison. "He said a foot massage would do us both good since we're…well the Deep Roads are…"

"No place for anything private." Maddie finished dryly.

"Right." Alistair shot her a grin and began to press his thumbs to the balls of her feet, rubbing slow firm circles into her aching soles. Maddie groaned as the pain began to ease and watched Alistair's eyes darken at the sound. He slid both his hands over her feet rubbing her ankles gently, rotating and loosening the muscles before pressing his thumbs to her heels. A moan rose in her throat before she could stop it, sensation shooting through her body.

"Alistair," She looked into blue eyes dark as the midnight sky and tried to control her suddenly rapid breathing. "I, I really," Maddie clutched her hands at her sides and looked at his hands, big tanned fingers wrapped gently around her feet. "Maybe this…"

"Put your boots back on," Alistair reached for them and helped her slide them back onto her feet. Maddie regarded her knight with a little confusion as he grasped her hand tightly and pulled her to her feet. He said something to Zevran who chuckled and nodded before leading her out of the faint light cast by the lava flow.

"Alistair what are you doing?" Maddie wondered if she sounded as confused as she was. He didn't reply, simply turned her in his arms and kissed her. His mouth was hot as fire, lips devouring hers and she stopped questioning and simply felt, parting her lips and returning kiss for kiss. His armor kept her from feeling his body and she reached for the buckles of his codpiece, sliding her hand inside his armor and breeches to feel him hard and ready for her.

"Maker," Alistair cursed as his lips moved to the sensitive skin below her ear. "Maddie if you have to ask…" His hands moved to her hips, tugging the ties of her breeches loose.

"Just don't stop," She moaned low in her throat as she felt his hands pull her breeches down, her lower body exposed to the cool air of the caves around them. Frantically she pulled his codpiece off, opened his breeches more fully and tried to tug his body closer to hers. "Alistair, please, if you don't—"

Her voice was cut off as his mouth found hers again, his mouth hard and possessive over hers, his hips meeting hers. One of his arms slid under her bottom, lifting her body and pulling her tightly to his. Maddie's moan rose to a shriek, captured by his mouth as Alistair twisted his hips and plunged home, his body filling hers in a wonderfully abrupt thrust of need. Part of her was amazed that nothing was uncomfortable in the moment; all she could think of or feel was his body filling hers, Alistair's lips on hers and his hands supporting her body against his, lifting her on and off of him.

She couldn't feel anything but him, that delightful thrust and pull of his cock inside her, his body pressing to hers, hitting her clit with each stroke as her love took her. Maddie moaned into his mouth again, clutched at him, feeling her body quicken around him, and as abruptly as he'd taken her, erupt with pleasure, spasming around his body as he pounded into her still. She lost control, bucking and shuddering in his arms, wanting more of him, trying to take him deeper inside. He groaned deep in his chest, and jerked her down hard onto him, impaling her, pushing into her so deeply she felt his body hit something deeply inside her and nearly screamed at the feel of it, fire exploding through her. She felt his seed, like lava flooding her womb and wrapped her legs around his waist wanting more of him, never wanting to give this up.

He was panting, finally pulling his mouth from hers and breathing heavily into her hair. "Love, sweetheart, are you all right?" Alistair asked her finally.

"I went mad there at the end," Maddie whispered, still shivering with sensation in his arms. "Did I scream?"

"My ears are ringing but I don't think anyone else heard," Alistair was smiling, she could hear it in his voice. "I think kissing to keep from making too much noise seems to help." His lips were pressing to her neck, nuzzling her affectionately. "I think foot massages are something we'll have to keep for private, unless there's a lot of cold water nearby."

"I didn't know how it would feel." Maddie confessed. "Your hands on my feet, it was like you were touching me everywhere else too."

"And when you moan like that," Alistair chuckled and carefully began to lift her off of his body. "I completely lose control."

"Lesson learned," She laughed a little and leaned against him, her knees and legs still weak. "I love you Alistair."

"I love you too," Her knight carefully began to tug her breeches and smalls into place before fixing his own clothing and feeling around for his codpiece. "When the Blight is over, I swear all I want is you and a room with a bed."

"I heartily concur." Maddie couldn't help giggling. "You remember our first night? How you were concerned with our companions talking?"

"Hmm…" Alistair made that noise that told her he was listening as he fastened his codpiece into place.

"I think we just gave them something else to gossip about." She told him still giggling.

"Well there's plenty of Darkspawn down here that you can feed them to." Alistair quipped as he scooped her up into his arms. "And before you ask, I can tell that you're going to ache from this. I'm just saving you some grief is all."

"Did you hear me objecting?" Maddie happily settled into his arms. "It must be a weakness of mine, I love that you're strong enough to carry me around."

"You feel so tiny," He grinned at her, "And you're very light, you make me feel very manly."

She couldn't stop giggling and buried her face in his neck as he carried her back to the camp.


	67. 67 Cogburn

_How can it happen that every time_   
_You ask us this question the answer seems like a lie_   
_You know what we're saying and you know what it means_   
_And it's always sincere god knows_   
_But it never gets through to where you need_

He was going to wring her neck. His hands actually twitched with the urge. Cogburn paced back and forth, the rest of their companions, save Alistair and his twin, watching him. He'd been gone for all of five minutes and his twin had disappeared with Alistair. He knew they wouldn't have gone far, Alistair cared too much for Maddie's safety to take her far from the camp, but really, were their urges so all encompassing that they couldn't wait until they were on the surface? Remarking as much to Morrigan simply got him a wicked laugh and a look that reminded him of just how long it had taken them to find the underground stream and bring back water.

Leliana seemed to be enjoying his worry, a little smirk on her lips. Wynne simply shrugged and worked on the mending she held in her lap. Shale and Sten were standing guard and ignoring his pacing. Rooster was rolling on his back near Morrigan trying to entice the witch to pet him. The dwarf Oghren had watched the two Grey Warden's leave the camp and chuckled in a way that made even Zevran's most lascivious laugh sound innocent in comparison.

The elf simply sat down in a place Cogburn couldn't avoid seeing him as the Grey Warden paced and finally spoke. "I noticed…those who have greater experience in such matters…have an easier time controlling such…needs."

"Your point Zevran?" Cogburn muttered in an attempt to keep the snarl from his voice.

"From what I understand you have a great deal of familiarity with these urges." The Antivan shrugged. "To Maddie and Alistair, these are new, wondrous things. They are unaccustomed to…to the body overruling the mind."

"So you're telling me I shouldn't mind, shouldn't worry, about the two of them off alone in the dark?" The nobleman frowned.

"I wouldn't dream of it." Zevran shook his head. "It is, in part, my fault. I know our lady's feet bother her of late. As the stone beneath us irritates me, I assumed it would doubly aggravate her. I suggested to Alistair that giving the lady a foot rub would be a kindness." He spread his hands innocently. "I would have offered it myself but it seemed…inappropriate somehow."

"You told Alistair to give her a foot massage and then you were surprised when they got up and left afterward?" Cogburn wondered where the elf's brain had gone and said so. "I think you have a problem with your brain being missing."

"Ah, I forgot how it would affect her, and neglected to take into account her effect upon him." Zevran waved off Cogburn's insult with the ease of someone insulted often.

"I now find myself curious regarding such massages." Morrigan smiled wickedly and Cogburn regarded the witch with a frown.

"Might have to wait until we're out of the Deep Roads." He told her, trying to resist smiling down into those gleaming green eyes.

"I would be happy to show you my dear," Zevran offered with a chuckle. "But I find myself overly fond of certain parts, parts I would likely lose did I lay a hand upon you."

Cogburn began his pacing again, grumbling to himself about overly hormonal women and the idiot men that followed them around like Mabari pups. Maddie's giggle drifted out of the darkness, growing closer as the two Grey Warden's rejoined the camp. Cogburn's head snapped up and he glared in the direction of the laughter. It wasn't long before the two missing folk entered the camp, Maddie carried in Alistair's arms, her face buried in his neck as she laughed. As Cogburn watched the knight murmured something to the girl and she looked up, her laughter fading as her twin glared.

He watched as Alistair put Maddie down on her bedroll and took a seat beside her. The knight raised his eyebrows quizzically at Cogburn and the rogue wondered if he could strangle the man without Maddie attacking him. Probably not. "Are we done with the shenanigans for the evening?" He asked in what he hoped was a calm cool voice.

"Shenanigans? Is that what you call 'em?" Oghren laughed and took another sip from his flask before looking up from his whiskey. "We call it—"

"We are not interested in what you call 'it'." Cogburn told him evenly.

The dwarf looked at the clean shaven Grey Warden, taking in his glower and realized that Cogburn wasn't the only one glaring at him. The knight with blue eyes, the delicate looking girl next to him, and the elf as well as the witch were all regarding him with varying degrees of antipathy. "Didn't mean nothin', just don' know what you surfacer's like ta call knocking boots, seemed like a odd sorta word."

The little girl's expression cleared and she nodded her understanding, laying a hand on the knight's knee and murmuring something. Cogburn still hadn't sat down and he folded his arms and regarded the dwarf with a thoughtful gaze. "Maybe we should go through the introductions again now that you're a little less…drunk."

"Ain't ever gonna be less drunk than I am now," Oghren told him bluntly. "Gotta ration the whiskey out, or it won' last the trip."

Cogburn heard Wynne mutter something mostly unintelligible about Templars not being the only drunk idiots in the world and steadfastly ignored it. Keeping his annoyance with the entire situation out of his voice he named each of his companions and their skills, leaving the three people most important to him for last. "Morrigan is also a mage, she is not Circle trained and thus her magic is a bit less…predictable." The witch slanted an amused glance at him and the rogue grinned. "Alistair was raised in the Chantry, and was a Templar before he joined the Grey Wardens." Cogburn slanted a glance at the knight and shrugged. "He's been in the wardens the longest of us here."

"So he's what, got seniority over ya er somethin'?" Oghren took another swig of whiskey.

"Or something," Alistair chuckled. "It just means I'm more used to the nightmares."

"And I am Maddie," Cogburn regarded his twin and when she didn't elaborate he rolled his eyes and got ready to expound upon her qualities when Zevran did it for him.

"She is too modest," the elf chuckled. "Lady Madelaina Cousland late of Highever, is a daring rogue whose enchanting ways have captured the heart of Alistair FitzTheirin. She is twin to Cogburn and the last and prettiest of our Grey Wardens."

"Zevran!" Maddie blushed fiercely and stared at her boots.

Cogburn found his sense of humor returned at his twin's discomfort. "I might not have put it so flamboyantly, but what Zev has said is accurate." He conceded.

"My friend, I am not flamboyant, except when I am," the elf protested with a wicked little smile. "I merely bring a certain panache to the telling of news."

"Feh on panache." Cogburn chuckled and took a seat next to Morrigan, finally done with his pacing.

"Never say so!" Zevran put his hand over his heart as if wounded. "You wound me with your harsh words."

"Face it Zevran, not even a bronco's tusks could penetrate your thick skin." Alistair shook his head at the elf's melodrama.

"So," Oghren was plainly trying to make sense of their company, late come to it as he was. "Yer," he pointed at Cogburn, "her twin," he pointed at Maddie, "An' yer beddin' the witch." He snorted at Cogburn's face. "Yeah 'cause it always takes half a candle ta get water." He pointed at Zevran, "Yer a little crazy, mostly 'bout the little girl." The elf simply smiled and bowed from the waist making the dwarf snort with laughter again. "Yer beddin' the little girl there," he pointed at Alistair and then at Maddie, "Yer in love an' ya don' care who knows it." He shook his head. "Yer all crazy fer bringing women down here at all." He stared at Alistair, "Or didn't they mention that ta ya? What happens ta women iffen the Darkspawn gets hold of 'em."

Alistair blinked and regarded the dwarf thoughtfully and shook his head. "There were no women in the Wardens when I joined. Our mentor was killed at Ostagar along with every other Grey Warden in Ferelden. We don't know enough." He said simply. "Please explain."

"Quickly." Cogburn felt his stomach turn and the dry rations he'd eaten sat uneasily.

"Women," Oghren looked uncomfortable to be at the center of attention, even Sten and Shale having turned their attention towards him. "Men the Darkspawn kill, or…well yer lucky if yer dead or so I've heard." He looked at Maddie and then Morrigan and the other two women sitting close to each other. "Women…the Darkspawn take 'em, they corrupt 'em…turn 'em into Broodmothers." He looked at Maddie seemingly judging her the strongest of the women or maybe the most stubborn. "Broodmothers is where the Darkspawn come from. The Genlocks come from the women they steal from the Dwarves. Hurlocks…they's rarer and come from human women. Shrieks, ya hardly ever see, they're when an elf woman gets made a Broodmother. Ogres, they're when the Darkspawn find a Qunari woman, that's where the horns come from."

Alistair had kept calm until that point. Cogburn watched as the knight reached out and pulled Maddie into his lap, burying his face in her hair until he'd calmed whatever storm had wracked his nerves. Maddie's slender hands petted and soothed the Knight's hair and neck until he was able to speak again. "Maddie," Cogburn said finally, "You have enough for everyone?"

"Enough of what?" Sten asked in his deep voice, for all appearances calm. But Cogburn had seen the fury in those bright violet eyes at the idea of a Qun woman taken and turned into a monster churning out more monsters.

"This." Maddie dug into her pack and found several vials. These weren't the glass vials made to shatter on impact for the bombs she and her twin manufactured. They were smaller and made of metal and stoppered with a latch and cork around the metal lid.

"Very well thought." Morrigan took hers and smiled her gratitude as she tucked it into her belt pouch.

"But what is it?" Alistair asked softly.

"Poison," Morrigan told him as Leliana and Wynne secreted the vials about their persons and Maddie did the same. "Poison that if captured will keep us from being used as broodmares for monsters."

Alistair took a deep breath and looked at Maddie. "I promise I won't let that happen to you, if I have to use the dagger myself. I won't let them take you." He kissed the top of her head and her forehead and cheek and finally her lips, so tenderly that Cogburn turned his head in embarrassment over witnessing such a private moment.

He looked at Morrigan and smiled at her. "I won't make you the same promise," He told her quietly. "But I will ask that you promise me, you'll abandon any of us without a second thought, turn into a bird or bat or dog and get away. Escape and live. Promise me that."

"I promise I will do my best to survive." Morrigan's dark green gaze was affectionate but unyielding.

"Then that's all I can ask." Cogburn took her hand and kissed it, his lips brushing over her knuckles and then her palm teasingly.

"Wretched man," Morrigan scolded him.

"You wouldn't have him any other way," Maddie teased the witch.

"Tis true he has some small charm," Morrigan laughed back and Cogburn grinned down at his pretty witch, grateful that between she and his twin the mood had been lightened.

"So I was thinking," He began and was immediately interupted.

"A dangerous pasttime." Alistair said in a very somber voice.

"Terribly so," Oghren agreed unexpectedly.

"Yeah, I know," Cogburn rolled his eyes. "We've pretty much decided who we're going to support right?" He looked at his twin and then at Alistair.

The knight rolled his eyes. "I don't much like either candidate." He finished his work with the whetstone and tossed it to Zevran, who snatched it out of the air with unsurprising grace. "But I think, for the purposes of the Grey Wardens, Bhelen might be a better choice."

"Maddie?" Cogburn tilted his head at his twin. He was pretty certain he knew her thoughts, but better to have it out in the open.

"Of the two, I think Harrowmont has a better character than Bhelen." Maddie spoke slowly, and her twin could hear how carefully she was measuring her words. "But a good man does not always make a good king. Orzammar is mired in tradition. Dusttown is as bad as any alienage, worse because casteless here are stuck that way for life. At least the elves have a chance to better themselves, if a small one." She shook her head. "I don't like him personally, but I think Bhelen as king would bring Orzammar forward, make things better for the dwarves. Harrowmont strikes me as very traditional. I doubt much would change with him as king."

The noble rogue sighed and nodded. "I agree." He looked around the camp. "Does anyone have a terribly compelling reason Bhelen shouldn't be our choice for king?"

"There's rumors he framed his older brother. They declared him casteless." Oghren told them with a belch. "Don' know what happened to him. Nothin' good probably."

"Rumors, but no proof?" Maddie asked thoughtfully.

"Rumor is we betrayed Cailan and left him to die." Her twin pointed out. "I don't want to make a choice based on rumors, regardless of how likely they seem to me."

"Then we're decided?" Alistair regarded Wynne and Leliana and then looked at Sten and Shale. "Better to have the opinions now, rather than later."

"I get the impression that this Bhelen will try to get the most for his money, so to speak." Zevran offered his thoughts.

"He does seem the type to string us along with favors that need doing before he commits troops." Leliana agreed. "He's a canny one."

"I have little understanding of dwarven politics," Sten rumbled. "But I do not like what I've heard of this Bhelen. Surely an honorable man would be better suited to the throne."

"Honor and politics rarely go hand in hand Sten." Cogburn grimaced. "Our father was honorable, but his great strength was how likable he was, he would offer help and mean it. He helped rebuild Ferelden after we drove Orlais out. But honorable and well liked as he was, he still didn't see Howe's dagger coming. Honor doesn't protect you from a knife in the dark. Knowing how the political game is played just might."

"I take your point." Sten nodded. "You believe choosing Harrowmont might end in disaster."

"Death or disaster," Alistair muttered, "Which doesn't argue well for me being king."

"Different case," Cogburn brushed off the ex-templar's concern. "You're king by birthright, approved by the landsmeet. Dwarves don't do birthright for the throne."

Oghren regarded Alistair a bit oddly. "Ya joined the Grey Wardens knowin' ya were heir ta the throne?"

Alistair chuckled without humor. "Seeing as my brother the king was alive and well, and my alternative was becoming a Templar, lirium addiction and all, I thought the Grey Wardens were the best option."

Cogburn watched as Oghren nodded and Maddie leaned in and whispered something to her beloved. The knight grinned a bit wickedly and murmured something back. Apparently Zevran caught the knight's words because he made some remark that turned to two lovers pink. Cogburn rolled his eyes. "Enough with the canoodling," he made a grab for their attention again. "We need to find Lord Dace, and head back to Orzammar. We can resupply so we'll have enough for the trip to Carriden's Cross."

"If ya want to pick up extra coin ya should do some Provings." Oghren suggested with another belch. "Bhelen and Harrowmont both got champions ya could fight in the Glory Provings, but the smaller houses tryin' ta make a name fer themselves, they'll pay ya ta fight 'em and get the practice they need."

"You'll have to explain the Provings to me again," Cogburn remembered vaguely what they were but he'd been more worried about other things. Oghren was happy to talk about the Provings, telling them about the current champions, the various types and methods of fighting. Cogburn watched as his twin's eyes began to sparkle and knew his own expression was just as interested.

"Do you think they'd let us fight?" Maddie asked with a grin.

Alistair looked at her curiously and Zevran just chuckled, "You knew she was a violent woman when you fell in love with her my friend." The elf shook his head.

"Yer Grey Warden's ain't ya?" Oghren spread his hands expansively. "Yer the best a the best."

"Oh, is that what Grey Wardens are?" Leliana wondered aloud. "I did wonder."

"So it was your curiosity you were satisfying with my twin?" Maddie pulled out her dagger and examined the edge of the blade. "That explains much."

Cogburn hastily swallowed the water he'd drank before he spat it out laughing. "Twin, be kind." He suggested with a twinkle in his eyes.

"What?" Maddie looked around their circle innocently. "Did I say something?"

"You know what you said." Leliana gave the noblewoman a dagger look.

"Enough," Alistair spoke up finally. "Leliana, if you wish for everyone to forget your little…faux pas you might wish to cease making remarks about Cogburn's character." He looked at Maddie and poked her in the arm. "And you need to let her be. She can dig her own hole. She doesn't need your help."

"I'm missing somethin' aren't I?" Oghren took a swig of his whiskey.

"I'm finding the most irritating thing about Ferelden is not the dog smell or the cold, but the way the inhabitants are always in season." Sten remarked from his place by the edge of the camp. "It is a way of life most unfamiliar to me."

Wynne regarded Leliana and the twins thoughtfully. "I take from your remarks and a few things said a while back that there have been transgressions?"

Maddie groaned and leaned forward to thump her head on her armor covered knees. "Maker help us." Her entreaty was muffled and Alistair chuckled.

"That won't work you know, if you want the Maker's attention, anyway." He laid a hand on her back and rubbed it up and down her spine.

Zevran chuckled, "I am glad to have such things clarified. After all, many things are cried aloud in the throes of passion, we wouldn't want the Maker to answer them all would we?"

Even Leliana laughed at that and Cogburn tossed Rooster a piece of jerky for the Mabari to chew on. "It's all right Wynne, we're working it out, slowly, but it'll be fine in the end." The nobleman assured the mage.

"My twin has never had to deal with this type of situation before." Maddie said slyly, "It's probably good for him."

"Maddie, twin, sweetheart," Cogburn began pleasantly enough, waiting until her gaze turned to him expectantly. "Shut up."

His twin just giggled and shook her head. "How far was it to where Lord Dace is supposed to be?" She asked changing the subject.

"Should reach him halfway through the day tomorrow," Oghren told her, his gruff voice a bit tired.

"Assuming we don't run into trouble." Alistair agreed. "It's getting late, and entertaining as all our talk is, we should get some rest."

Cogburn nodded, "You two get some sleep," He bent his gaze at Zevran. "That means you too, don't think I missed the way you're babying those ribs."

"One merely grows accustomed to feeling a certain way." The elf shrugged as he unrolled his quilts.

Alistair tilted his head thoughtfully. "I might be able to help you with that. We'll work on it while we travel tomorrow, all right?"

"I am glad to have your company." Zevran grinned.

Cogburn rolled his eyes. "Mutual admiration society, go to bed." Morrigan laughed quietly beside him and he poked her thigh teasingly. "That means you too." He ordered gently.

Oghren looked out into the darkness. "Good defensible position. Wake me when you want me on watch. I like middle shifts just fine. Don't sleep through the night anyway."

The rogue just grinned, "Just don't irritate Shale too much. Golems don't seem to have a lot of patience."

"I heard that." Shale's voice floated over to them and Cogburn chuckled and went to join the golem.


	68. 68 Morrigan

_All those days_   
_Watching from the windows_   
_All those years_   
_Outside looking in_   
_All that time_   
_Never even knowing_   
_Just how blind I've been_

Stone overhead, underfoot and all around, Morrigan barely repressed a shudder as she looked around the city of Orzammar. How anyone could stand to be surrounded by rock their entire lives was beyond her. Didn't anyone wonder what the world beyond the Deep Roads was like? Wasn't anyone curious about the sun or sky or trees? She watched as Cogburn and Maddie rounded up several nugs and shook her head. The twins on more than one occasion had done things she considered odd, and this was simply one more of those times. Maddie had smiled when the witch had commented on their actions and said building alliances wasn't always about treaties. A king could agree to support the wardens but if the common folk had no sympathy for the cause the campaign was doomed to fail.

Cogburn had chuckled at that and pointed out that much as Morrigan had little use for all the little errands they ran the everyday problems solved, it was those things that enabled them to achieve greater goals. Helping the smith in Redcliffe had been a small thing, but it had made the difference in repelling the attack that night. Thus helping a merchant stand up to the carta seemingly was unimportant, but that merchant would remember that the Grey Wardens had helped him.

"But the merchant class has no voice in the assembly." Morrigan argued in a low voice with Maddie, not quite understanding the objective of all this running about for people who were of no major importance. "If we are to run errands, should they not be for the lords? Those who can speak on our behalf?"

"Did you know that part of my dowry, before Highever fell, was to be a share in a merchant's caravan and shop?" Maddie said softly. "Many lords have invested with merchants, an easy way to make money while doing little work. Patronage is an investment in and of itself. So helping a merchant may attract the attention of a lord."

"I see your point." Morrigan nodded. "But I still say a more direct approach is needed. This place has more winding politics than it has stone in its walls." She pushed a strand of dark hair out of her eyes and regarded the city around her before looking at Maddie, "I say that we should compete in these Provings the dwarf spoke of. 'Twould be a way to make a name for yourselves here, draw the attention of the nobility and throw your support to Bhelen."

"She's right." Maddie nodded reluctantly. "Before we have to head out into the Deep Roads again, it would be good to have some popularity behind our cause."

"Oghren said the dwarves take their Provings seriously." Cogburn frowned thoughtfully, regarding Morrigan with his dark eyes. "What's really wrong?" He asked in a quieter voice. "You've been uneasy all day."

"I mislike the stone overhead." Morrigan admitted casting a wary glance upward. "I do not find it to be a peaceful thought."

"That makes two of us," Zevran's sharp ears had caught Morrigan's words.

"Three of us." Leliana gave a delicate shudder as she looked up at the ceiling.

"I must admit, not having a thorough understanding of the engineering and skill required, I am not as easy as I could be in my surroundings." Sten said in a grave tone.

The golemn and dwarf just shrugged while Wynne looked up and then shook her head. "Perhaps I am simply too old to be bothered," The circle mage confessed. "But I can see how it would make you all uneasy."

Alistair shook his head, "I was all right if I didn't think about it," He groaned. "But if we're going to talk about the mountain overhead, I'll just say that I'm happier out from under it all right?"

"Well, then lets get this done as quickly as we can." Cogburn began to stride towards the Proving Grounds.

* * *

 

The Witch of the Wilds found herself at a very good vantage point, if one guaranteed irritating conversation, considering Wynne and Leliana stood beside her. Zevran had taken his place on her opposite side, leaning against the stone railing. "You are not worried I know, our Grey Wardens are all superlative warriors." He commented, "I hope you will bear me company as I watch my dearest friend thrash the dwarves."

"You think Maddie is going to be the one fighting?" Leliana asked curiously. "Truly? Not one of the men?"

"I think they will all do battle, but I think it is Maddie who will most shock the dwarves. I look forward to this with great enthusiasm." Zevran chuckled. "Morrigan, you do not delight in the thought of Cogburn doing what he was born to do?"

"I find the entire process to be the epitome of foolishness, though I concede the political advantage it brings." Morrigan rolled her eyes toward the proving ground. "What about you Sten?" She threw the words back at the Qunari who loomed with Shale behind them. "What do you think of all this?"

"Despite listening to the dwarf's in depth explanation of this ritual I find it foolish and incomprehensible." Sten's voice was closer to a growl. "Our leaders should not risk themselves in such a fashion."

"Having seen the Grey Warden's in battle, I do not believe there is much risk to this proceeding," Shale muttered. "But I do find it very dull."

"That's because nothin's goin' on." Oghren pointed out. "We're all just starin' at a empty provin' ground."

"I never realized how barbaric the dwarves are." Wynne's voice was dry and determinedly unamused.

Morrigan slanted a glance at the older mage and shrugged. "They live under a mountain instead of on it, believe they come from stone and return to it and have a caste system that strangles the idea of free will and control of one's destiny, but you find the Provings are what makes them barbaric?"

"When you put it like that..." Wynne sighed, "I suppose it's merely the final nail in the coffin." She admitted quietly. "I do wish they'd at least start and get the wretched things over with."

"The more time before the match the more time to place bets," Oghren informed them.

"I wonder if we have enough coin to make a good profit by betting on our fellows?" Zevran mused. "Certainly obtaining more coin is to be wished, I know Maddie is concerned with funding our quest."

Morrigan slanted a glance at the elf and nodded, "Its how she was brought up," the witch offered softly. "She told me that's why Cogburn and Alistair defer to her when seeking provisions."

"But the result is she takes on the greater burdern of worry over providing for all of us." Sten muttered from behind them. "I have several copper pieces. I did not wish to buy cookies from the dwarves."

"Ah, yer all worryin' fer nothin'," Oghren dismissed their chatter. "The big one, Alistair gave me a pouch a coin, told me ta make sure I bet on them to win, no matter who they face." He chuckled a bit meanly as he scratched his chin. "An' I don' mind much takin' money from these stuck up nobles what ain't ever seen real fightin'."

"Didn't anyone think betting against a Grey Warden is simply foolishness?" Wynne asked curiously.

Morrigan chuckled, her expression wicked as she looked at Oghren, "I think our new companion sought out those who support Harrowmont, and they were forced by politics to bet against our friends."

"Fer someone ain't a dwarf, ya ain't too dumb 'bout Provings." Oghren chuckled as he sipped from a flask and gestured towards the doors, "Here we go."

* * *

 

Morrigan watched as Maddie grinned, her expression wicked with delight as her opponent was helped form the sands. These Provings weren't to the death, only until one opponent could no longer fight; the witch supposed for folk such as Oghren or Alistair they'd be great fun. She hadn't realized Maddie was quite so bloodthirsty until she'd seen the girl on the sands, dagger and sword, like a windstorm of steel. Listening as Maddie of the Grey Wardens was announced the victor; Morrigan wondered who would be fighting next.

A few minutes later she had her answer as Cogburn emerged from the doors. Green eyes narrowed as not one but two dwarves walked towards him. When the announcement came that the dwarves were twins, thus one person Morrigan scowled. "Not that I doubt Cogburn's ability," She began in a low voice, "But why can he not partner with his twin? Does that rule not apply to humans? Or did they not believe Cogburn and Maddie are twins?"

Oghren snorted, "Don't think anyone bothered to mention it." He shook his head. "Proving Master wouldn't ask, 'cause ya don't usually get two from the same generation an' family joinin' the Wardens. An' it ain't like the twins would know the rules." He shruggged slightly, "Don' really think yer man's gonna have a problem. I've seen him take out Ogres without blinkin' an eye."

"I simply find the discrepancy between the rules and actuality to be disturbingly hypocritical." Morrigan frowned as the horn sounded and the combat began and then she was...amazed.

She'd never had the opportunity to simply watch Cogburn in combat before. In the wilds she'd had to concern herself with evading darkspawn and keeping an eye on the small party headed for the old Warden ruin. Since then when they battled she'd had to concentrate on her spells and there'd been no way to watch Cogburn as he fought.

Now though, now he was fighting against two not unskilled dwarves and every action seemed effortless, power and grace, his sword gleaming as it swept through the air, a dagger slash punctuating each stroke. He moved like a thunderstorm, lightening strikes and relentless pounding rain against the other two. The dwarves didn't have a chance.

Morrigan found herself applauding along with the rest of the audience as Cogburn bowed to the assembly and clasped her hands, meeting Zevran's amused sidelong glance with a slight flush to her cheeks. "What are you looking at assassin?"

"Merely admiring a woman who is admiring her man," Zevran chuckled. "You act as if you have never seen him fight before?"

"Not in a setting where I was actually able to watch him. Since we met we've been...busy." Morrigan rolled her eyes. "You seem just as enthralled." She'd seen the way his eyes widened as he watched their friends fight in the arena.

Zevran laughed low in his throat and shook his head. "I find our friends to be very appealing, and very skilled. But neither of them wish more than friendship from me." He leaned against the stone railing and shrugged, "They are amazing in battle, in such a setting as this, one is truly able to see how skilled they are, to bring an opponent down but not kill them...that is a skill all its own, control and passion, grace and strength...I admire them greatly."

"We have not seen Alistair fight yet." Wynne commented, a note of curiosity in her voice. "Do you think there is some reason?"

Leliana laughed a little bit and Morrigan regarded the other girl with what she hoped was a neutral expression. "You believe you know the reason?" The witch asked the bard quietly.

"He is not as skilled as Cogburn obviously, why take the chance?" The bard lifted her chin in unspoken challenge.

"I think, in this instance, I could be considered an unbiased party," Zevran offered, much to Morrigan's amusement, "And I am absolutely certain that Alistair and Cogburn are equals in every skill that counts. What Alistair may lack in experience he makes up for in enthusiasm. I have seen all three of them fight you know, and not one of them is lesser in skill."

"He was chosen for the Grey Wardens, and the right of conscription used to enforce the choice," Wynne said quietly. "Surely there was a reason."

Leliana shrugged and, to Morrigan's eyes, the gesture was elaborately bored. "I supposed the wardens wanted a link to the throne in Ferelden."

"Yes, because having Maric's bastard around wouldn't ever be more trouble than he's worth." Wynne shook her head. "That's rather poor logic Leliana."

"I simply don't..." Leliana sighed as Wynne simply looked at her and Morrigan tilted her head wondering what the bard had against Alistair all of the sudden. "I don't think he's as... perfect as everyone else seems to think."

"No one is perfect dear," Wynne said quietly. "But Alistair does his best. He seems to do what he thinks is right. That's all we can really ask."

"He just doesn't seem as capable as the twins," Leliana sounded half defensive and half apologetic to Morrigan's ears. "Look at how he defers to them, and he rarely speaks up and tells us what needs to be done. I think the time we traveled to Ostagar was the first I ever heard him take command and that was hardly difficult."

The dark haired woman slanted a glance at Zevran who was looking more than a little amused and found herself replying to the bard. "I would be the first to call Alistair a fool," She said quietly. "But he is not as simple as he acts. There is a mind hidden beneath the jester's demeanor."

"He does well to hide it," Zevran nodded his agreement. "To be underestimated is the first step to getting under someone's guard."

"As someone who fought at Ostagar I will tell you there was nothing easy about returning there. We found Cailan's body, the Darkspawn had crucified him, stripped him of his armor and exposed him to the elements." Wynne said in her quiet voice.

"It was not easy for any of them," Morrigan agreed. "The twins were highly aware of the fact that were they not Couslands, and Alistair not Cailan's brother, they most likely would have died on the field with all the other Wardens." She shook her head, "It could not have been easy for the Knight, to know how his brother died, and then to see what the Darkspawn had done to show their contempt for his kin and king."

"Speaking of Alistair," Wynne nodded towards the sands. The knight was walking out at Maddie's side, looking huge in his armor compared to her slender form. The two Grey Wardens looked up and found their friends in the audience, Maddie sending them a polite little nod while Alistair winked rougishly. "It seems he is to fight alongside Maddie; this should be interesting."

"It isn't as if they haven't had enough practice," Leliana remarked with a faint sardonic twist of her lips. "They haven't parted since they've met have they?"

Morrigan found herself chuckling through the Proving Master's announcement and shook her head at the bard rather than reply during the match. Her attention was well rewarded as Alistair and Maddie began to fight a group of three. Their fighting styles were highly disparate but somehow they managed to work well together. Alistair had the ability to knock an opponent back three feet with his shield, and when he became engaged with a foe Maddie simply slipped behind the opponent like a tornado of blades. Between the two of them the Grey Wardens managed to defeat all of their opponents in less than five minutes.

Beside her Morrigan was aware of Zevran laughing helplessly and shaking his head. "These poor dwarves, they really have no idea do they?" He chuckled. "They are hopelessly out matched. And this from a people who have more respect for the Wardens than the other races do combined. Why do they continue to face them?"

Oghren chuckled wickedly, "Better to be beaten in battle than to just forfeit." He told the elf, "I made sure I told everyone that the Wardens don't know the meanin' of quit. They just keep comin' until they knock ya down. Made a point of sayin' how they're supportin' Bhelen and how they thought Harrrowmont was hidebound and old fashioned. Harrowmont's supporters and champions fell all over themselves to bet against us."

Morrigan felt her lips stretching into a grin in spite of herself and leant over to look at Leliana. "To answer your question, they've been apart briefly; Maddie was badly wounded at Ostagar as was her twin. Alistair was kept occupied with tasks while the twins healed." She shook her head as she recalled the senior Grey Warden's worry and the extent of the twins injuries. "He was a nervous wreck until they were both up and about."

"And he hasn't let her out of his sight since." Sten rumbled from behind the witch. "I agree that he is a fool but he is a loyal fool. And she has enough sense for both of them."

"Well whenever she's gotten away from him in battle one of them has been wounded." Zevran remarked reasonably.

"They fight better together," Wynne agreed in a quiet tone. Morrigan slanted a look at the circle mage and was surprised to see a contemplative look on her face as she gazed down at Maddie and Alistair. "It is no easy thing, to see death coming for you. And to be so young and have death so close."

Morrigan was surprised to find herself nodding in agreement. "Thirty years is not so very long when one is barely twenty," She murmured.

"One learns to make the most of life," Zevran slanted a grin towards Wynne. "Perhaps you will take my blandishments more seriously now dear lady?"

Morrigan shook her head in mock despair, concealing her smile behind her hand at the assassin's antics, "Inveterate rogue."

"And pleased to be so," The elf swept a bow in the direction of the ladies before the next match began.


	69. 69 Alistair

_A man is walking on the highway_   
_A woman stares out at the sea_   
_And light is only now just breaking_

_So we carry every sadness with us_   
_Every hour our hearts were broken_   
_Every night the fear and darkness_   
_Lay down with us_

Alistair couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief as their small company left the ancient and heavy doors of Orzammar behind them. Zevran chuckled beside him and the knight slanted a look down at the elf. "I'm that obvious?" The ex-templar smiled slightly, "I'd hate for the dwarves to think I found their accomdations or lifestyle lacking."

"I do not think our new dwarven allies care overmuch for the opinion of those who are not dwarves." Zevran grinned. "And to one who knows nothing of your character, your relief would not be readily apparent."

"But you can tell, which means so can Sten and Morrigan and Leliana and Wynne." Alistair sighed and shrugged, fixing his gaze on Maddie's figure ahead of them on the road. "I'm just grateful the Deep Roads didn't cost us more than a bit of blood and a bellyful of nausea."

"Aye," Zevran nodded and Alistair wondered, not for the first time, what the elf really thought of all of them, of their quest. Did the assassin believe in what they were doing? "We were very fortunate that it was not worse, though it seems wrong to say such, after seeing..." The elf shook his head and spread his hands. "And seeing the horde...the arch demon...I cannot fathom the depths of your courage my friend."

"It wasn't as if there was a Blight when I joined," Alistair pointed out a bit uncomfortably. He didn't feel particularly brave or noble. The Grey Wardens had seemed like a better alternative than becoming a Templar. "And I didn't exactly want to stay at the Chantry."

"Maddie did mention that you were given to the Chantry as a child." Zevran nodded his understanding, "I imagine after much of your life spent with the Chant of the Maker ringing in your ears it was a fine thing to be considered for another path."

Alistair chuckled a bit. "I nearly wasn't considered at all." He shook his head. "The head of my order really didn't think much of me, or my sense of humor and wasn't allowing me to compete in the tournament they'd staged to show Duncan the skill of the Templars."

"Then how did you catch Duncan's eye?" Zevran asked curiously. "I cannot imagine you simply walking up to the man and introducing yourself. For a would be king you are rather humble."

Alistair shrugged, "I don't know the specifics," He explained as they walked, "But Duncan asked about me. And he insisted I be allowed to compete in the tournament." The knight smiled slightly as he remembered how excited he'd been to compete. He'd never really been allowed to do anything he really enjoyed for long, even training was only for a specific amount of time.

"So you won the tournament then." Zevran concluded with a grin.

"Not even close," The knight laughed and shook his head. "I won some fights, lost others and did my best to be gracious in either event. I was really enjoying myself, but I never thought I'd be chosen. There were three Templars who were excellent warriors, everyone expected one of them to be chosen for recruitment.

"Then how is it that you were chosen for the Grey Wardens?" The elf looked puzzled and Alistair chuckled.

"That's what everyone else wanted to know too." The Warden shook his head again. "Duncan called me forward and the Knight Commander was pretty shocked, and so was I." Alistair smiled, feeling the sorrow tilt his lips as he recalled the man who'd been more a father to him than any other he'd known. "Duncan told me he hadn't asked for a tournament, and he hadn't offered recruitment as a prize. He came to find a warrior of character. And he had found one."

"Fine words." Zevran said thoughtfully. "He sounds a most interesting man your Duncan." The assassin frowned in consideration and looked at his larger friend. "And the Chantry just let you go?"

"Oh no," Alistair laughed. "The Knight Commander objected, and he sent for the Grand Cleric. She refused to allow my recruitment."

"But you are here no? A Grey Warden." Zevran pointed out the obvious as if to remind the Knight.

"Duncan invoked the Right of Conscription," Alistair grinned. "Which basically says the Wardens can get whoever they want, regardless of their legal or religious standing." Blue eyes twinkled with mischeif. "The Grand Cleric was furious. I'd never seen anyone that angry who didn't curse. The Blessing she gave us when we left could have curdled milk."

"That would have been a sight to see." The assassin laughed. "But now you are a Grey Warden, and have two others to aid you in ending the Blight as well as the motley crew you have gathered."

"Speaking of motley... I've been meaning to ask you something." Alistair looked at the ex-Crow. "The stories we hear down here about the Crows... they're not true, are they? They all sound a little far-fetched."

The elf laughed and shook his head. "I cannot say. What have you heard?" His expression was the epitome of mischief as he looked at Alistair. "In Antiva, we hear that Fereldan men cannot sleep without a dog in their bed. Is that true?"

"A dog?" Alistair shook his head. "You know that isn't accurate. We value our dogs, its part of our history."

"Oh. Perhaps it was simply a reference to your Fereldan women, then?" The assassin chuckled. "Though I would never say as much within your lady's hearing."

Alistair laughed, "Well, now that you mention it..." He shook his head. "There might be some truth to it, with some women anyway."

Zevran laughed appreciatively. "But those stories you heard? All true."

"Really?" Curiously the Grey Warden lowered his voice. "Even the ones that talk about how you all... you know... get paid to..."

His friend shook his head still chuckling, his expression. "Especially those ones."

"Wow." The Knight shook his head in chagrin. "I am totally in the wrong order."

"I do not think you are," Zevran smiled as he looked from Alistair to Maddie's distant figure and back to Alistair. "You are exactly where you should be. Even if you feel out of place from time to time."

"Try all the time." Alistair groaned. "Being a bastard literally means you have no place anywhere."

"I think you are fine where you are," Zevran pointed out. "After all, do you not have the lovely Maddie as your lady? She, the paragon of beauty and grace, is in love with you. You must be doing something right."

"And if I figure out what it is I'll keep doing it." Alistair smiled as Maddie began moving towards them.

"Ah," The elf grinned. "I do not think this will be a problem for you." He pointed towards Maddie, "She sees what you do not." Alistair couldn't help but grin as Maddie jogged back towards them, bouncing on her toes to plant a kiss on his lips before she hurried to the back of the group. Zevran shook his head and gave the knight a little salute. "And this is my cue to go forward. Pray we meet no enemies on the road."

"Fervently." Alistair chuckled as he took another look at their surroundings. The roads through the mountains were rife with possibilities for ambush.

"You do well to examine your surroundings." Sten remarked as he took Zevran's place beside Alistair.

"You're talking to me? Voluntarily I mean?" The knight blinked. "Are you feeling well? Perhaps you're sugar deprived?"

"I do not know 'sugar deprived' but I am well enough." Sten replied in his usual grave tone. "I thought to walk here so that we might speak."

"And what did you wish to speak about?" Alistair wasn't entirely certain the Qunari seeking him out was a good thing. Sten had never seemed to approve of him.

"You did not speak against your fellow Wardens for seeking my sword, though it went contrary to your quest." Sten stated.

"No…" Alistair shook his head. "Probably because I agreed with them. We need everyone at full strength. If you don't fight as well with another blade then you're not at full strength. Besides we stopped in Denerim to help Leliana and in the forest with an errand for Wynne. It seemed unfair to not retrieve your sword if we could."

"As the senior Grey Warden I would have thought your only concern be the Blight." The Qunari's voice was toneless for all its rumbling sound.

"It is. And you having your sword means we have a better chance of defeating the Arch Demon, thus the Blight." Alistair sighed wondering how many other ways he'd have to say it.

"It was not because you wished to avoid arguing with your fellow Grey Wardens?" Sten shot him a sharp glance that Alistair felt in his belly.

"Arguing with the twins is futile to begin with and arguing pointlessly is the epitome of futility." Alistair kept his tone deliberately cheerful. "Why would I quarrel about it?" He was unprepared for Sten to nearly growl out his next words.

"Draw your weapon."

The knight nearly sighed, what was going on in the Qunari's head now? "Are you talking to me?"

Sten eyed him darkly. "Your weapon. Draw it."

Alistair rolled his eyes. "Why? Are we under attack?" He looked at the surrounding mountains and the incline near the road to be certain there was no ambush lying in wait.

"I want to see what you can do." Violet eyes were black and unreadable as they stared down at him and Alistair nearly rolled his eyes again.

"You want to fight me?" He confirmed wondering just what Sten's point was. "Just like that?"

"You are a Grey Warden." Sten informed him. "How are you going to face an archdemon if you cannot face me?"

Alistair kept a grin off his face, barely, but it was hard to keep it out of his voice. "It is a mystery, I'll admit." Privately he thought arguing with Maddie was far more frightening than Sten, and Maddie didn't even have to draw her blades to scare him. She just had to glare with suddenly cold grey eyes and he got chills of trepidation.

"I should let your weakness damn us all?" Sten's voice was a growl of displeasure. "Draw your sword. I'll try not to injure you permanently."

The knight felt irritation tense his muscles and shook his head in an effort to throw it off, simultaneously denying Sten's demand. "I don't have to prove anything to you. Forget it." He fixed his eyes on Zevran's back for a moment and then scanned the road and their surroundings once again.

"So you do have a spine." The Qunari sounded as if he approved, but only slightly. "Pity you don't use it." He added derisively.

"Sten it takes more willpower to stand up to someone you know is wrong than to go along with the crowd." Alistair retorted before he could stop himself. "I've been doing that since my early days in the Chantry. Just because I don't argue for the sake of argument or make impossible demands doesn't mean I don't have a will of my own."

"And yet you allow others to lead when you are elder and senior to them." Sten, in contrast to Alistair's now heated tone, seemed utterly calm.

"I had to learn didn't I?" Alistair took a deep breath and let it out, using his Templar training to regain the calm he'd lost. "The twins have been trained to lead all their lives. I had not. I thought it better to learn, to observe, rather than assume command that might lead us to disaster."

"But you still have not taken command, and it has the better part of a year since Lothering." The Qunari pointed out

"The three of us make decisions." The knight said simply. "And if we argue, well, its bad form to argue in front of those who are supposed to follow. I was taught that leaders always present a united front to their men."

"That is not an ill thought." Sten admitted. "I will watch you more carefully than I have. I have seen your fellow Grey Wardens assume leadership, but you who are to be king had not done so."

"That's also my idea." Alistair said quietly. "Loghain wants us all dead. He wants me especially dead because of my father. We don't want to trumpet it through every town and countryside that we're the Grey Wardens and I'm the next king. We especially don't want Loghain to think I can lead. It's a great way to get killed."

"That smacks of cowardice." The huge warrior remarked reprovingly.

"I think it's practical." The knight rolled his eyes. "The fewer people who know who and where we are, the less likely we are all to be harmed. I don't see bravery in fighting constant battles and risking our lives and the failure of our quest when stealth and discretion can aid us in avoiding both."

"It is not a tactic Qunari know well." Sten acknowledged the fact reluctantly. "Very rarely are we given reason or the ability to sneak up on an enemy."

"Dreadnoughts and exploding powder do tend to draw attention." Alistair chuckled. "I'm going to talk with Cogburn for a bit. I want an idea of how far he wants to push tonight." He waited until Sten nodded before dropping back to speak with the male Cousland.

* * *

 

The conversation with Cogburn hadn't gone as well as Alistair had hoped, they'd finally decided to cover their normal amount of ground rather than push harder or farther. Arriving halfway through the day at Redcliffe was something Cogburn found preferable to pushing hard and arriving a day early but in the late evening.

"We're going to lose a day while the household packs up anyway," Cogburn argued. "We have to deal with the Teagan and Eamon at some point, why do it when we're exhausted and liable to be tripped up."

"I was hoping if we arrived in the evening the next day would be spent packing and we'd be traveling the day after." Alistair explained as Maddie joined the two of them. "If we're packing we can't be talked to."

"You don't really think Eamon and Teagan or Isolde will be packing their own things?" Maddie asked curiously. "Love, the servants will be doing the packing. I doubt they'll even bother the family overmuch. Isolde doesn't strike me as someone who takes an active hand in running the household."

Alistair enjoyed the warmth that shot through him at the sweet sound of Maddie calling him love and smiled slightly. "So what you're saying is that Eamon will expect us to be able to talk politics with him while everyone else packs."

"Most likely," Cogburn shot him a sympathetic look. "I'll try to take the brunt of that. Maddie is more experienced at moving a household and she'll be able to offer her help. You can try to stick with her or with Zevran or Wynne, maybe checking on supplies in the village."

"Speaking of supplies," Alistair prepared himself for the argument he knew would come. "You two need to replenish your personal supplies."

Cogburn gave him a blank look, while Maddie pressed her lips together, a mulish expression on her face. "We're fine," She said quietly.

"I gave all my coin to Oghren so he could bet on us in the Provings." Alistair kept his voice low. "We have enough in the groups fund for supplies and weapons. We should be able to get good prices in Redcliffe."

"We can't spare the coin." Maddie argued with a shake of her head.

"No, we can't afford to have the two of you look as if you're dressing from the Chantry rag bin when you're not in armor." Alistair retorted. "Before we even set foot in Redcliffe castle we're going to the general store in the village and getting the two of you clothes." His sweetheart frowned dangerously and Alistair felt his stomach clench. It was for her own good, he reminded himself and continued. "How will it look to the nobles in Denerim if you're both running around with threadbare breeches and tunics beneath your armor?" He cajoled.

"Maddie," Cogburn sighed, "If we have the coin…" He looked at his twin. "Isolde and Teagan can lend us clothing for any important event where we can't wear armor, but regular clothing…you know neither of them will have anything appropriate."

"Another set for each of us then, to wear in Denerim." Maddie agreed a bit grudgingly.

"Two sets, three if they're cheap." Alistair pressed. "What you're wearing is past mending if a blade gets past your armor. You need clothes. I'm a Chantry bastard and I'm better equipped than the two of you."

Cogburn groaned. "You're not letting this go are you?" He cast a look at Maddie and rolled his eyes. "You two fight this out, I'll abide by whatever you decide."

Alistair felt his stomach sink as Maddie looked at him, her expression was unreadable, that cool composed mask he hated to see on her face. "Don't look at me like that love," he muttered. "I only want what's best for you. We're all armored up, weapons primed…and what would you rather ask Eamon for? Weapons, armor? Or would you rather admit your smalls are ready to come apart?" He lowered his voice to a near whisper as he added the last, a blush heating his ears.

Her eyes were still unfathomable even as her cheeks pinkened at his words. "I'd rather confess to needing new armor rather than tell Isolde my underthings are in tatters." She sighed and Alistair knew she begrudged those words like a miser begrudged coin. "But I don't like it."

"How do you think I felt when I realized my Lady and her twin had less clothing than the penniless bastard?" Alistair replied. "I felt shamed I'd thought nothing of what you were wearing."

"You were glad enough to see me out of my clothes." Maddie teased him, her lips twitching slightly as humor caught up to her.

"And if I'd done as I'd dreamed of for months and torn your smalls off you?" He retorted keeping his voice low, "What would we have done then?"

"Gone without I suppose," She blushed and then tried to shrug off her discomfort.

Alistair groaned slightly. "We'd have gone broke providing bandages and potions I'd have been so distracted in battle." The groan turned into a chuckle and he shook his head. "But you see my point love?" He wished suddenly they were sitting by the fire so he could touch her braids and face and pet her into agreeing with him. But then she'd be able to do the same to him and he was very persuadable when Maddie was touching him.

"I do, it just…hurts my pride." Maddie admitted. "Of which I have an abundance."

"I know what you mean," Alistair smiled at her hopefully. "But at least it's money that we all earned, fighting the Provings, it's not like its charity."

She smiled up at him, her composed mask cracking and nudged him with her shoulder. "I know. And I promise if the price is good, we'll get at least three sets for twin and I."

"I'm going to hold you to that love," He smiled at her. "I can share my things with Cogburn but they'd be too large for you."

"Your clothes are nearly too large for my twin," Maddie chuckled. "I'd drown in them.

* * *

 

Making camp in the mountains was never something Alistair enjoyed. Ferelden's cold was increased to near pain and game was scarce. Rooster had caught a few hares and a squirrel but they wouldn't go far, especially given the Mabari's need for meat. Alistair dug through their supplies and regarded the barley doubtfully.

"Difficulties my friend?" Zevran asked, taking a seat closer to the fire than usual and pulling out his whetstone.

"Rooster brought in some game but it won't go far," Alistair admitted his concern. "We've some waybread and barley as well as dried peas and oats but…"

"Exactly, we are less well provisioned than you like." The elf nodded his understanding. "Maddie or Morrigan are needed to determine our meal for the evening, yes?"

"It's beyond my skill to come up with something that will satisfy hunger and not use all of our supplies." Alistair sighed. "Cogburn and Leliana were trying to come up with a bit more meat, so we've got some time…I just hate to bother Maddie with it. She's got enough on her mind."

"Shall I inquire of Morrigan?" Zevran asked, his eyes scanning the camp for the witch.

"Not yet…" The knight paused a moment. "I want to run something by you."

"Have at it then," Invited the assassin as he turned his gaze on the would be king.

"You know about Flemeth, what we've said we'll do," Alistair asked cautiously.

"The old woman's intentions for Morrigan, yes, I had gathered as much." Zevran nodded soberly.

"Flemeth can change into a dragon." Alistair began to skin the rabbits to keep his hands busy, his eyes moving from his work to Zevran's face. The elf's expression was a study of shock beneath a veneer of nonchalance. "I know, formidable right?" The knight rolled his eyes. "So I was thinking we need to go past the route to Haven in order to get to Redcliffe…"

"And Haven has a dragon." Zevran stated simply, his slightly wild eyes belying the calm of his words.

"Exactly." Alistair nodded, "So why not use that dragon for practice so we're more prepared when we go after Flemeth."

"Alistair, you are my friend," Zevran began with a shake of his head, "And I regard you, especially given your pursuit of the amazing Lady Madelaina, as one of the bravest of men. But I do wonder if you have been hit on the head a few too many times when you phrase attacking a dragon as 'practice'."

Alistair laughed, shaking his head. "It does sound ridiculous, stupidly courageous, when you put it like that," He admitted. "But we can't just go after Flemeth cold. And we didn't kill every man, woman and child in Haven. If we leave the dragon unmolested they'll just start that damn cult up again."

"You have a fair point there." Zevran admitted.

"A more than fair point," Sten agreed coming towards the fire. "I had wondered at the time why you Wardens had left an enemy unharmed. It makes sense to deal with the dragon now, rather then after the Blight is gone."

"And you know Haven won't exactly send a militia to help with the Blight anyway." Alistair nodded, "They'll just hole up in those mountains and attack any pilgrims that want to see Andraste's ashes."

"Better they are given no excuse," Sten nodded his understanding. "Take away the dragon and their cult is destroyed as well."

"Well that's what I'm hoping." The knight rolled his eyes. "As it is I'll have to make certain that cult is uprooted completely before its safe for pilgrimages. We'll have to mount a contingent of the guard in Haven otherwise."

"What's this about that cesspool of maniacs in the mountains?" Maddie asked as she and Morrigan approached the fire. Wynne and Oghren followed behind them, everyone drawing closer to the flames in an effort to gain some warmth.

"Ah, your gallant knight has determined that it is best to practice killing dragons on the creature at Haven before we all go off to destroy Flemeth." Zevran informed the pretty rogue with a wicked grin.

"Practice on the dragon at Haven…" Maddie tilted her head thoughtfully. "Kill it, go to Redcliffe and then head south along the way to Denerim to kill Flemeth?" She sat down and reached for the stewpot and the waterskins, her hands busily filling the pot with items for rabbit stew as she thought. "I suppose since the Archdemon takes the form of a dragon that Flemeth could be argued as practice for that."

Alistair chuckled. "Let's not drop that little tidbit when we're fighting Flemeth. The woman would kill us out of sheer irritation at the thought of being mere 'practice' for anything."

"You are not wrong in that." Morrigan put in dryly, sorting through the herbs she'd gathered and handing Maddie several plants she'd deemed edible.

"Then we've decided?" Alistair blinked in surprise that no one really was arguing with him. "Usually I get a lot more arguing about my ideas. I still say cheese stew is a keeper." Everyone groaned at that and he chuckled. "Fine, but you're missing a rare treat."

"Why would we argue with you when you're right?" Maddie laughed a little as she threw barley into the stewpot. "If you had started saying we should cross the sea and seek allies in the Free Marches you'd probably get a quarrel. But not over this."

"What are we not arguing about now?" Cogburn, followed by Leliana and Rooster had reentered the camp, a couple of rabbits in his hand.

The two were told of Alistair's idea, Leliana wasn't as supportive but even she could see the reasoning behind killing the dragon. Alistair grinned and began skinning the rest of the rabbits. "If you can find anymore, we're going to be moving on in the morning, there's no risk of overhunting the area." He suggested. "Our supplies are low and we'll have to visit the store in Haven as it is."

Cogburn sighed but gestured to Leliana and Rooster, "All right but we'd better build up the fire, it is damn cold up here. And if we're going hunting half the night I want to be warm when I finally get back." He didn't quite stomp off into the woods but irritation was in every line of his body. Rooster was bouncing happily alongside him while Leliana was simply resigned.

Alistair shrugged and began to gather more wood, Zevran joining him as they looked for deadfalls. The Grey Warden knew he was in for one of Zevran's little chats when the elf's eyes began to twinkle mischeivously. "You know, Alistair, Antiva has a long tradition of royal bastards."

Alistair refrained from sighing. He was in for it now. "You don't say?"

The elf nodded enthusiastically, "Oh, yes. They've led wars to claim the throne. Some of them have become kings. In fact, I'd say the current royal line in Antiva stems from bastard blood several times over."

"Well aren't you just chock full of useless trivia today," Alistair chuckled.

Zevran nodded, "Sadly, whenever a royal bastard rears their head in public and declares themselves, it often goes poorly for them."

Alistair looked at him around the armful of wood they'd gathered. "Let me guess: they get assassinated?"

"Only the very popular ones," Zevran answered cheerfully.

"And the unpopular ones?" Alistair dumped the armload down by the fire and headed back for more.

"Well, they get by somehow, I'm sure," The elf thought for a moment as he began to gather wood, stacking it in Alistair's arms. "There was one fellow who did quite well working as a prostitute based on his uncanny resemblance to the king. Charged a fortune."

"Couldn't afford him, I take it?" The Grey Warden teased.

Zevran chuckled wickedly, "That cynicism will serve you well, my friend. Hold onto it."

They made another trip back to the fire where Maddie and Morrigan were working on the stew. Wynne had enlisted Sten to help her with the tents while Oghren built up the fire a bit more, organizing their woodpiles with Shale's help.

"So what do you have to say about me becoming king?" Alistair asked Zevran as they made one final trip back to the deadfall. "I suppose you don't care?"

"No, no, I think it is quite marvelous," Zevran shook his head, his lips twitching in amusement. "A most unusual way to pick a king, however."

"Unusual?" Alistair considered that for a moment as Zevran began to load him up with wood again. "I guess it was a bit... unorthodox, even by our standards." He conceded with a wry grin. "Why? How does a king get picked in Antiva?"

"Oh, he or she is elected, of course. Provided they make it to the election without being first assassinated," The elf explained.

"Yes, from what you said that seems to happen a lot there." Alistair shook his head. "Makes me wonder why anyone would even want to be king."

The assassin nodded his understanding, "It is considered a very brave and impressive thing to attempt to become king of Antiva. Sometimes nobody steps forward at all, sadly."

"And what happens then?" Alistair asked as Zevran piled more wood into his arms before they headed back to the fire.

"Why, we start assassinating those who we think should run until someone does." Zevran's laugh was wicked. "Never let it be said that the Crows are not patriots."

"Maker forfend," Alistair agreed drily as he dumped the wood into the pile. "Zevran, you understand that you are my friend, and I mean no offense right?"

"Alistair, you are my friend and I know you mean no offense," The elf agreed.

"Oh good," The knight sighed as he sat down. "I love you like a brother, but I never want to live in Antiva. Because your politics make my head spin."

The assassin shook his head with a chuckle and began to remove his armor. "You are like a brother to me as well Alistair. And I doubt you will ever have to live in Antiva. Lady Maddie wouldn't tolerate our nonsense for a moment."

"That I would not." Maddie told them, "Now go and wash up."

Zevran shook his head as Alistair rose and extended a hand to help him up. "You are one of the most dangerous men around, yet a woman half your size orders you around."

"Yes Zevran," Alistair told his friend in the reasonably obvious tone he could manage. "I'm in love and I'm completely whipped, to use one of Cogburn's terms." Zevran was chuckling as they walked towards the buckets designated for washing. The knight grinned at him, "So what would your excuse be?"

The elf stopped mid chortle and then began laughing again, "I am deathly afraid of your lady." Zevran grinned, "I fear her wrath should I return for dinner with dirt on my face and hands."

"Smart man." Alistair grinned. "Very smart man."


	70. 70 Maddie

_I remember clearly how you looked the night we met_   
_I recall your laughter and your smile_   
_I remember how you made me feel so at ease_   
_I remember all your grace and your style_   
_And now you're all I long to see_   
_You've come to mean so much to me._

Maddie looked at Alistair across the fire and grinned. She would never have thought a year ago that they would have been able to defeat Flemeth. But they'd managed it. Morrigan had been forced to remain behind in camp for fear that her mother would posess her if Flemeth died with her daughter nearby. Zevran had suggested that he remain behind in case of an attack, Morrigan would have at least one sword beside her.

The witch had been grateful though she'd hidden it well. When they returned from destroying Flemeth Morrigan had a full meal prepared for them, the tents were set up and water for washing was ready. Zevran had been lazily sharpening his daggers by the fire, watching the stew bubble when they walked into camp. Cogburn and Maddie's sharp ears had caught the sound of Morrigan's worried muttering and the male Cousland had grinned as he strode forward. Maddie had a moment to reflect it was a good thing Cogburn had gotten stronger in the past year or he might have fallen backwards when Morrigan nearly threw herself into his arms.

Alistair had chuckled a bit and commented that apparently absence really did make the heart grow fonder. Looking at Maddie he'd teased, "So if I went away and fought a dragon for your sake would you throw yourself at me love?"

She grinned at him, "If you want me to throw myself at you Alistair, all you have to do is smile at me." She felt herself blushing slightly at the truth of her words and was pleased to Alistair's ears redden a bit as well.

"Ah, well, I'll try not to smile to often then," He joked, "I wouldn't want to distract you too much."

"Maybe I should walk behind you more often then," Maddie wondered keeping her voice low, "So you aren't distracted by my...hips?"

Her lover's ears darkened with heat and he slipped an arm around her waist. "Your hips are the only thing that makes the road bearable," He murmured in her ear, his voice fervent despite his blushing. "What would I do if I couldn't watch you walk in front of me and contemplate what we can do our next night together?"

Zevran had stolen up alongside them, doubtless at first to greet them, but now took the opportunity to tease his friends, "Perhaps you might not be so surprised when we are attacked by bandits?" He suggested merrily.

Alistair blushed bright red, stuttering a bit and Maddie giggled through her own chagrin, "Perhaps if our scouts had their minds on their surroundings our surprise would be less?" She asked, her blush rivaling Alistairs.

"I am wounded, deeply, terribly wounded that you would accuse me of negligence in my scouting duties," Zevran affected a hurt expression belied by his dancing eyes.

"I'll deeply wound you if you don't let me sit down and have something to eat," Alistair made the threat mockingly, not letting go of Maddie's waist. She had to admit, it felt good to have Alistair steadfast in his affection even when they were both discomfited by their situation. They'd finally been able to sit down and eat, Zevran bowing them over to the fire in a hilarious parody of a society hostess.

They'd actually done it, Maddie mused to herself, they'd killed two dragons, one of them a witch of legend. Morrigan was safe and seemed extremely relieved if her relaxed expression was any indication. Of course now they had no choice but to go back to Redcliffe. Ultimately it had been decided that Alistair's plan had merit but that leaving the Arl's party once the Landsmeet had been called would be near suicidal in stupidity. Bad enough they'd be openly challenging Loghain with Alistair as the potential king. To do so and then split away from Eamon and his group while traveling would be a blatant invitation for Loghain's men to ambush them on the road. And with the power of the throne behind him, the force the Regent could muster might just overpower them. No one relished the thought of that so they'd dealt with Flemeth and now would go to Redcliffe.

Alistair caught her eye across the fire and nodded towards their tent with a questioning expression. Maddie found herself nodding gratefully. They didn't have a full night together but what time they did have could at least be spent in each other's arms. Excusing herself from the conversation she rose and left the circle of firelight, entering the tent with a sigh of relief at the thought of removing her armor.

Alistair joined her after a little bit, his hand on the canvas flap making an odd scratching noise that was his version of a polite knock, before he entered at her invitation. He still did it no matter how often they spent the night together, as if he understood there were times she wished to be alone. Maddie looked at him with a smile in the dim light of the tent and wondered why he looked so awkward. "Alistair?" She murmured, "Is everything all right?"

"Nothing's wrong," Alistair shook his head and moved to help her take off her armor, "I just...our conversation earlier, I didn't...I mean," He sighed. "How you all expect me to be king when I can barely articulate my thoughts..."

"You articulate just fine," Maddie smiled at him and began to help him out of the plate armor. "Just tell me what's on your mind my knight."

His smile when she called him that never failed to brighten his face. "I, well I might have given you the impression earlier that I find you beautiful." He began a bit nervously.

Maddie sent him a narrow eyed look and wondered if she'd be sleeping alone tonight after all. This wasn't the most auspicious way to begin a conversation. "You don't?" She kept her voice mild. Talks with Alistair tended to wind about until he got to what he needed to say.

"Maker no!" He shook his head in frustration, "I mean yes I do, you're..." He gestured with his hands towards her shape and face, "You're perfect. I've never seen a woman more..." His eyes swept over her threadbare tunic and breeches.

"So you do think I'm pretty," Maddie clarified. Honestly, she loved the man, but he was very confusing sometimes, "But too distracting?"

"That isn't it, even though Andraste's Grace you are very distracting," Alistair shook his head as he pulled off his tunic and began to unlace the front of her own tunic carefully. "I just may have given you the idea earlier that your beauty is all I think on."

Maddie looked up at him, his hands on her body sending tendrils of heat through her belly, "I don't mind you thinking of me in that way," She smiled hopefully up at him. "I find you in my thoughts quite a bit; you seem to dwell there more often than anyone else of my aquaintance."

"I'm glad of that," Alistair's hands were trembling a bit as he eased the tunic off her and slid his fingers down to the waist of her breeches. "But you're...you're more than simply the most beautiful woman I know Maddie," He knelt and tugged the breeches down, helping her step out of them. "Without your spirit, your courage and intelligence...that way you have of hiding everything you worry on until I nag it out of you, or your sense of humor, making me laugh...even the way you and Zevran chuckle over daggers and poisons..." He tugged her smalls off of her and pressed a kiss to her belly.

Maddie's breath came in a sharp gasp as his lips touched her skin and she fumbled the ties on her breast band, finally dragging it off. "I think about you too love," She tried to reciprocate but lost track of her words as his mouth moved to the silver curls between her thighs.

"I'm terrified something will happen to you," Alistair confessed as he pressed kisses to the silver curls. "I worry you're too cold, or hungry. I don't ever want to face a day when you aren't at my side." He looked up at her. "And all I can think of when we're on the road is being with you. What this would be like without you. I can't imagine doing this with only Cogburn."

"Neither can I," Maddie's voice was both amused and breathless as she contrasted what Alistair was doing with her compared to what he might do with Cogburn. She grinned down at Alistair and was rewarded with a huge laugh.

"You're an evil wicked woman," He declared still chuckling, "But I know how to render you speechless my love." His hands slid her legs apart before cupping her backside, his tongue sliding between her nether lips in an intimate kiss. Maddie felt her knees sag and shuddered under his mouth, caressing and suckling so hotly between her thighs.

A cry escaped her lips before she stifled herself and stuffed a fist in her mouth to keep from screaming as Alistair's tongue prodded and lashed her towards a storm of pleasure that swept over her body without warning. She would have fallen but for the strength in his arms and hands, holding her up to his mouth as if she weighed no more than his blade or shield. "Alistair," She moaned his name around her knuckles and was rewarded with a chuckle of delight as he carefully laid her on the bedding.

"My lady," He discarded his trous and smalls, his huge body covering hers, "Madelaina," Alistair's hands cupped her breasts, holding them to his mouth as his hips pinned hers to the bedroll.

Maddie moaned and shuddered under his mouth, her hands clutching at his shoulders, "Alistair," She nearly moaned his name, her voice low and desperate, "Please, kiss me." His grin was a teasing tilt of his lips as he seemed to surge up her body, his mouth coming down on hers in a forceful hot kiss that seared through her before he drew back to press tiny sinfully good kisses to her neck, murmuring his intentions for her as he did so. "Alistair...if I concede that I am yours...will you please have me?" She nearly begged, feeling his body, hard and rampant, pressing against her mound and sliding against her curls.

"Oh you're mine Madelaina Cousland of the Grey Wardens," Alistair's bright eyes were gleaming with fervor as he stared down at her and finally allowed his body to seek and find her sheath, pressing up inside her with determined possession, a groan of satisfaction spilling from his lips as he took what he needed so badly. "I don't think I could ever be without you now." He bent his head to hers and kissed her again, passionate and gentle in such contrast to his hands hard on her hips and his body pressing hers to mad need and ecstasy.

Maddie couldn't think anymore, couldn't concentrate on anything but Alistair. His mouth was on hers, nipping and teasing her lips, moving to her neck and pressing there, breathing harshly as his heart pounded with exertion. One hand moved from her hips, to slide up her back, arching her body up to his, her breasts pressing against his chest in a pressure unbearable with pleasure. It was as if he was determined to put his mark on her, to claim her completely, as if he feared losing her and this was his method of making sure she knew... Alistairs body surged into hers, his hips twisting slightly, his cock deep inside her, pressing... "Maker's balls," She cursed low in her throat as her body seemed to split with bliss, hot waves of pleasure boiling through her as she spasmed around him, her voice nearly gone with it as she moaned his name, "Alistair!"

His mouth fused to hers as his hips slammed into hers one last time, his seed erupting into her, a wave of sensation flooding her body, igniting nerve endings she'd thought were dead and forcing her to endure another storm of fire through her blood, helpless with delight under him as his cry of her name echoed in her mouth and rang through her skull. She slid her hands up his back, cradling his body to hers, feeling his heart still pounding, the throb of it a beat against her flesh. "Love," She whispered, "My love, my knight, are you well?" Worry twisted in her belly, he didn't often become dominant with her, seemed to like that they were partners in bed as everywhere else.

"Today, fighting Flemeth," Alistair's voice was low and he'd taken some time to respond to her question, "She, her claws...barely missed you." He kissed her neck, propping himself up on his elbows to look down at her, one hand positioned to play with an unwinding braid. "Her tail came down an inch away from where you'd rolled, nearly broke your spine..." He kissed her harder, his mouth urgent and passionate. "I nearly lost you today Maddie...when that happens..." His possessive kiss was proof of how he reacted when that happened.

"She spouted fire at you," Maddie remembered. "Were it not for Wynne's magic," She returned his kiss, just as demanding as she recalled the many near misses of the battle. "Your armor has a dent from her teeth."

Alistair rolled her over to ride him, his hands still firm on her hips as he proved the tales of Grey Warden stamina weren't merely tales. "The drakeskin armor kept you from being lit on fire," He impaled her on his cock and groaned as she ground down onto him.

"You were nearly crushed when she landed almost on top of you," Maddie told him and let her hands tug at his nipples, flexing over his chest.

"Maker help me Madelaina," Alistair groaned as he thrust up into her again. "If you ever die...I will go to the Golden City to bring you back to me. " He pulled her body down to his and held her against him, thrusting into her as hard as he could the cries of need from her lips like music until she screamed his name as she came around him. A moment later he was near shouting her name into her neck as he filled her with his seed again.

"Well that certainly tells me," Maddie giggled weakly into his neck and pressed her lips to his pulse. "Do you feel a little better love?"

"Hmm..." Alistair's hands slipped into her hair, spreading the soft stuff through his fingers. "A bit." He groaned as he shifted on the bedroll. "I'll be glad when we get to Eamon's, if only to be in a bed for one night."

"Oh yes," Maddie agreed though part of her was extremely reluctant to go anywhere near Redcliffe. "We'll start the journey there tomorrow morning."

"Won't that be fun." Alistair quipped, kissing her forehead affectionately. His voice grew teasing as he spoke again, "I'm wondering something. I'd like to know your thoughts about some of our…traveling companions. Do you mind if I ask?"

Maddie giggled. Since neither she nor Alistair slept well these days they often whiled away their hours with loving or talking. It had become one more way in which they were close, teasing each other about their companions. "Time for the juicy gossip, I take it?"

His chuckle was wicked, "I've got this nefarious plan to go around to each of them and secretly tell them all the nasty things you said. That' way they'll all mutiny and I shall become the group leader!"

"Very cute, from the man who's resisted responsibility for our motley crew for so long," Maddie teased. "So you know, I'm laughing at you, not with you."

"Ouch. Now I'm wounded," He mock whined as Alistair wrapped her more tightly in his arms. "Look at me, bleeding all over the place." His kiss on her forehead belied his next words, "You're just not very nice, are you? Seriously though, I'm only curious. I've had enough time to form my own opinions and I just want to see if yours are any different." He looked down at her adoringly, "We've talked on this a bit, and you know how I feel about most of our companions.

She nodded, "Only if you tell me your opinion as well." Maddie chuckled, "Honest reactions mind you."

"Just try and stop me," The knight smoothed a hand down her back, "Lets see…where should I begin. Zevran. Did you trust him from the beginning? Did you believe his vow?"

Maddie thought for a moment, "I saw in Zevran a spirit kindred to mine." She said finally. "I didn't trust him wholly, not right away, but after a time as you know, I trusted him fully. He and I come from similar circumstance thought different backgrounds. Caged and taught to sing, only free through heartache and the possibility of death."

"I know why you trust him, and I do as well," Alistair mused, "From an outsiders perspective that's a lot of trust to put in someone who tried to kill us."

She shrugged against him, enjoying the way his breath caught as her body moved against him, "It is, but you and I know he won't try it again. We've given him a reason for existence, friendship of a truer sort than he's known before."

Alistair pressed a kiss to her forehead, "That's very trusting of us." He grinned slightly, "And since I'm not an outsider I know you have your reasons." His teasing voice faded and a frown took its place. "I'll admit to some concern still with this next question. What about Sten? The way he looks at me with those eyes…creepy. And he's so quiet for someone so big. Not to mention him flat out saying the Qunari would return as honor demanded."

Maddie nodded, "I agree. The Qunari are unsettling." She shook her head, "I think Sten is loyal to us, to our cause, and he finds us personally worthy of respect. But he's one Qunari. His way of life, his way of thinking, is completely unlike ours."

"Hmmm," Alistair made a humming noise in his throat as he thought, "Yet he doesn't seem quite so bad as the Chantry tells us. According to them his philosophy is vile and evil, yet he seems so reasonable. And yet he killed all those people. He doesn't even deny it. Doesn't that bother you? I'll admit sometimes it bothers me, though I understand how greif can make a person do terrible things."

"He seems to regret what he did," Maddie knew her voice sounded careful. "I'm just..." She shook her head unable to explain it.

"I think the problem you and I have is that we're not so sure that his regret means the same as it would for us. The Qunari sense of honor is…a bit hard to grasp. For me, anyway," The knight shook his head. "Let's hope he finds no reason to tell his Arashok that What about Leliana? Is she crazy? Or do you really believe in her vision?"

Maddie shook her head slowly, thinking that one over, "I believe that she believes in her vision. But I also know the Chantry tells us the Maker abandoned us after the Imperium despoiled the Golden City. So her vision couldn't be from the Maker. If she find meaning and faith in a dream I won't gainsay her but I don't believe in it myself."

"That's one way to put it," Alistair agreed thoughtfully. "I don't know what to make of her. If you look at her when she doesn't see you, she just looks so…so sad. I almost feel guilty taking her away from her life. But then she does things like sleep with your twin and try to seduce you and I think she's not quite as innocent as she makes herself out to be."

"It was her choice to accompany us," Maddie pointed out after a moment. "And her choice to have sex with Cogburn and attempt to seduce me. And it's her choice as to how she deals with those decisions. She's a valuable asset to our cause but I find her motives suspect at times. She's a little too Orlesian for me, despite being born in Ferelden."

"Yes, I know," Alistair chuckled slightly. "Sometimes I do feel badly for her, that sorrow I see in her, but alternately there are times I want to slap her." He looked down at Maddie, blue eyes twinkling mischeivously and she knew he was going to say something deliberately outrageous. "Morrigan, do you trust her? Think about it…maybe Flemeth sent her with us for some other reason than she said."

Maddie laughed and shook her head responding in just as mocking a tone, "You really don't like each other, do you?"

"Well aside from the fact that she's a complete and utter bitch, no…I don't like her at all," He was practically chortling with laughter and trying to keep a straight face. "Why? Do you?"

Maddie nodded giggling uncontrollably, "I like her just fine."

"Great," Alistair drawled, "I am thrilled beyond words. No, really." He shook his head, "In spite of my earlier reservations, Morrigan is proving to be a good friend to you. And surprisingly, or not depending on perspective, a good one to me as well. She's awkward at times, in situations she doesn't understand and I know how that feels. But she cares about you and Cogburn. I think she might love him if she didn't believe love was a weakness."

"Hmm..." Maddie sighed against his skin. "Weakness or not, she loves him. It's not an easy thing to hide. I would know...I loved you for so long and tried not to show it."

"You did very well at it," Alistair tugged a blanket up over her shoulders tenderly. "I was so grateful when you let me kiss you when you told me you loved me. I loved you since I saw you." He kissed her forehead and smoothed down her hair, "Let's get some rest. Tomorrow will be long."

* * *

 

The journey was not fun, arrival was much less so, considering Isolde and Eamon and Teagan were not at all changed, though they were pleased to hear the allies had been gathered. Arrangements were made for the companions to stay until everyone was packed up and ready to journey to Denerim. Maddie took Alistair down to the village for supplies and allowed him to find clothing for she and Cogburn. Maddie regarded the simple trews and tunics and took a deep breath. "Alistair...are you-" She began.

"Certain you need these things?" Alistair's voice was barely a murmur. His eyes met hers firmly and she sighed. The clothes she wore came from Highever, they were the last of her things from her home. And now they weren't good for anything but rags. "Yes, I am." He touched her hand affectionately and picked up the clothes she'd picked out. "We'll need some for Cogburn too, I think Morrigan's begun ripping his clothing off of him."

"These will fit him," Maddie found appropriately sized breeches and tunics and picked them up along with smalls of appoximately the same size. Alistair had already found underthings for her, and cleverly put them between two sets of her sized clothing. "I think that's it."

"You need socks or hose," Alistair said reasonably, "And one simple dress if we can find one. Unless you want to wear Isolde's clothing to dinner tonight." He looked at her with a teasing smile, "I know you hated that last time. You kept tugging on the bodice."

Maddie shook her head, "I really don't think we can afford to-"

Alistair interupted her again, moving closer and murmuring quietly in her ear, "Please Maddie, since we've met I've been able to give you two things. A rose and myself. Neither of which are worth much. Let me buy you a gown." He kissed her cheek, "Or are you going to make me beg?"

"You pick it out then," Maddie blushed under the gaze of the shopkeeper, "I...just..." She shook her head. "You pick it out please." He seemed pleased to be asked, making an inquiry of the shopkeeper and grinning when he was shown several gowns, all of which could be laced tightly or loosely to fit her. Finally he chose one and had it wraped hastily in burlap so she couldn't see it. Then she was allowed to approach the counter and lay down the rest of their purchases.

Alistair grinned at her, "Thank you my lady," He bowed slightly and she couldn't help but smile up at him. He was right, even though it bruised her pride, he was completely right. It would be easier to have her own things, to not borrow from Isolde, able to ignore Teagan's condescension and Eamon's kindly pomposity. They all knew two of the three Grey Wardens were Couslands but it was never mentioned, as if talking about it made Howe's treachery more real.

* * *

 

Maddie opened the door quietly and slipped inside. Alistair looked up from his contemplation of his boots and grinned. "Oh thank the Maker," He moved towards her, backing her up against the door and kissed her hard on the mouth. "I was worried Isolde would keep you talking all night."

"Hmm..." Maddie sighed against his mouth. "No, but I do have to go back to my room. Anora's maid is coming back to sneak us into Howe's estate."

"I remember," Alistair shook his head. "Should I be worried that we're going to sneak about our mortal enemy's house in the dark of night?"

"A little yes," She grinned at him. "But if we're lucky maybe Howe will be there and I'll get to kill him."

"Oh yes, to be devoutly hoped," The knight rolled his eyes. "In case we aren't able to come back here and pick up where we left off, I do love you, you know."

"I love you too Alistair," Maddie stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his lips. "And we are definitely picking up where we left off. As soon as we come back."


	71. 71 Cogburn

_What was left when that fire was gone_   
_I thought it felt right but that right was wrong_   
_All caught up in the eye of the storm_   
_And trying to figure out what it's like moving on_   
_And I don't even know what kind of things I said_   
_My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead_   
_So I'm picking up the pieces, now where to begin_   
_The hardest part of ending is starting again_

If that blasted maid said one more word about hurrying, he was going to gut her, Cogburn thought to himself. Sneaking around Howe's estate was probably one of the more suicidal things he'd done since joining the Grey Wardens. To make matters worse Maddie, Alistair, Morrigan and Zevran were with him. So if Howe caught them they'd be served up to Loghain on a silver platter with apples in their mouths, heads removed from their necks. "Hurrying is counterproductive," He hissed. "Slowly and quietly gets the job done. You just provide the distraction."

Maddie nodded her agreement, "Urging us to make haste will just get us caught." She pulled the uniform over her armor and handed Alistair his. Zevran had already managed to don the tunic and Morrigan looked at hers with ill-concealed distaste before pulling it over her head.

Cogburn watched as the maid drew off the guards and led them to the rear door of the estate. "Lets go, quickly quietly and most of all, without notice." He muttered as they walked in the house.

"From your lips to the Maker's ears," Alistair murmured in agreement.

They managed to get to Anora's room without incident, but the door was magically sealed. Apparently Howe was both paranoid and practical. Cogburn frowned as Anora instructed them to find the mage Howe employed. There was no way to avoid notice. They'd have to kill everything in their path in order to get to Howe and the mage and back to Anora again. He looked at his twin and took a deep breath. "What do you think?"

Maddie looked around the hall, and then at Alistair, "If we're going to do it..." She pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. Cogburn noted absently that it had grown out some more, it seemed like a very long time since they'd been at Highever. A long time since they'd spoken to Howe in the great hall, their father's gaze on them.

"Yeah let's get it done," Her twin agreed. "So dungeons, we deal with whoever's in the cells on a case by case basis and if we run into guards we kill them, no questions no arguing. Anyone here belongs to Howe and you remember what Sargeant Kylon said, Howe's men are usually the one's he'd be locking up."

"Hadn't forgotten that little tidbit," Alistair nodded exchanging a glance with Zevran. "Just out of curiosity, do we have a backup plan if we're cornered, outnumbered and have no way to win?"

"That happens," Cogburn looked at the Antivan elf, "I'm counting on you to slip away, get back to Eamon's estate and get the others to come and get us. Chances are we'll end up locked in the dungeons of Fort Drakon."

"Towards that end, might I suggest that the ladies accompany me," Zevran said quietly, "I do not wish either of them subjected to the torture a dungeon provides."

"You must take Maddie with you," Morrigan agreed. "I shall simply turn into a bird or spider or something else and become inconspicuous."

"You could never be inconspicuous my dear," Zevran bowed to the witch flirtatiously.

"I really don't care for the idea that I have to be smuggled away like a little girl," Maddie argued in a whisper. Cogburn looked at her and began to speak, hoping to make his point when Alistair shook his head.

"Maddie, they'll rape you. They'll torture you. And they'll be able to make Cogburn and I do anything they want, including let them kill us, in order to keep you safe," Alistair told her bluntly. "Getting you out, getting Morrigan out...well that'll keep us all alive because they won't be able to use you against us."

Cogburn watched in amazement as his twin subsided without even a glare. "All right," Maddie agreed a pained sigh escaping her lips, "But its a last resort, we fight until its absolutely clear we can't win, right?"

"We're Grey Wardens, we aren't made for anything else," Alistair joked, a smile touching his lips. "Now let's go and get this done. I really would like to get some rest before the Landsmeet."

* * *

 

The man who emerged from the cell had obviously been tortured, but he was resourceful enough that he'd used the half second of the guards distraction to break his neck. Cogburn nodded to the fellow politely and blinked in surprise as Alistair greeted the man. He heard Maddie murmuring to Zevran, her low voice speaking of likely injuries and the elf replying. Cogburn pulled his attention back to the conversation and pulled out the sheaf of parchment he'd found in Howe's quarters. "Are these yours then?"

"Our records, including Duncan's recruitment records. I trust to their encryptions but I am glad to have them back. These should be in the hands of none but Grey Wardens," Riordan took the parchment gratefully, hiding them beneath his breastplate. "I would join you but I fear I would be more hinderance than help."

"If you can make your way to Arl Eamon's estate off of the Market district, I'm sure he'd give you shelter," Alistair told the older warden quietly. "We're staying with him while we prepare for the Landsmeet."

"You move in august comapny these days Alistair," Riordan commented moving slowly out of the dungeons. "I will take your advice."

Cogburn watched the man go and took a deep breath. "All right, one guard down, most of the dungeon to go. Let's move along."

"Think we'll find Maric down here next?" Maddie wondered, her voice quiet despite the humor in her words.

"Nothing will surprise me at this point," Alistair chuckled. Cogburn could hear the knight adjust his shield on his arm and ready his blade as they neared a corner. The knight's instincts were right on target as they ran into a group of guards.

* * *

 

Cogburn ground his teeth, first they'd found a soldier escaped from Ostagar. The man was out of his mind with fear and sickness. He hadn't needed a prison cell he'd needed a healers attention and reassurance. Then they'd found an elf, a boy who couldn't have been more than sixteen, thrown into the dungeon by the previous arl of Denerim. They'd had to explain exactly what had happened in the last year before they let the boy go. He'd been planning to head back to the alienage to see if anyone he cared for was still alive.

"I wondered what had begun the riot in the alienage," Maddie murmured to her twin as she watched the elf go. "The arl's son attacking a wedding party and raping the bride would certainly do it." She shook her head, "That poor boy. The poor girl."

Cogburn took a deep breath and gave himself a moment to be grateful that his and Maddie's parents hadn't ever let him become that much of an ass. "Some people really don't need to..." He blinked as they came upon the next cell.

A blonde man with a van dyke beard stood inside the cell, "You there, I demand you release me!" He threw the words at the Grey Wardens. "I am the Arl of Denerim."

"Vaughan Kendells," Maddie murmured for her twin's benefit, "He's the one attacked the elven wedding." She folded her arms and regarded the nobleman in the dungeon cell. "I really don't advise letting him go."

"How did you end up here?" Cogburn asked the would be arl.

"After my father was killed at Ostagar, Howe sent men to reinforce the garrison here," Vaughan sneered. "Once the gates were open he had me thrown in here. Let me out and you'll be well rewarded."

"How so?" Cogburn smirked, "Not much you can offer from in there, and it isn't as if you have control of the estate otherwise."

"There's chest in my room, it has gold in it," Vaughan told him. "Howe hasn't been able to open it because I have the key with me here." He patted his shirt where presumably the key was hidden. "You let me out and I'll give it to you."

Cogburn folded his arms and regarded the nobleman with narrowed eyes. They could use the gold, but there was no way he was letting this peice of crap excuse for a noble out of that cell. Vaughan wouldn't give them the gold once he was out, he'd just pull a doublecross. "Give me the key and I'll let you out." He said finally, backing his words up with a hard glare.

"All right," Vaughan was more stupid than he looked because he handed Cogburn the key.

The next moment the Grey Warden's sword was piercing the imprisoned nobleman's heart. "The world is better off without you," Cogburn scowled as he pulled his sword out of the dead man's body, watching it fall limply to the floor. He turned and regarded his twin who simply shrugged.

Alistair tilted his head to look at the dead body and then regarded Cogburn, "Don't expect me to yell, the bastard incited a riot. Who knows how many elves are dead or what kind of damage was done because of him."

"Well as long as that's settled." Cogburn rolled his eyes, "Shall we?" Alistair mockingly bowed before him and waved him onward. "Everyone's a jester," The male Cousland muttered.

* * *

 

Cogburn fought to keep from losing his dinner as he untied the man from the rack. Bad enough to know people had been tortured in Howe's dungeons, but to be confronted with the victims... Bodies of men and women were hung from hooks in the ceiling like sides of beef in a butcher's shop. The man they'd freed was the son of Bann Sighard, his name was Oswyn.

Alistair helped the younger man down from the rack and gave him a few healing potions and some bandages. But from the look on the Knight's face, Oswyn's hands might never recover. The ex-Templar's face was grim as he watched the nobleman leave the dungeon's torture chambers as quickly as he could.

Cogburn took a good look around the chamber, and forced himself to look at the bodies that hung around them. If any were still breathing... He heard Maddie's voice, the tiny stifled cry she made when she was horribly shocked and trying to hide it. Jerking around he saw her backing away from a row of bodies, backing right up against Alistair and Zevran, only stopping her retreat when she couldn't move anymore. "What is it?" Zevran asked in concern. Alistair looked at Cogburn helplessly and shook his head.

This was going to be bad, he knew it, knew it before he turned around and fixed his gaze on what was in Maddie's line of sight. "Alistair... do you..." He heard his voice break and took a deep breath. "Do you know any blessings? Something that will bring comfort to the dead?"

"I know a prayer or two but I-" Alistair didn't get a chance to voice his disclaimer.

"Then say them, for the Maker's sake," Cogburn looked at his twin and nearly wretched when he saw the pile of bodies she stood near. She was white as death and shaking, staring down at men and women in pieces, their faces still recognizable. "Zevran, get my sister out of here please."

"No," Maddie took a deep breath, sniffed hard as if to get herself under control, and shook her head. "No, I'm staying." She looked at Morrigan. "Once Alistair has said his prayers for the dead...I'd take it as a great kindness if you would burn everything in this room to ash."

Alistair finished his prayers. He was the best kind of templar Cogburn often found himself thinking, devout but not preachy, interested in justice and kindness. And when it came to prayers he wasn't especially long winded. Cogburn steered everyone out of the torture chamber and nodded to Morrigan. Firestorm after firestorm filled the room until the only thing left inside it was ashes. "Thank you," Cogburn kissed his witch's cheek. "It's greatly appreciated."


	72. 72 Morrigan

_I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh_   
_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_   
_I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well_   
_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

_The worst is over now and we can breathe again_   
_I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away_   
_There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight_   
_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

She couldn't be entirely certain what was going through Maddie's mind or Cogburn's when he asked her to torch the torture chamber, but asking questions whilst in the middle of an enemy dungeon seemed the most likely way to get caught by said enemy. Morrigan made a mental note to ask one of the twins exactly what they had seen in that chamber.

The next half an hour was spent alternately creeping through dungeon halls trying for silence, or in chaotic loud battle with guardsman and apostate mages not as well trained as herself. And then they reached their goal, they found Arl Rendon Howe and the mage that had sealed the queen in the guest room. Morrigan exchanged an amused look with Alistair and Zevran when Maddie and Cogburn upon seeing Howe ignored the man for the space of five minutes to play a game of rock, parchment, dagger. Maddie scowled ferociously but dropped back behind her twin to Alistair's side.

Morrigan listened as Howe taunted Cogburn and Maddie, speaking of how he'd killed their parents, how their mother's life had ended with her on her knees, that their father had been a weakling and a coward. "Well, well," The Arl of Denerim drawled, "If it isn't Bryce Cousland's little twins, all grown up, one trying to fit into daddy's armor and the other still aping the man."

"You'll pay for what you done Howe," Cogburn ground his teeth together, Morrigan could see his jaw clenched in fury.

"Is this about your family? Still? But I have done so much more than wipe your name from Fereldan memory." The older man sneered, his hooked nose lifted in derision.

"Funny how you keep saying that, but you don't seem to ever quite get rid of us entirely." Cogburn shook his head, his entire body poised to attack at a moment's notice. Morrigan quietly began to change her stance, turning slightly to make a smaller target and noticed Maddie and Zevran doing the same.

"There it is, right there. That damned look in the eye that marked every Cousland success that held me back." Howe was infuriated, his ill temper spotting his cheeks red and his fists clenching tight on his weapons as he attacked.

The battle was as always, a blur of steel and shields, her magic lighting corners of the room with fire and lightening. The other mage wasn't quite her equal though he had some interesting tricks. Eventually the mage succumbed to her magic and Zevran's sword, a satisfying combination of skills. Alistair was very happily bashing in the brains of the remaining soldiers and Cogburn was thrashing Howe while Maddie harried the villain from behind. Finally Cogburn took one final slash at the man, a terrible expression upon his handsome face. Morrigan had never seen such a combination of rage and despair since she'd sat with Cogburn while Maddie told Alistair of Highever's fall.

But then Howe was falling, his face ugly with panic and greed, "Maker spit on you, I deserved... more!"

Maddie kicked him casually in the ribs as he died, walking out the door of the room, her pretty face cold as a winter wind. "Let him rot."

Morrigan looked at her friend and moved a bit so she could look at Maddie, "You are...well?" The witch murmured. "Your enemy is dead."

Maddie's smile held no humor, "Yeah," She shrugged. "Sometimes that doesn't fix everything apparently."

The witch nodded and turned her attention to Cogburn, he was searching for something on Howe's body and found it from his triumphant exclamation. "I'll keep that in mind." Morrigan took a deep breath and drank a lyrium potion drawing her strength about her again.

Cogburn turned and sent them all a cocky grin, "Well let's get on with saving the Queen shall we?"

* * *

 

Of course, saving the queen was not as simple as Cogburn made it sound, it never was. Morrigan wondered exactly why her lover felt compelled to make these simplistic sweeping statements as they never turned out to be prophetic.

They did get the queen out of her room and technically, Morrigan supposed, they did rescue her. But as they were ready to leave the estate Loghain's men showed up led by a knight. Ser Cauthrien, Morrigan remembered her from Ostagar, Loghain's trusted leader of his troops, blinded to her lord's treachery by hero worship and legends of the rebellion. And while they fought, the queen and her annoying maid disappeared.

Morrigan did her best but twice her spells were interupted by a soldier attacking her, until Zevran managed to kill the fool. Then her spells of lightening were actually useful and she caught Cogburn grinning at her before he turned again to attack. Finally the battle was over, and Loghain's lieutenant was killed. Of course then Cogburn discovered the queen had slipped away. The witch watched carefully as the noble rogue's fists clenched slightly and his lips tightened.

"Perhaps she grew frightened and ran for help," Zevran suggested whimsically. He slanted a look at Cogburn's set and angry face and shrugged, "Or perhaps not."

Maddie shook her head at the elf and shrugged at her brother, "She was married to Cailan for a while but she was born a Mac Tir. She'll always put herself first twin, even when being rescued from her own foolishness." Morrigan looked from Maddie to Zevran and Alistair before fixing her gaze on Cogburn. She could tell from the look on the twins' faces that neither of them believed it was an accident that Ser Cauthrien had been waiting for them when they'd emerged from the halls with Anora. And Anora's maid had not been with them while they'd fought their way through the dungeons.

"Something we'll have to keep in mind when dealing with her in the future," Cogburn replied grimly. He looked around at all of them, Morrigan knew he was checking for injuries that they hadn't mentioned before they began to movie again. Sipping her healing potion she set the bottle aside and straightened up giving Cogburn a nod that she was fine.

* * *

 

The walk back to the Arl's estate was quiet, Cogburn was fuming, Alistair and Maddie conversing quietly. Zevran seemed to be watching for any sign that they were about to be attacked. Before they entered the estate Morrigan drew Cogburn aside. "I would speak with you on a matter of some urgency."

"You know I always have time for you," Cogburn's smile was strained but genuine and Morrigan took his hand in a gesture of affection that made his lips quirk sideways in surprise. "What is it?"

"Undoubtedly the queen has taken sanctuary with Arl Eamon," Morrigan suggested quietly. "And you are angry enough right now to ignore the plans you have been considering since Anora's maid first approached you for help."

"You think I have plans? For the queen?" Cogburn leant against the stone wall of the estate and regarded Morrigan with dark eyes.

He was most definitely angry, at himself it seemed, for not anticipating what Anora would do, Morrigan shrugged slightly. "I know you my friend," She reminded him with a little smile. "From the moment we approached Denerim and you began to hear rumors of the queen you have been plotting." She moved closer and leaned against the same wall beside him. "I know you, just as Alistair knows your sister. You both plot to put Alistair on the throne, and to make Maddie his queen. You'll have to manipulate Anora to do it. She'll want your support. I believe you have been thinking of telling her she has it," The witch's smile turned wicked, "And then of course betraying her at the Landsmeet."

"And you're worried I'm so bloody mad right now that I'll throw all of the plans aside?" Cogburn's smile was reluctant, tugging at his lips as he looked at her.

"Unless you had a chance to talk first, to calm yourself and collect your wits," Morrigan retorted. "You forget I've seen you with your temper up, and on the heels of killing your mortal enemy you are not at your most calm."

"Feeling better than I have in a year though," Cogburn grinned at her wickedly.

"I can well imagine," The witch shook her head at him. "Your twin doesn't seem to share your joy."

"She wanted to do it herself," The rogue nearly chuckled. "But she's also still mourning our friends whose bodies we found."

"I wondered at your reaction and hers," Morrigan admitted. She shook her head at him, "Feeling calmer now? Ready to face the queen with iniquity in your heart and loyalty on your face?" Her lips twitched in a teasing grin.

"I am," Cogburn drew her closer and kissed her softly. "And I thank you for reminding me of my intentions."

"You scheme in your way and I in mine," She smiled, "Will you suggest she marry Alistair? I should think that to be a compromise from her perceived perspective of you."

"Still thinking that one over," He admitted as they entered the gates and proceeded into the estate. "It'll depend on how the conversation goes."

"I don't think Eamon will be pleased at the thought." The witch murmured quietly as they walked through the halls. "He fancies himself the man behind the throne I think."

"Always has," Cogburn nodded, his voice just as soft. "He had a great deal of influence over Cailan and now wishes the same with Alistair. A strong queen won't bode well for those plans."

"So Eamon won't want Maddie beside Alistair anymore than he would want Anora," Morrigan surmised with a frown. "And Alistair won't..."

"Alistair won't what?" That worthy's voice was quiet but firm as he stepped from the shadows of Maddie's door.


	73. 73 Alistair

_I'm not calling you a liar, just don't lie to me_   
_I'm not calling you a thief, just don't steal from me_   
_I'm not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me_   
_And I love you so much, I'm gonna let you kill me_

_There's a ghost in my lungs and it sighs in my sleep_   
_Wraps itself around my tongue as it softly speaks_   
_Then it walks, then it walks with my legs_   
_To fall, to fall, to fall at your feet_

"Alistair won't what?" The knight repeated the words his blue eyes gleaming. "If you're going to talk about me, at least do it to my face."

"Not in the hall though," Cogburn agreed and nodded at Maddie's room, "Let's talk in there."

Alistair backed up, pushing the door open behind him. Maddie blinked as she saw her twin and Morrigan enter the room behind Alistair but set down the blade she'd been sharpening. "What is it?" Her voice was low but no less alarmed and the knight turned to look at her.

"Nothing I hope," He tried to reassure her. Alistair would give anything to see Maddie's grey eyes not haunted with grief or worry or fear. Right now she was filled with a mix of all three and a lot of mad on top of it when she thought of what they'd seen in Howe's dungeons. "I was leaving when these two came down the hall and they were speaking of me and saying something about how I won't... I just asked what they meant." He regarded the male rogue and the witch. "I'm hoping they'll explain."

"Bah," Morrigan rolled her eyes and sat in the chair beside the door. "We were merely speaking of Eamon's ambitions. And you won't care for them one jot."

"Yes?" Alistair folded his arms and regarded Cogburn. "And what are Eamon's ambitions?"

"To place you on the throne, as well you know," Cogburn's voice was steady. "And to be the man to whisper in your ear and guide your rule."

The knight sighed heavily and looked at Maddie who nodded slowly, "And all of you thought I was totally ignorant of his plans for me and for his future?" He asked, a trace of disappoinment stealing through him that Maddie thought he was so stupid.

"Of course not," Maddie frowned, her pretty face angry at the thought and part of him relaxed. "But I knew you don't like to think of dealing with the throne. You've known since our first night after Eamon's recovery that he wanted to be in line as one of your advisors."

Alistair looked at Cogburn and wasn't surprised to see that Maddie's twin had believed him to be at least partially ignorant of Eamon's aims. A glance at Morrigan showed only the witch's normal mocking mask of an expression. "Eamon wants me on the throne only because he believes he can control me," He said quietly. "How dangerous will he become to our cause if he learns he cannot?"

"If he does not think you are loyal to him, the friend of your father, the man who took you in, raised you before giving you to the chantry, I fear he will support Anora's bid for the thone." Cogburn kept his voice low so it could not be overheard through the door or walls but his words were no less adament for all their stillness.

"And if I persist in saying to him that I do not want the throne?" Alistair asked with a slight grin, "Isn't that what he's expecting? That I'll whine and plead and argue like a boy? Railing against my fate?"

"So that at the Landsmeet he'll be the voice and declare you king," Maddie said softly. "And he'll be the one they'll all listen to."

"What if someone else were to speak on our behalf?" Alistair suggested, "Loghain is going to try and crucify the Grey Wardens, no doubt he'll lay the blame for everything that's happened the country at our feet, including his daughter's abduction. The Wardens should defend themselves from the Landsmeet floor. Just as Loghain will be defending his actions."

"He's going to accuse us of betraying Cailan," Cogburn pointed out.

"And if we accuse him right back it completely puts us where he wants us. We need the Landsmeet to be about the Blight, about what Loghain has done to Ferelden, to the citizens, to that poor Templar, to that boy being tortured, not about Cailan." Maddie shook her head, "And we need more in our quiver than those few arrows."

"Then we'll begin by letting Anora think we're on her side," Cogburn suggested. "And we'll continue to listen to what's going on in Denerim. Zevran and Leliana will certainly have put their ears to the ground."

"Then you'd best be convincing," Alistair suggested. "I'll play least in sight and act the fool when I'm around her. Maybe I'll comment on the decor or something." He grinned. "Just don't keep me in the dark all right?"

"Have we been?" Maddie asked softly.

"I've been playing the fool for a long time," Alistair smiled at her, "You're the one person who always saw through it. Don't ever stop."

"I don't intend to," She retorted with a wry tug of her lips. "But you'd all better go. Eamon will be waiting for you. And I've already made my excuses."

"I was going to ask about that," Alistair nodded at Cogburn and Morrigan and watched as the two of them left. "Since when do you abandon me to Eamon and Isolde's devices at table?"

"Since Eamon and Isolde very pointedly said that our continued association looks bad," Maddie frowned. "I have no intention of leaving your side, but I can give the appearance of acceding to their wishes."

"Looks bad," Alistair frowned. "You mean because we're both Grey Wardens? Or do they mean because you're a Cousland?"

"I don't believe they see me as a Cousland," Maddie shrugged. "I think they seem me as someone who's in the way."

Alistair felt his fists clench as fury pounded through him. In the way, in their way, she meant really. They wanted her to leave him, to go off and be killed gloriously so he couldn't have her by his side. He shook his head. That was never going to happen. Never. He'd give up the throne to the Orlesians before he'd rule without Maddie at his side. "I need you with me Maddie," He told her, keeping his voice low with an effort that had him breathing hard. "I need you. I will never rule Ferelden if you are not with me."

Maddie looked up at him and smiled, her grey eyes luminous. "Then...at the Landsmeet it will be decided," She told him quietly. "But if we are to stymy Anora as well as Loghain and Eamon I should not be seen with you as a woman, not publically. So not at table or in the Hall. I should be seen only as a Grey Warden."

"Then I won't be seen publically either," Alistair shrugged. When she sent him an exasperated look he shook his head. "You know I don't have courtly manners and graces. Better I be a mysterious figure than an uncouth lout."

"Fine," Maddie chuckled and rose from her seat to kiss him fondly. "But you'd best go attend Eamon so Anora can see you acting the proper fool or all our planning will be for naught."

Alistair chuckled and forced himself to put her down after he'd kissed her hard on the mouth. "I'm going my love, I'm going."

* * *

 

"They've changed the dining room," Zevran teased him as they trotted through the streets to the Alienage. "Masterful."

"Well they did," Alistair pointed out. "It was the most foolish sounding thing I could think of at the time."

"Judging from the look on Anora's face it sounded that way too." Cogburn chuckled from behind him.

"She has a nasty glare," Maddie giggled from up ahead. "You should have gone on the stage my knight."

"Yes, a virtuoso performance," Alistair shook his head. "Now let's find out what's wrong with the elves and the Alienage, because I don't think that they're so upset about Cailan's death that after more than a year there would still be trouble."

"You never know my friend," Zevran chuckled. "By the way, the Grey Warden Riordan, he looks to be improved."

Alistair nodded, "He is much." He slanted a glance at the elf. "He and Duncan were contemporaries, friends." The knight explained quietly. "We talked about him for a bit. He and Maddie and I, while Eamon was busy with Cogburn and Anora. Riordan was at my Joining the way I was there for Maddie and Cogburn's."

"He seems a good man," The elf offered. "It is a fine thing that you have someone else who knew your mentor. Someone who was also a friend to him and knows what it is to miss him. From all you had said of Duncan it is we who did not know him who are unfortunate."

Alistair smiled and nodded, the more he and Zevran spoke the more he liked the elf. It hadn't been too long ago that the Antivan Crow had spoken to he and Maddie about the reason he'd taken the contract on the Grey Wardens. Zevran was doing better and the cause they were fighting for was the first noble reason he'd had in his life. Alistair wondered if it was that and their friendship that had turned the tide of Zevran's life or if it would have happened eventually.

* * *

 

He still wasn't certain he could believe what he'd seen and heard. The hero of River Dane had sold Ferelden citizens into slavery. He'd done nothing to help the elves or anyone else in Denerim. It was one thing to leave Cailan to die, or to insist the Grey Wardens were traitors, but how could he claim to want what was best for Ferelden and yet do nothing to help the citizens of Ferelden?

Saying as much merely got a sad sigh from Maddie and a twist of Cogburn's lips. "Remember Teagan said he thought Loghain was mad with paranoia of Orlais." Maddie said after a moment. "Perhaps thought of Orlais consumes him beyond all other considerations."

"Well I don't know what it's like for him," Alistair said quietly as the reentered Eamon's estate. "But I do know that what he's doing is wrong." From the expression on Maddie's face she didn't disagree. "Who was that child you and Cogburn were talking to?"

"When Highever was taken..." Maddie spoke quietly as they walked along the hall. "Cogburn had spent the night with Lady Landra's lady-in-waiting Iona. She was killed when she left his bed and heard a noise in the hall." Her grey eyes were dark and sad when they met his gaze and Alistair knew that he wouldn't like where this was going. "Iona had spoken to my twin of her daughter, how Landra's estate in Denerim wasn't as large as Highever and so she and her daughter lived in the Alienage."

"That was her daughter," Alistair realized. "Another child orphaned by Howe and Loghain's treachery."

"Yes," Maddie sighed and one white hand pushed her helmet off to dangle loosely in her fingers. "That was part of why I made certain to speak to Shiani before we left. I wanted to be certain that the child was provided for. Her name is Amethyne. She looks very like her mother and seems just as sweet natured."

Alistair couldn't help but smile, this was such a large part of why he loved her, why Cogburn was a good friend as well as brother Grey Warden. Anyone else might have simply forgotten about the child. These two remembered and made certain she was taken care of. "Perhaps once they make me king I'll be able to do more for her, for she and the rest of the elves."

"I would be very grateful," Maddie gave him one of her warmest smiles. "I hate to think of her starving or turning to criminal enterprise in order to survive."

"A child shouldn't have to worry about where her next meal comes from," Alistair murmured. "I can't let that happen to any child, let alone one orphaned due to the treachery of our enemies." He looked around, "I suppose I'd better go see Eamon and act whining and foolish."

"Hmm...and I'll change into something more feminine," Maddie smiled. "I have quite a bit of mending to do and little enough time lately to do it in." She looked towards her door, "I'll see you this evening for dinner?"

"Try and keep me away," Alistair grinned at her.

* * *

 

He lay in bed with Maddie that night, his fingers tracing patterns on her skin as she dozed after they'd exhausted themselves with each other. They'd both been avoiding Anora but apparently she'd cornered Maddie when they'd gotten back from the Alienage and Alistair had gone to talk with Eamon and Cogburn. It had not been a pleasant conversation apparently. Maddie had spent some time railing about it and how condescending Anora had been. Strangely enough, at least to him, Maddie hadn't much cared about Anora's attitude towards her. She'd been incensed by Anora's opinion of him. Apparently the word the queen had used to describe him again and again had been biddable. Maddie hadn't cared for that to put it mildly.


	74. 74 Maddie

_They say it's never too late_   
_To stop being afraid_   
_And there is no one else here_   
_So why should I wait?_   
_And in the blink of an eye the past begins to fade_

_So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair?_   
_And your moment of truth_   
_Is the day that you say "I'm not scared"_

Maddie took another stitch and smiled over her work, there was something comforting about mending, especially when it was Alistair's tunic she was working on. She was in a comfortable chair, wearing a gown for once and enjoying good light while she took careful even stitches. It was a nice good feeling. Alistair was meeting with Eamon and Cogburn so she was keeping to her 'role' of non interest in politics. The gown was the one Alistair had chosen for her, a simple creation of wool with laces on the front and sides that it might be tightened or loosened according to the wearers needs. It was a gown such as she might have worn in Highever, a pretty color of grey blue, like the shadows on snow, with belled sleeves and a flattering scooped neckline. She could almost pretend she was sitting in the solar at Highever, mending Cogburn and Fergus' shirts until Oriana could join her. They would gossip and share secrets, laugh over men and Oriana would tease her about the possibility of a husband soon. She would tease Oriana about giving her a neice to match her nephew and her sister in law would blush and look hopeful.

"You look very peaceful," A low elegant voice observed, and Maddie looked up to see Queen Anora standing nearby.

"I haven't had a chance to sit and sew in more than a year," Maddie offered the queen a smile that touched her lips but not her eyes. "I've been repairing armor, tents and boots, but simple sewing isn't easy by a campfire."

"I can't imagine," Anora shook her head and took a seat across from Maddie. "May I ask you a question?"

Maddie smiled slightly, "You can ask." She took another stitch and smoothed the fabric with her thumb. "What did you want to know?"

"Merely how involved you are with Alistair FitzTheirin," Anora asked quietly. "He's quite good at acting the fool." Blonde braids spilled down her back as she undid the twin chignons at her neck.

"He's a dear friend," Maddie smiled in what she hoped was a fond matter. "As the Senior Grey Warden he's been so helpful to Cogburn and I." She tilted her head, "And he's very fond of making jokes, something we've sorely needed. Morrigan calls him a fool but I find his silliness hides a surprising amount of wisdom. He's a very good man."

"Still, he doesn't seem to take anything seriously, not even the Blight," Anora shook her head her braids dancing. "If I may say, you two seem to be a bit close."

Maddie regarded the woman with cool grey eyes and tilted her head, "What precisely are you asking me Anora?"

"I know Eamon wants Alistair on the throne," Anora replied regally. "But while Alistair is biddable and amiable enough, he has no experience with ruling."

"Was that a question?" Maddie looked down at her work and took anothere few stitches. Deeming the mending of the tunic done she knotted her thread and snapped it off before picking up another garment.

"Do you truly believe he is capable of being anything more than a puppet ruler?" Anora asked disbeleif coloring her voice, "No matter how helpful Eamon may be, Alistair is not a king."

"Are you asking me about Alistair's capabilities? Or was it something else you wished to know Anora," Maddie looked up from the set of breeches whose leg she was stitching back together.

"I want you opinion on whether or not Alistair could rule did the landsmeet rule in his favor," The Queen said finally. "You seem a sensible woman and surely you're aware of his many shortcomings, biddable though he may be. You also seem to be attracted to him and you must know that if he became king he would never be allowed to marry you."

Maddie felt her temper rise and with an effort kept her voice mild and even, "I believe that Alistair doesn't want the throne." She said finally, "No one is more aware of Alistair's shortcomings than he is."

"Then you agree that I am the only candidate capable of ruling Ferelden," Anora smiled condescendingly.

"I didn't say that," Maddie shook her head, a gentle smile on her lips. "Don't read more or less into my words according to your wishes Anora." She tilted her head, silver blonde hair drifting over her shoulder, "I dislike games. But that doesn't mean I'm unaware when someone is playing with me." She pointed out softly. "All I've heard said is that Alistair is reluctant to take the throne. I do not know from what his reluctance stems."

"Perhaps he is aware that should he become king he will have to give up that which he values," Anora murmured regarding Maddie suggestively.

"And perhaps you could be more clear in your meaning?" Maddie finished repairing the seam, "I've served Ferelden with Alistair FitzTheirin for over a year now Anora. He is stalwart, loyal, brave, strong and intelligent. He is a true knight." Dark grey eyes met Anora's limpid gaze, "I have trusted him with my life, with my safety and with the future of Thedas. For if we do not defeat the Blight it will not matter who claims the throne."

"What is your interest in Alistair?" Anora asked bluntly, "It's rumored you share his bed. Its actually rumored that you do more than that with he and the Antivan. I cannot speak to that."

"Zevran is...a loyal companion and a friend who sorely needed a cause, someone who would trust him," Maddie said quietly controlling her fury. "These are his breeches I am mending, he took this wound when he was guarding my back. The tunic was Alistairs, torn when we fought our way out of the Arl of Denerim's estate. He took a knife to the ribs when he and Cogburn fought Sir Cauthrien." She picked up another tunic, a smaller one this time, "This belongs to Leliana, someone snuck up behind her when we were fighting the darkspawn and she took a knife to her kidneys."

"I'm afraid I don't take your point," Anora wasn't giving an inch of warmth with her words and Maddie barred her teeth in a grin.

"We've been on the run from your father's men since Ostagar," Maddie said quietly. "In that time we've all had brushes with death. We are all dear to each other, care for one another and stand each for the other, regardless of the quarrels we may have amongst ourselves," She speared Anora with a glance. "I have never known such depth of friendship before I joined the Grey Wardens. I don't expect you to understand. We are bound by a purpose that goes beyond the throne of Ferelden Anora, we are bound to save the very world from this evil."

"But you need the throne to unite Ferelden or you won't be able to stop the Blight," Anora pressed.

"That's true," Maddie shrugged. "But I've never claimed to have a head for politics. According to rumor I'm merely the bedwarmer of Marics bastard son."

"You admit it then?" Anora blinked in surprise, "I wouldn't have expected..."

"I repeated a rumor," Maddie corrected the queen. "I admit nothing. I've no need to do so. Where ever I may spend my nights I don't consider it to be the business of Cailan's wife."

"Cailan's Queen," Anora corrected her coldly.

"I don't see it that way Anora, and neither do you or you wouldn't be trying to inveigle my support," Maddie replied as she began to mend Leliana's tunic. "I know who you are. I know to the meanest degree what your rank is and how precarious your position is. I don't like politics, that doesn't mean I don't see what goes on."

"You just told me you don't have a head for politics," Anora retorted with some confusion. "Now you're telling me you do?"

"Anora you've been playing a very silly game with me," Maddie told her with a mild calm that in no way matched the fury inside her. "Poking here, prying there and all the while seeding the conversation with rumors and slings and arrows. I would be a fool to tell you anything of worth."

"Then you believe me to be your enemy?" Anora's voice had grown chilly.

Maddie put down her mending and regarded the blond woman with her rich gown and regal airs, nearly a decade older than herself and filled with righteousness, "You are not my enemy. But you are not my friend. You are a contender for the throne and that makes you a potential power," One white hand tucked a battle braid behind her ear. "My hands...from the back, look like that of a highborn lady's wouldn't you agree?" She held out her slender hands for Anora to look at, waiting for the woman to nod. The she turned her hands palms up and displayed the scars and calluses only knife and sword work could create, "But my palms disagree, I have the hands of a warrior, no matter how they may first appear."

"You re speaking in riddles now," Anora sounded impatient, shaking her head so her braids danced.

Maddie lifted her shoulders in an elegant shrug, "You are Loghain Mac Tir's daughter. You have been nursed on politics and intrigue," She resumed her mending. "I found it strange that your father, who values his daughter so highly that he would kill her husband to preserve her seat on the throne, would risk your life by letting Howe imprison you." She said quietly. "I found it even more unlikely when Ser Cauthrien was awaiting us the moment we freed you." Maddie regarded the would be queen of Ferelden coolly, "I do not play the game of thrones Anora. I am far more interested in stopping the Blight. Cogburn supports your claim as far as I know and I have chosen to remain uninvolved. Eamon supports Alistair, but he wishes to be the power behind the throne."

"Alistair is such a biddable young man Eamon wouldn't have much difficulty with that," Anora agreed.

"Had you met Alistair before this?" Maddie asked curiously, "Did you know aught of him prior to meeting him with Eamon?"

"No, I knew nothing of him beyond that he was raised by the Chantry and trained as a Templar before joining the Grey Wardens." Anora shook her head, "Cailan rarely spoke of him."

"Then perhaps you should retake his measure before you continue to call him biddable," Maddie suggested mildly. "As someone who has stood toe to toe and argued with his stubborness I believe I'm more qualified to judge the man as biddable or not." She finished Leliana's tunic and nodded in satisfaction before she tucked the clothing back into her work basket.

"But he is nothing to you beyond a friend and companion," Anora tilted her head. "You speak passionately when you speak of him."

"He saved my life," Maddie offered that truth amidst the half truths she'd uttered. "He has earned my loyalty and support for his wishes. Regardless of what Eamon wants for him." She rose and curtseyed politely. "My lady."

"Wait," Anora rose. "I don't believe I have ever heard your name."

"You have never asked for it," Maddie arched an eyebrow as she regarded Anora. "I didn't believe you cared to know it."

"I am asking now," Anora lifted her chin regally and Maddie wondered what was wrong with this woman that she used every gesture to proclaim herself queen, "Who are you that you speak to me thus, that you dare to address your queen in such a fashion? Some upstart child of the Bannorn, well schooled and thus thinking herself equal to her betters?"

Maddie couldn't help herself, she giggled. She really hadn't thought Anora could be so ignorant of who Maddie was. After all, she'd recognized Cogburn as the younger son of Teyrn Cousland, several of the Banns gathered for the Landsmeet had also recognized Cogburn, but not her. She had expected better of Anora, better of Teyrn Mac Tir's daughter. "You do not know me Anora? Not at all?"

"I have asked for your name, I would not, did I know who you are," Anora replied coldly. "Your insolence is not amusing. What is your bannorn? Who is your family?"

Maddie looked up to see Cogburn and Alistair leaning in the doorway, both of them highly amused by the situation. "I am Lady Madelaina Guinne Cousland, second child of Bryce and Eleanor Cousland, and rightful Teyrna of Highever. I am the eldest of the eldest name in Ferelden barring my older brother Fergus whose fate at Ostagar is unknown." She regarded Anora coldly, "I believe you have met my younger brother? Lord Cogburn Doyle Cousland." She gestured to Cogburn who stood beside Alistair.

"Your younger brother?" Anora looked at Cogburn who bowed politely.

"It's a family joke that we don't know who was born first," Cogburn chuckled as he moved forward to offer Anora his arm. "Maddie doesn't have the patience for politics or the interest so I tend to assume the forward role. She's much better at observing and remaining quietly in the background." He raised a dark eyebrow at Maddie as Anora accepted his asstance and swept away with Cogburn at her side.

Alistair smiled, "Sister," He bowed to Anora as she passed and moved to take Maddie's work basket. "She seems a little put out."

"She's a bitch," Maddie ground the words out from between her teeth. "Calling you biddable and me loose all the while implying you're too much of a fool to take the throne."

"Well that is what we want her to think, isn't it?" Alistair offered her a smile and Maddie sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"You're right, and I haven't said anything to contradict that, if anything I've reinforced it. But she set my teeth on edge all the same." Maddie murmured, keeping her voice low so no one could overhear. "Let's talk privately."

"War council in my room?" Alistair suggested, casting an admiring glance at Maddie in her grey blue gown.

"I'd prefer a council of two, if you don't mind," Maddie suggested softly.

"That is the best council I could have," Alistair grinned and quickly steered her towards his room.

* * *

 

Maddie grinned as Alistair barred the door behind her and took a deep breath. "I just...wanted to say something to you Alistair, before..." Her grin faded to a smile and she met his gaze. "I've been so afraid of losing you, to the crown, to the Blight, even to the Wardens eventually." She took his hand and set it on her heart, "I...I'm not afraid anymore. If I lose you it won't be because we didn't fight with every fiber in our beings."

"You're the bravest woman I know," Alistair's hand slid up to her cheek. "You won't lose me, not if I could help it."

"Would you mind...reassuring me as to that...physically?" Maddie rubbed her cheek against his hand, extending her hand to trace his collarbone above his tunic.

"Would I mind," Alistair grinned at her, "I think I'll have to insist."


	75. 75 Cogburn

_They say freak,_   
_When you're singled out,_   
_The red, well it filters through._

_So lay down, the threat is real,_   
_When his sight goes red again._   
_Seeing red again_

Cogburn walked into the hall where the Landsmeet was being held with a curious sense of deja vu. His father hadn't brought his youngest son to a Landsmeet since Cogburn had been eleven. He and Maddie had watched quietly from the balcony with other children their age, well away from the rulers and Bannorn. He had been less interested in the politics than he had been the serving girl bringing them their meals and bending over in her low cut bodice. Maddie had been almost studious, he'd seen her take notes a few times and every now and then she'd nudge him to pay attention to something. That had been years ago, during a time of peace, before Loghain had become an Orlais obssessed madman bent upon destroying Ferelden before he'd let it be taken over by Chevaliers. But both of them had done their best to make themselves useful.

Cogburn had an amusing time at that Landsmeet, he had the look and charm of his father, had made an impression on the noble fathers and mothers, including Arl Howe's daughter Delilah, though he'd thought at the time she hadn't been favorably impressed. Fergus had enjoyed bringing his little brother along to every contest and game, showing off his siblings skills. Maddie had remained watchful, quiet, her grey eyes taking in everything even as she'd done her best to keep from being noticed. She'd eavesdropped and spied a bit, and whenever she'd been caught she'd aped the accent of their servants and apologized for whatever she'd done to offend. She'd been able to offer their father intelligence on what the other nobles were scheming. Cogburn had been able to repeat all the gossip he'd heard while listening to Fergus' friends. Bryce Cousland had much reason to be pleased with his children during that Landsmeet.

The atmosphere then had been perfunctory, almost as if everyone were going through the motions, talking and laughing and now and then the Landsmeet would agree or disagree on an issue and there'd be debates. He'd seen Cailan then, striding about with Loghain and Eamon, talking with huge grand gestures while Anora stood at his side, occasionally ducking to avoid being smacked when Cailan waved his hands around. He'd seen Arl Wulff and his sons at that Landsmeet, boys who were older than he was, one a man grown, all eager to learn and participate. Bann Afstanna had been much younger, just as pretty, but not as sure of herself, new to the title and its responsibilities, she'd been all of sixteen at the time, her older brother a Templar and thus not able to help her much with the Bannorn. All the changes seemed superficial when he compared the last Landsmeet he'd attended to the current one, unless one took into account the tension in the room..

The very air seemed to crackle with electricity from everyone's nerves. No one was relaxed at this Landsmeet. This was a time of war, a time when the Bannorn was in very near open rebellion against the regent. Ferelden wasn't like Orlais, the right to be king didn't come with birth unless the Bannorn judged it did. Ferelden's chose their king; that had been the tradition for generations upon generations. If the Bannorn didn't care for Loghain's arguments, it was well within their power to remove him from the regency. Of course, the same held true if they didn't like the arguments the Grey Warden's made in Alistair's favor. That was the danger of a Landsmeet, and why the Grey Wardens and their friends had run themselves ragged over the past few weeks to gather evidence to support their claims.

Loghain had been making a speech, arguing with Eamon when Cogburn had strode through the massive double doors of the hall, Alistair and Maddie slightly behind him. The rest of the group had followed Rooster and Sten guarding the rear. And in the startled silence that had followed their entrance, Loghain had shouted, "Tell us, Warden: how will the Orlesians take our nation from us? Will they deign to send their troops, or simply issue their commands through this would-be prince? What did they offer you? How much is the price of Ferelden honor now?"

Cogburn took a deep breath and spoke clearly enough for the entire hall to hear, "The Blight is the threat here, not Orlais!"

Bann Alfstanna seconded that notion, "There are enough refugees in my bannorn now to make that abundantly clear."

Even Arl Wulff with his gloomy outlook agreed, "The south is fallen, Loghain! Will you let Darkspawn take the whole country for fear of Orlais?"

"The Blight is indeed real, Wulff. But do we need Grey wardens to fight it? They claim they alone can end the Blight, yet they failed spectacularly against the Darkspawn at Ostagar, and they ask to bring with them four legions of chevaliers. And once we open our borders to the Chevaliers, can we really expect them to return from whence they came?" Loghain as always circled back to the threat of Orlais in his arguments.

Cogburn folded his arms and nodded at his twin who stepped forward holding the documents they'd taken from the mage in the Alienage, "You sold Ferelden citizens into slavery to fund your war." Maddie sneered at Loghain, "So much for the Hero of River Dane."

Sighard's voice was infuriated, "What's this? There is no slavery in Ferelden. Explain yourself!"

The Regent's voice was heavy with regret but also determination, "There is no saving the Alienage. Damage from the riots has yet to be repaired. There are bodies still rotting in their homes. It is not a place I would send my worst enemy, there is no chance of holing it if the Blight comes here. Despite what you may think Warden, I have done my duty." Loghain shook his head, "Whatever my regrets may be for the elves, I have done what was needed for the good of Ferelden."

Cogburn shook his head, "Did you let Howe torture citizens for the good of Ferelden?"

"Howe took my only son!" Sighard shouted, "The things done to him…some are beyond any healers skill."

"Howe was a grown man responsible for his own actions, he will answer to the Maker for his crimes, as must we all," Loghain's voice hardened. "But enough of this, I have a question for you Warden. What have you done with my daughter?"

"What have I done? I've protected her from you," Cogburn tilted his head at his twin who stepped back to stand beside Alistair.

"You took my daughter—our queen—by force, killing her guards in the process." Loghain accused dramatically, "What arts have you employed to keep her? Does she even still live?"

Drama ran in the family apparently because Anora entered at that moment. Cogburn had to keep from rolling his eyes at the timing. "I believe I can speak for myself. Lords and ladies of Ferelden, hear me. This man is no longer the man we all know. This is not the hero of River Dane."

Cogburn shook his head as Loghain pointed at him, "You've managed to turn my own daughter against me. What dark arts have you employed to turn her mind?"

"We have done nothing but attempt to save Ferelden from the Blight," Maddie spoke calmly, her lovely modulated voice, the voice of a noblewoman for generations, a direct contrast to Loghain's ranting. "Can you say the same?"

Loghain made one last attempt to sway the Landsmeet, "Who here can say that Anora is not fit to rule this land? And who can say that this Alistair is? We know nothing of him save that he may have royal blood. For five years, Anora has been queen, and proven herself worthy of the Theirin name. She can lead our people through this crisis, and I can lead her armies."

Cogburn took a deep breath and waited, one eye on his twin and Alistair, the other on Loghain and Anora. With what they were planning the queen would be a problem. It was time for the Landsmeet to vote, to determine with whom they would stand and fight, and how the Blight would be fought.

Bryland's voice was firm and determined. "South Reach stands with the Grey Wardens."

A noble Cogburn didn't recognize spoke up, Maddie winked at him and he realized the man was the noble whose son Howe had kidnapped. The child retrieved with the help of they and the Crows. "The Warden helped me personally in a…family matter."

Bann Alfstanna, sister of the Templar Howe had imprisoned spoke like a clarion call, "Waking Sea stands with the Grey Warden!"

"Dragons Peak supports the Warden," Sighard nearly shouted the words, his anger still fueling him.

Arl Wulff's voice was gloomy but firm still, "The Western Hills throw their lot in with the Wardens. Maker help us."

Bann Ceorlic was Loghain's sole supporter, from the expression on Maddie's face she hadn't expected otherwise. Cogburn recalled his father chuckling over Ceorlic's unwavering loyalty to Loghain calling him a beaten mabari who didn't realize he was being faithful unto death. "I stand by Loghain! We've no hope of victory otherwise."

Other nobles took up the cry, "I stand with the Warden! The Blight is coming; we need the Grey Wardens." They began to shout their defiance of Loghain.

Cogburn took a deep breath and regarded the Regent. Anora made no move to support her father, still believing that Cogburn supported her claim as queen. "The Landsmeet is against you, Loghain. Step down gracefully."

"Traitors!" Loghain was nearly rabid with rage, "Which of you stood against the Orlesian emperor when his troops flattened your fields and raped your wives?"

"Call off your men and we'll settle this honorably," Cogburn offered keeping his voice calm.

"Then let us end this," Loghain agreed with a frown. "I suppose we both knew it would come to this. A man is made by the quality of his enemies. Maric told me that once. I wonder if it's more a compliment to you or me." He shook his head, visibly throwing off introspection, "Enough. Let the Landsmeet declare the terms of the duel."

Cogburn listened as Bann Alfstanna proclaimed the terms, not giving it much of his attention. He was keeping an eye on Anora in case she decided to put her two cents in. "It shall be fought according to tradition; a test of arms in single combat until one party yields. And we who are assembled will abide by the outcome." Cogburn nodded, he really hadn't expected differently, looking at Maddie his twin nodded her agreement. Her grey gaze flickered over the queen and then over Loghain, clearly she expected problems.

"Will you face me yourself or have you a champion," Loghain didn't quite sneer the question but it was a close thing. Cogburn took a deep breath. There was a part of him that would dearly love to take Loghain on, the same part of him that hadn't shied away from fighting a dragon, if only to make the regent take him seriously as few did. But he had killed Howe, killed the man who had killed his father. It wasn't for him to kill Loghain. He turned and looked at Maddie. His twin, as they had agreed was remaining quiet, allowing Cogburn the appearance of leadership. Anora had no reason to think otherwise as Maddie had done her best to remain in the background apart from informing the queen of her identity. And even in that discussion Maddie had tried to make clear that she had no interest in politics.

Maddie nodded back at him and he looked at Alistair who nodded his agreement gravely, "Twin." Cogburn prompted her, "Who will fight for the Grey Wardens?"

Maddie took one step forward and looked Loghain in the eye for the first time and Cogburn had the satisfaction of seeing the man's face change as he met the steel of Maddie's eyes. It took a stronger man than Loghain to stand before Lady Madelaina Guinne Cousland and sneer. His twin did regal like no other woman in the world. "Alistair FitzTheirin is our Champion," She declared in her cool smoky tones.

Cogburn nearly smiled when Loghain gave Maddie a polite bow, recognizing a lady perhaps, "Then let us test the mettle of our would-be king. Prepare yourself."

Cogburn turned and regarded Alistair, "Remember, we're trying to keep Anora on our side until the last minute." He reminded the Knight in a low voice, "If you can keep from killing him until the end of the duel it would be better." Zevran and Maddie were checking Alistair's armor and Sten looked over the Grey Warden's sword and shield before proclaiming them fit.

Alistair looked at Cogburn and then at Anora, "I'll do my best." He offered mildly, "So long as I can kill him eventually."

"You have my word," Cogburn nodded his expression grim.

"Then let me at him," Alistair offered Maddie a grin and a nod of thanks to Zevran and Sten. Cogburn raised his eyebrows at Morrigan who discretely wiggled her fingers and Alistair's armor gleamed briefly. Cogburn couldn't help the smirk that tugged at his lips, leave it to his witch to find a way to cheat at a duel of single combat.

The duel itself was brutal, Loghain and Alistair had similar fighting styles, but Alistair was strong enough to resist Loghain's war cry and Loghain couldn't bowl him over with his shield. That Loghain hadn't spent the last year and a half tramping all over Ferelden was obvious as he grew winded easily. Alistair was younger and faster, and he was filled with fury over what Loghain had done to his country and his family.

The fight was brutal, but it didn't last long.

Cogburn took a deep breath and watched as Loghain pushed himself upright again, weariness in every line of his body, "So, there is some of Maric in you after all. Good." The former regent nodded towards Alistair as if he hadn't left one of Maric's sons to die and tried to kill the other multiple times.

Cogburn looked at Maddie and shrugged, Alistair's smile of victory tilted grimly and he tightened his grip on his sword, "Forget Maric. This is for Duncan." His sword rose and fell in one swift bloody stroke and blood sprayed from Loghain's neck, spattering Anora as well as Cogburn, Maddie and himself. Loghain's head tumbled limply to the floor, his body collapsing.

Cogburn watched as Anora brushed futilely at her clothing and face, her expression horrified and grief-stricken. He couldn't decide if the queen was more upset because her father was dead or because Loghain's blood had gotten on her.

Eamon started to speak then, having made his way down from the balcony to the main floor of the hall, "So it is decided. Alistair will take his father's throne."

Cogburn nearly chuckled as Alistair in a masterful piece of acting began to behave the fool, "Wait, what? No! When did this get decided? Nobody's decided that, have they?"

Of course, Anora jumped in then, eager to take power as her father had been. Cogburn was starting to think that he'd had a narrow escape, after all, Anora had hinted that a marriage to a Cousland would be a good way to keep the people of Ferelden happy. A son of the oldest line in Ferelden and the daughter of its greatest common born hero would make a fine political marriage. When she'd brought that up Cogburn had nearly choked on the wine he'd been sipping and excused himself.

"He refuses the throne. Everyone here has heard him," Anora cried loudly. "I think its clear then, that he abdicates in favor of me."

Eamon shook his head at her, "I hardly think you're the appropriate person to mediate this Anora." He looked at Cogburn, ostentatiously ignoring Maddie who was standing at Alistair's side. "Warden, will you help us?"

Cogburn nodded and looked at his twin, he hoped she was sure about this decision. After this, there would be no going back. Maddie nodded minutely and Cogburn took a deep breath, here went...everything. "Yes I can settle this."

"As the arbiter of this dispute, what is your decision?" Eamon asked in what Cogburn couldn't help but think was an overly grandiose manner, "Who will lead Ferelden?"

Cogburn took a deep breath and spoke as clearly as he could, "Alistair will be king."

Maddie's voice joined his as he spoke the last word and continued on, "...King. And I will rule beside him."

Alistair's reaction was the most telling, he grinned a bit foolishly, still keeping up the act, "Really? You will? This is where I wake up, usually." He chuckled, "Or everyone points and laughs because I have no clothes on…"

Eamon had clearly decided to deal with his king and betrothed later, ignoring them both in favor of telling Anora what to do, "Anora, the Landsmeet has decided against you. You must now swear fealty to our king, and relinquish all claim to the throne for yourself and your heirs."

Cogburn could have told him that would go down about as well as a dose down a Mabari's throat. Anora's pretty face hardened with stubborn rage, "if you think I will swear that oath, Eamon, you know nothing of me."

Attempting to inject common sense into the conversation was probably a lost cause but he had to try, Cogburn sighed, "Anora be reasonable."

"Reason clearly had nothing to do with your choice Warden," Anora looked down her nose at him and Cogburn rolled his eyes. Forget about the entire Landsmeet watching him, this woman was the most self centered entitled piece of work he'd ever encountered, and he'd met scores of noble women.

"We cannot leave Ferelden in a state of civil war. We must have unity," Eamon proclaimed. "If she will not swear fealty to you Alistair, and renounce her claim to the throne, she is a threat to us all."

Cogburn could tell Alistair was more than a little irked by all of Eamon's pontificating, "What do you want me to do, exactly? Kill her? I can't do that. There's still the threat of the Blight." He shook his head thinking for a moment and then looked at Eamon and Anora, "I guess…put her in the tower for now. Lock her up... maybe we can find somewhere to send her. Later. If I die fighting the Blight someone will have to lead Ferelden."

Anora's astonishment showed in her voice, "You would let me live? To rule Ferelden? I...would not have done the same for you."

Alistair's voice was curt, "I said if I die Anora. And if that happens then I wish you joy of the throne. With the Blight ruling will be no picnic."

"Very well then. Guards take her away." Eamon seemed to take the matter in stride. Cogburn could admit that, nothing seemed to faze the Arl. "Your highness, would you address the Landsmeet?"

"Oh…that would be me," Alistair took a deep breath and uttered a curse no chantry boy should know, before he began to make his little speech. "Right, um…I never knew him, but from all I've heard of my father, what defined him was his commitment to protecting this land." Cogburn could see Maddie's lips barely move from where she stood at Alistair's elbow and guessed she was giving him some advice on what to say. Sure enough, Alistair's speech gained some direction. "Everyone, get ready to march," He commanded in a ringing voice. "It's going to take all of Ferelden's strength to survive this Blight. We'd better get going. Ferelden is depending on us."

Cogburn sent Morrigan a grin and raised his sword, beginning the cheer that would resound through the hall by the time the Bannorn was done. The armies would begin the march to Redcliffe in a few hours, and then the true task would begin.


	76. 76 Maddie

_There's a time for everyone if they only learn_   
_That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn_   
_There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors_   
_When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours_

_And can you feel the love tonight It is where we are_   
_It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer That we got this far_   
_And can you feel the love tonight How it's laid to rest_   
_It's enough to make kings and vagabonds Believe the very best_

Maddie was pacing, her hands twisting against each other nervously. She was aware of Morrigan watching her with amusement but she still couldn't calm herself, "Morrigan what if he's angry?" She whispered to the witch. "What if I misunderstood..."

"Madelaina Guinne Cousland, you have misunderstood nothing and you know it," Morrigan folded her arms and speared Maddie with a dark green gaze. "That man is tail over top in love with you and the world knows it."

"The look of shock on his face hardly bespoke of passion and affection's wish granted," Maddie shook her head. "I just...Morrigan what if he doesn't actually want to marry me? He's stuck with me now."

"Enough of this madness," Morrigan shook her head, "Firstly, he'll be king. If he doesn't wish to marry you the betrothal could be disolved I'm certain. And he was shocked because contrary to all expectations instead of being killed he was made king."

"He only had to become betrothed to me to do it," Maddie sighed. "And I notice my twin has made himself scarce, as if he has had nothing to do with all of it."

"I believe he is waiting in the hallway," The Witch shrugged slightly. "Keeping all the well wishers and those who would begin ingratiating themselves with the future queen at bay."

Maddie sighed and shook her head, "I never..." She looked at Morrigan, "Morrigan you know I never wanted the throne, no more than Alistair did. But I..."

"But you want him," The other woman smiled slightly, "The throne is the price you pay to have him."

"Exactly," The noblewoman turned rogue sighed again. "But is he willing to pay the same price to have me?"

The door opened then and Alistair walked in followed by Cogburn who closed the door behind him. Maddie turned and regarded her king and lover. He was half smiling but she couldn't be certain it was for her, "So...strange story," He began whimsically. "Tell me if you've heard this one: fellow gets made king and gets engaged all on the same night..."

Maddie took a half step towards him, hesitant in a way she hadn't been in over a year, "You aren't," She took a deep breath. "You aren't angry are you?"

His gorgeous blue eyes crinkled as he smiled and took her hands drawing her closer, "I'm not thrilled with the idea of being king." He admitted quietly. "I never wanted it, I told you that...yet here I am. Not much to be done now. And we did talk about how much Ferelden needed a king. And how much I wanted to live." He paused and Maddie felt his hand squeeze hers gently, looking down into her eyes. "I suppose I'm more curious about...you know the betrothal. I like the idea, but..." He rested his forehead against hers, "Maddie, love are you sure?"

She couldn't help nodding, "Never wanted to be queen, but I will be if it means you're my husband." Maddie pressed a small kiss to his lips. "So really the question is, am I sure I want to marry you? Yes."

Alistair grinned down at her, "Oh, I guess that saves me from having to ask then. Whew!" He teased. "They'll expect an heir you know," His eyes slanted towards Morrigan. "With the taint in our blood, it's hard enough for a Grey Warden to have a child on their own. For two of them..." He shook his head. "Every Grey Warden I knew who had children had them before they took the Joining. Having an heir... might not be possible...not without help."

"Which is why, when Alistair decided he wished to have you as his bride and queen he approached me," Morrigan explained stepping forward. "I have crafted potions for you to take Maddie, they will enable you to conceive and carry a child, protected from the taint."

Maddie leaned against Alistair and smiled at her friend, the witch who had become closer than a sister to her, "Well then if I do not conceive it won't be for lack of help or lack of trying." She would hug Morrigan firmly later, "Thank you my friend."

Alistair's attention had been fixed on the first part of her speech and he chuckled, "That's an excellent point. Good thing we got started when we did, hmm?" He kissed her forhead, "We'll let Eamon and Teagan worry about that for a while before we start using those potions. We're both young yet, so we can deal with an heir a little later. My coronation isn't going to happen for some time yet…and we've still got the Darkspawn to fight."

Maddie nodded her agreement and pressed one last kiss to his lips before Alistair began to explain what was going on with the troops and their allies. "Arl Eamon has left for Redcliffe, and he says the armies have almost finished gathering there. We should go to Redcliffe as soon as possible." He sent them all a grin, "If we don't deal with the Archdemon soon, it'll get cranky. And nobody wants that."

"One cannot have a cranky Archdemon," Cogburn agreed. "We'd best get moving."

Maddie cast an eye around the room. Zevran sent her a wink from where he had been flirting with Wynne and Leliana effectively distracting them from her pacing and worrying. Sten, Shale, Oghren and Rooster were examining everyone's armor, with the dwarf and Sten making repairs while Rooster nosed at it and occasionally wagged his tail. "A few preparations and we'll be ready I think," She agreed. "I want no patchy armor or dull swords when we reach the horde."

Alistair nodded and Cogburn looked around, "All right." The male rogue agreed, "Let's take one last look at the armor, sharpen up the blades. Morrigan, you and Wynne, set aside your differences and make sure you both are covered for spell components and ingredients for healing."

Zevran bowed to Leliana and Wynne before coming over to speak with the Grey Wardens, "I think perhaps before we leave the city, we check with a few sources, shall we say, and make certain we have all we need in the way of ingredients and components ourselves. The roads will be well traveled and the waysides plucked bare."

"Also a sound thought," Maddie nodded. "It's quite a walk out of the city, we'll stop in the shops we know are good along with way. We can also make a stop at that depot Riordan told us about, there might be supplies we can use. And certainly it would be well thought to carry as much as we can to the armies."

"Well we've got Bodhan and his cart at the gates so we won't be overly encumbered if it comes to a fight," Cogburn nodded.

* * *

 

Maddie looked at Zevran and tilted her head towards the rear of the group. Cogburn was scouting ahead, Leliana was hurrying forward, and everyone else was walking as quickly as they could towards Redcliffe. "Can I talk to you a moment Zev?"

"What is your wish my friend?" Zevran gave a gallant and somehow humorous bow of his head as they dropped back to guard the rear of the party.

"Before we entered the Landsmeet, Riordan drew me aside," Maddie said quietly. "He said something that I...did not... relish at the time."

"And what was that?" Zevran looked at her quizzically. "I have never seen you doubt your decisions in regards to politics or strategy."

"And I don't normally," The noblewoman shook her head. "He said... we might want to think of sparing Loghain's life if we could. That he might be valuable. That more Grey Wardens were always needed."

"And you wonder if you should have told Cogburn and Alistair of this? Perhaps schemed to keep Loghain alive?" Zevran surmised, "Did Riordan not say in Howe's dungeons that much of what is needed to make new Grey Wardens was lost? How then could Loghain serve as a Warden to help end this Blight?"

Maddie shook her head, "I wondered something similar, and that was part of why I discounted his words. But it wasn't the larger part," She looked at Zevran. "It was because of Alistair."

"You knew he would not be pleased," Zevran's voice was thoughtful as he regarded her.

"I thought if there was anything Alistair could not forgive...it would be if we spared Loghain's life and added insult to injury by making him a Warden," Maddie whispered. "He's been forced to associate with thieves, Qunari, malificarum and take on all manner of madness in order to deal with this Blight but he's done all of it with a smile on his face and a joke on his lips."

"But the man who abandoned your brethren on the field of battle, who attempted to have you assassinated, used his daughter to lure you into a trap," Zevran listed Loghain's sins. "To have that man, the ultimate traitor, who left your king to be murdered by Darkspawn, made a Warden, made equal to Alistair's lost brothers..."

"I couldn't do it," Maddie shook her head. "I couldn't just... let the man live. Cogburn got to kill Howe. I had the satisfaction at least of knowing the man who'd betrayed us was dead. How could I deny Alistair that same peace?"

"You could not," Zevran shook his head, "Not and be the woman he loves." The elf spread his hands in surrender, "Perhaps it would have been more politic to allow Loghain to live. Perhaps it might even have been more practical...but I think my dear that you are right. It would have been asking too much of Alistair."

"I don't know what he would have done," Maddie whispered. "But it would have been something drastic. Something to make clear to us all that he would have nothing to do with Loghain. I couldn't risk it."

"He would not have raised a hand to you Maddie," Zevran was attempting to be reassuring, she could tell. "He loves you so completely that he could not harm you. But I do not doubt he would have abandoned us...as he would have felt we abandoned him had you decided to spare Loghain."

"I couldn't risk it," Maddie shook her head again. "I didn't talk to Morrigan about it. I didn't tell my twin. I spoke to no one. I decided and I said nothing about Riordan's words. And now to fight the entire Darkspawn army and the arch demon we have all of four Grey Wardens."

"Ah, but you are the four best Grey Wardens I know," Zevran smiled at her.

"We're the only Grey Wardens you know Zev," Maddie reminded him with a half smile.

"True, but I am a Crow. I know quality when I see it." Zevran paused and studied Alistair's tall figure striding ahead of them with the main group. "And for what its worth, I think you made the right decision, for him and for Ferelden. It is the only one you could have made if you wished to save both Thedas and Ferelden."

"But is that why I did it Zevran? Or did I choose to let Loghain die at Alistair's hands so that I wouldn't lose the man I loved?" Maddie asked the question that haunted her.

"With you my dear, its always the hard questions isn't it," The elf chuckled. "I think it is a blend of all three reasons. You are a complex woman my friend. You do not accept easy answers and you never ask simple questions. Your motives are frequently multi-layered and your morals are as complex as your skills. But I do not doubt that your underlying reasons...they are rarely selfish."

"You have a great deal of faith in me Zevran," Maddie shook her head. "I don't know why."

"Because of the faith you put in me," The assassin shook his head. "Without you, I would not be fighting for such a worthy cause. Without your friendship, I might have turned on you when Taliesin found us. But you and your twin to an extent, but you and Alistair most especially, you spoke with me as an equal. You asked me questions about my life, you cared about the answers and most of all you believed in me. You believed I could be a better man than I was. All I wish to do is to prove you right. You gave me a second chance to live, as a free man this time. You of all our companions know how important that is."

"I do," Maddie nodded thoughtfully. "I know all too well." She smiled, "Thank you Zevran Arainai. Your counsel is valued highly."

"As is your company Madelaina Guinne Cousland," Zevran gave her a wicked little smile. "Now...about the noises I heard from your room the other night..." He laughed evilly as she felt her cheeks begin to heat in a fiery blush.

"Bad bad man," Maddie knew her face was flaming red. "The most wickedest evil man."

* * *

 

Maddie took a deep breath and took what she'd found out of the back of Bodhan's cart before she hurried up to Alistair's side, "Alistair." She smiled up at him.

"My beautiful and beloved Lady," The knight grinned at her, his words adoring and laced with humor. "How may I help you as we trudge along the delightful dusty roads of our native land?"

"My Lord," Maddie teased back knowing he'd hate the title.

"Argh, oh no," Alistair groaned. "No I'm not having that," He shook his head and mock glared down at her. "I'll have to take my lording and sers and graces and all that from everyone else, but I won't have it from you Maddie."

"I should call you my King?" Maddie grinned up at him.

"You should call me Alistair," He sighed. "Please promise me Maddie, my love, you won't ever..."

"Unless we are in formal company and protocol requires it, such as a Landsmeet or similar situation," Maddie nodded seeing he truly did find the idea upsetting. "Know that even if I am required to call you by your title you'll always be my Alistair in my heart," She smiled and was rewarded with his expression relaxing slightly. "And if I think you need reminding, I'll simply call you 'My King', so you'll know that I still see and love my Knight Alistair who adventured with me and kept me from death's door, you know you'll always be mine, my love."

"Thank you," His words were heavy with sincerity. "I worry about it you know? That no one will ever see Alistair again."

"Not if I have my way," Maddie shook her head. "I know too well what that's like remember? Everyone who saw Teyrn Cousland's daughter and never saw Maddie. I won't let that happen to you my love."

"I trust that you won't," Alistair murmured. "I trust you in all things my Maddie." He offered her a hopeful smile, "Now you're carrying something around with you and that's not usual. You like to travel light, unencumbered."

"Well, I've something for you," Maddie smiled. "I hope you'll like it. I found it in the Grey Warden's cache." She handed him the heavy object she'd slung over her arm, removing the burlap that protected it. A shield with a crest upon it.

"This…This shield. It's Duncan's isn't it? That's his crest," Alistair looked at her in amazement.

Maddie nodded, "I thought maybe you might want it."

"Thank you," Alistair's voice cracked slightly as he held the shield, "Truly, I had no idea his shield wasn't with him. This is perfect." His dark blue eyes regarded her with such warmth she felt her skin turning pink. Gently he pressed his lips to her cheek, "I don't know how else to express my gratitude. This mean's a great deal to me. I can't believe you remembered it at all…"

She tilted her head and wished they were alone, not walking as quickly as possible on the road to Redcliffe, "Of course I remembered," Maddie spoke as quietly as she could and still be heard. "You wished you had something of his to carry with you. I have one of his daggers, as does Cogburn, it seems only right that you carry his shield. Were it not for Duncan we, all three of us, would be dead. It's right that we honor him by using his weapons against the Darkspawn."

Alistair nodded his agreement, "I'll treasure this." He told her softly. "Thank you again, my love."

"You are most welcome," Maddie smiled. "I'd better go and relieve Cogburn at the scout's position. I'll see you in a few hours love."

"Take care," Alistair pressed a quick kiss to her cheek before she left. Maddie grinned as she saw Zevran detach himself from Wynn and move forward to speak with Alistair.


	77. 77 Alistair

_Don't get me wrong I'd never say never_   
_'Cause though love can change the weather_   
_No act of God can pull me away from you_   
_I'm just a realistic man, a bottle filled with shells and sand_   
_Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you_   
_And though I see us through, yeah_

The arrival at Redcliffe was disturbingly similar to the first time they'd come up the road towards the village. Instead of Tomas greeting them though there was a villager running in a panic and a darkspawn chasing him. Alistair didn't quite roll his eyes, though he caught Cogburn muttering to himself about people being too stupid to live. He found himself agreeing with the noble rogue when he learned the man had returned to the village for belongings rather than say a wife, child or hound. "Well let's push on shall we?" He indicated the delightful climb up the hill towards the keep. "I'm sure Eamon is eager to tell me what he thinks we should do."

"I'm more interested in what Riordan has to say," Cogburn said quietly and Maddie nodded her agreement.

"He did seem disturbed by how little we all knew about the order and the Blight when we spoke so briefly in Denerim," Maddie added looking at Alistair. "Any idea why that would be?"

"It could be any number of things," Alistair shook his head as they climbed the hills, mentally grateful someone had dug steps into the side and used timbers to keep the stair in place. "Somehow I doubt it was planned by the high command that we be the last three Grey Wardens in Ferelden and all of us the youngest and least experienced in the Order. Hopefully he has good news, like the Arch Demon can be defeated by discordant singing. In which case we simply point Cogburn in the ugly dragon's general direction, plug our ears and tell him to start yodeling."

"Hey," Cogburn protested, his effort to defend himself somewhat hampered by his concentration on climbing and maintaining a lookout for more darkspawn.

"Ah there's the wit and charm Morrigan dotes upon," Alistair chuckled. "That banter that so lightens our steps and quickens our journey."

"I say again, 'hey'," Cogburn rolled his eyes. "My singing isn't that bad."

He was given two identical looks of skepticism and one grumble of protest from Sten while Zevran laughed aloud, "My friend, there is little you can do to change your singing. Accept that you are tone deaf and to carry a tune in a bucket would be beyond your capabilities." The elf was still chuckling, "I do not think Morrigan loves you for your singing."

"Indeed," The witch's voice was dry. "I rather enjoy his ability to make me...yodel."

"Oh...eww..." Alistair groaned, "No offense Morrigan, and that's something I thought I'd never say, but can we not discuss, talk about or otherwise refer to anything that involves Cogburn being...naked. I'd like to keep my last meal in my stomach."

"I second the motion," Maddie agreed. "After all, we do not ask you or my twin to picture, discuss or refer to Alistair and myself in the buff."

The witch's laughter was mockingly affectionate, "Maddie I would bet you five coppers I can make you blush within a quarter of a candlemark, regardless of your activities with our new King."

"I have no doubt," Maddie slanted a wry glance at her friend. "And Alistair as well," She grinned and stood next to Alistair at the end of the bridge. "There are darkspawn in the courtyard I'll wager," She frowned and looked over her shoulder at the rest of the group.

"You're not wrong," Alistair agreed and turned to see Zevran checking his armor while Cogburn looked over Rooster's war-paint. "Anyone not checking their armor do it now, we might not even make it across the bridge before we're attacked," He ordered.

"Someone is certainly acting as if he's in charge now that he's wearing a crown," Leliana muttered not quite inaudibly.

"Yes Leliana, a shiny gold hat is all I needed to grow a set," Alistair quipped. "I lost the coin toss this morning, which means you all get to do what I say until the next shift." He shook his head and took his helmet off for the coolness of the air before putting it back on. "I knew I should have insisted on using my own copper piece for the toss."

"If it's any consolation it probably wouldn't have helped," Maddie chuckled as she tightened the buckles on her kilt. "Shall we?"

"As you please my dear," The newly crowned king grinned at her. "Let's not keep the horde waiting."

* * *

 

Alistair knew just from the look on Riordan's face that he wasn't going to have anything to say that the younger Grey Wardens would wish to hear. He gave Maddie a look he hoped was reassuring and was gratified by the slight smile that tugged her lips as they moved towards the eldest Warden. Eamon had given Riordan a room with a sturdy door and a sitting area attached to it so they were all at least comfortable for the conversation even if it wasn't going to be an easy topic. "Riordan," Alistair greeted the senior Warden respectfully. "I get the impression you have something you need to say."

"I do," Riordan nodded, "Now that you are all here. You are new to the Grey wardens, and you may not have been told how an Archdemon is slain. I need to know if that is so."

Alistair took a deep breath, "You mean there's more to it than just, say, chopping off its head?"

Riordan's face was a study of impassive resignation, "So it is true. Duncan had not yet told you. I had simply assumed…" He shook his head and regarded the three of them solemnly. "Tell me, have you ever wondered why the Grey Wardens are needed to defeat the Darkspawn?"

"I assume it has something to do with the taint in us," Maddie's soft smoky voice held steel in it. Alistair knew she was holding onto her calm by sheer bloody will. She knew she wouldn't like what they were going to hear and she wasn't going to break down in front of this man who'd been through just as much as she had or worse.

"That is exactly what it involves. The Archdemon may be slain as any other Darkspawn, but should any other than a Grey warden do the slaying, it will not be enough," Riordan nodded to her as he explained. "The essence of the Archdemon is absorbed into the Grey warden."

Cogburn frowned and his sarcasm fell slightly flat as he spoke, "That doesn't sound very healthy." Alistair found himself shaking his head in agreement.

"A Darkspawn is an empty soulless vessel but a Grey warden is not," The senior Grey Warden said quietly. "The essence of the Archdemon is destroyed…and so is the Grey Warden."

Alistair really didn't care for the sound of that, "Meaning…the Grey Warden who kills the Archdemon…dies?" He frowned thoughtfully, if that was the case there was no way he was letting Maddie near the damn Archdemon.

"Yes. Without the Archdemon the blight ends," Riordan nodded his confirmation. "It is the only way."

Maddie took a deep breath and that vein of steel was back in her voice, "So it's up to the four of us to kill this thing."

Alistair exchanged a look with Cogburn, neither of them wanted her to die. Riordan wasn't unobservant and his sharp gaze caught that look, though Maddie didn't give away by word or expression whether she'd seen the two men closest to her nonverbally conspiring. That didn't, however, mean that she hadn't seen it, just that Maddie wasn't reacting. But that was her usual modus operandi when it came to what she considered male idiocy, ignore it for the time being and smack sense into them later.

Riordan nodded his agreement with Maddie's words and elaborated, "In blights past, when the time came the eldest of the grey wardens would decide which amongst them would take that final blow. If possible the final blow should be mine to make. I am the eldest and the taint will not spare me much longer. But if I fail, the deed falls on you," His dark eyes were implacable; reminding each of them of the duty they bore, a duty that could not be forsworn. "The blight must be stopped now or it will destroy all of Ferelden before the rest of the Grey Wardens can be assembled. Remember that."

Alistair nodded his understanding and looked at Maddie whose face had gone completely expressionless. He'd better get her alone before she got the idea in her head that they'd all be better off if she went in search of the Archdemon herself. In front of Riordan he couldn't exactly say anything but once they were alone... Thankfully Riordan seemed to realize they all needed a little time to come to terms with this death sentence on top of the death sentence they already lived with.

"But enough," Riordan said quietly, "There will be much to do tomorrow and little enough time to rest before it. I will let you return to your rooms."

Alistair nodded and gently put a hand on Maddie's shoulder, a simple and innocent touch to guide her as a gentleman would a lady but it made him feel better just the same, "I will see you once the army is ready to march then." He shook his head, his reign as king would be shorter than he'd hoped if this went badly wrong, "I guess this ends soon, one way or another."

"That it does my friend," Riordan nodded at the three of them as Cogburn moved towards the door, holding it open for the other two. "That it does."

* * *

 

Alistair was pacing, Morrigan had been awaiting them in the hallway outside of the twin's rooms. Maddie hadn't been planning on spending the night in her room but for appearances sake she'd put her pack in there. It was only one door down from his but... Morrigan had looked extremely determined, and when she'd asked to speak with the twins Maddie had agreed. Cogburn of course wouldn't deny Morrigan conversation if she wanted it, though Alistair personally doubted the rogue spent a lot of time talking with the witch when they were private.

But it had been nigh on three quarter candlemarks and Maddie hadn't returned yet. Now he was starting to get nervous. Maybe she was rethinking the whole 'marry Alistair and be queen' idea. Maybe Morrigan had an idea to save Maddie...that would be fine with him honestly enough but why would Maddie delay in telling him? He might not be Morrigan's favorite person, but it was plain as the Flemeth nose on the witch's face that Morrigan loved Maddie better than a sister. Morrigan would have no qualms about telling him that she was buggering off and taking Maddie with her until after the Archdemon was defeated.

Finally the door opened and Maddie entered his bedroom, "Thank the Maker," Alistair muttered in relief. "I've been worried sick that something was wrong."

Maddie's smile was strained, "No love, Morrigan didn't have bad news for us." She shook her head, "Though, we do need to talk."

Alistair chuckled trying to lighten the mood, "Oh. I guess whatever Morrigan had to say it's big. This is what I get for becoming king. Everyone always brings you the bad news. So what is it then? Rats running amok? Cheese supplies run low? I can take it." He moved towards her and let his hand cup her face, "Seriously love, what is it?"

"I love you. You know that right?" Maddie's eyes were huge and worried as she stared up at him.

"Could you make it sound more ominous? Tell me already," Alistair tugged her towards the bed and sat down with her, making sure he kept her hand in his.

"What if I told you there was a way to avoid dying tomorrow?" She said slowly, obviously choosing her words carefully.

Alistair tilted his head, "You meant with the Archdemon right? If you mean running away I can't do that," He shook his head and regarded her shrewdly, "But you don't mean that do you? What is this about?"

Maddie took a deep breath, "I know you've been getting along with Morrigan better lately. But part of me is truly worried that you'll object to this..." She shivered suddenly and Alistair couldn't help himself, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap.

"Maddie, I adore you. If you told me that in order to save your life I had to take part in a magical ritual that involved Morrigan mocking my intelligence and manly bits I'd do it," He told her with a smile. "When we heard the news tonight...I was seriously considering ways I could keep you away from the Archdemon. No matter what, I just don't want you to die. Not ever. But I'll settle for not for the next thirty years."

Her voice held a sob and laughter at the same time, "Only you could make me laugh over something I'd want to kill you for another time," She told him with sigh. "Because I was thinking the same about you."

"The difference is that I've got your twin on my side," Alistair chuckled. "Pretty sure that he won't put my life ahead of yours."

"No," Maddie shook her head. "But what if there was a way...none of us had to die? Not for thirty years anyway."

"All...right," Alistair rubbed his cheek against her hair and absently kissed her forehead. "Morrigan's going to do something magical I take it?"

"She is," Maddie nodded. "I gather its something her mother had planned for a long time. It's the reason she sent Morrigan along with us."

Alistair didn't like that. If Flemeth wanted something done it seemed like a good reason to not do it, but still if it kept Maddie alive... "What does she have to do?"

"She's going to conceive a child with my twin," Maddie said softly. "She'll conceive, we kill the Archdemon and the essence of the old god will be taken into the unborn child. It won't be tainted anymore. She'll bear a child with the spirit of the old god and...she'll leave." Alistair felt her sigh and knew she was thinking of Morrigan leaving, leaving her twin, leaving them all, to bear a child alone.

"She doesn't have to leave does she?" He asked in concern, "If I live through this I'm meant to be king. She could stay, we could find her a home somewhere...Gwaren maybe so Cogburn could see her. So you could still see her."

Maddie's voice was tired, "I don't think she's worried about what people will think, though I don't believe she looks forward to leaving. She talks as if it's something she'll have to do."

"I take it that Cogburn is planning on going through with the ritual regardless of what I say?" Alistair was fairly certain of that. The male Cousland could take stubborn to insane heights when it concerned the witch he was in love with.

"He is," She sighed. "You know he can deny her nothing...and for the chance to live past tomorrow for all of us..."

"He'd say yes even if he had to sleep with Leliana or Wynne," Alistair couldn't help chuckling. "Why so nervous about telling me? It's not as if I don't know your twin."

"If the ritual is successful," Maddie said quietly. "It will mean that none of the Grey Wardens will die, including Riordan." She looked up at him, "How would we explain that? You know that sooner or later the Wardens at Weisshaupt would surely send someone to investigate."

"We..." Alistair shook his head thinking fast and wondered how life had gotten even more complicated, "We say there was another Grey Warden? Someone else who barely made it out of Ostagar? Someone Riordan didn't know about? Daneth maybe?"

"It could work," Maddie's voice was thoughtful. "We'll have to see who lives through the battle, it may be moot afterwards."

"We'll figure something out," He shrugged. "With your brains and my brawn we can pretty much make someone swallow our story." Alistair reached over towards the chest at the end of the bed. "Speaking of making things up, there'll be questions when you're able to conceive too."

"Hmm..." Maddie looked up at him. "We could always pass that off as me not really being a Grey Warden," She suggested quietly. "The Bannorn won't care so long as I bear you children. You and I will know the truth. And the high command... well, it's not as if they were at Ostagar. Who's to say that Duncan didn't simply name me a Warden to protect the last Cousland heir. Even Oghren said it's a rarity for there to be two Wardens from the same family."

"He wasn't wrong," Alistair said quietly. "Part of me still can't believe Duncan took the both of you. Left your people without a Teyrn," He kissed her forehead wanting nothing more than to forget everything in her arms. "And in thirty years when we both go to the Deep Roads well, our children will be grown...no one will question it when we both disappear."

"They'll simply believe I'm so in love with you that when your time comes I refuse to let you die alone," Maddie said softly. "And they'd be right."

Alistair shook his head, "I won't think about you dying." He gave into impulse and kissed her, his hands cupping her face, "I won't let you die my love."

"Well then you'd better stay alive too," Maddie told him sternly. "I refuse to live without you."

"Then we'd better live," Alistair grinned. "But I think we should remind each other exactly why it's so important we live."

"And how would we do that," Her grey eyes were twinkling up at him. "By surrounding ourselves with our friends?"

"Hmm..." Alistair stood, cradling her in his arms easily before he turned and laid her over the bed. "No, I think I'll have to remind you another way." He was glad neither of them were wearing armor as he covered her body with his. "Eventually I'll even work on getting your clothes off," He chuckled as he pressed kisses to her lips and neck.

"Well...if we must we must," Maddie giggled. "Let's forget tomorrow...and just live for tonight."

"I knew I was corrupting you," Alistair chuckled and began to let his hands wander over her body.


	78. 78 Cogburn

_I think I'm done nursing the patience_   
_It can wait one night_   
_I'd give it all away if you give me one last try_   
_We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life_   
_Run and tell all the angels that everything is alright. . ._   
_Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone_   
_Try and make this life my own_

The mood was somber as the younger three Grey Wardens walked down the stone hallway to the rooms Eamon had given them. Riordan's information hadn't been happy news for any of them. Cogburn wasn't sure what to hope for in the event that Riordan died before he reached the Archdemon, that he lived, that his sister did, that Alistair lived... what was best for his country wouldn't be what was best for his friends, what was best for Maddie... He saw movement in the shadows and his hand was on his sword before he could think. He saw Maddie with a dagger in her hand and Alistair's sword out, tension riding all three of them.

"Do not be alarmed," Morrigan's voice was amused, "'Tis only I."

Cogburn noted with amusement that Alistair still held his sword as if considering whether or not he'd need it before sending the witch an amused look before he resheathed it. Maddie's dagger was back on her belt and she was rolling her eyes. "Morrigan, is everything all right," His twin asked softly.

"I would like to speak with the two of you please," Morrigan's eyes went from Maddie to Cogburn, dark and unreadable.

Cogburn nodded his agreement opening the door to the room he'd been assigned and gestured for Morrigan to enter, "Maddie." He watched her enter behind Morrigan and looked at Alistair, "I know you want to spend time with her so I'll try to make sure this doesn't take long."

Alistair nodded, "I'll be in my room." He took a deep breath, his eyes lingering on Maddie before he turned and walked away. The nobleman turned Warden took a deep breath before he walked into his room and shut the door firmly behind him.

"Alistair will wait for you in his room," Cogburn didn't take his eyes of Morrigan. He just knew he wasn't going to like what she was about to say. He knew his witch, she was sweet when no one could see, terrifying when she wanted to put on a show. And when she was nervous or upset she grew crisp and cutting, impatient with questions and courtesy. She had a tell, a wave of one hand that she used a little too sharply when her nerves were riding her.

"Morrigan, Is everything all right," Cogburn repeated Maddie's words quietly. It wasn't. He knew in his bones that it wasn't. That same frisson of awareness that crept over him when he'd woken to that awful stillness beside Iona, that too quiet sound of men lying in wait, right before the gentle elf girl had died.

"I am well. 'Tis you who are in danger," Morrigan's voice was abrupt, almost businesslike and he felt his chest tighten. A glance at Maddie's face told him that the witch's tone hadn't gone unnoticed by his twin either. Her voice continued, a bit more relaxed but it was her deliberately seductive tone, the one she used when his witch was trying to bargain or distract him, "This does not need to be. I have a plan you see, a way out. The loop in your hole."

"Does not need to be," Maddie repeated the words quietly, her smoky voice melancholy at some thought he couldn't know. "What do you mean?"

Cogburn moved towards Morrigan and when she backed away took her hands in his and steered her towards a chair. "Sit, and breathe and tell me," He said quietly. "I know whatever this is...its something you don't entirely want. But you feel you must..." He touched Morrigan's cheek and tried to smile. "I know you, pretty witch." He gestured to he and Maddie, "We know you. So just tell us." He squeezed her hand and took a seat beside her, "We don't blame you for doing what you must."

"No," Maddie shook her head, "No, we don't. Just tell us please." She seated herself near them and folded her hands in her lap. "You're my dearest friend Morrigan. I know you don't want to do anything that would hurt us. Just spit it out. We're not going to blame you for anything."

Morrigan sighed and shook her head, "I had an entire speech prepared." She told them with a wry look, "I should have known the Cousland twins would throw me off any predetermined path." She sighed again. "What I am offering is...a way out. A way out for all the Grey Wardens, that there need be no sacrifice. A ritual...performed on the eve of battle, in the dark of night."

Cogburn knew he wasn't going to quite like where this was going but he couldn't not ask, "Just what sort of ritual is this?"

Her smile was sad but understanding, "It is old magic, from a time before the Circle of Magi was created. Some would call it blood magic but I think that means little to one like you."

It didn't and she knew that, considering the Grey Warden's were created out of blood magic and desperation. "And from where did you get this ritual," He murmured the question knowing the answer already, "Pretty witch. Morrigan." He lifted her hand and kissed it. "Tell me please."

"From Flemeth of course. I have known about it for some time," She confessed quietly. "I have known what was to come ever since Flemeth sent me to meet you at the old keep in the Wilds."

"I'm not angry," Cogburn squeezed her fingers gently. "We always knew Flemeth was playing some deep game."

"We knew there was a reason beyond a wish to survive the Blight," Maddie offered softly. "I suspected when you and Cogburn grew close that there was some reason for it other than affection on your part. But I could see that you also...cared for him, against your will perhaps, but often the heart pays no discernable attention to the mind."

"That did not make it easier," Morrigan said softly. "This is not easy for me. But you must know all of it."

Cogburn let his thumb rub over her chilled fingers and gave her what he hoped was an ecouraging smile, "Then tell me more."

"What I propose is this: lay with me, here, tonight. And from our joining, a child will be conceived. The child will bear the taint, and when the archdemon is slain, its essence will seek the child like a beacon." Morrigan must have seen the alarm on he and Maddie's face because she hastented to elaborate. "At this early stage the child can absorb that essence and not perish. The archdemon is still destroyed, with no grey warden dying in the process."

"You want to...have my child," He wasn't sure how to react to that. Twice he'd had women attempt to entrap him by claming to be pregnant. But this wasn't entrapment, this was Morrigan, asking him to sire a child on her. He must have looked as confused as he felt because Morrigan was speaking again, more soothingly than matter-of-factly.

"Think about what I offer you: the chance to avoid death. Or better yet, the chance to slay the archdeomon and live as a hero," She said quietly. "No Grey Warden has ever done this. In return I conceive a child, one who will be born with the soul of an Old God. And after this is done, you will allow me to walk away...and you do not follow. Ever." Morrigan looked him in the eye and Cogburn wondered how he was supposed to live with that, "The child will be mine to raise as I wish."

Maddie seemed to realize that he wasn't capable of speaking for a few moments, "How do you even know this will work?"

Morrigan's eyes were dark with sorrow as she looked from Cogburn to his twin, "You surmised my accompanying you was due to an ulterior movie. This is what my mother intended when she sent me with you. She was the one who first gave me this ritual and told me of what I was meant to do." The witch sighed slightly, "I know that this...does not surprise you. That you wondered why Flemeth saved your life, why she aided you? This is why. What is important is that I am offering this to you now. It will work and it will save your lives."

Cogburn knew the answer just might break him but he couldn't help asking the question, "Is this why you've been so...friendly to me?"

His beautiful witch shook her head slowly, "Caring for you as I've come to...that was not part of the plan. But I cannot let what I feel interfere with what I must do." She slid a bit closer to him and let him draw her hands to his lips, "This is important to me. The fact that it may save your life makes me all the more determined to see it done. Please do not...cloud the issue. If you feel anything for me, then accept that it will make what we must do...that much easier."

"But will I ever see you again," He had a sneaking suspicion that he knew what the answer would be but he had to ask the question anyway.

She didn't lie, but then she rarely did. Morrigan would prevaricate, evade or outright not answer but she rarely lied outright, "After the archdemon has been slain? No. No you will never see me again. Refuse my offer however and I leave now." Her gorgeous green eyes were dark with emotion, "This is...simply how it must be."

Maddie had remained silent but she sent him a prodding look and Cogburn took a deep breath, "Wait...I want to know more about this child." When Morrigan nodded her agreement he struggled to think of a decent question to begin with and decided to go with something fairly obvious. "The child won't be hurt will it?"

Her voice was sardonic but her lips tilted in a little understanding smile, "Ignoring that after but one night it could barely be called a child...no, it will not be hurt. It will be changed."

Maddie asked the next question, her smoky voice still quiet as if not to draw too much of their attention away from each other. "Will the child be evil? What will it become?"

"Allow me to say that what I seek is the essence of the Old God that once was and not the dark forces that corrupted it," Morrigan explained gently and Maddie nodded her understanding. "Some things are worth preserving in this world. Make of that what you will."

"What do you intend to do with this child," Cogburn could scarely comprehend that Morrigan wanted his child let alone the idea that he would never see it or her again.

"I do not wish to tell you," There she went again, not lying but not answering either.

But this he did need to know, it was important to him in a way very little else was, "I insist. I need to know what you plan." He squeezed Morrigan's hands in his own affectionately, "I know you won't sacrifice our child on an altar, but you will raise it, care for it."

"The child will represent freedom for an ancient power, a chance to be reborn apart from the taint. Is that not reason enough to do it?" Morrigan's voice wasn't quite as neutral as she was trying to make it, a note of affection skewing her words. "I will raise the child apart from the rest of society and teach it to respect that from which it came. I doubt I could raise any child of yours and not give it all that my heart holds. Beyond that you need know nothing else."

"This is going to be my child. Will I ever see it?" Cogburn knew his voice sounded pleading, knew he must sound weak and sad but first he was being told he'd never see this woman who'd stolen his heart and now that he would never see the child she wanted with him.

At least she was honest, "No, you never will." Morrigan looked him in the eye. "This is all I ask in return for freeing you from the burden the Grey Wardens have placed upon you."

"Morrigan," Maddie said softly. "You must know...we will miss you terribly. Is there no way we'll be able to see you?"

Cogburn was close enough to see the tears well up in Morrigan's eyes and spoke before his witch could answer, "I see. Enough about the child then." He drew her closer and kissed her forehead, "Maddie, would you leave us alone?"

Maddie nodded and rose from her chair, standing before Morrigan for a moment before bending and kissing the other woman on the cheek, "No matter what Morrigan,you're my friend, my sister. If you ever need anything, want anything, call on me... You've made my twin so happy, been so good to me. There's nothing I won't do for you."

Morrigan's eyes nearly spilled over with tears before Maddie left the room but she rallied, and took a deep breath before she looked at him, "Then have you decided?"

Cogburn nodded, "All right. I agree. I'll do it." He cupped her face in his hands, "How could I refuse you anything."

"A very wise decision," Her voice was soft. "Come my love. Put the thoughts of the ritual aside and let us make this last night together one to remember."

That was something he could do, something he could give her apart from this child. He drew her up as he stood and began to carefully remove her clothing, finding the pins in her hair and unwinding the dark knot on the back of her head. Silky soft, her hair spilled down in his hands, over her now bare back. "So beautiful," He muttered, his lips over hers.

Morrigan moaned under his mouth, her lips parting, surrendering to his need for her. Her hands were busy on his armor, pulling the straps loose and pushing pieces to the floor. Cogburn chuckled as she began manuevering him towards the bed, once his armor was gone his witch pushed him back onto the mattress with a wicked smile. Cogburn pushed himself up on his elbows and edged backwards into a better position as Morrigan began to crawl over him. Magic glowed from her hands for a moment, outlining her body before being absorbed into her very skin.

"I take it you'll be in charge of the evenings activities my love," Cogburn asked in a low hungry voice.

"I did not think you would mind," Her tone was amused and just as filled with appetite as his, her body straddling him, pressing down onto his.

"You would not be wrong," Cogburn wondered if his smile was as feral as he felt, as if his hunger would explode outward if he didn't get inside her soon. He grasped her hips as she leant down and blew out the candle, tugging her body down so he could fix his mouth to the tips of her breasts. The taste of her sent all the blood in his body to his cock, "Maker help me, Morrigan...I need you." He groaned the words out against her skin.

"Ohh..." She was so warm against him, her body flushed with desire as she moaned. Cogburn could feel how damp she was, her body ready, hot and wet, pressing against his cock. "Your mouth..." Morrigan's voice sounded so sweet to his ears, "Please give me more of it."

He didn't tumble her over she was beneath him, though part of him wanted to do just that, but he pulled her closer, her mound pressed hotly against him and fixed his mouth to her other breast, laving and sucking her nipple into his mouth, her flesh tight and sweet against his tongue, surrounding the tender bud with his lips. Her moans and cries were perfect, hitting his ears like the sweetest music, "Ride me Morrigan." Cogburn commanded, one hand on her hip, holding her tightly. "Take me inside you."

"Yes," His witch sounded breathy and desperate and a the same time a thread of control wove through her words, "Yes, inside me now." She lifted her body in his grasp and found his cock, rising over him and then sliding down. She was hot and tight, achingly sweet fire around his body and he couldn't help the groan of pleasure that burst out of his lips. A surge of magic lit their flesh, a glow surrounding their skin before it gathered and sank inside them.

Instantly it felt as if his skin was too tight, as if he would go mad were his needs not satisfied, Morrigan's body tightened around his cock and Cogburn knew it was the same for her somehow. She shifted over him, moving infintesimally and he groaned and his hands tightened on her hips. "Morrigan," He groaned the words, he sounded more like an animal than a man and he couldn't care. "Now, Maker's balls now," He began to lift her body from his slightly and shuddered at the sensations that wrought.

"Ah," Her voice was breathless, as if any movement sent pleasure washing over her and she tightened her thighs, grinding down onto his body, "Yes, my love, yes, now." She moved her hips, rotating her pelvis and her voice climbed to a near shriek as that was the last straw that broke the camel's back. He lost control, lifted her body from his and pulled her hard, back down onto him, his fingers biting into the flesh of her hips.

Tight, so tight and hot, clinging around his body, she felt too good, so wet, wrapped around him until he couldn't stop, her moans and cries urging him on. He could feel his body readying itself, his seed boiling up as she shuddered and rocked against his body. "Morrigan, come, now," He demanded thrusting hard into her while yanking her down onto his cock. "Andraste's tits baby, come for me now."

"Cogburn," Her voice was a low hot moan of need as she cried his name, "I...Oh...I... yes, yes," She shuddered and came apart, a tsunami of sensation rolling over her body, squeezing him tight until he couldn't help but pull her tighter down onto him while he erupted inside her. It felt like her body was pulling every last drop of his seed out of his body and into hers. It was torture and ecstasy bound together as he shouted her name and bound her body down to his, his arms wrapping around her.

"I love you," He sounded hoarse, "Maker help me pretty witch, I love you so much." Cogburn kissed her cheek and hair and neck and rolled so she was beneath him. He didn't know if it was the Taint, the remains of her magic or the fear that he'd never see her again. "And if you think this is over you've run mad."

"I am not mad," Morrigan's voice was breathless, panting and still a little amused. "I know you my love, you do nothing by half measures." She moaned as he began to move in her again, "I expected nothing less."

"You know I'll look for you," Cogburn warned her. "I won't be able to stop myself."

"I know, but you won't find me," Morrigan whispered.

"You never know," He smirked down at her and kissed her hard on the mouth. "I've managed to surprise you before."


	79. 79 Morrigan

_I remembered black skies the lightning all around me_   
_I remembered each flash as time began to blur_   
_Like a startling sign that fate had finally found me_   
_And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve_

_So give me reason to prove me wrong_   
_To wash this memory clean let the floods cross_   
_The distance in your eyes give me reason_   
_To fill this hole connect this space between_   
_Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies_   
_Across this new divide_

She woke with the dawn's pearly gleam just creeping over the casement of the windows. Cogburn had done his best to give her a night to remember, to persuade her to stay she had no doubt. Even had she not used the ritual to be certain of conception Morrigan was almost certain his efforts would have sired a child on her. He had held her very closely the entire night, and she was reminded of Wynne's words to her while they'd been in the Deep Roads.

She'd seen Wynne looking at her in distaste and had given the Circle mage an opening to speak her mind, what little of it she had. "You do not approve of me, do you?"

Wynne had lifted an eyebrow sarcastically, "You have to ask? I didn't realize I was being subtle."

She couldn't help but chuckle at that, her gaze not on the other mage but on Cogburn and Maddie examining some trail sign on the stone beneath their feet. "Ah, the old cat still has her claws, I see. And you also do not approve of my involvement with our stalwart Grey Warden."

"You are dangerous, Morrigan. Dangerous, cunning and thoroughly deceitful," The older mage was firm but her voice didn't carry to Cogburn or Maddie's ears in spite of her resolve. "But you are beautiful, and he is young. It's a pity he doesn't know any better."

"Why, Wynne, I do believe that is the first time you have ever offered a compliment. Thank you," Morrigan had nearly laughed. Then Rooster had come up to her in response to her voice and she'd dug out a few strips of jerked meat for him to chew on.

"Only you would take that as a compliment," Wynne had been exasperated.

"Listen, old woman. What happens between myself and him is not your concern," Morrigan hadn't even tried to keep the sneer from her voice. "You can approve or not approve as you wish, but this is one thing you cannot influence and mold to your liking."

"So you say," The old woman had sounded smug and self-righteous as only she could. "I do hope that one day soon you will discover that neither is he."

"You mistake my intent, old cat," Morrigan had snapped in irritation. "And you are a fool."

As always Wynne had to have the last word, "Am I? Well, let's hope so."

But she had been wrong, Morrigan had known from the beginning that Cogburn and his twin were not people she could twist or change with her magic or her nature. Cogburn had been attracted, and then Maddie had offered her friendship. The twins were...different. They were strong and vibrant and after traveling with them for so long, even if she had at first wished to change them, now she wouldn't ever even try to do so. Cogburn's love for her...was unlike anything she'd known in her life. He simply loved. He didn't ask her to change, didn't expect anything of her, not even her company if she decided to deny it, he still loved.

Once such loyalty might have earned her scorn or derision, but she'd seen Alistair change and strengthen with Maddie's love giving him impetus. He'd wished to be worthy of her, needed to change in order to keep her in his life, and now he was someone she'd offered to aid simply for the sake of the woman who'd called her sister. And Cogburn had changed her. She no longer wished to leave him, but if she was to raise this child to its full potential she must.

His hand skimmed up her thigh to her hip and a husky voice murmuring her name let her know that her lover was awake, "It is nearly dawn." She told him softly. "We must leave soon."

"I have something for you," Cogburn groaned as he did every morning when he was forced to leave her bed before he was ready. But leave it he did, pulling on a fresh set of braies and breeches before belting on the kilt of his armor and pulling something wrapped in shearling from his pack. He handed it to her with a smile before he began to pull on the rest of his armor.

Morrigan set the soft bundle aside for a moment as she pulled on her clothing before picking it up again curiously. Looking at him quizzically as she felt something hard inside the soft wool and sheepskin she began to unwrap the object. "What have you here..." What she found in the wrappings was so astonishing she almost couldn't speak for a moment. "A mirror."

She took a deep breath, unable to believe what he had found, what Cogburn was giving her. That he had remembered such a thing was shocking...that he'd remembered and purposely found a mirror so like the one... "It is just the same as the mirror which Flemeth smashed on the ground so long ago. It is incredible that you found one so like it."

Morrigan looked up at him and shook her head, bewildered and amazed still, "I am uncertain what to say. You must wish something in return. Certainly." She was all too aware that her voice was pleading, that she needed to know what would be equal to this gift. How could she possibly repay him for such a thing? And then he undid her completely.

"It's simply a present for a beautiful woman," Cogburn told her with a sad smile. "I couldn't go off to this battle...not without making certain you had it. Some token of my esteem for you."

"I have...never received a gift," Morrigan spoke slowly, trying desperately to find the right words, "Not one that did not also come with a price attached. But I would be a fool not to accept such a gesture with grace." She took a deep breath and rewrapped the mirror in the shearling carefully before casting a magic on it for protection and placing it in her bag. "Your gift is...most thoughtful. Thank you."

"You're most welcome," Cogburn smiled at her. "Just...don't forget me, pretty witch."

"As if you would ever allow me to do so," Morrigan retorted with a shake of her head, grateful he was allowing her to regain her equilibrium. "Too handsome rogue."

"Morrigan that's not an insult," He teased as he began to place his weapons about his body.

"You obviously have not been paying attention when I give compliments," She teased back.

The mood was deliberately lightened, but she knew it wouldn't last long. The journey overland towards Denerim wouldn't take long at a forced march and then the Archdemon would decide all their fates.

* * *

 

One of the men was singing, an old song about fighting a battle from the viewpoint of conscripted soldiers. It was poignant and sweet and at one time she wouldn't have cared a jot for such things. But now... Maddie and Alistair had joined in the music, Leliana had pulled out her lute and the marching army was unified in more than intent, at least for a time.

The song died away and Morrigan moved towards Maddie with a smile, intent on teasing her friend into singing again. "Do you know the Harp of Tara," She asked as she came abreast of Ferelden's future queen.

"The soul of music?' Alistair obviously knew the song, "The legendary harp that symbolized Ferelden's freedom?"

"I've never seen it," Maddie deadpanned, "But I know the song." She slanted a sparkling grey glance at Morrigan and the witch grinned. "I wasn't aware becoming the future queen meant entertaining all of you."

"Please my lady," Murdock, the mayor of Redcliff was walking nearby with some of his men. "The music will give us hope. All know of Tara's Harp. It was said to be a legend like the Ashes of Andraste. But you Grey Warden's found the Ashes. Maybe someday someone will find the harp and Ferelden's freedom won't be under threat again."

Maddie looked at Morrigan and smiled, "If you all wish." She conceded and took a deep breath before she began to sing the slow and aching tune about Ferelden's loss.

" _The harp that once through Tara's halls_  
 _The soul of music shed,_  
 _Now hangs as mute on Tara's walls_  
 _As if that soul were fled._  
 _So sleeps the pride of former days,_  
 _So glory's thrill is o'er,_  
 _And hearts that once beat high for praise,_  
 _Now feel that pulse no more!_

 _No more to chiefs and ladies bright_  
 _The harp of Tara swells;_  
 _The chord alone that breaks at night,_  
 _Its tale of ruin tells._  
 _Thus Freedom now so seldom wakes,_  
 _The only throb she gives_  
 _Is when some heart indignant breaks,_  
 _To show that still she lives._ "

Morrigan smiled and curtsied low, prompting a whistle of shock from Alistair and a blush from Maddie, "My thanks, sister." Morrigan murmured and strode ahead to join Cogburn at the front of the group.

* * *

 

It was evening by the time they reached Denerim; to the inexperienced eye the glow on the horizon could have been the sun setting, except for the unwavering fact that the sun set in the west and Denerim was eastward. Teagan, Maddie, Alistair, Cogburn and Zevran were regarding the glow with speculative and resigned expressions.

"So it is to be a night battle by the glow of a burning city," Morrigan summarized the problem as Riordan returned from scouting to join them.

"It is," The senior Grey Warden bowed to her. "We'll be able to get the army closer but not by much."

"Then I'd better make my speech here," Alistair joked.

"That is a goodly notion," Morrigan told him with a nod. "Throughout the day I have seen the troops draw strength from your humor and your determination. You should speak to them."

"About what?" Alistair groaned, "I was joking."

"About that which you hold dearest to your heart," Morrigan nodded at Maddie who rolled her eyes.

"I don't agree about the content but a speech will help the men, Morrigan's right about that," The grey eyed girl agreed. "Just do your best, and speak from your heart. You'll be fine."

Alistair groaned but nodded and pointed at Morrigan, "This was your idea. If I catch you giggling at my ineptitude I swear I'll find a way to turn you into a frog."

Morrigan found herself chuckling and shaking her head. This man was still foolish at times, but his heart was so very much in the right place and he did mean well, "If I laugh, I will turn myself into a frog." She promised with a grin.

He grimaced but nodded and climbed up onto a tumbled wall, waiting until he was certain the men could see him before he spoke, raising the visor on his helm so his face was visible. "Before us stands the might of the Darkspawn horde! This man and woman who stand beside me are natives of Ferelden, risen to the ranks of the Grey Wardens. They are proof that glory is within reach of us all!"

Maddie and Cogburn climbed up to stand at Alistair's side, and Morrigan watched with a smile as the twins nodded to the army soberly, "They have survived despite the odds, and without them, none of us would be here. Today we avenge my brother Cailan. Today we honor those who fell at Ostagar. But most of all we honor the Grey Wardens and their sacrifice. For Ferelden! For the Grey Wardens!"

His speech ended with a shout, a battle cry that was echoed by what seemed like the entire army. And they were moving again, moving before anyone could think of the sheer madness in what they were doing.

* * *

 

The battle at the city gates bought them time and ground, and the Warden Riordan had resolved to try and take on the Archdemon himself. She had been chosen to accompany the Grey Wardens into the city, along with Zevran, the two companions Maddie, Cogburn and Alistair most trusted. The rest of the party would stay at the gates, trying to give the citizens of Denerim more time to evacuate.

Morrigan watched as the rest of the group began to bid Cogburn and Maddie goodbye, Alistair standing with Sten off to the side. The future king had looked at the twins and then told Sten that he would be in command of their companions. The Qunari had seemed pleased to be trusted, and like Zevran, glad he was given a chance to truly play a part in defeating the Blight. Oghren and Shale were discussing the possibilities of what types of Darkspawn they'd see, their odds in the fight, Wynne and Leliana were resigned to staying behind while Rooster... Morrigan snapped her fingers at the Mabari and the big hound hurried over to her.

"Here," Morrigan pulled half of a meat pie out of her satchel and watched as Rooster wolfed it down. "Now I know they want you to stay here, and you want to come with us," She nodded as Rooster gave a quiet bark of agreement. "If you follow us and wait until we are too far into the city before you are caught then you would be able to accompany us the rest of the way." She waited as Rooster wagged his tail, "However, it would be dangerous, and it is obvious that Sten and the others could use your help here."

Rooster whined at her and looked back at Sten and then over at Cogburn and Maddie before he sat down in front of her. Morrigan shook her head, "I'm afraid I have no other advice, but if you stick close enough I can do a few magics that will make you less noticeable to the Darkspawn." He gave a happy little bark and Morrigan sighed and wiggled her fingers, "Just be certain you keep out of Cogburn's sight. I doubt Zevran or Maddie will give you away."

Rooster gave a little wiggle of his hindquarters and went to play least in sight while Morrigan moved to stand before Cogburn, "So we head into the city together as it should be." She looked at the man she would be leaving, at his sister standing with Alistair. It was so difficult to leave them, to leave him, but it had to be done. "Once this is done no matter how it turns out I will be gone. You are aware of this yes?"

Cogburn took her hands and nodded before squeezing her fingers, "Then let me thank you now for what you've done."

She felt her breath catch in her throat, "There is far more I might have done for you had this been another time and we...been different people." Morrigan sighed, "Allow me to say only one thing before we go. I was foolish. This could have been so much easier yet I...cannot regret what was between us. I will always remember you...my love." She shuddered as his mouth pressed to hers gently, one last kiss. "Now let us see this finally done. The Archdemon awaits."

* * *

 

Even Ostagar hadn't been like this, for all the horror and chaos of that battle, it hadn't involved ordinary citizens of Ferelden, Morrigan thought to herself as she cast a lightning storm over a gaggle of Darkspawn. This was a city they had walked through countless times in the past couple years and now it was being burned by a dragon shaped arch demon and torn to pieces by the Darkspawn.

She saw Alistair look around the market square on their way to the Alienage and knew he was hoping his sister had made it out of the city. Cogburn and Maddie were both tense with more than battle readiness and Morrigan found herself hoping that the child Maddie had worried over and spoken to some of the elves about was all right.

Finally they made it to Drakon keep, just in time to see Riordan fall from the Archdemon's back to his death. The dragon landed at the top of the keep, Riordan had injured its wings enough that it couldn't fly more than short distances. Morrigan exchanged a grim glance with Maddie, they had spoken briefly this morning and the hope had been that Riordan would live to see the Archdemon fall.

Just as the group of them reached the steps Rooster bounded up to them, all enthusiasm and blood-spattered jaws, and Morrigan rolled her eyes, "I see you could not bear to watch us go." She commented and cast a quick cleansing spell to hopefully eradicate the taint of Darkspawn blood from any wounds the Mabari had taken. Zevran chuckled in spite of the situation and Cogburn simply shrugged in resignation.

Pleased that the hound had distracted the men the witch took a deep breath and looked at Maddie who nodded, the contingency plan to fool the Wardens outside of Ferelden would be put into effect. Maddie dropped back beside Morrigan and the witch met stormy grey eyes, "Have the men determined what must be done?" Morrigan kept her voice low in spite of the noise around them.

Maddie cast a wary glance ahead at the men in question, "Alistair and I discussed what could happen if the ritual works. He knows we'll need to tell Weisshaupt some tale to explain that we live and that I bear children. We determined that I should not be a Grey Warden in the eyes of Weisshaupt." She slanted a glance at Morrigan who was smiling grimly.

"That Riordan has died does leave one less problem. I can easily transport the body to the top of the Fort Dracon, you will be able to say Riordan struck the final blow," The witch said quietly. "I am sorry for your sake that this prevarication is needful."

"We're practical women, you and I," Maddie shrugged grimly. "I want to live, I want to bear children and see my country survive without civil war. I'll lie through my teeth if I must. Everyone who knew about me becoming a warden is either dead or trusted with my life."

"Yet you only took Zevran and I along with the three of you," Morrigan pointed out curiously.

"Wynne was the only one besides us at Ostagar and she wasn't involved in the Joining," Maddie explained. "We can easily explain the deception later on as necessary to keep me safe as the remaining heir of Highever. And I trust Zevran with my life, just as I do you my friend."

Morrigan felt her chest constrict painfully and sighed, "I shall miss you, a great deal." She admitted shakily. "I will miss your twin but I shall miss you greatly."

Maddie's mouth tilted sadly and she nodded, "You know Cogburn won't be able to let you go." She looked at Morrigan's lover, her twin and shook her head. "You're the only woman he's ever loved. He'll go to the ends of Thedas to find you."

"It cannot be," Morrigan shook her head. "He will never find me. I am sorry for it, but it cannot be." She looked at Maddie and hoped her friend understood how hard this was, "If there was another way I would take it. But I cannot. There is not."

Maddie, amazingly enough, smiled, warm and sweet with affection, "Alistair taught me how to hope." She said quietly, "I hope Cogburn teaches you someday." She kissed the witch's cheek and nodded towards the men with a mischievous gleam in her grey eyes, "Shall we? They'll get in trouble without us."

"Well if we must, I am rather fond of your twin," Morrigan smirked and began to work her magic, "Lets try to keep them alive."

Maddie's laughter sounded out of place on the battlefield but as a banner cry it was one of the more enjoyable sounds Morrigan had heard. And then it was a battle all the way to the top of the keep, and the Archdemon awaited.


	80. 80 Alistair

_I wonder how it's going to be_   
_When you don't know me_   
_How's it going to be_   
_When you're sure I'm not there_   
_How's it going to be_   
_When there's no one there to talk to_   
_Between you and me_

He couldn't quite believe it was over. The battle, the Blight, their quest to unite Ferelden, but the Archdemon was dead. If the Archdemon was dead then...Alistair looked around quickly to find Maddie panic squeezing his chest. There! She was near Zevran, looking around for him and her twin. Cogburn was... near the dragon, both he and Maddie were close to the fallen Archdemon and he had to wonder which of them had delivered the killing blow.

Alistair moved closer and wrapped Maddie in his arms, unable to speak for the sheer gratitude suffusing him. She was alive, alive and whole, breathing and near sobbing with releif in his arms. Finally he could speak, "You are well, my love?" Alistair murmured, "Taken no injury?"

"A few paltry wounds," Maddie's low smoky voice was like a balm to his senses. "Nothing serious, no need for you to worry. And you? My knight are you well?"

"I'm fine," Alistair reassured her. "I see your twin near the head of the arch demon, did he strike the killing blow or did you?" He pushed her helmet back so he could lay his lips on her forehead.

"We were both fighting it," Maddie told him softly, "Morrigan was hitting it with spell after spell, Zevran was keeping the darkspawn off of her. When it fell, I had struck it a blow to the neck, and my twin did the same. His sword, must have caught in the dragon's spine, in wrenching it out I believe he killed the Archdemon."

"Then Morrigan's spell most definitely worked as he is still alive," Alistair wasn't sure if it was more amazing that they hadn't died in the battle or that the witch's spell had succeeded. "The two of you were talking...before we made it up here."

Maddie nodded in his arms, "She transported Riordan's body up here, it will be near the fallen dragon. We worried on what the other wardens would think, were the three of us still alive when the archdemon fell."

"So now we have a fallen Warden, rather than a live one," Alistair nodded his understanding.

"Hey!" Cogburn's voice forced him to pay attention to the other Warden, "I know the Archdemon is dead but we've still got darkspawn to deal with. They don't just melt away you know."

"I hate to agree with him but he's right," Maddie sighed and Alistair loosened his embrace so she might pull away.

"I don't like it either," He frowned and saw that the allies they'd called upon for the battle with the Archdemon were either dead or scattered. Some were moving so he guessed the death of the dragon had knocked them out just as it had he and his friends. "But we'd better get moving."

* * *

 

Alistair sighed in relief as he got out of the bath and dried off. It had been four months of insanity, something he'd become more accustomed to than he liked but at least it seemed to be over with for a time. Denerim had been damaged, but not as badly as it would have been had the Darkspawn rampaged unchecked. Bringing the army to fight had prevented the entire city from being sacked, and Denerim could be rebuilt.

Anora had been confined to her rooms under guard until he could figure out what to do with her, and Eamon was pressing him to simply execute Cailan's consort. Whatever she called herself after Cailan's death, Anora was not a queen. She didn't have the lineage to be declared Queen. Dressing was automatic and he never remembered to call for a body servant or valet or whatever the title was assigned to the boy who was supposed to help him with his clothes. Alistair chuckled as he buckled on his swordbelt, the poor boy was always coming in too late to actually help with the dressing part of his routine.

Maddie had been in and out of his rooms ever since they'd come to the palace. She'd been officially assigned a suite down the hall, with her twin adjoining it, but it was an open secret that she and Alistair were 'carrying on' at least according to Leliana and Zevran.

That was the other thing Alistair had found both hilarious and irritating, apparently now that he and Maddie were officially betrothed they weren't supposed to spend a great deal of time together unless they were chaperoned. As if two years worth of walking all over Ferelden and sharing a tent and campsite hadn't existed now that everyone was aware of who the Grey Warden's were. She had looked at Eamon, Teagan and Isolde as if they'd run mad when Isolde had told Maddie that she shouldn't spend her nights with Alistair.

"And exactly how do you think heirs are begotten Arlessa?" Maddie had wanted to know, arms akimbo as she regarded the noblewoman, "I can assure you that whatever the Chantry teaches, it involves bodily contact." Alistair had chuckled and rolled his eyes but he and Maddie had promised to be discreet about the time they spent together.

The door to his suite opened, recalling him to the present and he looked towards the antechamber as Maddie appeared in his doorway. She was wearing a gown similar to the one he'd given her, a deep blue silk that made her eyes look luminous. In the four months since the battle of Denerim she'd been tirelessly organizing food supplies and the rebuilding of the city and, with Zevran and Leliana, gathering intelligence. Cogburn had, along with Sten and Oghren dealt with the troops, sending out patrols in ever widening circles to hunt down the Darkspawn and make sure they were chased back to their holes.

"My love, are you ready?" She smiled and came closer, playing the squire for him now as she had so many times in camp.

"Nearly," Alistair smiled as she smoothed out his tunic. "Are you all right? You seem...quiet somehow." She had seemed quieter since the last battle, sadder somehow, but somehow he hadn't asked before this. Maddie hadn't seemed precisely receptive to the question when they'd been alone sometimes, other times they'd had other things to concentrate upon. "No regrets?"

"I..." Maddie gave him a smile and shrugged, 'I should have known you'd figure it out." She admitted. "I miss Morrigan, and I know Cogburn misses her. He's...throwing himself into his duties, into chasing down the Darkspawn but..."

"I know, it's the 'but' that worries you," Alistair nodded. "I...well sometimes I miss her myself, though Zevran is quite good at puncturing my ego if it gets too swelled up." He took Maddie in his arms and kissed her gently, "I just wish I could say thank you to her. For what she's done for us, for the potions and making it possible for all three of us to live..."

"That's part of why I miss her too," Maddie nodded. "She disappeared and we won't ever be able to tell her thank you if we have children."

"Cogburn will find her," Alistair predicted. "If anyone could, he can."

"That's true," Maddie grinned. "And it's not as if any of us will ever stop looking. She's bearing his child. Even if he wasn't tail over top in love with her, he'd search her out for that reason alone."

"Sometimes I miss her threatening to turn me into a frog," He laughed as he pressed a kiss to Maddie's hair. It was longer now, her battle braids hung below her shoulders, silver clasps gleaming against her pale hair. "Even knowing who I was she never treated me different. I liked that. I don't think anyone but our companions will ever be able to treat me that way."

"Probably not," Maddie seemed reluctant to agree with him but since she wouldn't lie she was forced to do so. "But I'll treat you the same as much as I can. And you know Cogburn will. In private we'll just be Alistair and the twins again. It's when we're in public that we'll have to watch ourselves."

"Hmm...speaking of public," Alistair kissed her gently. "When can we schedule our wedding? Hopefully soon?"

"It's looking like it'll be at least a year from now," Maddie sighed. "At least we're both young and the war is pretty much over."

Alistair nodded, it was the pretty much that worried him, "I noticed that too, the reports from the north about Darkspawn...not going back underground."

"Since you're planning to give Vigil's Keep to the Wardens and it's in a fairly stable part of the north Cogburn and I were discussing making it a base of operations. I can get it organized along with the Seneschal and Cogburn can go out with the Wardens and find out what's happening with the Darkspawn." Maddie told him as he began to take his armor off the stand and buckle it on.

"I hate the idea of being away from you," Alistair sighed. "But I know you're the only one I can trust to deal with the Wardens properly while I'm dealing with the Bannorn."

"First we have to get through this coronation and the official announcement of what's been done with the Howe's lands," Maddie reminded him with a wicked little smirk. "Not all of the Bannorn is going to take that well."

"That reminds me," Alistair grinned. "I'll have a surprise for you and Cogburn at the reception."

"Oh dear," Maddie made a face at him, "It's not the improved version of cheese stew is it?"

He couldn't help laughing, "No my lady it is not."

* * *

 

Alistair found himself smiling, perhaps a bit foolishly, when he saw Maddie throw herself into the arms of her surprise. He hadn't wanted to spoil it but having Fergus Cousland arrive just in time for the coronation had been hard to keep from crowing about. Maddie and Cogburn had pretty much given up their elder sibling for dead.

The joy on Maddie's face was worth the subterfuge he'd gone through in order to make certain it was a surprise. Cogburn appeared dumbfounded and when his older brother hugged him took a full minute to hug back, as if he still couldn't believe Fergus was there. Maddie spent some time talking to her brothers but sought him out on the dias soon after, "You found Fergus." She said in a tone that was half accusing and half amazed.

"I found a lost soldier who'd been wounded when scouting," Alistair smiled at her. "He was actually trying to report for duty when one of my men overheard his name and the patrol he'd been with. It was a lucky thing."

"And you kept it a secret so it would be a surprise for us," Maddie leaned against him, tucking her head under his chin. For a moment Alistair cursed the damn plate armor everyone insisted he wear, he'd much rather have worn dressier clothing so he could put his arms around his betrothed and be able to feel her body against his.

"I thought he might like to see his younger brother and sister honored as heroes," The new king shrugged slightly. "He's not going to come after me is he? I mean we want to be married, I want to be honorable with you, it's getting to the altar that's taking us a while."

"He wouldn't dare," Maddie muttered under her breath. "I'd kill him and then the Cousland name really would be in trouble."

"Well lets hope it doesn't come to that," Alistair grinned at her and kissed her cheek. "I think Zevran wanted to speak with you if you had a few minutes my love." He looked around for the elf and found him near some of the bannorn, speaking idly to a bann's daughter, "He looks as if he's debating whether he should divest her of her purse or her clothing first."

Maddie laughed as he'd hoped she would, "Well I'd better prevent him from doing either."

Alistair watched her go and shook his head ruefully, all of their companions were here except for Morrigan and even she... he saw a dog nearby, of the same breed Morrigan used for her shapeshifters form and sighed. "We miss you," He offered quietly. If the dog was their missing witch it might make her feel better to know she was missed and if it wasn't her...well no harm done. "Maddie in particular if you don't count Cogburn much. I even miss you threatening me with frog time. I hope that you'll let us know if there's ever anything we can do for you."

The dog in question gave him an odd look, tilted its head and bolted from the hall. Alistair sighed, so much for communicating with Morrigan on the sly. Shaking his head the young king picked up a tankard and held it. That was a trick Maddie had taught him after his first banquet, holding a pint would prevent anyone from giving him another. At table all he had to do was prevent someone from refilling his glass with wine too often and he'd remain mostly sober. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy drinking, but there were very few people around he would trust to drink with him. It was something he didn't like much about being king, everyone wanted something. It was almost as bad as being a Grey Warden during the Blight, to get a treaty fulfilled they always had to do something. Deal with werewolves, find a paragon, wrestle demons in the Fade... it was always something.

"You look as if you aren't enjoying that drink overmuch," An unfamiliar voice commented, drawing Alistair out of his thoughts to regard Maddie and Cogburn's elder brother. "Not your favorite?"

"I don't have enough experience with drink to have a favorite yet," Alistair shrugged and sipped to give himself something to do. "I'm afraid Cogburn and Oghren haven't corrupted me so much as that yet."

"Give my little brother some time and you'll be drunk every other night," Fergus chuckled. His dark brown eyes, so like Cogburn's regarded Alistair thoughtfully, "Of course I can't guarantee that Maddie would tolerate that behavior."

"I can tell you she wouldn't," Alistair smiled affectionately as he thought of Maddie's managing tendencies. "She worries when I drink. I think she's concerned Eamon or Teagan or someone will slip me a treaty to sign whilst I'm intoxicated."

"Has that happened before?" The new Teyrn of Highever asked curiously.

"No, thankfully," Alistair's smile widened to a grin. "The one time Maddie has seen me drunk she was a little tipsy herself. She didn't feel she had room to lecture I think." He found his ladylove in the crowd, talking to Zevran with a smile on her face and couldn't help but beam with delight. "I think I'd like to get her more than a little tipsy though. She doesn't get much chance to relax."

"What is going on with you and my little sister," Fergus' question wasn't unexpected though it wasn't precisely welcome. "How long have the two of you been...been..."

"Fraternizing? Carrying on?" Alistair supplied the terms with a wry twist of his lips, "I've been in love with her since Ostagar. Before the battle even." He looked at Fergus, "We are betrothed. We will marry as soon as we're able."

"But you let her fight," Fergus objected. "If she's to be your wife how can you let her go into battle?"

"Seriously?" Alistair almost choked on his next sip of mead at that question, "Have you seen her fight? She's amazing." He shook his head, coughed and managed to breathe again, "The one thing I learned and right quickly too, was that telling Maddie what she can and can't do is the surest way to end up with a sore jaw or a busted head."

"If she's to be your wife she'll be bound to obey you," Fergus reminded him quietly.

"Yeah, that'll happen," He couldn't help rolling his eyes. "Look Fergus, I respect that you're her older brother and you're protective, but Maddie doesn't need to be protected from me." Alistair set the tankard down and folded his arms, staring Fergus in the eye, "She's a Grey Warden. She's the best of the best. We won Provings in Orzammar, fought Werewolves, demons, dragons and Darkspawn. We've managed to survive the Blight and we couldn't have done it without Maddie. Now I'm sorry if you don't like it, but Maddie is my queen. She's the only possible choice and if she wasn't willing to marry me... well I wouldn't be king. I won't...can't do this without her."

"So you're not a complete idiot then," Fergus sipped from his own tankard thoughtfully. "And you're loyal. That's a good thing I suppose. Maddie said something about not really being a Grey Warden, that Duncan had falsified the records so she'd be protected."

"It's highly irregular for two people of the same generation and family join the Wardens," Alistair admitted. "It doesn't matter to me what happened at the Joining, Maddie traveled with us, fought with us, and survived this entire Blight with us. That makes her a Warden in my book."

"So it is true," Fergus regarded him with a frown that belied his words. "My sister... well she's very good at circumventing the truth but she doesn't do outright lies very well. When she and Cogburn told me she wasn't actually a Grey Warden...that didn't feel..."

"Like it was the truth?" Alistair really didn't like lying to Maddie's only family but they'd all agreed, he, Cogburn and Maddie, that not even Fergus could know the truth. Maddie traveling with Alistair and her twin during the Blight could be explained as a means to ensure her safety from Howe and Loghain's assassins. Duncan pretending to make her a Warden would have been for the same reasons, the promise he'd made to Bryce Cousland. So Alistair took a deep breath and prepared to spin the same false tale, "From what the twins have said, your father made Duncan swear that he would protect them. Cogburn becoming a Grey Warden was the price of that protection but there was no reason to make Maddie a Warden as well."

"So you've all been lying about it for two years, more than two years now," Fergus seemed stunned and cast a strange look over at the twins before looking back at Alistair.

Alistair really was glad he'd only been holding his tankard, not really drinking from it because there was no way he'd be able to keep this story straight if he was even the slightest bit tipsy, "We... Duncan didn't even tell me until the time came for the Joining. He sent Maddie out with the rest of the recruits, he treated her just as he did her twin, until the Joining. The other two recruits were first to drink, one, Daveth, died of it. The other tried to run and was cut down. If he hadn't he would have been unconscious, wouldn't have seen Duncan only hand the chalice to Cogburn and never to Maddie." He shrugged and caught Maddie's eye, "She was very brave. It takes nerves of dragonbone to watch your family go through the Joining and not flinch." He nearly sighed his relief when Maddie drifted over to join the conversation and gave her a smile, "I was just telling your brother of your bravery in watching Cogburn take the Joining."

"We do what must be done," Maddie quoted the Cousland motto in her quiet voice. "Duncan knew that if Cogburn didn't live that I would take the Joining, I'd spoken to him about it earlier. Grey Wardens were sorely needed, still are."

"But you were never a Grey Warden?" Fergus was still trying to take this in and Alistair was reminded of the conversations he'd had with Zevran and the twins on the road. It had been remarked upon more than once that the Teyrn had been considering making one of the twins his heir, rather than Fergus and right now it wasn't hard to see why. "Why didn't you go to the Bannorn for support, to take back Highever? Why leave our people to Howe's tender mercies?"

"First of all Fergus," Maddie's voice was eerily calm and Alistair was glad she wasn't aiming that steely gaze at him as she stared at her brother. "You forget that while Cogburn is easily recognized as Father's son, I have never been so obviously his daughter. I might not have been believed. Second, there was a Blight. Stopping the Blight and keeping Ferelden from being destroyed took precedence over taking back Highever. And third, I wouldn't have been able to do anything from the dungeons of Fort Drakon. Howe knew that Duncan was at Highever before it was taken. Loghain knew that Cogburn and I were Couslands, between the two of them, if I'd left Cogburn and Alistair, I would have been dead long before I could have journeyed north."

"But the danger you were in," Fergus sputtered a bit, plainly trying to grasp what she was saying, "From all I've heard...you acted as if you were a Grey Warden. You fought dragons, battled Darkspawn, went into the Deep Roads..."

"She did," Alistair took Maddie's slender calloused fingers in his hand and raised it to his lips. "She saved my life more than once. She did your family name proud. And I am honoured to call her my betrothed, my lady."

"I don't believe it," Fergus shook his head suddenly. "My sister might have done everything you say but Maddie's never been one to claim something that wasn't hers. You're lying to everyone about her Grey Warden status for some reason."

Alistair drew himself up very straight and looked Fergus Cousland in the eye, "She is Lady Madelaina Guinne Cousland and she is my beloved and my betrothed. And if you say one more word in accusation you will find out just how dangerous a Grey Warden can be." He didn't like threatening Maddie's brother, not that it was much of a threat but he wasn't going to take any chance that Maddie would be taken from him. And if anyone learned that she truly was a Warden and the rumors began about the inability of Wardens to have children he and Maddie would be parted regardless of him being king. He'd learned that when it came to the future of Ferelden there was nothing Eamon and the Bannorn would not do.

"Alistair, its all right," Maddie's hand squeezed his and he looked down at her to see the sad smile he hated curving her lips as she looked at her brother. "Fergus, we have given you the same information we have given every other member of Ferelden's nobility." She stepped closer to Alistair and he couldn't help wrapping an arm around her waist, keeping his hand gentle on her flesh even as he wanted to encircle her in his arms. "For the sake of Ferelden and the Theirin line nothing else can be known," Her face was entreating, almost desperate. "Fergus if you want me to be happy at all, please don't question this."

"Maddie..." Her older brother's face was worried. "Are you saying that...the rest of your life...the life you've fought for..."

"Her life, mine," Alistair kept his voice low and tried to keep his face amiable. "Our life together, if you keep questioning..." He shook his head and lifted his tankard to hide his mouth. "We're going to be married. Maddie will be my queen. But there are things that if not known...are rumored about Grey Wardens. Hence...the story."

Fergus' face cleared and he looked at his sister with a half smile pulling at his lips, "In the future little sister, just tell me that I don't need to know. Don't treat me like a mushroom."

"Keeping you in the dark and feeding you manure," Alistair couldn't help grinning. "Yeah we'll work on that." He pressed a kiss to Maddie's temple, "We'd better get on with all the ceremonial stuff." He reminded her, "Cogburn has to ask his boon and then we present him to the crowd so they can worship their Hero."

Fergus chuckled, "Just don't let him ask for wine, women and song, he'll drink you dry, make the women revolt and your ears will bleed."

Alistair couldn't help the laugh that burst from his lips, "Yeah we've had some experience with Cogburn's...proclivities."

Maddie pressed a kiss to his cheek and Alistair sighed as she reminded him, "The sooner its done the sooner we can retire."

"Let's hope," Alistair groaned and pressed a quick kiss to her mouth. "Stand with me beloved?"

"I belong at your side," Maddie smoky voice murmured the welcome words. "Fergus, will you meet us for breakfast tomorrow? It's one of the only times Alistair won't have advisors vying for his attention."

Alistair couldn't help grinning as Fergus agreed and then Maddie was tugging him away to the center of the dias again. Cogburn approached him with more ceremony than the rogue typically did anything, genuflecting until Alistair laughingly told him to rise.

"Wouldn't want to assume too much," Cogburn grinned up at him as he rose finally. "You are the king after all."

"I'm going to be your twin's husband," Alistair reminded him just as quietly. "To me that's more important than being king. But we couldn't have one without the other."

"Don't let Eamon hear you say that," Cogburn's grin tilted into a smirk. "I think he's convinced it was all his idea."

"Let him take the credit if it gets him off my back and he doesn't interfere in my marriage," Alistair grinned back. "But as the Hero of Ferelden I have granted you the right to ask any boon of me. Ferelden owes you a great debt my friend." He sobered as he spoke, for once it felt right to be solemn, the truth of his words weighing on him.

"I only ask that I may continue to serve Ferelden and the Crown," Cogburn spoke clearly, his words heard throughout the hall. "And that the sacrifice of the Grey Wardens never be forgotten."

"I will be honored to have such a man as you in the service of Ferelden," Alistair smiled. "As for the Grey Wardens, all the lands and levies once belonging to the Howes, including the Vigil Keep and Amaranthine, I award to the Grey Wardens to honor their sacrifice and ensure that Ferelden is never left to face the threat of a Blight alone again."

Cogburn's grin was mischeivous as he spoke sotto voice, "So what in the world would you have said if I'd told you I wanted a title or something?"

"Oh I'd have made you Teyrn of Gwaren," Alistair shrugged. "I'm not giving Anora back Loghain's lands and titles...I'm not sure what to do with her really."

Cogburn chuckled, "So who will you make Teyrn then?"

"I was debating that," Alistair shook his head. "I'm not sure."

"If I may," Maddie murmured. "Perhaps it might be best to leave Gwaren without a Teyrn for now. Until some Bann distinguishes him or herself, leave it as a reward for service."

"A sound notion," Alistair agreed with a half grin. "Though that leaves the running of the Teryn to the crown until someone else is put in charge."

"There's a seneschal there," Maddie shrugged slightly. "We'll manage it," Her eyes narrowed at her twin. "In the meantime, you'd better get to your adoring public." She nodded towards the doors to the balcony. "I think the people are about to riot if they don't get a good look at you soon."

Alistair laughed, "They are fairly insistent that they want their Hero. What's a King or a future Queen to that?"

Cogburn groaned and rolled his eyes but headed obligingly towards the doors.


	81. 81 Maddie

_If you need a friend_   
_Don't look to a stranger_   
_You know in the end_   
_I'll always be there_

_And when you're in doubt_   
_And when you're in danger_   
_Take a look all around_   
_And I'll be there_

Maddie regarded Mhairi thoughtfully as she and Cogburn walked ahead of the future queen. The soldier was practically stuttering over herself as she spoke with the Hero of Ferelden. That behavior once might have had the old Cogburn, the hound of Highever, firmly in pursuit of Mhairi's virtue or company or whatever. Now though, Cogburn simply walked quietly beside her, ever alert for an attack while Maddie guarded the rear.

Ironically she and her twin were safer traveling with only Mhari for company. Alistair was several hours behind them and should there be any attack it would be on the royal party, not the scouts on the road ahead of the king.

Mhari didn't seem to realize that the other rogue with her was the future queen of Ferelden, while she recognized Cogburn, Maddie, as always, was not as well known. Maddie smiled to herself, it wasn't something she particularly minded, her talents weren't nearly as effective when everyone knew who she was.

"Cogburn, what is that?" She called quietly after casting one last look behind them. Something dark on the horizon, darker than the twilight sky. "It looks like smoke."

"Smells like it too," Cogburn agreed, "We're close to Vigil's Keep but I doubt they would have set a cottage on fire as a welcome."

"They would not," Mhari agreed. "Something is wrong." Maddie frowned as someone hurtled towards them out of the darkness, she had the feeling Mhari would be proven right.

* * *

 

Hours later, Oghren was his normal absurd self, Mhari was disgusted, Cogburn was laconic and a mage called Anders was nearly jovial. Maddie wasn't entirely certain what to do with this insane crew of people but of one thing she was certain, every Grey Warden besides, she, Cogburn and Alistair was gone from the Vigil.

"Well this is not what I would have expected," She looked at her twin. "The Darkspawn attack the keep and not the walls. They're on the Wardens before anyone can even sense them. And all the Wardens are gone but for you." Maddie sighed, "The only bright side is at least they taught the Seneschal how to do the Joining Ritual."

"At least we managed to kill or drive off the Darkspawn before Alistair got here," Cogburn pointed towards the road where Alistair was heading the company.

"Yes, Maker help us if he'd ended up fighting," Maddie smiled as they made their way down to the courtyard and out the gates. "We'd never get him to sit the throne again."

"Well here's hoping he doesn't decide you're going along with him to tour the Bannorn," Her twin chuckled. "I can run around the north dealing with the problems but I can't keep the Vigil running at the same time."

"I'm fairly sure that with the Seneschal you could manage without me but I don't think it will be an issue," Maddie teased as Allistair walked towards her.

"It looks like I arrived a bit late," Alistair's humorous voice was like a welcome song to her ears, "Too bad. I rather miss the whole Darkspawn killing thing."

"King Alistair," Mhari bowed, tension in every line of her body.

"I'd wanted to come and give the Wardens a formal welcome," The king frowned as he took in what was obviously the aftermath of a battle. "I certainly wasn't expecting this. What's the situation?"

"What darkspawn remained have fled, your Majesty," Seneschal Varal offered quietly. "The Grey Wardens who had arrived from Orlais appear to be either dead or missing…"

"Missing? As if taken by the Darkspawn," Alistair blinked and looked at Cogburn and Maddie in confusion, "Do they even do that?"

"I do not know, your Majesty," Varel shook his head, "I know only that we cannot account for all the Wardens."

"I see," Alistair's gaze remained on Maddie, warm and concerned both, his beautiful eyes like a balm. "And how about you, dear betrothed? You weren't badly hurt, I see?"

Maddie smiled, "Nothing can take me down, not with you or my twin fighting alongside me," She moved towards him so he could see she was truly unharmed. "You know that."

Alistair raised her hand to his lips, his mouth warm on her skin, "I am betrothed to an indestructible goddess. I am such a lucky man." He looked at the partially crumbling walls of the keep and sighed. "You have quite the task ahead of you." His normally merry voice was concerned and she knew he hated leaving her here. "Really I'd like to help you fight darkspawn, but you're on your own for the moment."

"Hey! What am I?" Oghren squawked his objection, "Chopped nug livers?"

Anders couldn't resist making a jibe at that, "From the smell, that's not a bad guess."

Oghren ignored that, roaring out, "I came here to join the Grey Wardens, and from the looks of it, you could use the extra hands! Where's the giant cup? I'll gargle and spit!"

Maddie exchanged a humorous glance with Alistair before telling the dwarf, "You're not allowed to spit."

"Heh. That's what I always say…" Oghren gave a dark little chuckle.

Maddie could see Cogburn's face trying not to smirk as Mhari visibly restrained her obvious repugnance at Oghren's words, "I…suppose all are welcome, in this dire time."

"Joining the Wardens hey? Well good luck with that," Anders was shaking his head in amusement.

Maddie nearly groaned as a Templar pushed her way forward through the ranks, "King Alistair! Your majesty, beware! This man is a dangerous criminal!"

Alistair, bless him, misunderstood and it was all Maddie could do to not giggle, "Oh, the dwarf is a bit of an arse, but I wouldn't go that—"

"She means me," Anders sighed reluctantly.

The Templar, Rylock was her name apparently, was so self righteous in her intonations that she could have given Wynne a run for her money, "This is an apostate who we were in the process of bringing back to the circle to face justice."

Anders reply, in contrast, was almost lackadasical, "Oh, please. The things you people know about justice would fit into a thimble. I'll just escape again anyhow."

"Never!" Rylock was practically spitting the words, "I will see you hanged for what you've done here, murderer!"

"Murderer? But those templars were—oh, what's the use?" Anders shook his head, "You won't believe me anyhow."

Alistair frowned slightly and looked at Maddie and then past her to Cogburn, "It seems there isn't much to say. Unless…you have something to add Commander?"

Maddie could almost hear the smirk in Cogburn's voice, he'd never had much use for Templars besides Alistair, "I do. I hereby conscript this mage into the Grey Wardens."

The Templar almost exploded, "What? Never!"

Alistair didn't quite smirk but he did sound a little smug as he nodded towards Cogburn, "I believe the Grey Wardens still retain the Right of Conscription, no? I will allow it."

That took all the wind out of Rylock's sails, "If…if your Majesty feels it is best…"

Oghren was laughing, "Ha! Way to go kid! Welcome aboard."

"Me? A Grey Warden?" Anders seemed a bit stunned but Maddie guessed to him anything was better than the Circle of Magi, "I guess that will work…"

Mhari, was gracious and welcoming, if a bit nonplussed, "Congratulations ser mage. I look forward to fighting at your side."

Maddie looked at Alistair and knew what was coming, her love looked so resigned, "Then if you have everything under control I will need to take my leave." He held her hand to his lips again, "You will keep me informed of your doings?"

"I believe the estate has been secured yes. We have suffered great losses, but the Darkspawn are gone and there are survivors," The Seneschal almost blushed as he realized he'd yet to introduce himself. "Oh, excuse my manners, I am Varel, Seneschal of Vigil's Keep. And I am most grateful for your timely rescue, commander. I will aid you in ruling the lands of Amaranthine."

Cogburn shook his head, "This arling belongs to the Wardens, not me."

Varel shook his head, "But as Commander of the Grey you are the equivalent of our Arlessa, as well. Come and speak to me soon. There are many matters to attend to, not the least of which is the joining. You will need to replenish your numbers."

Cogburn tilted his head towards Maddie, "My twin, our future queen will be handling the day to day matters with you regarding the Keep. I'm here to deal with the Darkspawn and recruitment."

Maddie bowed slightly towards Varel, "I was trained to defend Highever and run the estate at my mother's knee. My twin's expertise has more to do with battles outside a keep. Between the two of us and with your help we'll make the Vigil a force to be reckoned with once again. I expect by the time of my wedding my twin will have learned all he needs in regards to running the Vigil with your expert help." The Seneschal appeared surprised but pleased while Mhari simply seemed shocked that she'd been traveling alongside her future queen and hadn't know it.

Alistair sighed and drew her closer, "I hate having to ask you to do this love. It'd be so much more interesting to keep you at court."

"You sure you won't change your mind and stay?" Maddie teased wrapping her arms around his neck.

Her betrothed groaned his dismay, "Sadly, I need to deal with trouble in the Bannorn, but I will return as soon as I'm able. I promise. It will be up to you to deal with the vestiges of the Blight before the situation grows out of control. No easy task but I'm confident you and Cogburn are up to it." Maddie smiled up at him and knew she was about to be kissed, "Now let me say a quick good bye before I change my mind." His mouth dipped down to hers and seemed to fill her with heat and love.

"I love you my Knight, my King, my Alistair," Maddie whispered against his lips. "Return to me and I swear I will return to you."

"Always my love, my queen," Alistair kissed her once more and tore himself away as if he couldn't bear to stop.

Maddie stood and watched him go, until she couldn't see his helm amongst his men any longer. Turning and walking back into Vigil's Keep was among the harder things she'd done in her life.

"You could have gone with him," Anders observed. "No one would have blamed you."

Maddie shook her head, "He is my betrothed but he is also my King. He depends upon me."

"Surely the Commander could deal with the Vigil," Mhari put in from her other side.

"No," The last female of the Cousland line shook her head. "Cogburn is built for many things but he hadn't learned about defending a keep. So I must go from my King and teach my twin what he needs to know. Until I marry, and even after, I'm a Cousland. I do what must be done."

"Sounds grim," Anders offered cheerfully. "Glad I'm not a nobleman."

"I'm glad I am," Maddie smiled. "I will miss my King, but this will strengthen Ferelden." She tilted her head at the two of them, "It's time for the Joining. Steel your nerves."

* * *

 

This was going to be a little tricky, Maddie thought to herself as she straightened her shoulders. Cogburn was leaving this particular problem to her, and it was to her advantage to appear weak, at least at first, hence a gown instead of armor and flowing hair rather than battle braids. Out of the braids her hair reached midback now and in a gown she looked harmless as a butterfly.

She and her twin had agreed that she would approach the prisoner without any guards other than the one at his cell. Fixing her most neutral and serene look upon her face she descended the steps leading to the Vigil's upper dungeons. The guard greeted her as every other had, "My Lady," and gave her a proper bow while the prisoner just leant against the back wall of his cell and sneered.

"This one was caught sneakin' about before the battle my Lady," The guard continued. "Good men died fightin' whilst he was safe an' cozy in his cell."

"Thank you," Maddie nodded and used her slightly repressive tone, the one that said 'that will be all' without any words. She clasped her hands together and regarded the prisoner thoughtfully. "And what were you doing? Sneaking about?" She asked the tall dark haired man with a sour expression far too jaded for someone so young.

"Perhaps I was thinking I might lie in wait for the Grey Warden who killed my father," The man sneered.

"And you would have succeeded no better than he did," Maddie retorted, lifting her chin. "Nathaniel Howe," She named him coolly.

"Lady Madelaina Cousland," He swept her the most mocking bow she'd ever received and she barely kept from rolling her eyes. "You never know, after all, I didn't spend my time in the Free Marches drinking wine and chasing women. I might just be good enough to catch the Cousland twins in the dark of the hall."

"So you also would attack us whilst we slept?" Maddie forced her voice to remain even, cold almost, "Would you lead an army against the Vigil after you'd sworn friendship? Send soldiers to kill children and unarmed women and servants? Would you swear fealty and then rape and torture me as your father spoke of doing to my mother? Would you have me kiss your boots and beg for my life as he boasted of doing to her?"

"Lies," The imprisoned rogue nearly hissed the words. "Lies and slander spread after he resisted the Cousland attempts to take the throne."

"What happened to Highever is well known throughout Ferelden," Maddie told him flatly. "The bodies found in the Arl of Denerim's dungeon and in Fort Drakon attest to Arl Rendon Howe's foul deeds."

"Why should I believe a word of what you say?" Nathaniel Howe was stubborn, Maddie would give him that, "You have every reason to lie."

"Your father stood in Highever's hall and spoke to my twin and I, spoke of marriage, of alliance. He talked of the past and of how his men were delayed," Maddie finally let some of the grief she felt into her voice. "I wished him good health and a good journey to Ostagar and he thanked me. And that night I woke to screams and the smell of smoke, and burning flesh, cries of terror outside my door. Men bearing your family colors and your crest upon their shields were slaughtering every man, woman and child of Highever."

"My father would never-"

"No?" Maddie slashed her hand down angrily. "You think not? My nephew wasn't even eleven summers. My sister by marriage was covered in blood, she'd accounted for one you see, before another cut her down along with her child." She stared at this tall angry man and shook her head, "When we finally found Rendon Howe before the Landsmeet he boasted of how he'd forced my mother to beg. He bragged of how he'd watched my father die and how he'd happily dole out the same fate to my twin and I. Spoke of how he'd happily rape me, kill my twin, and finally destroy that look in our eyes. That Cousland pride and determination that he believed robbed him of what he deserved. I heard it and so did my king and my friends and my twin. He was condemned with his own boastful words."

"You speak only falsehoods," The dark haired rogue scowled but she could tell her words had shaken him.

Maddie regarded him calmly and glanced back over her shoulder, Seneschal Varal was coming down the steps, "My twin and I barely escaped with our lives. Indeed, without the Grey Warden Duncan, we might not have. The price was that Highever must give a recruit to the Grey Wardens. If not my twin, then me, it did not matter which."

"A hard bargain," Varal commented quietly as he took his place at her side. "Have you made a decision about this one then?"

"I have," Maddie nodded. "If not for his father, my twin would not be a Grey Warden. He became one so that we would live, so our name would live," She folded her arms as she stared at Nathanial Howe. "He will become a Grey Warden. If he lives through the Joining then he will enjoy the same fate his father forced upon my twin."

"An...interesting solution," Varal said diplomatically.

"You would make me a Warden," Nathanial couldn't believe it, Maddie could hear the shock in his voice no matter how he tried to mask it with anger and sarcasm. "And if I decide I will not serve? That I'd rather see a hangman's noose after a dagger in your throat?"

"Oh you're welcome to make the attempt," Maddie smiled, the cold wicked smile she'd used on elves, dwarves and magi alike. "And whether you fail or suceed you'll know death."

"You sound very certain," He sneered.

"I am." Maddie set her hand on Varal's arm and gestured for the guard to unlock the cell. "Escort him to the hall. He will take the Joining."

"And if I will not?"

Maddie paused and turned, her face set and still as marble, "You are conscripted Nathanial Howe. You will join the Wardens or you will die. It matters not to me. Alive you have the chance to redeem your family name. Dead, that chance is forever gone." She continued forward on Varel's arm, the sound of Nathanial's chains clinking behind her as the guard began to chivvy him up the stairs.

* * *

 

'Dearest Alistair,

I'm so sorry that you seem to have inherited Maric's lack of horseback riding talent. Rest assured you have more than enough good qualities to make up for it. And I'm sure your men found your abrupt descent into the mud as humorous as you describe it. A king serves his people in many ways my love.

I've heard rumors from the traders that the people of the Bannorn adore you, and not only because you'll sit and drink with them but because of your fairmindedness. I love to hear your impressions of the Banns and you are completely correct, some of them simply are too stupid to breed.

Things have been fairly lively here, the Darkspawn are attempting some sort of experiment using Warden blood. Cogburn and the others have been chasing rumors and hunting down any scrap of information. They've had some odd adventures, a few of which have resulted in new recruits, two women of different races.

One of them is an elven woman, a mage, with an attitude that makes Morrigan's behavior when we first met look positively friendly. She lost everything to the Darkspawn, including her sister who follows this talking magi Darkspawn willingly. Personally I think her sister lost her mind but Velanna thinks of nothing but being able to find her again.

The other woman is Sigrun, a casteless dwarf who joined the Legion of the Dead. She's the opposite of Velanna, sweet and funny, interested in everything. We've given her the run of the library and I think she's going to try and read every book in it. She's the last of her company and speaks often of wandering off into the Deep Roads, never to be seen again. Other than that she's surprisingly cheerful so much so that she tends to irritate Nathanial.

That's the other surprise. I made mention of Nathanial Howe being a prisoner in the dungeons of the Vigil if you'll recall? He survived the Joining and seems to be dealing with the large dose of truth served him with, if a little bitterness, at least acceptance of his father's deeds. Finally!

He was a bit surprised to see me in armor sparring with Sigrun and Oghren and asked if I had finally decided that in order to defend the Vigil I should learn to actually fight. Sigrun wasn't sure what to say but Oghren just started laughing and said that if I learned anymore about fighting Orzammar would close its doors rather than let me on the Proving Grounds again.

Nathanial was a bit confused (a lot really) when he heard that and Oghren had the pleasure of explaining to our new recruit exactly what a Proving was and how the three of us had won against all challengers. When Nathanial made the mistake of assuming I had simply held rear guard or observed Oghren shook his head and said that some fools had to see to believe.

Cogburn came along at that point and made some remark about the lack of fairness in the fight, which Nathanial believed referred to my lack of ability and his own greater skill. So of course my twin had to bait him.

Nathanial Howe is currently drinking a healing potion while Oghren teases him about pretty little girls and how dangerous they are. Of course Nathanial was a nice warm up so by the time Oghren and Sigrun attacked me I was ready for a good fight. Then Varal joined them so Cogburn decided to support me. It was a very good bout and I'm happy to say that Nathanial won't be underestimating me again. Neither will any of the men who'd forgotten my part in driving off the Darkspawn.

In other news we've made progress in finding granite for the walls...'

* * *

 

"Seriously? Did they think we weren't expecting this?" Cogburn sounded more irritated than angry as he looked around the hall and took in the bloodspattered floors and bodies strewn about.

"Mother always said there was no fool like a noble fool," Maddie sighed as Varal doffed his helmet and shook his head over the bodies.

"Well we knew they were going to try something, just didn't think it would be so...blatant," The Seneschal said quietly.

"Is everyone else all right?" Maddie asked the older man. "None of our people took serious hurt?"

"You've chosen your recruits well," Varal told both she and Cogburn with a half smile. "We didn't lose a man to this rebellion."

"Good," Cogburn nodded. "We're going to have another fight on our hands soon enough. The Darkspawn won't be content to remain in their holes for long."

"No, usually they aren't," Maddie sighed. "Alistair will want to hear of this. Its not the sort of letter I enjoy penning but needs must."

"When the demon drives," Cogburn finished the saying quietly. "Tell him how well the new Grey Wardens performed their duties. That will give him pleasure."

"He's more likely to write back and tell us we need to teach them more about sensing the Darkspawn," Maddie pulled off her helmet and tucked it under her arm. "You remember how adamant he was regarding that during the Blight."

"Too well," Cogburn nodded. "The next time I take them out, I'll stop directing them as much; let them all use their senses."

"Then I'll clean up and inform our king of the continued foolishness of the Amaranthine nobility," Maddie sighed and began the walk up to her rooms.

* * *

 

'My Dearest Alistair,

Forgive my tardy reply but we have been sore pressed here at the Vigil. I'm afraid treason was not limited to Loghain and Howe, the nobility here decided they did not wish to be ruled by Grey Wardens, even one with Cousland blood.

The rebellion has been successfully put down but you now have several empty positions in the Bannorn...'

* * *

 

She couldn't help the groan that escaped her lips as the rider approached the Vigil. There was no mistaking the Theirin colors or the bearing of a royal servant. That this one was an old friend would simply make things more awkward. "Zevran," She greeted the Antivan elf as he dismounted from the horse. Maddie was acutely aware of the Grey Warden recruits sitting on the steps leading into the hall. They were sunny and a favored place to enjoy the day while watching the men practice.

"My Lady," Zevran reached for her hand and pulled her into a hug. "You look well my dear friend." He smiled, "So well I must reassure your betrothed that not a hair on your head was harmed."

"I told him as much," Maddie sighed. "But you know him, unless he sees for himself that I'm well, he worries..."

"He cannot forget the time you were not beside him in battle and you fell," Zevran reminded her. "The man has fought beside you since Ostagar, he has seen you fall."

"He's also seen me rise," The future queen reminded the assasin tartly. "But he always seems to forget that part."

"He also forgets that you worry just as much," Zevran chuckled. "But I bring you a missive filled with reproach and endearments and pleas for caution in equal measure."

"Can you stay for a day or so? Or are you to return to him immediately?" Maddie asked hopefully. She missed her friends. Morrigan was lost to her but Zevran wasn't, not yet. She wasn't so foolish as to think wanderlust wouldn't eventually take the Antivan elf from Ferelden, she simply hoped it wasn't until she'd birthed a child or two.

"Our king has commanded me to stay several days with you, I am to report to him if you are resting, if you are well and happy or if you are working too hard," The elf smiled. "Alas he did not give me permission to share your bed, so I cannot evaluate your rest."

"Wicked man," She laughed and hugged him again. "Come and meet the recruits."

Zevran tilted his head, "Well Oghren I know." He sent the dwarf a grin, "You too, could not bear to be parted from our friends I see."

Oghren chuckled, "Someone's gotta keep 'em outa trouble." He clasped the elf's hand, "You stick with the Knight and I'll stick with the kids."

"Kids?" Sigrun looked at her fellow dwarf, "Are you really that crazy?"

"They're barely out of diapers," Oghren shook his head at her. "What are you woman? Nineteen now?"

"I was seventeen winters when Highever fell," Maddie said simply, "Two years with the Wardens fighting the Blight, and now..." She shrugged, "I'm nearly two decades."

"See?" Oghren said with the air of one having his point proven, "Kids."

"Right," Sigrun rolled her eyes, "I'm Sigrun. Legionairre and Grey Warden."

"Ah, one of the Legion," Zevran bowed in genuine respect, "We met men of your company when we were in the Deep Roads last. A valiant and stalwart group."

"I'm proud to be one of them," Sigrun said simply and Maddie caught the dwarf's eye and smiled slightly.

"Sigrun has been helping me research the Vigil's history," She said quietly. "She's reading through the library."

"It is an ancient place," Zevran looked at the walls thoughtfully. "It has seen war through the ages."

"The Avaars built it," Maddie told him quietly. "We learned that much." She nodded at Velanna, "This is Velanna, of the Dalish." The elven mage didn't speak, simply nodded her greeting and Maddie was thankful that Zevran confined himself to a respectful nod in return.

"And I'm Anders," The escaped Circle Mage offered his hand. The other hand was occupied with petting an orange tabby kitten, "And this is Sir Pounce-a-lot."

"A very brave cat, to associate with mages and Grey Wardens both," Zevran smiled. "Alistair mentioned a mage of the Circle had joined the Wardens. He will be pleased that you are getting on so well."

"Really?" Anders was surprised, as well he might be. It was one thing for the king to allow his conscription, quite another to be concerned about his situation.

"Alistair was...conscripted into the Templars and managed to get himself conscripted into the Grey Wardens before he could take his vows and become lyrium addled," Zevran chuckled. "Our king is faithful but not overly religious and he has a certain amount of sympathy for those not resigned to their fate."

"He said once if he was forced to become a 'real' Templar that he would quote 'have turned into a drooling lunatic, slaughtered the grand cleric and run through the streets of Denerim in my small clothes', unquote," Maddie chuckled. "My betrothed is not the most devout man in Thedas."

Anders was laughing, "Not the most devout? Lady, that's the understatement of the age."

Maddie rolled her eyes, "And this is Nathanial Howe." She introduced the last male recruit to her old friend. "Nathanial isn't unskilled Zev," She added with a smile.

"Truly," Zevran was regarding the young man appraisingly.

"Damned with faint praise," Nathanial shook his head. "Surely I'm proven that I'm somewhat better than 'not unskilled'."

"You misunderstand," Zevran bowed slightly. "When my Lady speaks of such things, that she deigns to speak at all, is higher praise than the most ebullient words another might bestow." He chuckled, "When she speaks of her twin he is 'a slight rogue' while her betrothed is 'not unhandsome'."

Maddie rolled her eyes, "Yes Zevran, tease about my manner of speech. It will avail you naught when we're sparring."

"Are you telling me I can no longer rouse your temper my dear?" Zevran shook his head in mock despair. "And where is your twin? I am to rebuke him if you are overworked."

"Varal and Justice are speaking with him," Nathanial answered. "It is not a conversation of which I would enjoy being a part."

"Justice isn't a comfortable companion," Anders added when Zevran appeared mystified.

"I'll explain it later," Maddie said quietly. "The front steps are no place for such talk." She threw the elf a smile, "So? Are we going to spar or not?"

"How else am I to tell our King truthfully that you are fine?" Zevran chuckled, "Besides, Oghren is the only one who truly knows how capable you are. Fine as your recruits are, they have not seen you tear through an Ogre or battle the Archdemon."

"You fought the Archdemon?" It was a chorus of shocked voices, Velanna's among them, asking the question.

"For all intents and purposes, I was a Warden," Maddie shrugged. "It would have been more strange had I not gone. I, Zevran, Morrigan, Cogburn, Riordan and Alistair fought the Archdemon at the top of Fort Drakon. Riordan struck it the killing blow."

"But...why?" Anders asked in shock. "If you didn't have to, why would you..." He shook his head unable to even articulate the question.

"Zevran needn't have done it, nor Morrigan, but both of the came with us," Maddie shrugged. "Oh, so did our Mabari, Rooster."

"Snuck along behind us until it was too late to send him back to the gates," Zevran chuckled.

"Aided and abetted by our Witch," Maddie smiled. She looked at Zevran and then at the recruits, "I swore to end the Blight. Warden or not. If we didn't end the Blight it would have been the end of Ferelden and possibly the end of Thedas. I am a Cousland, even before I traveled with the Wardens, I was commited to doing whatever I could to aid my country. It was my duty long before I went to Ostagar."

"We do what must be done," Zevran bowed to her and she smiled.

"That we do," She tilted her head Nathanial, "You know the Cousland motto, perhaps you'll explain it to the others." She took a deep breath, "Zev I'm dying for a proper match. Cogburn is too busy and no one else is enough of a challenge."

"Ah, and now we come to the crux of why Alistair sent me," The assassin laughed. "Let's see how many of my tricks you remember."

"All of them Zevran, all of them," Maddie laughed and ducked as the elf sprang at her.

* * *

 

'Dearest Love,

By now you will have heard all about our recruits and how I am from Zevran, but I take the time to reassure you here. I am well, I am in good health and but for missing you I would be painfully well.

We've had some trouble here since Zevran left but nothing we couldn't handle. We've lost people though, people we could ill afford to lose. Varal will be sorely missed.

My reports will serve to give you an accurate assessment of the threat and it is my belief that Cogburn's foray into the Dragonbone Wastes will see the threat ended once and for all. My only worry is that we will lose Velanna if we cannot retreive her sister.

If we lose Velanna I fear Nathanial will lose heart as well, the archer is perilously close to being in love with her. He calls her 'my lady' and speaks with near affection of her beauty. In some ways it reminds me of Cogburn and Morrigan, though our sweet Witch was never so filled with self denial as to say she had no interest in my twin. Velanna doesn't seem to know what she wants.

Oghren and Cogburn had one of their manly talks that involved a lot of ale and belching, Anders looked disgusted and Justice more than a little disturbed, but my twin managed to talk to Oghren about his child. So among my other duties I am now proofreading Oghren's letters to Felsi. He gave me the last one just before he left with my twin for the Dragonbone Wastes.

Sigrun and I have been talking a great deal these days, mostly before the battle but I think I've convinced her that she doesn't have to go off and die in the Deep Roads immediately. She's still convinced its her duty, but I've also reminded her that she'll hear the Call of the Deep soon enough and when that time comes, she won't have a choice. Until then, we truly do need her and I think she'll stay with the Wardens. But she's such a free spirit its hard to tell.

Its foolish writing to you about all these things when you have the reports giving you status and action plans and strategies regarding all of our people and the Vigil and the threat against us. But if I cannot be held in your arms, cannot feel your lips on mine, or hear your voice then I must feel as if I can talk to you my love. And letters must suffice for now.'

* * *

 

Maddie looked up from the ledgers she was working on, trade must flow indeed. Since Amaranthine was sacked most of the trade came through the Vigil, but she and Cogburn were making arrangements to have Amaranthine rebuilt. Leaving the city a ruin served no one and it only created unrest. A knock at her door had her sighing in relief, "Come in, please come in and save me from these books, by the Maker." She called in a tone only half in jest.

"As you wish my lady," The voice had her jerking in surprise and she threw herself out from behind the desk.

"Alistair," She didn't care that he was wearing plate armor, didn't care that she'd have bruises from throwing herself at him. All that mattered was his arms around her, "My King, you have been sorely missed." She told him soberly.

"As have you my lady," He kissed her gently. "Now I require a private audience with the lady of the Vigil before I abscond with her back to Denerim for our wedding."

"I know just the place," Maddie pointed down the hallway, "My room is just behind that door."

Alistair's please laugh was better than any music she'd ever heard as he scooped her up and carried her towards her bedroom and more importantly, her bed.

* * *

 

he couldn't stop touching her stomach even as she felt a sinking sensation in her heart. The letter in her hand was irrefutable proof of his intent even as she tried to deny it.

"We always knew this would happen love," Alistair's voice reminded her gently.

"I know...but I'd hoped he'd wait...at least until our son is born," Maddie rubbed her six month swollen belly. "And to not say good bye... to just..."

"If he'd tried to say good bye you know we would have tried to talk him out of it," Her husband and King was right and Maddie hated it for a moment.

"I just... I wish she could have come back. I wish he didn't have to leave," Maddie leaned against Alistair's strong body and wept. "I hope he finds her."

"So do I," Alistair sighed against her hair and kissed her forehead. "If he can't be with us, then he deserves to be with her."

"I'll miss him." Maddie admitted sadly. Even as part of her tried to reason that this was only the first attempt, that it was possible that her twin would return after a few months fruitless searching only to try again after a while, she knew deep in her heart that she would never see her little brother again.

"I will too," Alistair's voice was somber. "I tried, I asked if he could wait just a few months longer when we spoke last week. He was getting 'itchy feet' again."

"Two years of wandering over Ferelden fighting the Blight and two years of the Vigil and he can't stand to stay in one place," Maddie sighed. "He was never like that before. His heart is restless without her, and that makes his feet itchy."

"He just said he couldn't stay, either he'd come back with Morrigan and his child or he wouldn't be coming back," The king said quietly.

"So he wrote a letter because if he tried to tell me...he wouldn't be able to tell me no," Maddie took a deep breath. "He'd better find her. Morrigan would kill him if he left us and didn't go to her."

"Why do I find that thought so comforting?" Alistair's sense of humor tickled hers and they both laughed after a moment remembering their friend and her temper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do we think? I had a really hard time figuring out how to write this. Awakenings doesn't lend itself to good storytelling it's so...jumbled up. And its also buggy as hell if you don't do a lot of back and forthing so I really didn't want to do a ton of full length chapters for it. It always felt like running errands to me rather than a sweeping story like Origins.
> 
> So my husband suggested a combination of flashes, little scenes and letters to Alistair since we're both pretty sure that neither Maddie or Alistair would go any length of time without communication. Two years plus of being together constantly, fighting together and falling in love wouldn't lend itself well to separation of any sort. In a way I think its good for them to be separated, it lets them figure out how to deal with the inevitable travel that will come up with ruling Ferelden, but I don't think either of them like it.
> 
> Now the question is... Did Cogburn ever find his Witch? Epilogue is still to come so we'll find out there.


	82. Epilogue

_Do not forget Love, do not grieve_   
_For the heart is true and can not deceive_   
_My hand and heart, I will give to thee_   
_So farewell my love and remember me_

* * *

 

_**Flemeth once told me that temptation lies in the forbidden. "Do not follow me," I said. Harder words I have never spoken. Some doors should never be re-opened.** _

Cogburn felt his heart sink as an elven woman came out of Flemeth's hut, she must have been the source of the rumors, not Morrigan. Patting Rooster he sighed, "It's all right boy, maybe she knows something." Rooster whined a little and Cogburn moved forward to speak to the elf.

* * *

 

The elf was obviously nervous, and the mage accompanying her was little better, both of the obviously unaccustomed to standing in the King's Hall. That the Queen was visibly with child and the King was a bright-eyed smiling man in plate armor did nothing to mitigate their nerves.

"You accompanied my brother in his search for Morrigan," The queen's voice was gentle, low and sweet with a touch of smoke to it, husky as if she rarely raised her voice.

"Yes your grace," The mage knew to bow to her when first speaking and the elven woman imitated him awkwardly. "When he and

Ariane came to the tower with the Mabari they were looking for clues regarding the Eluvian. I had some small expertise in this area and when they left the tower I left with them."

"Yes, uh, your grace," The elven woman nodded and she might have twisted her hands with nerves if she'd had less discipline. "I was searching for the woman Morrigan at the site of her home in the Korcari wilds.

I found nothing but before I left the Commander of the Grey and his hound arrived."

The king nodded his understanding, "It was rumors of a woman sighted there that drove Cogburn to search the Wilds." He explained quietly. "But as you have come and are accompanied only by Rooster I assume his search was ultimately successful?"

"It was," Ariane nodded. "With Finn's help we located a working Eluvian and the woman Morrigan was standing before it when we arrived."

"How did she seem? When you spoke with her, how was she?" The queen's voice was urgent, concerned and her grey eyes dark, "Was she in good health?"

"Healthy enough to steal our treasured book and vanish," Ariane nodded, a frown of irritation wrinkling her brow.

"Sounds like our Morrigan," The king chuckled. "It would seem you have a tale to tell. Come and have a meal and some wine, we would like to hear it."

"She left again," The queen looked at Ariane, a faint smile curving her lips before she gazed at Finn and then back at the elf. "But my twin, he accompanied her this time, did he not?"

"He did your grace," Finn nodded soberly, plainly uncertain as to whether or not he was giving good news. "He seemed pleased to see the woman, and she him though it wasn't easy to tell. He left with her."

"I knew he would, if he could find her," The queen leaned against her husband with a sad sigh. "I'll miss them both, but I'm glad that they are together at least."

"You tire easily my love," The King looked down at his wife in concern. "Let us all sit and hear the tale of your brother's companions. And we will learn how Cogburn came to leave us."

"Ever wise my King," The teasing smile on the queen's lips belied her solemn words as she allowed him to lead her and the two companions from the public hall and to a more private dining room.

* * *

 

A woman with silver blonde hair was laboring, she was sweaty and tired and still she fought. Her husband was beside her, strong and able, his expression fierce with love as he sought to aid his wife. She screamed and he seemed to be in agony.

The woman panted clung to him, arched and cried out again, strained and fought once more until the battle was over. She was spent, utterly drained, and her husband looked exhausted, blue eyes bright but tired as they remained on his wife's face.

Grey eyes flickered open, seemed to stare straight at the watchers before they drifted away, a crying child settled at her breast. Joy, absolute and complete, blazed over her husbands face as the man looked down at his wife and son. Such happiness on the woman's face as she smiled down at the babe before looking up at her husband.

A small hand touched the glowing sphere and childish laughter rang through the air before the little one was settled on its mother's knee, "There now, you see?" The drawl still sounded like honey, "She is safe and well, she is happy and so is he."

"Thank you," The words were hoarse with unshed tears of joy. "Thank you for doing that for her."

"I would do much more if I could," The woman's voice was sincere, affectionate; even as her pale hand soothed the child, her voice soothed the man. "She will have more children. I left them with enough to found a dynasty if they choose."

"As long as they're happy and together," He nodded. "That's all I ever wanted for any of us."

"And are you? Happy? Is this enough for you?" The question wasn't an idle one not coming on the heels of the request to see Ferelden's queen as she birthed her firstborn child, a son.

"I'm with you. I'm with our child." The answer was that simple. "And that will always be enough for me."

"Then come my love," Her smile was sweet and sultry both. "Time for little ones to go to bed, and men to tend their leman."

"As you wish."


End file.
